My Partner wants me to "get rid" of my snake!

The issue here is that the relationship is already very progressed. They must love eachother to be this far ahead, so it's not really an option to "drop" him. [MENTION=41275]kingofnobbys[/MENTION] may have been a bit harsh, but compromising is the key. Make it clear your a package with your animals and that they mean a lot to you, but that he does to and your willing to compromise in other ways.

I agree with what Herpo said, plus he is obviously a package deal himself, with a child of his own. A snkae and a cat or two is not a hobby, but as you said Pixie, part of you. A reptile collection is a hobby (or is that obsession? lol).

People keep pets for a range of reasons. For some they are a substitute for human contact, for others a way to act out their motherly instincts and for a few, just a status symbol. For many, however, there is a natural affiliation with other forms of living things, whether its cats, dogs, birds, reptiles, fish or whatever. These are the type of people who are virtually never without some form of pet throughout their lives. This affliation is not about having a substitute or pleasing anyone else... it is about the bond between the person and their animals. This type of pet keeper does not quite feel ‘whole’ if deprived of their pets. My twin sister is one such person and it would seem 'vampstorso' is likely in the same category. Only you know if you are too.

There has been some excellent advice given. I’ll simply try to add to it.

Clearly, your present situation is incredibly stressful on both of you. High stress levels do affect one’s ability to think, feel and react normally. Communication is often an early casualty in such situations. Somehow, you guys need to get back to the basics of communicating... working together in a cool, calm and collected frame of mind in order to be able to realistically attempt to resolve your issues. The ability to do so is essential in maintaining a relationship. Once genuine communication is lost, you cannot expect any relationship to flourish. And only genuine communication will reveal the true nature of your relationship and provide the guidance you seek.

Well, I think he's being unreasonable, and I'd never get rid of my snakes/other animals for any guy, well, anyone for that matter.

Tell him to get a part time job so you don't have to work 80 hours a week to fund the IVF and you can be home and care for them yourself. He sounds quite selfish, I don't think that will change much when you have kids either.

I mean... is he not doing anything while you're working 80 hours a week?

If he's working just as hard as you are (not necessarily the same hours), he may be resentful that he has to do all this work also and then look after these pets which he clearly doesn't like all that much.

Alternatively, if he's sitting around playing video games all day and can't be bothered to see if a snake is still alive once a day and feed some cats, I'd be inclined to find a new man. There's clearly a lack of effort in this scenario which I'd be hesitant bringing a baby into!

Obviously two very different sides of the spectrum, but I think there's a lot of one side of the story coming through and not the other.

Of course all relationships are different, but I can't imagine my fiance and I not having enough respect for one another to appreciate the other has a hobby. I like having tons of animals, he likes having expensive vehicles. We might not always agree where expenses should go, but that's the extent of our disagreements in this regard.

He doesn't work the same hours, but he does work.
His job doesn't give him the same
Opportunities for overtime etc. And when we were looking at places to live he didn't want to move to a town where I could be close enough to be on call from home...

It is hard. He has depression and doesn't really see us as an "us" sometime

I had a talk to him because he said to me that ivf was my hobby and I was only working as hard as I was to pay for things that were for me.

Lol, IVF sounds like such a fun hobby!

Wow, how selfish,...he made you move out of the zone and is being difficult about helping out?,....run like the wind,...find him help for his depression and get out of there!!!


In reality,...if it's all just for you,...you can work ur butt off and find donor sperm all on you own these days. Then you'll only have 1 kid to look after not 2!

Depression is depression, and most people have experienced it at some point in their lives, whether themselves or someone they know. From the two examples you have given, Pixie, this sounds more like selfishness. Don't let him hide behind the excuse of depression if he's being selfish.
Does he really want kids with you, or is the IVF more your idea?

Is it clinical depression or jut depression? If it is just depression then crack down on him, that isn't an excuse but for clinical depression I would lend him some sympathy, I have it myself and it isn't easy, in fact it is very painful.

But this statement is ridiculous. IVF is a hobby? This guy clearly isn't ready to raise a child.

BredliFreak said:

Is it clinical depression or jut depression? If it is just depression then crack down on him, that isn't an excuse but for clinical depression I would lend him some sympathy, I have it myself and it isn't easy, in fact it is very painful.

But this statement is ridiculous. IVF is a hobby? This guy clearly isn't ready to raise a child.

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Clinical.
He's been having an awful time. I'm often the victim of how bad he's feeling.
It's tough on both of us. It's bad timing with the ivf thing but we've been told I've got a limited window for it to work, so it's try now or not have the chance....

That sucks, I hope he gets better so things can work out better. For now I would try and keep positive and if you get a break spend some time with him. I hope the IVF goes well.

To me it sounds like both of you have some fair points and that there is no easy answer to your problem. It sounds like the overtime is a temporary thing and that part of the problem is that he has to look after animals he has no connection too. Maybe its possible to temporarily house your python with a friend until you have more time, that way he gets a break and you will get your snake back. This is by no means a great solution and there are plenty of issues with getting someone to look after a pet but maybe it is a compromise that could work for you and your partner. It seems like this is a really tough and busy time in your lives and if you can figure out a way through this it may get better. He's not being completely unreasonable, but then neither are you in wanting to keep your pets, there must be a way for it to work, some compromise that both of you can be ok with.

No one on this forum can truly know what you are going through or tell you what to do. This is a complex issue and we don't really know you or your partner. Your partner must be important to you if you are engaged and planning a family, and your pets are also important. All I can suggest is try and find some temporary solution to ease some of the pressure on BOTH of you so that you get through this tough stage and still have a good life together. It sounds like he misses you and is not coping very well and that the pets are just the last straw that is tipping the balance. It also sounds like you are tired from working so hard, which it sounds like you have to do but it still sucks. Maybe you can both take a few days off to rest and get some perspective, so you can think clearly and talk things through. I hope you can figure something out.

pixie said:

Clinical.
He's been having an awful time. I'm often the victim of how bad he's feeling.
It's tough on both of us. It's bad timing with the ivf thing but we've been told I've got a limited window for it to work, so it's try now or not have the chance....

Click to expand...

No expert, but it takes a LONG TIME to treat clinical depression and he'll suffer bouts of mental illness for the rest of his life, perhaps you are looking for an out for yourself.

I still think you both need to do A LOT of growing up.

Seems to me you want IT ALL now and aren't prepared to wait or build towards your dream. Anything worth having is worth waiting for (surely the eggs can be collected and saved until you and the partner are in a better headspace).

Maybe you and the partner should reconsider things and work more on relationship building than family making and wealth building.

I suggest relationship counciling. No one here should be interfering , this is something that is best resolved by you and him ALONE after some professional counciling has been taken on board.

Be thankful you currently don't have the big house and there are no children involved.

I would try putting you partner on eBay or gumtree free to good home. Though HATES ANIMALS, bossy, tells you what to do. You might be stuck with him?

or just leave him on the side of the road and start fresh