# Idiotic people that bring teh lulz or grinds your gears :/



## kawasakirider (May 17, 2011)

So another thread got me thinking about how idiotic statements can make your day, or put you in a mood. 

Share some, but don't use forum posts as an example (I know I've had my fair share of stupid posts) but people could get offended. I've seen visitor conversations bitching about other people and it's no good, not what I'm after here.

Just your day to day encounters with people that make you smile, or put your fist through a wall 

I'll start

My brother had a landcruiser with a less than perfect idle, (plus the choke was on, lol) some douche walked out of the servo and asked how much the V8 conversion cost him, and if it was a crate motor, hahaha.

I was in subway not so long ago, and this woman (I think she was mentally "touched") had a fur coat from big w (still had the tag on it) and was insisting that the cashier try it on. It was pretty filthy, but she kept insisting so the cashier caved and put the jacket on and the woman went into a big spiel about how she (the cashier) was wearing a coat worth over 10K.

The other night in eagleboys, this guy was asking about employment for his son, and asked the employee he was talking to "so how much would he expect to earn $2 bucks an hour? You guys don't earn much aye, hahahaha" while the boss was in the background, typical bogan. Like his son's gunna get a job there now.


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## Crystal..Discus (May 17, 2011)

1. Can I suck a baby out with a vacuum?
2. Can I get herpes if I go down on my girlfriend while she's having an outbreak?
3. "Do you sell phones?" (working at a cartridge world back then.)
4. "Do I have to be 18 to buy alcohol? Yeah, I'm 18. Don't have ID though..." 
5. Just stupid in general - working McDonalds drive thru, sometimes packers forget items - guy rocks up says we forgot three large big mac meals and his change.
6. What race has the largest penis? (he hung up when I told him, called me a dirty ******.)


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## redlittlejim (May 17, 2011)

As a few on here know, my work mates are not the best when it comes to snakes. after trying to educate i had one fellow ask me if its true that they can eat anything up to 60 times there size, all they have to do is shed while they eat!! poor lad asked in front of others... sigh.

also not so much as a question but an answer. during our random drug and alcohol test a guy failed, when asked if was on anything he said, i dont smoke weed. i have it in a seperate wrapper, a little big must have ended up in my rollies by accident.... sigh
yes they are real australian people


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## kawasakirider (May 17, 2011)

redlittlejim said:


> As a few on here know, my work mates are not the best when it comes to snakes. after trying to educate i had one fellow ask me if its true that they can eat anything up to 60 times there size, all they have to do is shed while they eat!! poor lad asked in front of others... sigh.
> 
> also not so much as a question but an answer. during our random drug and alcohol test a guy failed, when asked if was on anything he said, i dont smoke weed. i have it in a seperate wrapper, a little big must have ended up in my rollies by accident.... sigh
> yes they are real australian people


 
LMFAO imagine a 6 ft snake eating something 60 times its size. DAYUM!

Oh, I have one....

Was at a soccer game once and this chick that was with me and the boys asked at half time "how many halves are there?" hahaha.


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## Crystal..Discus (May 17, 2011)

kawasakirider said:


> Was at a soccer game once and this chick that was with me and the boys asked at half time "how many halves are there?" hahaha.



Did you look at her seriously and say "there's five."?

I keep remembering more. 

Same call centre (we gave out general information.):

Got asked if a Blue Whale was a mammal. I knew the answer straight away, and he decided to get into a fight with me about it. Apparently it couldn't be a mammal because mammals need to breathe oxygen and whales swim in cold water. Only got him to shut up after I said the information came from National Geographic. 

Another guy calls through at 1am and asks what race of people have the largest penis. I tell him the answer after a quick search, and get called a "Muslim sympathiser and a dirty *****." 

The only time I've gotten snappy is when someone called through to bitch about his phone service, wouldn't get off the line, and finally I said "You know you're paying $3.50 every 30 seconds for this call?" Line goes quiet for a few seconds then just a really loud "BITCH!" before he hung up.


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## kawasakirider (May 17, 2011)

Haha, no I didn't, I just blatantly laughed at her while my mate tried to explain the irony of what she actually asked.

I had no idea muslims were the most well endowed. Those studies are all BS anyway, 3/4 of the blokes filling them out bump up the numbers, I'd say.


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## Crystal..Discus (May 17, 2011)

kawasakirider said:


> I had no idea muslims were the most well endowed. Those studies are all BS anyway, 3/4 of the blokes filling them out bump up the numbers, I'd say.


 
It wasn't Muslims though :lol: it was African Americans.


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## kawasakirider (May 17, 2011)

Lol, that makes sense (althought I still don't believe it, but it's what you're told, lol).

My mother (love her to death, but she does my head in) has no idea about cars, even though she is an expert at everything. She asked me to drop the oil in her car and change it. 

Now, I'm not a qualified mechanic, but I have rebuilt engines and done engine conversions on cars by myself, so I know which way to turn a spanner... I was under the car and the sump plug was stuck, for the life of me I couldn't get it undone... My mum was sitting on the verandah and screaming out that I was turning spanner the wrong way. 

Turns out it was cross threaded, and I ended up getting it undone. 

Shouted orders while I was replacing her alternator, too... Annoying.


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## zack13 (May 18, 2011)

I just finished work at an RSL and had a bloke ask me if we sold beer while looking at the beer taps talking about how much he dislikes vb.


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## kawasakirider (May 18, 2011)

How tanked was he? Haha


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## zack13 (May 18, 2011)

Just got there from work. That was the problem he was sober


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## mrs_davo (May 18, 2011)

I work in the Automobile industry - spare parts to be exact.
And it makes my blood boil when you ask what model landcruise/hilux etc they have so that you can get the correct parts, only to have the customer tell you that they are all the same.......what the...!!!!
One day I will just grab some random part off the shelf and give it to them, and when they try to return it when it doesnt fit - my replywill be " well you told me that they were all the same "- remember.....lol dont know if I am game enough though....lol


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## Atrax1207 (May 18, 2011)

Off topic- I LOVE your avatar mrs_davo


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## snakeluvver (May 18, 2011)

Me and my mum went over to my mum's friend's place. The friend's dad was there and my mum started talking about my snake and stuff. The dad of the friend said "Oh that reminds me, down at Mooloolaba a while ago a baby got eaten by a 4m diamond python!" First off, diamond pythons arent found here, they rarely - if ever get - get to 4m, and a baby? Seriously!


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## Sezzzzzzzzz (May 18, 2011)

my husband asked me if the fish needed water before we went on holidays! ***- the tank was full of the stuff...


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## Snakewoman (May 18, 2011)

I know a lady who used to own a fruit and vegetable shop, one day a woman came up to the counter and asked her why there wasn't a use by date on apples :shock:


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## marcmarc (May 18, 2011)

I had one of my custodials approach me one morning complaining that his previous nights meal was of due to the strange sheen on the meat content, and continued to lecture me on human rights etc getting quite agitated. The meat was silverside and I suppose this chap was not used to such fancy meals............


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## CrystalMoon (May 18, 2011)

marcmarc said:


> I had one of my custodials approach me one morning complaining that his previous nights meal was of due to the strange sheen on the meat content, and continued to lecture me on human rights etc getting quite agitated. The meat was silverside and I suppose this chap was not used to such fancy meals............


