angelrose
Very Well-Known Member
A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Glad Wrap shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
Yeah yeah i know GROAN lol
What did the naughty little diamondback say to his big sister?
"Don't be such a rattle-tail!"
What does an exhibitionistic snake wear to the beach?
A pythong
What's a picnic?
A snack in the grass.
What is a snake's favorite subject?
Hissssstory!
What does a boa constrictor use to make herself look prettier?
Hair coilers!
What kind of snake is completely different?
A Monty Python.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Snakeskin.
Snakeskin who?
Snakeskin bite, but we'd rather run away.
Why is a snake so smart?
Because you can't pull its leg!
Hey Frank, are we venomous?
Why do you want to know?
'Cause I just bit my tongue!
What does a well-dressed snake wear?
A boa tie!
Why is a snake so careless?
Because it keeps losing its skin!
What does a snake radio DJ say?
"Snake, rattle and roll!"
What is a snake's favorite footwear?
Snakers, of course!
What kind of snake keep its car the cleanest?
A windshield viper!
How do snakes show they love you?
They give you hugs and hisses!
What happens when a snake gets mad?
It throws a hisssssy-fit!
What is the most popular snake dialect?
Boomslang!
What kind of snake can do math in the dark?
A night adder!
What kind of snake did Roger the shrubber
(from Monty Python and the Holy Grail)
use to help him round up some shrubbery?
A bushmaster
What kind of snakes get to hug the bride at a wedding?
Garter snakes!
What kind of snake can cut a rug with the best of them?
A carpet python!
What do snakes do at the end of a date?
They give each other a goodnight hiss!
What snake do you bow to?
A kingsnake
Who married the kingsnake?
Well, the queensnake of course!
What snake is a member of the band?
The RATTLEsnake!
What prize was given for first place?
A blue ribbon snake!
How can you revive a snake that looks dead?
With mouse-to-mouth resuscitation!
How did the snakes bust out of jail?
They scaled the wall!
What do snakes put on their kitchen floors?
Rep-tiles!
If you crossed a snake with a robin, what kind of bird would you get?
A swallow!
What would you get if you crossed a newborn snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa!
Why couldn't the female snake have any babies?
Because she'd had a hiss-terectomy!
Why do snakes go to free clinics?
They like the sliding scales!
What kind of slippers do snakes wear?
Water moccasins!
How do you measure a snake?
In inches. They don't have any feet!
What did the cobra say to the flute player?
"Charmed to meet you!"
What do snakes take for an upset stomach?
Repto-Bismol.
What should a ghost yell if it wants to scare a snake?
"BOA!"
Why can't snakes eat soup?
No spoon! They only have a forked tongue!
Why did the snake laugh so hard she started to cry?
She thought the joke was hisss-terical
Why didn't the snakes leave Noah's Ark
and multiply like all the other animals?
They couldn't multiply. They were adders!
Why did the wife snake leave her husband at the party?
She thought he was making an asp out of himself!
Why do snakes squeeze their food?
Because they have no arms to hug it!!!
What is a snake's favorite dance?
The 'Mamba'!
What clothing might sister snakes share?
Co-bras!
Ok there are heaps and heaps more, i warned you they were lame lmao
go see for yourself.
http://www.yuckles.com/jokes.htm
Angel
Yeah yeah i know GROAN lol
What did the naughty little diamondback say to his big sister?
"Don't be such a rattle-tail!"
What does an exhibitionistic snake wear to the beach?
A pythong
What's a picnic?
A snack in the grass.
What is a snake's favorite subject?
Hissssstory!
What does a boa constrictor use to make herself look prettier?
Hair coilers!
What kind of snake is completely different?
A Monty Python.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Snakeskin.
Snakeskin who?
Snakeskin bite, but we'd rather run away.
Why is a snake so smart?
Because you can't pull its leg!
Hey Frank, are we venomous?
Why do you want to know?
'Cause I just bit my tongue!
What does a well-dressed snake wear?
A boa tie!
Why is a snake so careless?
Because it keeps losing its skin!
What does a snake radio DJ say?
"Snake, rattle and roll!"
What is a snake's favorite footwear?
Snakers, of course!
What kind of snake keep its car the cleanest?
A windshield viper!
How do snakes show they love you?
They give you hugs and hisses!
What happens when a snake gets mad?
It throws a hisssssy-fit!
What is the most popular snake dialect?
Boomslang!
What kind of snake can do math in the dark?
A night adder!
What kind of snake did Roger the shrubber
(from Monty Python and the Holy Grail)
use to help him round up some shrubbery?
A bushmaster
What kind of snakes get to hug the bride at a wedding?
Garter snakes!
What kind of snake can cut a rug with the best of them?
A carpet python!
What do snakes do at the end of a date?
They give each other a goodnight hiss!
What snake do you bow to?
A kingsnake
Who married the kingsnake?
Well, the queensnake of course!
What snake is a member of the band?
The RATTLEsnake!
What prize was given for first place?
A blue ribbon snake!
How can you revive a snake that looks dead?
With mouse-to-mouth resuscitation!
How did the snakes bust out of jail?
They scaled the wall!
What do snakes put on their kitchen floors?
Rep-tiles!
If you crossed a snake with a robin, what kind of bird would you get?
A swallow!
What would you get if you crossed a newborn snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa!
Why couldn't the female snake have any babies?
Because she'd had a hiss-terectomy!
Why do snakes go to free clinics?
They like the sliding scales!
What kind of slippers do snakes wear?
Water moccasins!
How do you measure a snake?
In inches. They don't have any feet!
What did the cobra say to the flute player?
"Charmed to meet you!"
What do snakes take for an upset stomach?
Repto-Bismol.
What should a ghost yell if it wants to scare a snake?
"BOA!"
Why can't snakes eat soup?
No spoon! They only have a forked tongue!
Why did the snake laugh so hard she started to cry?
She thought the joke was hisss-terical
Why didn't the snakes leave Noah's Ark
and multiply like all the other animals?
They couldn't multiply. They were adders!
Why did the wife snake leave her husband at the party?
She thought he was making an asp out of himself!
Why do snakes squeeze their food?
Because they have no arms to hug it!!!
What is a snake's favorite dance?
The 'Mamba'!
What clothing might sister snakes share?
Co-bras!
Ok there are heaps and heaps more, i warned you they were lame lmao
go see for yourself.
http://www.yuckles.com/jokes.htm
Angel
