# Why would you be a reptile?



## Reptile_Maniac (Jul 19, 2011)

Hi everyone,

I thought I would put out a random Herp topic: Why would you be a reptile? Please make it comical. Include why you would be a snake, lizard, gecko, turtle ect.

I'll start of, I would be a gecko because you can stay up all night watch TV and chill out with your mates!

Thanks,
James


----------



## SYNeR (Jul 19, 2011)

I'd like to be a snake because I like the taste of rats.

Sorry, bad joke.


----------



## Reptile_Maniac (Jul 19, 2011)

mmmm juicy rats...


----------



## richoman_3 (Jul 19, 2011)

i thought of this this morning before i went to school and turned on my netted's lights,
all they do all day is chill under a rock and get 34c heat and food delivered to them while they rest. what a life!


----------



## snakes123 (Jul 19, 2011)

i like to bite....RBB


----------



## Reptile_Maniac (Jul 19, 2011)

keep the replies flowing


----------



## Waterrat (Jul 19, 2011)

Some taxonomist would describe me and then put me into a jar of alcohol. I think I would enjoy that as long as they don't use formalin, I wouldn't enjoy that.


----------



## Reptile_Maniac (Jul 19, 2011)

Thats if they catch you


----------



## Boidae (Jul 19, 2011)

I would be a snake. 
Why?
Because snakes have two penises :lol:


----------



## Reptile_Maniac (Jul 19, 2011)

Hey LiasisFreak can you please edit your reply I don't want this thread to get removed.
Thanks,
James (Reptilemaniac)


----------



## Waterrat (Jul 19, 2011)

LiasisFreak said:


> I would be a snake.
> Why?
> Because snakes have two penises :lol:



So what? I got two of them too, I was born n Tasmania.


----------



## dihsmaj (Jul 19, 2011)

I would be a Saltie.
Why?
People would be scared as hell of me.


----------



## GeckPhotographer (Jul 19, 2011)

Bicycle dragon. Catch me if you can.


----------



## Jazzz (Jul 19, 2011)

Snakeluvver3 said:


> I would be a Saltie.
> Why?
> People would be scared as hell of me.



but then people would swap you in for a small one when you got big if you were a pet =/

i think beardy =] cruisiest life, get some pats, get some sun and then you can just chill with your owner and watch some tv


----------



## Black.Rabbit (Jul 19, 2011)

I would be a reptile so I could sleep all day in a dark place heated at 34 degrees...

although I did that today anyway with help from my electric blanket and block-out curtains.


----------



## D3pro (Jul 19, 2011)

I would be a japanese lizard that was effected by radiation from nuclear testing turning it in to a 100 foot monster that likes to rampage in big cities...
Godzilla all the way.


----------



## Cockney_Red (Jul 19, 2011)

Cos I'm a lounge lizard...


----------



## Waterrat (Jul 19, 2011)

Waterrat said:


> So what? I got two of them too, I was born n Tasmania.



My mail box is now full, please ladies and cougars, it was only a joke.


----------



## Reptile_Maniac (Jul 19, 2011)

I would be a reptile because i can reach anything with my tongue!


----------



## Snakewoman (Jul 19, 2011)

I'd be an Inland Taipan so I could kill people I don't like...


----------



## Asharee133 (Jul 19, 2011)

reptilemaniac said:


> I would be a reptile because i can reach anything with my tongue!


bwahaha you'd be a hit with the chicks :lol:


----------



## Reptile_Maniac (Jul 19, 2011)

Asharee133 said:


> bwahaha you'd be a hit with the chicks :lol:



Already am!


----------



## Cockney_Red (Jul 19, 2011)

Asharee133 said:


> bwahaha you'd be a hit with the chicks :lol:



OI! he was talking about his nose...


----------



## Hawk (Jul 19, 2011)

I would be a big Salty and I would enjoy the tourist season.


----------



## sarah_m (Jul 19, 2011)

I'd be a snake, it's the only way i am likely to get a slim figure like that!


----------



## Reptile_Maniac (Jul 19, 2011)

I would like to be a snake so I can tie my self in knots!