LOL I used to employ mostly backpackers(tourist concern/cattle property)after Boning out the beast I used to make the brine and pump the meat, thus making corned beef. One of the backpackers I had working in the kitchen couldnt get a particular piece of steak to cook, she charcole'd it and the center was still pink LOL poor girl was sooo embarassed when I explained the problem LOL(she has sliced off a piece of silverside, instead of rump)

Was told of a woman asking her Husband if they had to cross the river to get to the other side PMSL


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## dossy (May 18, 2011)

i was at the docs with back injuries and someone came in and said to the receptionist i have been bitten by a snake but i didnt do anything to it other then pick it up

a guy i was talking to was trying to impress a girl with us and he started talking about scuba diving and how he dives at 35M every couple of weeks. now there are 2 problems with this 1st is he was talking about these depths in dive sites that are no deeper then 14,16 and 20M deep and 2nd is as a recreation diver you can you can go down to 18M. 
i got the last laugh though because after he said all his stories to the girl and i i told him the problems and he didnt get the girl and he couldnt face her again


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## Snakewoman (May 18, 2011)

Lol, I love this thread. People talking about food reminds me of my Uncle. One day my Auntie was gong out somewhere and left a pie for my Uncle with instructions on how to cook it. When she returned home she asked him how the pie was. He said it tasted good and that he liked the glaze she put on it. It turns out she didn't put a glaze on the pie, in the instructions she gave him she forgot to mention that he needed to take the glad wrap off the pie before cooking it... :lol:


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## KaotikJezta (May 18, 2011)

Someone on youtube replying to a self righteous but correct idiot: You have a Bsc and you think that's a python? Bahahahahaha.﻿ xD
Me: It is a python
Said person: Looks more like a boa to me
Me: boas are a﻿ kind of python


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## saximus (May 18, 2011)

Yeah except they're not


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## kawasakirider (May 18, 2011)

Tahlia said:


> Lol, I love this thread. People talking about food reminds me of my Uncle. One day my Auntie was gong out somewhere and left a pie for my Uncle with instructions on how to cook it. When she returned home she asked him how the pie was. He said it tasted good and that he liked the glaze she put on it. It turns out she didn't put a glaze on the pie, in the instructions she gave him she forgot to mention that he needed to take the glad wrap off the pie before cooking it... :lol:


 
I find that hard to believe... Fair enough, someone *may* be idiotic enough to cook a pie with glad wrap and manage to melt it, but to eat it and not notice? Lmao. Is it true?

My sisters partner came home one night and heated up some tinned caserole. It was dog food. He ate it and only realised when he was cleaning everything up, hahaha.



saximus said:


> Yeah except they're not


 
Boa's give live birth, while pythons lay eggs. Interesting.


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## saximus (May 18, 2011)

Yeah entirely different family. So I guess, ironically, that post could qualify for this thread just not in the way KJ intended 

I had a mate who ate "left over lamb cutlets" that he found in the fridge. After polishing one off his mum explained that they were marinating and hadn't been cooked yet. He was sick for two days with food poisoning


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## kawasakirider (May 18, 2011)

LOL wouldn't they have been a bit chewy? Bloody hell. The fella that ate the dog food won't eat cooked sausages. He'll eat them raw, disgusting.


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## zack13 (May 18, 2011)

kaotikjezta said:


> Someone on youtube replying to a self righteous but correct idiot: You have a Bsc and you think that's a python? Bahahahahaha.﻿ xD
> Me: It is a python
> Said person: Looks more like a boa to me
> Me: boas are a﻿ kind of python


 
Joke right?


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## kawasakirider (May 18, 2011)

I said no picking on forum posts guys.


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## Snakewoman (May 18, 2011)

kawasakirider said:


> I find that hard to believe... Fair enough, someone *may* be idiotic enough to cook a pie with glad wrap and manage to melt it, but to eat it and not notice? Lmao. Is it true?


 
Lol, yes it is true, he wasn't all that bright sometimes, and this story was told at his funeral (he didn't die from eating the glad wrap)


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## kawasakirider (May 18, 2011)

Haha fair enough.

I remembered one. This girl I know is in her twenties, she's really nice but a bit dim... The discussion of milk coming from cows came up, and she was like "what are you talking about? Milk doesn't come from cows" her mother asked her where it came from then, and she said "the supermarket...." and then she was turned off milk because we explained how it comes from cows.

She said this when she was about 21, lol.


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## lace90 (May 18, 2011)

Sorry if this one is a little rude guys, but couldn't stop laughing after it.

Recently had a discussion with my boyfriend and his friend (also male) and I said that females had to be the more evolved sex (right girls?) because we had a different 'orifice' for each of our 'duties down there'. After awhile the friend was like 'wait, does this mean you have three holes not two ?' Haha they both didn't know that!! I swear they must have had really bad sex ed classes at school.


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## saximus (May 18, 2011)

Wow I don't know how to comment on that...


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## dossy (May 18, 2011)

i had to explain to some one that chocolate milk does not come from brown cows and that the brown cows are usualy the eating cow ( herafords for all those farmys). these city people have no idea were half their food comes from. the same person thought that eggs were just grown and they were gob smaked when i told them it comes out of a chicken.

i think that it should be taught in schools were food comes from


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## saximus (May 18, 2011)

dossy said:


> i had to explain to some one that chocolate milk does not come from brown cows and that the brown cows are usualy the eating cow ( herafords for all those farmys). these city people have no idea were half their food comes from. the same person thought that eggs were just grown and they were gob smaked when i told them it comes out of a chicken.
> 
> i think that it should be taught in schools were food comes from


 Agree entirely. 
Watch the look on people's face when you tell them that eggs are basically just chicken periods


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## KaotikJezta (May 18, 2011)

Well how stupid am I, hahaha


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## kawasakirider (May 18, 2011)

dossy said:


> i had to explain to some one that chocolate milk does not come from brown cows and that the brown cows are usualy the eating cow ( herafords for all those farmys). these city people have no idea were half their food comes from. the same person thought that eggs were just grown and they were gob smaked when i told them it comes out of a chicken.
> 
> i think that it should be taught in schools were food comes from


 
Herefords are maroon and white, and a lot of Australia's dairy cattle are Jersey's, which are brown. Also, Charolais' are beef cattle and they're white.


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## Kimberlyann (May 18, 2011)

I had to explain to my partner that twins are not made when a couple have sex again after the girl is all ready pregnant, yep he told me he didnt want twins

I had a friend of one of my brestfriends over the otherday and she walked in asking about my snakes, so i took her in the reptile room to show her to her screaming and **** (which i HATE) then after a while she calmed down thank god cause i was about to kick her out, after telling her a hundred and five times that my snakes are not venimous and have NEVER biten or striked at me in their life she asks if there was a certian time of day they got angrier, stupid girl i felt like saying "yea they get a bit cranky if i dont read them a story before bed and give them a warm glass of milk"


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## K3nny (May 18, 2011)

dossy said:


> i had to explain to some one that chocolate milk does not come from brown cows and that the brown cows are usualy the eating cow ( herafords for all those farmys). these city people have no idea were half their food comes from. the same person thought that eggs were just grown and they were gob smaked when i told them it comes out of a chicken.
> 
> i think that it should be taught in schools were food comes from


 
there was something similiar in jamie's food revolution in LA, where does honey come from? and a kid answers bears...... *sigh*

back on track, last year had a random guy come over and asked me "heeeeeeeeyyyy, maaaaan, how do i get to Sydney?"
this was in *central station*, less than 10 minutes away from city if you're legging it and pretty much the epicentre of all trains..........
i should also add they guy was clearly NOT a foreigner(albeit perhaps abit tipsy, which explains alot)...


