# Coping with pet loss



## LadyJ (Aug 3, 2010)

Well, a few of you might know... but I've recently had my first herp of several years, Arby, pass away. I find I'm having a hard time dealing with the loss... it's effecting my day-to-day activities.
Does anyone have any tips to deal with pet-loss? It's a hard time for (what I'd like to think...) is most of us and if any of you could share some coping stratergies that'd be great.


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## cosmicwolf4 (Aug 3, 2010)

I go to the page where the poem Rainbow Bridge is and read it. It's just beautiful. I'm always a mess when I lose one of my babies and find that reading this is a great start to healing. Also on you tube there is a rainbow bridge song that really helps too. 
Let your sadness run it's course, if you try to shut it down it only hurts more.

Hugs xx


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## PhilK (Aug 3, 2010)

The advice we always give clients who have lost animals is to get a new one ASAP. It isn't about replacing your old animal - nothing can do that, it's about diverting your sadness into the excitement of a new pet that you will grow to love. It really is the only thing for it!


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## shellfisch (Aug 4, 2010)

PhilK said:


> The advice we always give clients who have lost animals is to get a new one ASAP. It isn't about replacing your old animal - nothing can do that, it's about diverting your sadness into the excitement of a new pet that you will grow to love. It really is the only thing for it!



I would suggest this too. At first I thought it may be seen as insensitive, but Philk is right, it will give you something else to focus on


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## LadyJ (Aug 4, 2010)

Thanks everyone - the rainbow bridge poem is beautiful, I think I've read it everyday since Arb's passing.
In the process of getting a new animal too, looking at quite a few but still not sure... the prospect alone is pretty exciting! Having three other little guys is also helping, they certainly keep me busy.... hehe.
Thanks again eveyone.


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## the jungle guy (Aug 4, 2010)

so sorry for your recent loss but there is nothing i can suggest that hasnt been already been *HUGS*
keep us updated how you go


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## LadyJ (Aug 4, 2010)

Cheynei pythons said:


> so sorry for your recent loss but there is nothing i can suggest that hasnt been already been *HUGS*
> keep us updated how you go


 Aww, thanks heaps... getting little Arb's cremated pretty soon and purchased an urn for him (it's so tiny...). Hopefully that'll help a bit.


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## the jungle guy (Aug 4, 2010)

yea hopefully it should  time is the best cure and moving on aswell as hard and heartless that may sound


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## FAY (Aug 4, 2010)

PhilK said:


> The advice we always give clients who have lost animals is to get a new one ASAP. It isn't about replacing your old animal - nothing can do that, it's about diverting your sadness into the excitement of a new pet that you will grow to love. It really is the only thing for it!


I agree, when we lost our dane Lucy, I was inconsolable and even now (nearly 2 years on) cannot start thinking about her without tears in my eyes. But a few months later we took another dane in that needed a home, her name is Vicky. She is just the most beautiful thing and also happens to be Lucy's half sister (same father).
She will never be 'my Lucy' but she certainly comes close and certainly eases the pain.


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## n00bie (Aug 4, 2010)

We lost Boris (lovely beardie) recently. Everything seems to remind me of him and I tear up at the smallest things (ie: am now writing this through misty eyes). 
I think the 'keeping busy' advice is best - nothing will replace your lost pet but if you are doing all the usual things for another pet then you don't feel the absence quite as much.