----------



## mad_at_arms (Jul 19, 2011)

I'd be a monitor, I love it hot.
Probably a Ridge tail, Then I'd to change my name to Glenn and my missus to Sue.


----------



## Reptile_Maniac (Jul 19, 2011)

Nice


----------



## Banjo (Jul 19, 2011)

I would be a python of some sort, imagine how much money I would save on food bills being fed once every week or two. I would be able to afford more $ on hobbies.


----------



## Miss-Mac (Jul 19, 2011)

I'd be a Salty! Great patience, those intense eyes and a firey temper to match!


----------



## Reptile_Maniac (Jul 19, 2011)

Salties are awesome!


----------



## mysnakesau (Jul 19, 2011)

I would be a reptile because I can sleep all winter and be out enjoying the beautiful warm, spring and summer sunshine.


----------



## swan91 (Jul 19, 2011)

id be a python because an egg would be easier to pass than a huge *** baby! lol


----------



## Reptile_Maniac (Jul 19, 2011)

great one mysnakesau!


----------



## Bredli_Girl80 (Jul 19, 2011)

I would be a python cause I love the way mine just dangle from their branches sometimes and can stretch right out and soak up all that heat.
I'm not to sure about being stuck in a cage all day but at least it's peaceful and your owner takes your young and look after them for you and pays their food bill


----------



## [email protected] (Jul 20, 2011)

i would be a crocodile in a zoo and bust out and kill everything in my path.lol........sorry but its only fair....:lol:

like i would be different from the rest........i wont be forgotten put it that way...:lol:


----------



## Reptile_Maniac (Jul 20, 2011)

I would love hiding during rainy days waiting until my dinner walks by...


----------



## fugawi (Jul 20, 2011)

I would love to be a gecko, lick my own eyes, walk on the walls and ceilings and see perfectly at night...........Move over spiderman, Geckoman is coming and I eat spiders......LOL


----------



## Reptile_Maniac (Jul 20, 2011)

great one fugawi


----------



## Tinky (Jul 20, 2011)

Python,

Christmass turkey in one mouthful, followed by a nice nap.


----------



## Reptile_Maniac (Jul 20, 2011)

Tinky said:


> Python,
> 
> Christmass turkey in one mouthful, followed by a nice nap.


 Who wouldn't


----------



## swan91 (Jul 20, 2011)

being a reptile.. i could also save time by doing my #1 and #2's at the same time!!


----------



## GeckPhotographer (Jul 20, 2011)

I could be a Saltuarius, Phyllurus or Oraya sp. Find me if you can....


----------



## Nighthawk (Jul 20, 2011)

I'd be a scrubbie. Beautiful satin rainbow scales, no one could accuse me of being short, sometimes I get cravings so bad I'd love to be able to unhinge my jaw, and I'd have a good response to my husband saying I dont... yeah. I won't finish that one lmao


----------



## K3nny (Jul 20, 2011)

AMS05 said:


> id be a python because an egg would be easier to pass than a huge *** baby! lol



you do realize you gotta pass more than one at a time? 

anyway, GTP, all ya do is laze around a branch and people go "oooo" or "whoaa"
and if i get stuck with the right servant *ahum* i mean keeper, life should be good


----------



## AirCooled (Jul 20, 2011)

I would hate being a trouser snake,I don't like being choked


----------



## Reptile_Maniac (Jul 20, 2011)

hmmm.... i would like to be a king cobra, when someone walks by i can jump out and hiss, that will give em a nasty shock!


----------



## GeckPhotographer (Jul 20, 2011)

I would be a pebble because... wait you're telling me that's not a rock? 




Photo is a google job.


----------



## Reptile_Maniac (Jul 20, 2011)

amazing lizard!


----------



## GeckPhotographer (Jul 20, 2011)

You should check out the pic in Wilson and Swan, shows amazing camouflage.


----------



## Reptile_Maniac (Jul 20, 2011)

whats "Wilson and swan"

and geckophotographer you recently PM me informing me about a thread called who keeps velvets or something along those lines I cant seem to find it.