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## snakeluvver (May 18, 2011)

dossy said:


> i had to explain to some one that chocolate milk does not come from brown cows and that the brown cows are usualy the eating cow ( herafords for all those farmys). these city people have no idea were half their food comes from. the same person thought that eggs were just grown and they were gob smaked when i told them it comes out of a chicken.


 
I'm sorry but I find it hard to believe that in this day and age there are people as dumb as that. Its common sense where eggs and milk come from, I mean seriously? I knew that stuff when I was like 2, how can any adult that stupid be able to even get through the day?


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## saximus (May 18, 2011)

It's not actually that hard to believe. People live sheltered lives and we live in a very privileged time where we don't need to know any more about this sort of thing than "it's in the supermarket like the rest of the groceries"


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## kawasakirider (May 18, 2011)

I agree with snakeluvver, I doubt someone actually believed that chocolate milk came from brown cows.


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## Cockney_Red (May 18, 2011)

Crystal..Discus said:


> It wasn't Muslims though :lol: it was African Americans.


 
Funny...I heard it was Brazaville in the Congo....Aah, miss the old Braza hometown....


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## GeckPhotographer (May 18, 2011)

> Agree entirely.
> Watch the look on people's face when you tell them that eggs are basically just chicken periods



Not really, an egg laid by a chicken is just a single gamete with a shell developed over it. The period of a human is the gamete with no shell plus the lining and fluids surrounding that unfertilized gamete. So a human period is a lot more than a chicken laying an egg, not to mention more likely to be able to carry disease.


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## kawasakirider (May 18, 2011)

I let a chick drive around a carpark a while back.... The car was an auto, and she asked where the clutch was.


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## snakeluvver (May 18, 2011)

kawasakirider said:


> I let a chick drive around a carpark a while back.... The car was an auto, and she asked where the clutch was.


 
Thats not that bad, at least she knew where eggs came from


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## slim6y (May 18, 2011)

People that are new(ish) to the forum and seem to really love it by posting on average 18 posts per day....

I wanted that record and I've been here for nearly 6 years!!!

And as for the 'clutch' and 'auto' thing - it's unusual in my car - because its handbrake is in fact a foot brake and the brake is located where a clutch pedal might actually be if the car was manual!

The first person that does a handbrakey in my car when they think they're going to change gears is going to get a hell raucous laugh and a slap in the face! So I hope anyone who gets in my car asks "Where's the clutch?" because it would be advantageous to them!


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## kawasakirider (May 18, 2011)

slim6y said:


> it's unusual in my car - because its handbrake is in fact a foot brake and the brake is located where a clutch pedal might actually be if the car was manual!


 
Do you drive a golf cart? 

If you're directing the post count thing at me, then shove it. I don't care about how many posts I have, I'm a member of too many forums to worry about that stuff.


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## eitak (May 18, 2011)

I work in a restaurant and one lady ordered a thai prawn curry . . She then sent it back, didn't want another meal and didn't pay . .s he also kept asking for milk because -

"that curry was just soo hot, my mouth is burning"

Who would order a curry and complain about it being spicy!!! . . Also I've worked there about 3 months and she has been the only one to complain . . which leads me to believe that she can't handle spicy food - SO WHY ORDER A CURRY!!!!


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## slim6y (May 18, 2011)

kawasakirider said:


> Do you drive a golf cart?
> 
> If you're directing the post count thing at me, then shove it. I don't care about how many posts I have, I'm a member of too many forums to worry about that stuff.


 
Skyline


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## snakeluvver (May 18, 2011)

WOAH kawasakirider, 18 a day :shock :I thought my 8 was a lot. Good thing is that your posts arent stupid and annoying


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## kawasakirider (May 18, 2011)

slim6y said:


> Skyline


 
R30 what? I've been in 32's, 33's and 34's and all have had normal handbrakes. 

What's your problem with my posts?



snakeluvver said:


> WOAH kawasakirider, 18 a day :shock :I thought my 8 was a lot. Good thing is that your posts arent stupid and annoying


 
Well apparently to some they are. :/


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## Cockney_Red (May 18, 2011)

eitak said:


> I work in a restaurant and one lady ordered a thai prawn curry . . She then sent it back, didn't want another meal and didn't pay . .s he also kept asking for milk because -
> 
> "that curry was just soo hot, my mouth is burning"
> 
> Who would order a curry and complain about it being spicy!!! . . Also I've worked there about 3 months and she has been the only one to complain . . which leads me to believe that she can't handle spicy food - SO WHY ORDER A CURRY!!!!


 
Depends what curry she ordered, and which one she was served...


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## eitak (May 18, 2011)

Cockney_Red said:


> Depends what curry she ordered, and which one she was served...



????

She ordered a thai green curry . . and its not even a curry place Its just a restaurant off the side of a tavern it was the only curry on the menu, there a mix of things on our menu from steak to pasta and shanks to curry . . Very varied, only one curry

also had someone order a well done eye fillet . . and complain about the size

When I worked in retail a lady bought a two pairs of undies and they scanned at a higher price than the label so $15 instead of $14, I told her she can only have the first item at the cheaper price . . she then went off saying its priced wrong etc etc - whinging over $1 . . then when I was trying to change the price it was taking awhile (stupid pos system) and then she was all like . . God its only $1 . . well if its only $1 why complain so bad in the first place . .

If she wasn't so rude I would have just given her the items at the lower price but coz she was rude she could just wait there till I sorted it out


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## Cockney_Red (May 18, 2011)

?????
obviously not a Ruby connoisseur, If You sell one! state on the menu, its heat


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## kawasakirider (May 18, 2011)

There was a middle aged guy (high on something) in the street not long ago, performing cartwheels in fast moving, fairly dense traffic. Once he made it to the other side, he was shaking his head a lot and talking to himself. I followed him for a while until he caught on and turned on me, so I left, lol.

The same day I saw a guy with a crazy from tattoo on his leg


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## eitak (May 18, 2011)

Cockney_Red said:


> ?????
> obviously not a Ruby connoisseur, If You sell one! state on the menu, its heat



Its a mild curry . . My point is that it IS not spicy and being there for 3 months no one has complained about the spice except her . . . which would indicate that she cant handle spicy food which means she shouldn't order a curry or she should ask for it to be made extra mild . .The sauce is pre made so its not even like they could have accidentally made it spicier than normal


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## Rissa (May 18, 2011)

I will pick on myself here...

About 13 years ago I bought a car (little charade) and was just learning to drive it when I met my now husband, he decided to give it a service while under the bonnet he called out to me 'omg, it only has three cylinders some one has stolen one' I spent the next hour huffing and puffing trying to work out who on earth could of taken it much to his enjoyment I will never live that down.

My son was hungry and no one was home so he decided to boil himself an egg in a fry pan with no water he couldn't understand why it would explode like that.