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## Chris1 (Aug 4, 2010)

*coping wiht loss*

So sorry to hear u lost Arby. 

i dont deal with it well, so cant really offer advice on 'coping'

i just cry,...alot, i cry on the train, at work, at home, when i think of her, see pics of her, its awful and makes me feel so pathetic.

i lost my first and fave beardy of 5 and a half years a couple of months ago, she went from perfectly normal, (ate, pooed, and was active that day) to having a head shaking fit, and just laying there. I rushed her straight to the vet, we were there within 40 mins, i she was unconscious and not breathing. they resucitated her and i stayed wieth her till they said she was 'stable'and after 8 hours of breathing support her heart failed (6 times before they let her go.)
 dont know if i felt worse that i put her thru that or if i would have felt worse just letting her go peacefully. i feel like crap for going home, i didnt realise i would never see her alive again. 

i brought her body home before i had her cremated so i could say goodbye and in the hope her spirit would be released in her home, i hate the fact that she died in an unfamiliar place around strangers.

i feel like my heart has been ripped out and nothing helps, it was really hard seeing the other beardies mourn her too, i slept on the lounge with the 2 that she was closest to for a few weeks till they looked less sad and stopped looking for her. they looked at me like i'd betrayed them, they saw me leave with her , then never saw her again.

i dont really agree that getting a new animal asap helps, i wished i could have cancelled the shinglebacks that were already on the way. i didnt feel i had the energy to take on anything new at the time. 

having said that, it seems one of the new shingles has adopted so much of my Chubby, from the way he pushes his head into my hand, to his wide eyed alert look, to being totally food orientated to their shared fetish with the shoe pile. They even have the same favourite corner in the dining room and under the dishwasher, so i am glad i got htem after all.

Hope u feel better soom LadyJ.

Chris. 

ps, im a girl so its ok that im a sook!


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## Kristy_07 (Aug 4, 2010)

Chris1 said:


> ...till they looked less sad...



Isn't it weird that they're a reptile, and they don't have a lot of expression, but you can still tell when "they look sad". Or happy, or stressed, or like they need a nap. I have thought this on numerous occasions - especially if I take my beardie out anywhere, I can always tell the moment she goes from enjoying the stimulation of the trip, to a bit stressed, sad, and needs a nap, even though her behaviour is no different. 

I agree with a combination of all that's been said - cry a lot, don't hide from your grief for at least a week or two, then start to pick yourself back up. All the usual depression advice - try to go for a small walk at the small time everyday, and slowly increase the amount of exercise you're doing, stick to a routine, eat good healthy food, lots of antioxidants if you can, when you're feeling truly terrible, have a nap. I agree with buying a new friend fairly quickly, too - I would think within a month is a good time frame. Unfortunately, part of owning pets is that you will almost always outlive them. 

Good luck, LadyJ


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## grannieannie (Aug 4, 2010)

Grief, no matter what sort...is a "process"...you must endure the pain for however long it lasts. And I've found the healing can be slow and come in stages. Don't try to fight it....that will just make it worse. I've lost beloved "humans" and animals fairly recently but the process is similar, though the intensity varies. When we lost our last dogs in November, we vowed we'd never get anymore...we wanted more freedom in our lives etc.....after 4 months I was in tears, the house was too perfectly clean, there was so much "quiet" in the house it drove me mad....I was soooo lonely, so we rescued a little dog from our local shelter and he's totally changed our lives. No, he won't replace the others, but he's a little pocket rocket and we adore him. Get another animal when it feels right for you, but even once you've got it, you'll always miss the one you lost.
Huggles, Annie


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## ShepQLD (Aug 6, 2010)

I so totally agree with GrannieAnnie. you cant fight grief, you have to embrace it. once it is in your life it will always be there, sometimes as big crashing waves and sometimes just little ripples. this month will be one year since I lost by beautiful 13 year old dog, the month after will be one year since I had to say goodbye to my one year old dog (through a brain tumour) I still find it hard to comprehend that I have gotten through this past year but the one thing that has helped me is by living moment to moment and allowing myself to feel whatever I feel in that moment. 
I do also agree that another animal can help, although my chocolate labrador was already paid for and was only five weeks old when I had to say goodbye to my one year old and for a time I could not understand how I could possible have another dog after going through so much in such a short time. But his breeders knew what had happened and insisted I take him a week earlier (at seven weeks old) and I have to say in hind sight it was the best thing that could have happened. Joy came back into my life, though it was not, nor ever could be, the same as those I had lost, you have to do whatever you need to do to keep on walking.
I am so very sorry your loss, hugs for you.