----------



## GeckPhotographer (Jul 20, 2011)

Wilson and Swan are the Authors to "A Complete Guide To Reptiles Of Australia" Ed-1-3. It is commonly referred to as Wilson and Swan, even though that is not the title of the book *shrug*, it is currently the best photo guide to 'mainstream' reptiles Australia wide, although another notable text is Harold Cogger's book on both reptiles and Amphibians even though it is now mostly outdated. 

Really, I don't remember saying anything about a thread, and cannot find it in my message? Send a message back with the quote if you can find it and I'll sort it out. 

I would be a highly laterally compressed gecko, so I could squeeze through the cracks in the legal system.


----------



## Reptile_Maniac (Jul 20, 2011)

thanks geckophotographer I will be looking into buying the field guide you mentioned, I think I may have already deleted the message if not I will send it to you.

Thanks,
James


----------



## snakeluvver (Jul 20, 2011)

I'd be a turtle.
I like turtles.


----------



## Reptile_Maniac (Jul 20, 2011)

which type of turtle?


----------



## snakeluvver (Jul 20, 2011)

Any turtle. I just like turtles.
(Anyone getting the reference?)

Turthfully, I'd be a Scrubby. Sit around all day, being pretty and scaring people to death, thouch me and I'll bite your face off.


----------



## Jazzz (Jul 20, 2011)

snakeluvver said:


> Any turtle. I just like turtles.
> (Anyone getting the reference?)
> 
> Turthfully, I'd be a Scrubby. Sit around all day, being pretty and scaring people to death, thouch me and I'll bite your face off.



i understand =]


----------



## GeckPhotographer (Jul 20, 2011)

Today's meme "I like turtles" tomorrow's "I like trains".


----------



## shea_and_ruby (Jul 20, 2011)

I would be a bluey. I would sunbake all day and sleep all through winter. I have no idea how the hell they have managed to survive being so fat and slow.


----------



## mysnakesau (Jul 20, 2011)

They're always squashed on the roads.


----------



## Tinky (Jul 20, 2011)

Nighthawk said:


> I'd be a scrubbie. Beautiful satin rainbow scales, no one could accuse me of being short, sometimes I get cravings so bad I'd love to be able to unhinge my jaw, and I'd have a good response to my husband saying I dont... yeah. I won't finish that one lmao



Any you would never ask hubby that most feared question, "Does my bum look big in this"


----------



## Nighthawk (Jul 20, 2011)

Tinky said:


> Any you would never ask hubby that most feared question, "Does my bum look big in this"



I never do anyway, but he'd think twice about saying yes... mwa aah aaah!


----------



## smigga (Jul 20, 2011)

I would be a scrubbie so i could have sexy time in the roof


----------



## K3nny (Jul 20, 2011)

smigga said:


> I would be a scrubbie so i could have sexy time in the roof



you mean you can't do that now?


----------



## Wookie (Jul 20, 2011)

Ummmm, I'd rather be human tbh


----------



## Black.Rabbit (Jul 20, 2011)

So my babies can be sold and I don't have to deal with them


----------



## Renenet (Jul 20, 2011)

Banjo said:


> I would be a python of some sort, imagine how much money I would save on food bills being fed once every week or two. I would be able to afford more $ on hobbies.



And have more time. Have you ever added up the amount of time we spend grocery shopping, cooking and eating? It's such a waste!

EDIT: And I forgot to whinge about the washing up!


----------



## MrFireStorm (Jul 20, 2011)

Anything kept in captivity or used in public displays.

Have you seen how many cuties have reptiles and want to hold or pat you at displays


----------



## Reptile_Maniac (Jul 21, 2011)

blueis have awesome tongues


----------



## reptilegirl2000 (Jul 22, 2011)

I agree


----------



## snakeluvver (Jul 22, 2011)

Toni_n_Daz said:


> Anything kept in captivity or used in public displays.
> 
> Have you seen how many cuties have reptiles and want to hold or pat you at displays


Yeah but youd have to deal with the occasional kid who holds you upside down, pulls at your tail and pokes your face going "MUMMY ITS SQUISHY"


----------



## Renenet (Jul 22, 2011)

snakeluvver said:


> Yeah but youd have to deal with the occasional kid who holds you upside down, pulls at your tail and pokes your face going "MUMMY ITS SQUISHY"



That's what teeth are for.