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## HOM3L3SS (May 18, 2011)

This one time my toast got stuck in the toaster somehow, anyways i decided i would get it out with a knife...didnt go to well haha just some sparks and stuff..was quite funny...it made my day 

Harry


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## MissVampz (May 18, 2011)

^ glad I'm not the only one who's done that! Mind you I was 9.
On people being annoying, just the other day I had a customer come in to pay his PO box. When I told him it was due to be paid 2 months ago and that the box had been cancelled and the mail sent back he went off his nut! Even with me trying to explain that he'd had 3 notices to pay it, and that we're simply following Aus. Post's instructions. *facepalm* ruined my whole day.


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## Tristan (May 18, 2011)

i answer my desk phone "are you in the office?"
i answer my desk phone "are you at your desk?"
"are passwords case sensitive?"
"my monitor is not working", i go have a look power cable is loose :/
"my computer wont turn on", i got have a look, power point is turned off :/
"I'm trying to access a file and its saying access denied, why cant i open the file?" 
omg don't even get me started on peoples reactions when i tell them data is light :/ hens fiber optics
"whats a USB" ...sigh
some of my favorite are can you install X software, i go have a look and its already installed....


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## kawasakirider (May 18, 2011)

Omfg I can't believe I left this one out....

A mate of mine is an absolute idiot. He had a car that hadn't been used for a while and the rego lapsed on it. During its time off the road, it was used for skids and other shenanigans, lol.

I sold him a ute and being a hopeless mechanic, he stuffed the 5 speed conversion up and needed a car. He wanted to know if the cars tyres were still roadworthy. 

Keep in mind it had only been used for burnouts, so in theory there would be fairly even wear all over the shoes. He decides to check the tyre by watching it rotate (not necessary but fair enough).

Usually you'd jack the car up, release the handbrake and spin the meats, but my mate decided that would be too hard...

He started the car, put it in reverse (it was an auto) and let the handbrake off "just a little bit so the car would move, but not very fast"... The idea was that he would walk beside the car until he'd seen all around the tyre.

So he did, and the car was moving down his driveway. Once he'd seen enough, he decided to lean inside the car (not sit in it) and pull the Handbrake on to stop the car.

He slipped, knocked the handbrake off completely and was collected by the open drivers side door. He is obese, which in a way kinda saved his life, because his stomach being too big was what stopped him being dragged under the car. The door still dragged him along gravel for about 15 meters...

When he finally got out, the car went across the road and into a neighbours paddock, through a barbed wire fence, ruining the duco, the front quarter, the roof, the drivers side door and ripping the wing off.

Before this, the car was an immaculate red vs commodore with leather interior. My mate was chopped up and bruised from the gravel, and the car was written off, but it was worth it for the yarn


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## saximus (May 19, 2011)

Haha Tristan I've always thought IT would be a hard job like that. The stupid questions I get from my family are bad enough. Can't imagine what a whole office of them must be like. I reckon the next generation of IT people will have it so much easier because by then all the middle aged work force will have been using computers their whole lives


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## mysnakesau (May 19, 2011)

One of my favourite lines is ppl asking you something they can clearly see. I just get home from the hairdressers and Tim will ask if I just got my hair cut. Or often when the car is on empty I fill it up and he'll get in and see its full and ask me if I filled the car up. Worse part, though, is he hates the kids asking similar questions and doesn't realise he does it himself.


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## Pinoy (May 19, 2011)

One of my friends and I were having a conversation about some mutual friends where their relationship had fallen apart. 
The guy had cheated on the girl and gotten another girl pregnant. (scenario)

Conversation-
Me- I saw mans baby today, she's pretty cute.
Her- does she look more like mum or dad?
Me- actually, it's weird, she really looks like mans ex
Her- That's crazy, maybe ex should get tested in case it's hers.
Me- LMFAO!!!!!!!!! ROFLing!


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## Crystal..Discus (May 19, 2011)

eitak said:


> well if its only $1 why complain so bad in the first place . .
> 
> If she wasn't so rude I would have just given her the items at the lower price but coz she was rude she could just wait there till I sorted it out


 
Reminded me of a woman who came up to the chemist counter I used to work at and wanted to buy something like 20 packets of sugar free lollies. We only did sales on the registers for store items, so I took her to an open till listening about how stupid the process was. Put through her items, and I saw her face go red when I read her the total price. She yelled at me for a few minutes about how it was an abuse of pensioners who couldn't afford to live... She'd forgotten to give me her pension card for the 10% discount... the packets were 10c each, 9c with the discount. 

I was making $9 an hour at the time. :lol:


----------



## Tinky (May 19, 2011)

An old girlfriend had a Torana. One day the blinkers stopped blinking. Told her that the alternator had broken.

She spent three hours that night arguing with her father over the fact that her car needed a new alternator.


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## slim6y (May 19, 2011)

Tinky said:


> An old girlfriend had a Torana. One day the blinkers stopped blinking. Told her that the alternator had broken.
> 
> She spent three hours that night arguing with her father over the fact that her car needed a new alternator.


 
Sometimes just a new battery is all it needs... That usually does the trick... especially if you've already tried turning it off and on again.


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## kawasakirider (May 19, 2011)

Tinky said:


> An old girlfriend had a Torana. One day the blinkers stopped blinking. Told her that the alternator had broken.
> 
> She spent three hours that night arguing with her father over the fact that her car needed a new alternator.


 
Haha, sped.

I was at the Kfc drive through with my grandparents when I was little. I wanted a twister, and I thought it would be funny to say "tornado", so my grandfather would get confused.

He was arguing with the chick at the drivethrough that a tornado was indeed an item on the menu for at least 5 minutes while I was in stitches in the back.


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## angie90 (May 21, 2011)

A few months ago I was a food convention called Crabfest. Clearly because of the seafood factor lol. I had just ordered my lunch at a certain tent & was waiting for it to be ready. The next guy in line came up to have a look at the food & asked what types of crabs were being served (they were on show, fair question). The girl said 'Blue Swimmers' to which he replied 'Um why arent they blue, why are they orange?' Bahahaha! I didn't mean to laugh but this guy was probs 25. The poor girl was just like 'uhhh because we've cooked them?!'.

Also another seafood one, a 17 yo girl that works with me went to the local seafood shop for her mum. Her mum had asked her to get some prawns. She asked for the orange type & was actually serious! So strange!! 

Another one; when I was in school I was friends with a girl who thought everyones cars were bought in white & you had to paint them yourself & that the people with white cars were just lazy! Hahah


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## HOM3L3SS (May 21, 2011)

i was in graphics tech and one of my friends wanted to play a game...so she decided we would play a game that she played with her mum while she was in the car...the game is...so your supposed to ask the other person a question they answer and you ask thema question.

So... my friend went 1st this was her question, 
What would you rather drive, A smart car, or a truck?

i answered a truck

then...she decided to answer her own question before i could ask her a question xD...

anyways...after she rambled on for like 10mins about how much she liked smart cars...she told us that when she played this game with her mum they never got past that question XD


----------



## Smithers (May 21, 2011)

kawasakirider said:


> Do you drive a golf cart?
> 
> If you're directing the post count thing at me, then shove it. I don't care about how many posts I have, I'm a member of too many forums to worry about that stuff.



That's very interesting to read when post#27 18th-5 at 1.33pm you posted, Quote" I said no picking on forum posts guys."

Is it do as I say not as I do with you Trent?


----------



## kawasakirider (May 21, 2011)

Smithers said:


> That's very interesting to read when post#27 18th-5 at 1.33pm you posted, Quote" I said no picking on forum posts guys."
> 
> Is it do as I say not as I do with you Trent?



