# About as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike.



## Endeavour (Dec 22, 2012)

About as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike. I love sayings like this as they can sum up a situation or person in just a short sentence. Does anyone else have any good sayings they would like to share, clean ones only please guys.


Kindest regards


Endeavour


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## Sezzzzzzzzz (Dec 22, 2012)

wouldnt give him a fart in a box....


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## Coppersimon (Dec 22, 2012)

As useful and udders on a bull or 
as useful as fly screens on a submarine.


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## Stuart (Dec 22, 2012)

I have several, but they are highly inappropriate for a public forum  (Darn the armed forces)

Although I do enjoy calling people "divots". Most take time to look this up in a dictionary.


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## Gonemad (Dec 22, 2012)

Udders on a bull means fertility but I use that saying heaps too!
what's good for the goose, is good for the gander.


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## White Wolf (Dec 22, 2012)

As much use, as a chocolate Tea pot.


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## thomasssss (Dec 22, 2012)

"dont piss in my pocket and tell me its raining " thats one i heard alot in my teenage years


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## Sleazy.P.Martini (Dec 22, 2012)

Funny as a fart in a space suit.


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## dangles (Dec 22, 2012)

Can't educate idiots


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## Rach85 (Dec 23, 2012)

As ugly as a box full of hammers, Or as ugly as a bashed in dunny door. 
As useful as a mint-flavoured suppository


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## steampunk (Dec 23, 2012)

As awkward as a dog humping a cricket ball


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## Endeavour (Dec 23, 2012)

steampunk said:


> As awkward as a dog humping a cricket ball




You just made that one up.


Kindest regards


Endeavour


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## Bluetonguesblack (Dec 23, 2012)

She bangs like a poohouse (toilet) door on a windy night. He`s about as usefull as a poocarters horse.


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## mad_at_arms (Dec 23, 2012)

Never look a gift horse in the mouth.


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## smileysnake (Dec 23, 2012)

my dad always used to tell me this when growing up..."the devil finds work for idle hands"...so as a consequence i hate being bored and i am always looking for something to do.....p.s glad i found this forum its keeps me busy reading.....


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## AirCooled (Dec 23, 2012)

As useful as a pair of shoes to a snake,You must be the world's only living brain donor,Couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery,Lower than a snake's armpit....


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## Nighthawk (Dec 23, 2012)

Heard this once and it cracked me up - about as much use as a technicoloured ballistic nuclear-powered intergalactic rubber duck.


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## thomasssss (Dec 23, 2012)

"show me your friends and ill tell you who you are" , " he couldn't fight his way out of a wet paper bag "


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## smileysnake (Dec 23, 2012)

he could talk under water with a mouth full of marbles..p.s one of my kids is like this lol....


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## Naddy (Dec 23, 2012)

Stands out like balls on a dog


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## Xeaal (Dec 23, 2012)

My dad always said about my mum : "That woman is always trying to turn a fart into a nuclear explosion"


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## Endeavour (Dec 23, 2012)

Flatulence featuring quite heavily in this thread I see:shock:.


Kindest regards

Endeavour


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## Sezzzzzzzzz (Dec 23, 2012)

head like a smashed watermelon...


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## Endeavour (Dec 23, 2012)

smileysnake said:


> my dad always used to tell me this when growing up..."the devil finds work for idle hands"...so as a consequence i hate being bored and i am always looking for something to do.....p.s glad i found this forum its keeps me busy reading.....




Its rather like the sayings "If you want something done ask a busy man" and "work expands to fill the time available".


Kindest regards

Endeavour


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## Hindy (Dec 23, 2012)

About as useful as a kick starter on a 747


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## eipper (Dec 23, 2012)

For someone useless....Could'nt get a In a cat house with fist full of fifties
Bout as useful as tits on a bull

For someone ugly.... Head like a smashed crab, good head for radio

For an alternative method.... More than one way to skin a cat.

for something difficult... It's as hard as a cat's head.

Might leave it there it might get above a kids level


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## Firepac (Dec 23, 2012)

He's so useless he couldn't drive a nail into a bucket of water.

He's so mean he wouldn't even let his dog drink from a mirage.

I'm as dry as a pommies bathmat. (No offense Endeavor  )


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## Stuart (Dec 23, 2012)

Must have fallen out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.


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## Snowman (Dec 23, 2012)

Go buy a pack of cards.... And deal with it. 

Get a chicken shaped lollipop and suck a (male chicken).

shes got a face like a smashed crab.

nothing succeeds like a toothless budgie.


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## Nighthawk (Dec 23, 2012)

Like nailing jelly to a wall, as jumpy as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs, handles like a brick (car)...


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## disintegratus (Dec 23, 2012)

Busier than a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest.
Dumb as a bag of hammers.
Not the sharpest tool in the shed. 
Not the brightest crayon in the box.


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## Nighthawk (Dec 23, 2012)

disintegratus said:


> Dumb as a bag of hammers.
> Not the sharpest tool in the shed.
> Not the brightest crayon in the box.