----------



## Grogshla (Jul 22, 2011)

I would like to be any reptile so I don't have to go to work.


----------



## snakeluvver (Jul 22, 2011)

Renenet said:


> That's what teeth are for.


And then the parent sues :|


----------



## dihsmaj (Jul 22, 2011)

snakeluvver said:


> And then the parent sues :|


And then you get killed :|


----------



## LIZARDZ_11 (Jul 22, 2011)

i would be a snake because i would just chill in my cage and if anyone tryed to pat me id be like HSSSSS and bite them and be like WHAT DO YOU EXPECT IM A SNAKE!

hahahaha


----------



## Renenet (Jul 22, 2011)

snakeluvver said:


> And then the parent sues :|



Good point. But that's what insurance is for.


----------



## K3nny (Jul 22, 2011)

Renenet said:


> Good point. But that's what insurance is for.



reptiles have insurance?
wait, reptiles can get sued?


----------



## Reptile_Maniac (Jul 23, 2011)

bump


----------



## Em1986 (Jul 27, 2011)

GeckPhotographer said:


> Wilson and Swan are the Authors to "A Complete Guide To Reptiles Of Australia" Ed-1-3. It is commonly referred to as Wilson and Swan, even though that is not the title of the book *shrug*, it is currently the best photo guide to 'mainstream' reptiles Australia wide, although another notable text is Harold Cogger's book on both reptiles and Amphibians even though it is now mostly outdated.



I just got the 3rd edition of this and haven't opened it to look yet.


I think i would like to be a large wild male python living in a warm place :lol:


----------



## Bradchip (Aug 1, 2011)

SO I could hibernate in winter


----------



## Bel03 (Aug 1, 2011)

Yeah im with u Brad......i would love to be able to just curl up at 30+ degrees & sleep the cold away!


----------



## Reptile_Maniac (Aug 1, 2011)

Bradchip said:


> SO I could hibernate in winter



I already do


----------



## mxf92 (Aug 1, 2011)

so i can eat and lay in the sun. thats what i would do.


----------



## Reptile_Maniac (Aug 12, 2011)

Bump


----------



## alrightknight (Aug 12, 2011)

A cane toad. Ive always wanted to be used as a flesh golf ball.


----------



## frogboy77 (Aug 12, 2011)

i'd be a gtp, hanging out in one of the tropical stein enclosures with a hot 35 degree basking spot and a nice looking lady to accompony me for my life, i'd also like being looked at and hanging out in the canopy of my awsome 5 star luxury home, just the way everybody likes it!....


----------



## Reptile_Maniac (Aug 12, 2011)

Great one frogboy :lol:! I am planning to construct my enclosure tomorrow!


----------



## leamos (Aug 12, 2011)

3 month sleep sounds good


----------



## lisa5 (Aug 12, 2011)

But I'd like to be a snake so I could bite those I didn't like...I could have bad days and people would leave me alone. Also to be in a nice warm enclosure on a freezing cold day.


----------



## frogboy77 (Aug 12, 2011)

reptilemaniac said:


> Great one frogboy :lol:! I am planning to construct my enclosure tomorrow!



 thanks, hope all goes good and it turns out the way u planned, ive got a photo shoot tomorrow with a snake and a beardie.....


----------



## mysnakesau (Aug 13, 2011)

lisa5 said:


> But I'd like to be a snake so I could bite those I didn't like...I could have bad days and people would leave me alone. Also to be in a nice warm enclosure on a freezing cold day.


You'd want to be in an enclosure? You might not get to pick exactly who you want as your owner. You could end up with a lazy, uncaring owner who doesn't keep an eye on your heat, doesn't clean your toilet, doesn't give you fresh water and thinks its ok for you to miss a meal just because you look like you don't need it.


----------



## lisa5 (Aug 13, 2011)

I said "nice"


----------



## abnrmal91 (Aug 13, 2011)

Because I love strangling living creatures lol.


----------



## Reptile_Maniac (Aug 19, 2011)

bump!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :lol:


----------



## Reptile_Maniac (Sep 18, 2011)

Anyone else? _______


----------