Have I ridiculed anyone in this thread? The only thing I said, was if the comment was directed at me, the writer could shove it. Turns out it was, and it was a joke. So who cares?

The point of the thread is to have a laugh, but not ridicule others on the site, like what almost happened in the first or second page.

I never did anything like that, so perhaps you should read more thoroughly.


----------



## MR_IAN_DAVO (May 21, 2011)

One of the blokes I work with allways says that I have not got enough sticks when I start talking about my snakes.

& I am sure you have all heard that pythons are now starting to cross with browns & tiapans & we must be more carefull.

MY dad had to sell his mini because my mum was talked into purchasing this great new vacume cleaner to clean the carpets,
they only had three bedrooms with carpet, God bless them they are not with us now.
I think it was a $3500 vacum cleaner.

Everbody should be cheery, we are still here!
& do as many posts as you like if it turns you on.

cheers
Ian


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## angie90 (May 21, 2011)

Lol Ian was the vacuum cleaner a Kirby??! Those mofos are shocking! They tried to sell me one saying my wicked dyson wasn't as good. So we compared them on a patch of carpet & my dyson was just as good lol. He was shocked


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## vampstorso (May 21, 2011)

I Have a potentially childish rant about my chemistry tutor -___-

We have to complete competency tests throughout the course, and if you get under 80%...you're kicked straight on out. (what a waste of $2000)

I completed my test with HALF A POINT under 80%, she then tried to make an "example" of me, by going on about how "YOU PEOPLE NEVER TRY TO HELP YOURSELVES" etc etc infront of my class (who were thankfully in the same position and dislike her just as much).

She took the half a point off my test because I wrote 4/6 instead of 2/3.....so just because I didn't simplify a fraction, the answer was still correct!

Then she thought she was doing me some great favor by saying I could resit it at 8am the next day. So, since I live a million miles away, I got up at 5:30am to sit this stupid test.

I passed with over 85%, and she then said 
"Oh welldone Casey! I can see you've been working really hard! Congratulations!" 

Nice to know my HECS money pays nasty individuals with split personalities to put us down.

she acted as if I failed with 40%...not JUST UNDER 80%.
pfffft.

was so angry, still am!


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## MR_IAN_DAVO (May 21, 2011)

woodys90 said:


> Lol Ian was the vacuum cleaner a Kirby??! Those mofos are shocking! They tried to sell me one saying my wicked dyson wasn't as good. So we compared them on a patch of carpet & my dyson was just as good lol. He was shocked



No mate it was an Amway vacume from a dodgy salesman that took my mum for a ride, she would have been better letting my dad take her for a ride in the mini.

Cheers


----------



## Juz92 (May 21, 2011)

vampstorso said:


> We have to complete competency tests throughout the course, and if you get under 80%...you're kicked straight on out. (what a waste of $2000)


 
My principle told me that if I failed one piece of assessment for English I wouldn't pass grade 12 (good ol' Qld Education)... And since I hated English (particularly the poetry and oral side of things) I dropped out into the "dumb" class. Ended up having to do a short story as an assessment where I was informed by my teacher that she and a many of the other teachers thought I wrote better than most of the kids in the 'smart' class...

Makes me wonder how well I would have done in the smart class if I had stayed and actually tried :lol:


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## vampstorso (May 21, 2011)

Juz92 said:


> My principle told me that if I failed one piece of assessment for English I wouldn't pass grade 12 (good ol' Qld Education)... And since I hated English (particularly the poetry and oral side of things) I dropped out into the "dumb" class. Ended up having to do a short story as an assessment where I was informed by my teacher that she and a many of the other teachers thought I wrote better than most of the kids in the 'smart' class...
> 
> Makes me wonder how well I would have done in the smart class if I had stayed and actually tried :lol:



Hahaha Highschool is the best 
and if it were highschool...I could've told my tutor exactly where to shove it!

But since it's Uni, I get to pay the women large sums of money while hating her guts with my future in her hands! woooh!


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## Juz92 (May 21, 2011)

vampstorso said:


> Hahaha Highschool is the best
> and if it were highschool...I could've told my tutor exactly where to shove it!
> 
> But since it's Uni, I get to pay the women large sums of money while hating her guts with my future in her hands! woooh!


 
I would have told my teachers to shove it... But I was already close to suspension cause I had long hair haha


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## Defective (May 21, 2011)

private school?? or public school with stupid standards??


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## slim6y (May 21, 2011)

vampstorso said:


> We have to complete competency tests throughout the course, and if you get under 80%...you're kicked straight on out. (what a waste of $2000)



I'm glad you're not going to be a pilot then - imagine if you're only 80% competent on landings?


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## vampstorso (May 21, 2011)

slim6y said:


> I'm glad you're not going to be a pilot then - imagine if you're only 80% competent on landings?


 
Guess everyone would be dead and it wouldn't make a difference too me since I'd be one of em? 

I think chemistry is slightly different too landing a plane 
Plus, scientists are often wrong!


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## Juz92 (May 21, 2011)

Lambert said:


> private school?? or public school with stupid standards??


 
Public with stupid standards. Although it may as well have been a private school, with the amount that 'fees' were...


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## lordsword49 (May 21, 2011)

Juz92 said:


> Public with stupid standards. Although it may as well have been a private school, with the amount that 'fees' were...



Not as bad as Public with stupid standards, Im not allowed a haircut under the size of 3 and I got yelled at by the principal for having my hair too short and then when I left his office, my deputy principal was like nice haircut


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## Defective (May 21, 2011)

LMAO...go to para hills high here in adelaide, they don't care about hair cut, awesome cheap fees and as long as u wear the uniform your right, the teachers: some easy markers some hard......all the the students are pigheads.....im an ex pighead


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## snakeluvver (May 21, 2011)

Ooh I know an idiot who brings the lulz for sure

His name is Harold Camping.


----------



## bigfella77 (May 21, 2011)

Waiting at the Woolies checkout to buy some ciggies with an old woman who wanted 1 carton of longbeach, they didnt have a full carton so the poor young girl behind the counter was rummaging through drawers and boxes trying to find enough packs to make up a loose carton with the old lady bitching and whingeing at her the whole time, and I mean really nasty personal type comments. The young girl offered to sell 8 packs for the carton price just to get the old biddy out of there to which the the old bag said " so ya bloody should after the wait ive been through", then proceeded to pay the $80 odd dollar price with about 50 old woolies wish cards that had 2 or 3 dollars each on them.


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## HOM3L3SS (May 21, 2011)

i was in geography one day when one of my friend asked if he could say a joke...teacher said yea sure..so he started the joke and it was one of tose blonde jokes you know that go..."there was a blonde brunette and a ranga" teacher stopped him there and said that you shouldnt say blonde jokes cause its rude...so he replied "why?, they wouldnt get it anyway"...i lol'd

Harry


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## kawasakirider (Aug 3, 2011)

It grinds my gears when I give PARTIAL credit card details to a company, and they have the audacity to remove funds from my account when they didn't even give me the RSA license that I was supposedly purchasing. I didn't fill out all the credit card fields and went to click out of the page, then when I wake up this morning, I realise they've taken my cash.

Got right up 'em on the phone just then and I'm getting a refund. I can't believe they took cash without giving me an RSA license and without all my card details.