Haha - the wheel's still turning but the hamster's dead...


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## davies.ads (Dec 23, 2012)

Got a face like a chewed up mintie.


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## Shotta (Dec 23, 2012)

as dangerous as "s i" in a tank full of stingrays


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## Baturb (Dec 24, 2012)

Harder to pick than a broken nose


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## harlemrain (Dec 24, 2012)

She's not the brightest bulb in the tanning bed


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## Monitor_Keeper (Dec 24, 2012)

About as funny as a fart in an elevator


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## Bananapeel (Dec 24, 2012)

"man who walk through aeroplane door sideways usually goes to Bangkok."
"It's better to be pissed off than pissed on"

From confucius.


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## Endeavour (Dec 24, 2012)

He is so lazy he would marry a pregnant woman.


Kindest regards


Endeavour


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## Monitor_Keeper (Dec 24, 2012)

Endeavour said:


> He is so lazy he would marry a pregnant woman.
> 
> 
> Kindest regards
> ...



UK jokes are bad. Don't ban me.


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## thomasssss (Dec 24, 2012)

Endeavour said:


> He is so lazy he would marry a pregnant woman.
> 
> 
> Kindest regards
> ...


pffft thats far from lazy  , ive seen pregnant women at their worst and it aint pretty , i would of hated to be in my mates position at that time and that was only the beginning of his new fun life


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## KaotikJezta (Dec 24, 2012)

Your not even a mothers/fathers/friends etc ahole
Few crumbs short of a full biccie
That's the way the cookie crumbles
As useful as a blonde with a book
Dumb as dogpoo
A case for compulsory sterilisation


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## Monitor_Keeper (Dec 25, 2012)

One I could use for a few people I know

" The lights are on but nobody home " love it.


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## andynic07 (Dec 25, 2012)

If brains were dynamite he/she wouldn't have enough to blow his/her nose.


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## onimocnhoj (Dec 25, 2012)

You can't kiss butt and complain about the taste of crap..

For the lazy ones,

He's one of those people who gets up with nothing to do and goes to bed with only half of it done..


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## Baturb (Dec 25, 2012)

A man who has never made a mistake has never made anything


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## stimigex (Dec 25, 2012)

About as handy as a pocket in a pair of jocks!

- - - Updated - - -

She's about as ugly as a truck load of monkeys all A#se out!


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## Nighthawk (Dec 25, 2012)

I'm surprised nobody's put rubber nails and/or glass hammer or screen door in a submarine.


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## Shotta (Dec 25, 2012)

He/she has a head like a prawn,
a face only a paperbag could love,
as useless as a jellyfish
as dumb as a post,
some other funny sayings
lol you know you're ugly when you're the one asked to take the photo

of course im not perfect! theres a crack in my a s s

The wizard of oz is the ultimate chick flick, its about 2 women trying to kill each other over shoes

lol how comes i can't get reception at my own house but some terrorist can upload his vids in a cave from afghanistan? 

a real friend will stick up for you, but a best friend will punch whoever made you upset right in the face!

the words "i love you" has 8 letters but so does BLack Ops

"always be yourself unless you're boring, stupid or ugly. then you should try being someone else

feelings are what seperates us from the animals thats why you don't see a gorilla crying while eating ice cream an whatching the notebook


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## KingSirloin (Dec 25, 2012)

As useless as udders on a bull.


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## Bluetongue1 (Dec 25, 2012)

To continue the flatulence theme…
As useful as a fart in a bottle.
As difficult as trying to fart sideways up an oyster bottle.

A few others…
A head like a racing tadpole
A few roos loose in the top paddock

These can be switched to suit the feminine sex with minimal change of words…
I have never been to bed with an ugly woman, but I have sure woken up with a few.
And for those familiar with the saying “Dingo ugly” and where it comes from, an alternative expression… A three paper bag job! 

For the luckless, a few classics from “Barry MacKenzie”…
I wouldn’t win a kick in a riot.
In the mallee I’d be stiff to find a root.
I am as lonely as a bastard on Father’s Day.
If it was raining virgins, I’d be washed down the gutter with a poof.

Blue


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## congo_python (Dec 25, 2012)

I'm on a seafood diet.everytime I see food, I eat it.
Two wrongs can make a riot.
There's more than one way to skin a cat.
My familys like a snickers bar, mostly sweet but with a few nuts.
A Princess gets her education one Knight at a time 
He's just an oxygen thief.
You could'nt even swing a cat in this room.
Many campaign promise are sound.Just sound !


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## Elapidae1 (Dec 26, 2012)

When I was 14 I worked a checkout, one of the checkout chicks fancied me. My boss pulled me aside and shared his wisdom.

Lad, never get your meat where you make your bread.

!0 years later I began working at the same place as a butcher where I met and later married the baker.


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## Bluetongue1 (Dec 26, 2012)

Hey, I am glad for your sake you ignored the corollary… never get your bread where you make your meat. Classic!

Blue


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