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## pythrulz (Aug 6, 2010)

it can be hard loosing a pet im sure we all have at some stage you cant anything to dull the sadness really but replacing the pet you lost is a good way because then the love you feel towards your lost pet transfers to your new pet hope that make sense


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## jeda (Aug 7, 2010)

i hope your pain leaves you soon and your other herps help bring you peace.


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## Reptilequeen (Aug 8, 2010)

Im really sorry about Arby, he sounds like my cunningham skink (Bubba) I lost 14.8.09 he died of liver failure and then I lost my snake (Tilly) one month later. I still have my other Cunningham (Abbott) I had always promised them I would be there for them and he died with strangers aswell. My mum called me from a meeting hours away and I just dropped everything and drove back. I rushed him to the vets and he died 3 days later. When I asked if I could pop up to see him they refused to allow me to visit and I felt I didn't want to get in their way I regret it now, I was sure Id be bringing him home. Tilly died in my arms suddenly, I have them in urns on my bedside table its like a little shrine. I really miss them and Im still crying ususally at night or early hours I will never get over it completely. I live around people who aren't really rep lovers which is why Im on here. What is it about reps that makes your heart ache?, they just do something to some of us. I have a lovely saying for pet snake lovers... A snakebite is a lovebite its not till theyre gone that it really hurts. Hope you feel a little better here.


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## byron_moses (Aug 8, 2010)

sorry to hear the sad news i always find a few drinks in tribute help and think of the good times


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## LadyJ (Aug 9, 2010)

Thank you SO much everyone. I think I'm finally starting to accept it and I've gone my first few days without crying... I can gladly say I've just got home from a trip to pick up a new bluey and enclosure for him (thank you so so so so so much Wally76!).
It does help to have another blue-tongue and while he's not Arby and nothing I do can ever do will bring him back... it does help.
I'm still looking forward to his cremation, but there are a few things that stand in the way of that happening right now (sadly, Arb's is in deep-freeze at the moment...).
But yeah, keeping myself busy with all my other reptiles and my cuddly little cockatiel is probably the best way for me to deal with things. Talking about Arby and all the good times we had with those close to me that knew him is great - it's lovely to have some good friends that you can speak to face to face and have them have a pretty good idea what you're going through (few good friends of mine keep reptiles too and are pretty sentimental with them, haha).
But I digress, thank you so much everyone, it's been great to have support.


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## Dragoness (Aug 11, 2010)

Glad to hear you're slowly doing better Ladyj. I lost me beautiful german shepherd to cancer on monday. I was stuck at work and many customers over the last 3 days have had me crying on their shoulders.
She is being cremated and I will have a lovely box for her, however her ashes will be scattered with all our other animals and relatives on my dads farm under the big old gum tree that stands alone in the middle of the paddock (Its now known as the ghost tree)
I am also about to order a lovely japanese maple tree that will be planted in her honour (well, will be potted in a lovely pot so if we move it can come with us) I find planting lovely plants in honour as a lovely reminder 
Hope the tears and the grief lessen for us soon.

Cheers


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## mungus (Aug 13, 2010)

Lost my border collie Jessie on the 20/07/09..........she was 11 years old.
Not a day goes by that i dont think of her...............
If I think to long................I get a tear running down my cheek...........like its doing now.
So sorry for your loss.
RIP old girl.


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## ezekiel86 (Aug 13, 2010)

Its always hard 2 move on...but buy more to keep the mind off it and positive! 
RIP Arby !
all the best


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## LadyJ (Aug 15, 2010)

Thanks so much everyone, slowly gettig better... Arby has a little candle that gets lit every night when I switch-off my reptiles lights.
The antics of a young bearded dragon and active shingleback really do keep the sorrow at bay.


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