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## Bel03 (Aug 3, 2011)

Out having lunch with a gf yesterday, & there was a chick at the counter arguing with the lady that worked there about not getting the correct change......right or wrong this woman believed she was entitled to her $1 change, & was literally screaming like a 2y.o about it.......anyway, what had me laughing was that her order came to $9.99, she paid with a $10 note & even after another customer tried explaining that she wasnt owed any change, this woman left only to come back 5mins later still screaming that the dollar change she hadnt been given was going to stop her being able to send her son on a school trip.......she also came back with a camera saying she was taking photos of the place & the workers & that she was going to the news with it! :lol: Anyway, after she ruined my lunch with her carrying on, i gave her $1 & told her i hoped her son enjoyed his trip!


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## kawasakirider (Aug 3, 2011)

Bel711 said:


> Out having lunch with a gf yesterday, & there was a chick at the counter arguing with the lady that worked there about not getting the correct change......right or wrong this woman believed she was entitled to her $1 change, & was literally screaming like a 2y.o about it.......anyway, what had me laughing was that her order came to $9.99, she paid with a $10 note & even after another customer tried explaining that she wasnt owed any change, this woman left only to come back 5mins later still screaming that the dollar change she hadnt been given was going to stop her being able to send her son on a school trip.......she also came back with a camera saying she was taking photos of the place & the workers & that she was going to the news with it! :lol: Anyway, after she ruined my lunch with her carrying on, i gave her $1 & told her i hoped her son enjoyed his trip!



If she's that busted she shouldn't be eating lunch out. What a twat.


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## Bel03 (Aug 3, 2011)

I completely agree! The $1 i gave her didnt break me though & i hope her son got to go on his trip......im sure he probably needs time away from her, i sure did, & i was only near her for all of 15mins!


----------



## Serpentess (Aug 3, 2011)

Okay, so I'll drag this out a little:

When I was in Rocky I had a cat, I was living with my mum when I first got him (she actually guilted me into adopting him). Anyway, he used to be a picky eater and would only eat small portions (he was such a small cat) so whenever I opened him a new can of food I would put it in a container and put it in the bottom of the fridge so it would last him longer. Anywhoo one morning I go to feed him and realise that there's some missing out of the container and that it had been moved. Okay... So I thought maybe someone fed the cat for me. But nope, it was my step dad. He had made my younger brother a sandwich with it for his school lunch. The funny thing is when my little bro got home after school we asked him about his sandwich, he said he ate it but it was weird tasting and he didn't like it much. We then proceeded to tell him it was cat food, lol. I had to write in big letters on the container from then on "CAT FOOD".


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## kawasakirider (Aug 3, 2011)

chantelle_savage said:


> Okay, so I'll drag this out a little:
> 
> When I was in Rocky I had a cat, I was living with my mum when I first got him (she actually guilted me into adopting him). Anyway, he used to be a picky eater and would only eat small portions (he was such a small cat) so whenever I opened him a new can of food I would put it in a container and put it in the bottom of the fridge so it would last him longer. Anywhoo one morning I go to feed him and realise that there's some missing out of the container and that it had been moved. Okay... So someone fed the cat for me this morning? Nope, it was my step dad. He has made my younger brother a sandwich with it for his school lunch. The funny thing is when my little bro got home after school we asked him about his sandwich, he said he ate it but it was weird tasting and he didn't like it much. We then proceeded to tell him it was cat food, lol. I had to write in big letters on the container from then on "CAT FOOD".



HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OMG!!!!

My sisters BF came home and was fairly legless one night, he saw some "gourmet" dog food on the bench and he thought it was a can of campbells chunky (ew, lol), he didn't want to wake anyone up so he didn't turn the light on, which was what brought him undone because he probably would have seen it was dog food in adequate lighting. He microwaved it and ate it all!


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## Serpentess (Aug 3, 2011)

kawasakirider said:


> HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OMG!!!!
> 
> My sisters BF came home and was fairly legless one night, he saw some "gourmet" dog food on the bench and he thought it was a can of campbells chunky (ew, lol), he didn't want to wake anyone up so he didn't turn the light on, which was what brought him undone because he probably would have seen it was dog food in adequate lighting. He microwaved it and ate it all!



Hahahaha! Man, that's hilariously disgusting. I wonder if he would have eaten it all if he wasn't wasted? Blegh, so gross!


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## Bel03 (Aug 3, 2011)

Ive had that happen with my left over containers.......a guy that was boarding with me thought it was for him for work......although i dont know why, i didnt make a habit of packing his lunch for him or anything! So anyway, he had scraps, & i mean scraps, there was a wks worth of leftovers in this container, from bread crusts, to spaghetti bolognaise, to 4 day old mashed potato & bones etc.....When i seen it was gone, i thought for sure he would notice when he opened it that it was no longer for us humans, & that he would bring it back to my dog, but nope, he just ate it all! I made him buy my dog Macca's that night!:lol:


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## Serpentess (Aug 3, 2011)

Bel711 said:


> Ive had that happen with my left over containers.......a guy that was boarding with me thought it was for him for work......although i dont know why, i didnt make a habit of packing his lunch for him or anything! So anyway, he had scraps, & i mean scraps, there was a wks worth of leftovers in this container, from bread crusts, to spaghetti bolognaise, to 4 day old mashed potato & bones etc.....When i seen it was gone, i thought for sure he would notice when he opened it that it was no longer for us humans, & that he would bring it back to my dog, but nope, he just ate it all! I made him buy my dog Macca's that night!:lol:



Hahahahaha, that's gold.


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## mattyg (Aug 3, 2011)

lol can a snake eat somthing 60 times its size hey? so the question is could a 1meter python eat a 60 meter rat?!?!?! pretty sure it couldnt happen but good luck finding a 60 meter rat anyway.


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## slim6y (Aug 3, 2011)

mattyg said:


> lol can a snake eat somthing 60 times its size hey? so the question is could a 1meter python eat a 60 meter rat?!?!?! pretty sure it couldnt happen but good luck finding a 60 meter rat anyway.



Funny as that seems - but I've heard '6 times' their head size... Which in the case of most snakes - is most definitely plausible! 

Not 100% sure what prompted this post though... But when I find a 60 metre rat (be it diameter or length) I'll be sure to let you know


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## kawasakirider (Aug 3, 2011)

slim6y said:


> Funny as that seems - but I've heard '6 times' their head size... Which in the case of most snakes - is most definitely plausible!
> 
> Not 100% sure what prompted this post though... But when I find a 60 metre rat (be it diameter or length) I'll be sure to let you know



Just wrangle yourself Rosie O'donnel and paint some whiskers on her.


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## Snakewoman (Aug 3, 2011)

One day while driving with my family we saw a dog running all over one of the main roads, so we stopped. There was a lady trying to catch him, the dog wasn't hers and he wouldn't come to her. I got out of the car and called him and he came running straight to me. We took him home and gave him a bath because he was filthy. When we'd finished the bar of soap was covered in dirt and looked disgusting. 

Not long after that one of my uncles came to stay with us. Not long after he left we found the filthy bar of soap in the shower... which he had used to wash himself with. YUCK!!! I think it's pretty funny though, I don't like that uncle at all :lol:


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## Jen (Aug 3, 2011)

We used to give my sister in law fresh eggs from our farm regularly. So she took some home and cooked eggs for her and her sister, the sister going on about how yummy the eggs were blah blah. So my sister in law comments that they are fresh from our farm. Her sister bolts to the bathroom and makes herself throw up, because the eggs aren't from the supermarket, they are from a chooks bum....Having worked both in an egg packing factory and on the egg farm, I personally hate eating eggs from the supermarket, sa I know what goes on in the factory.... Don't buy them if they look 'orange' as they are probably a few months old and have been sitting in the cold room.

Another time I had my best friend over and we had lamb, again she ate the lot going on about how nice it was, until I casually commented "Yep, remember the little black whether we had?" she puked for an hour lol.


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## Crystal..Discus (Aug 3, 2011)

Friend was complaining that Apple wouldn't fix water damage under warranty. Fair enough. Kicker is she downloaded an app that said it measured the temperature of your coffee, all you had to do was drop your phone into the cup/bath/sink. Not only was she stupid enough to do it, but whined it wasn't her fault and that the maker of the app should have to pay.


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## kawasakirider (Aug 3, 2011)

Crystal..Discus said:


> Friend was complaining that Apple wouldn't fix water damage under warranty. Fair enough. Kicker is she downloaded an app that said it measured the temperature of your coffee, all you had to do was drop your phone into the cup/bath/sink. Not only was she stupid enough to do it, but whined it wasn't her fault and that the maker of the app should have to pay.



You have gotta be taking the piss? What an idiot!


----------



## killimike (Aug 3, 2011)

Crystal..Discus said:


> Friend was complaining that Apple wouldn't fix water damage under warranty. Fair enough. Kicker is she downloaded an app that said it measured the temperature of your coffee, all you had to do was drop your phone into the cup/bath/sink. Not only was she stupid enough to do it, but whined it wasn't her fault and that the maker of the app should have to pay.



I'm w Trent... for real?!?


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## slim6y (Aug 3, 2011)

killimike said:


> I'm w Trent... for real?!?



It was a friend of a friend 

I know for sure I don't have friends like that!!!

However - on saying that, my ex is a hairdresser and her friend asked "will your car still play CDs when driving through the (Lyttleton) tunnel."

Admittedly she was very blonde... And yes, the radio cuts out when driving through the tunnel... So I guess she had reason to ask... But I don't even think she'd drop an iPhone into a cup of coffee.... I call Urban Legend on this one!


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## snakeluvver (Aug 3, 2011)

My friends sister went to the apple store to complain after they bought an app they didnt find fun.


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## Crystal..Discus (Aug 3, 2011)

slim6y said:


> It was a friend of a friend



I wish. I went to highschool with her. I occasionally get her facebook updates in my live updates feed... she got offended when I called the repair bill and "idiot tax." Haven't spoken to her much since then. To be fair though, this thread proves there are much stupider people out in the world.


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## vampstorso (Aug 3, 2011)

in year 7, we were asked to list fruit for some stupid health assignment...by putting our hands up and the teacher would write them on the board.
the girl infront of my friend and I leant her chair back to quickly ask us "guys...is ice a fruit?" in the most serious voice...and no, she was not joking.


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## Crystal..Discus (Aug 3, 2011)

vampstorso said:


> "guys...is ice a fruit?" in the most serious voice...and no, she was not joking.



My sides hurt from laughing :lol:


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## snakeluvver (Aug 3, 2011)

Did you say yes?


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## kawasakirider (Aug 3, 2011)

Nah Crystal, I think dropping the phone in a coffee is the dumbest thing this thread has shed light on, hahaha.


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## vampstorso (Aug 3, 2011)

I didn't answer...was in shock. then she asked how to spell orange...which would be fine...if we weren't in year 7.


----------



## HILDY (Aug 3, 2011)

While cleaning a freshie enclosure had a guy say to me, do those crocs bite.


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## kawasakirider (Aug 3, 2011)

Yeah, it's unsettling how illiterate many people are. I've even had a couple of teachers that couldn't spell. A mistake here and there is plausible, but two to three in every sentence isn't.There are plenty of people out there who never learn to read or write properly, it's pretty horrible.


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## Black.Rabbit (Aug 3, 2011)

Last term I was teaching at a really difficult school. The kids had been spoonfed since year 7. I decided to do a brainstorm on the board on different ingredients they could put in the savoury vegetarian pastries that they were required to design for an assignment as most of their original designs consisted of a filling of mash potato.... 

anyway, whilst brainstorming vegetarian ingredients, one kid put up their hand and said "bacon miss!". This was a year 10 girl.

At uni we are told to put brainstorming suggestions on the board no matter how ridiculous they may be. I thought that crossed the line though. I told her to read the question again.


----------



## Jazzz (Aug 3, 2011)

kawasakirider said:


> The other night in eagleboys, this guy was asking about employment for his son, and asked the employee he was talking to "so how much would he expect to earn $2 bucks an hour? You guys don't earn much aye, hahahaha" while the boss was in the background, typical bogan. Like his son's gunna get a job there now.



bahaha! i work at eagle boys! im on over $20 =D 

some guy asked if i was old enough to drive after id just delivered him the pizzas...


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## kawasakirider (Aug 3, 2011)

I did something kinda idiotic today, looking back lol.

I was at a forum members house and asked about his jungle that was fairly large. I asked how much a bite from something that size hurt (because I've never been bitten by something that size) he said I was more than welcome to find out, lol. I put my hand in there, but she didn't bite.

I really want to get bitten by one when I know it's coming, not when I'm going to get a huge fright, but it still probably wasn't a smart thing to do.


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## slim6y (Aug 4, 2011)

This one didn't give me the lulz (or teh lulz for that matter) because I don't even know what the lulz are... But I think it's funny...

Teaching at an all boys (Catholic) school in Cairns. A year 9 science class, where reproduction was the topic. 

I usually enjoy this topic because mostly the students listen up, they're reaching puberty (in some cases) and they're genuinely interested in the topic. And it's a good time to use 'rude' words and make them boring and scientific. 

The exam was pretty easy. But one question, and one student (let's call him Nick) just took the cake!

The question was based on a graph of the menstrual cycle. Over the 28 day period there were peaks and troughs of various hormones in the cycle. The graph was clearly numbered on the x-axis Days 1 - 28. The y-axis was the amount of the hormone present.

Question 1: How long is the menstrual cycle?

Nick answered the question:

About 5cm...

???

I don't think I need to explain what was going through his mind at the time - but the worst part about it was - he was serious and he honestly thought he was answering this correctly.

I now wish I had a scanned copy of this - because it is truly gold!


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## kawasakirider (Aug 4, 2011)

Hahaha!!! Poor old "Nick". I rearranged the "the" on purpose,


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## slim6y (Aug 4, 2011)

kawasakirider said:


> Hahaha!!! Poor old "Nick". I rearranged the "the" on purpose,



Sure sure... Here you are complaining hard out about literacy and there you are with your typo... In yer fase LULZ


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## kawasakirider (Aug 4, 2011)

Urban Dictionary: for-teh-lulz


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## nathancl (Aug 4, 2011)

Is Joseph jesus's dad?
so if you can see the moon during the day are there 2 moons? 

person1: *waving hand on otherside of person2's head and looking into the other persons ear laughing
Person2: whats so funny?
Person1: theres nothing in there I can see my hand on the otherside
Person2: and......havent you ever looked through your lizards ears before.....


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## metalboy (Aug 4, 2011)

i was sitting in mayfield centrelink waiting for one of my bum mates to finish and his girlfriend asked me if dogs had xray vison
and waited for me to answer!!


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## Bel03 (Aug 4, 2011)

Something that really irritates me.......people that insist on being a*holes just for the sake of it! My partner is a member of a fish forum, & after reading through a few posts, i was shocked to see how rude, childish, & nasty some of these 'grown ups' can be........that was until i posted the 'census' joke on here......now i realise these 'people' are everywhere! Im not usually one to care what people have to say about me, but after being called self righteous, a bigot, & a racist, just to name a few, simply because i posted a joke......not created, just posted, i am disgusted that these 'grown ups' think it is ok to judge someone they know nothing about.....my 5y.o has better manners then these 'grown ups'! 

On a brighter note, majority i have spoken to on here have been wonderful, & i thank these people for making me feel welcome! (i could say a bit more about the 'others' however i will not stoop to their level, as i was taught 'if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all')


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## Wally (Aug 4, 2011)

People that lack independent thought.


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## Treknotechelaps (Aug 10, 2011)

A mate asked me once if birds sleep on their sides like people lol...the same bloke also asked me if male prostitutes existed lol. He's not an idiot tho, just a bit nieve :shock:


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## skatterd (Aug 11, 2011)

lol when i was back at school i was dating a very intellectual girl named Tahlia, anyway, walking to the bus stop after school we saw one of the side streets being re-surfaced... and i guess i wasn't really expecting someone of her intelligence to turn around to me and say "hey look, the roads are being re-tard" definatly made my day... as i was calling her retard for the next few months for cracks and gigs... perhaps thats why our relationship had problems???


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## Chantelle_1 (Aug 11, 2011)

This girl (I might add, she was 24) I knew was asked to make a cup of white tea, no sugar for an older friend. When the cup of tea was made and presented to the woman, the woman said "Oh sorry dear, I asked for white tea" and the girl replied "it is white, I used white sugar". I kid you not. Some people are so dumb!!


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## unseen (Aug 11, 2011)

Move out of ipswich. =p



kawasakirider said:


> so another thread got me thinking about how idiotic statements can make your day, or put you in a mood.
> 
> Share some, but don't use forum posts as an example (i know i've had my fair share of stupid posts) but people could get offended. I've seen visitor conversations bitching about other people and it's no good, not what i'm after here.
> 
> ...



i have a mate who is dumber than what i flush, anyway ive got a heap of good ones about him but this is my personal favourite.....

ok so he has a VL commodore he insists on turning into a street machince but as he is useless i do all his work. this isnt my fault btw....

he was driving on the ipswich motorway doing 90kmph, and he see's a mag like his roll past him, his first thought was haha someone just lost a wheel, his second thought was i wonder if i could use it for a spare next minute GGCCCRRRHHHHHHHHHHHH car lost balance and i should find a photo this brake rotor was about 1cm on being ground into the hub. but anyway i was out on my parents station at the time of this incident so instead of getting someone to replace is rotor and assess the damage (also needed new strut assy) he decided to drive around on it for a week until i got back.

to be honest i dont know how this happened and even more how he didnt rip a caliper off whilst driving it around for a week but i think someone tried to jack his wheels.

this is my personal fav but there are alot funnier


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## kawasakirider (Aug 11, 2011)

The above happened to me ^^^

I put a 2003 XR6 engine into my EA, I converted the engine from coil pack to dizzy and ran an EL ECU with a smartlock bypass module. Anyway, it was down at the local RACQ getting roadworthied, and the next day I had to drive it along the highway to the transport dept. to register it.

I wasn't supposed to be driving, because 3 bones in my hand were snapped in half, and they were bolted up with titanium, and had pins and things like that. I still had the cast on. So I wanted to drive, and my grandfather let me. I had my GF, our dog, and my grandfather and grandmother in the car doing about 110 on a really dodgy part of the bruce highway. 

The car started to go all over the place, and the back wheel came off, there was a semi coming in the other direction and a huge drop off the other side, so I hit the hazards and held it as straight as I could. It was crazy how deep the gouges in the bitumen were from the hub! 

I had some nice rims on the car, and I'm guessing someone tried to pinch them, but got interrupted and the studs were loose. All 5 snapped off clean -.-


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## mysnakesau (Aug 11, 2011)

skatterd said:


> ....." definatly made my day... as i was calling her retard for the next few months for cracks and gigs... perhaps thats why our relationship had problems???



That wasn't nice. I would have left you, too. That is an offensive word to call someone who is suppose to be your friend.


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## Jen (Aug 11, 2011)

skatterd said:


> lol when i was back at school i was dating a very intellectual girl named Tahlia, anyway, walking to the bus stop after school we saw one of the side streets being re-surfaced... and i guess i wasn't really expecting someone of her intelligence to turn around to me and say "hey look, the roads are being re-tard" definatly made my day... as i was calling her retard for the next few months for cracks and gigs... perhaps thats why our relationship had problems???



I don't get this? She used the correct term....You just cannot spell it - re-tarred.


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## vampstorso (Aug 11, 2011)

skatterd said:


> lol when i was back at school i was dating a very intellectual girl named Tahlia, anyway, walking to the bus stop after school we saw one of the side streets being re-surfaced... and i guess i wasn't really expecting someone of her intelligence to turn around to me and say "hey look, the roads are being re-tard" definatly made my day... as i was calling her retard for the next few months for cracks and gigs... perhaps thats why our relationship had problems???



well...I thought it was cute at least haha
I always call myself a retard when I've done something dumb since I don't consider it a valid word generally (you don't actually describe people with disability in that way anymore), but beyond that I just thought this was witty


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## AllThingsReptile (Aug 11, 2011)

Tahlia said:


> Lol, I love this thread. People talking about food reminds me of my Uncle. One day my Auntie was gong out somewhere and left a pie for my Uncle with instructions on how to cook it. When she returned home she asked him how the pie was. He said it tasted good and that he liked the glaze she put on it. It turns out she didn't put a glaze on the pie, in the instructions she gave him she forgot to mention that he needed to take the glad wrap off the pie before cooking it... :lol:



^something similar:
my sister and i were over at a mates house (my mate's sister is my sisters friend) and my mates sister (grace) comes out and says "are mince pies meat?" my sister (elaine) says "uh, yeh", so grace cooked them, she came out a while later and said "are you sure they were meat pies, they have sugar on top", she had cooked fruit mince pies.....


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## Dipcdame (Aug 11, 2011)

Tinky said:


> An old girlfriend had a Torana. One day the blinkers stopped blinking. Told her that the alternator had broken.
> 
> She spent three hours that night arguing with her father over the fact that her car needed a new alternator.



Lol Tinky, did almost the same with my daughter, she applied the brakes in her car one day and they squealed, you know that awful fingernails on blackboards sort of sound? I commented "MICHELLE! Those brakes sound TERRIBLE, about time you got them greased, that's sooooooo bad"
Said daughter went home full of righteous indignation to her hubby, and lambasted him for not looking after the brakes, and ordered him to go out and immediately get them greased. Took half an hour of debating and arguing and tantrums, daughters final argument was MY MUM KNOWS ABOUT THESE THINGS when her hubby realised what had happened, knowing what i'm like. Took him a while to calm her down and explain to her ............... and she's not even blonde!!!


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