# The Unofficial APS Site Rules



## DDALDD (Sep 1, 2008)

Sorry if this is re-post, my last one doesn't seem to have worked...

Hey guys, I’m still an APS noob, but when I joined up a few months ago I knew next to nothing about the care of reptiles in captivity. Since then I’ve learnt enough to consider myself almost ready to take the plunge. What I didn’t realise at all was what a thriving and fervent hobby reptile keeping was. I’ve spent quite of a lot of time researching threads on old topics on everything and nothing, and naturally see many of the ones that pop up every day. As with any hobby, the enthusiasts who partake in it are very passionate about it. The following is a (hopefully) humorous look at some of APS’ topics as seen by an outsider. I tried to represent two sides when possible. It is not meant to be taken seriously in any way, shape or form and written completely in jest. What are we if we can’t laugh at ourselves? Even monkeys do! ( I have no idea if that’s true or not, but it sounded good.) I apologise for the abundance of capitals, it just added to the superior and obviously exaggerated tone of voice it’s meant to be read in. Hope you guys get some chuckles out of it. Please ignore if it’s not to your taste. 


11 Things I’ve Learned From APS…or the unofficial APS site rules. 
 

1)Cats are EVIL. Anyone in the presence of cat should immediately consider relocating themselves as simply LOOKING at one has been known to kill innocent reptiles across the globe. One cat can kill ONE THOUSAND reptiles in ONE MINUTE.


 2)Exotics are also EVIL. Any snake or lizard from another country will DECIMATE native wildlife as its escape from captivity is INEVITABLE. Once escaped the specimens will AUTOMATICALLY adapt with no problems and begin their reign of TERROR. They are also MUCH uglier than native wildlife. The numerous multicoloured Ball Python morphs have NOTHING on a Children’s Python.



 3)Hybrids are the SON OF EVIL. They are an offense to the NATURAL order and NEVER EVER occur in nature. Hybrids, like any exotic, are also PHENOMENALLY ugly. Anyone who likes the look of hybrids should have their EYES removed and replaced with MARBLES since that will not only make the said person look better, but also be of more USE to them.


 4)Feeding live is TANTAMOUNT TO EVIL. It is also ILLEGAL. Yes, in almost ALL other instances we fight for keeping things NATURAL but c’mon, OBVIOUSLY not this. Feeding live is ONE step away from being a SERIAL KILLER. In NO cases is feeding live acceptable. It is INHUMANE and IMMORAL. We LOVE animals. Unless you are an INSECT or FISH, then NOBODY CARES.


 

5)Your substrate DEFINES how much you love your reptile. Breeders Choice pellets are in the AXIS OF EVIL. Obviously Snake Ranch are CRAZY. BC pellets have been known to SNEAK up on snakes while the SLEEP and stage ELABORATE schemes to try to suffocate them. NEWSPAPER is the only viable substrate, which is convenient as it is also NATURALLY what snakes use in the WILD.


 6)Never post a question that has been ASKED BEFORE. Regardless of WHEN it was last asked. It will WASTE the valuable TIME of the 7 people who INSIST on pointing that it has been PREVIOUSLY answered INSTEAD of simply answering it themselves and will definitely NOT possibly start an INTERESTING discussion. There will ALSO be NO chance of more RECENT data or DIFFERENT opinions that were not previously aired. ONLY ever bring ORIGINAL questions to the forum. IF you are a 10 yr old potential herper you BETTER have read up on the LATEST genetically relevant research on snakes so as to bring something NEW to the forum. This way, we can ADVANCE at a rate of APPROXIMATELY 1 new post a WEEK.


 

7)If you post a QUESTION that has already been answered 3 times that WEEK you are OFFICIALLY one of those people who needs MARBLES for eyes.


 8)When you post, make sure you can SPELL. If not, your writing may PHYSICALLY ASSAULT reader’s eyes causing them to respond with UNREASONABLY HARSH and SARCASTIC remarks. These remarks can also be motivated by the above mentioned PREVIOUSLY ANSWERED QUESTIONS. What’s that? You’re 9? Who CARES? We are a REPTILE FORUM and therefore also ADHERE to the rules that would apply to a “SPELLING, PUNCTUATION AND GRAMMAR” forum.



9)If you’re 30 and are ALSO receiving UNREASONABLY HARSH and SARCASTIC remarks, well, why can’t you SPELL?



10)We are a REPTILE FORUM. Post only REPTILE related topics. The CHIT CHAT section is there for DECORATIVE purposes only. Screw COMMUNITY we only care about REPTILES. We are a REPTILE FORUM. If you have OTHER interests or want to SHARE with or GET TO KNOW other MEMBERS then HARDEN UP. REPTILES are our ONLY concern. We are a REPTILE FORUM.


 11)If 90% of your posts are in the CHIT CHAT section then WHAT THE HELL? We are a REPTILE FORUM. Go play MARBLES with your EYES.


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## biggie (Oct 9, 2008)

sums up aps perfectly


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## Ersatz (Oct 9, 2008)

Rofl I've been here not too long and some of those things I have noticed.

When many of those "rules" I broken I don't reply to a post, put my flame-suit on, and I sit back for a laugh.


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## rodentrancher (Oct 9, 2008)

Hahaha!! ROFL!! Well done!


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## DDALDD (Oct 9, 2008)

Um...that's weird...I didn't post this up...why has it turned up today? It didn't work originally and was subsequently posted under a different name.

I should clarify...I did originally write this, but it was posted under a different title. "Ok...last try" was it's name because I had tried two times before and it hadn't worked. I didn't expect it to work that time either but it did. I have no idea why it has popped up now. Still, if anyone hasn't read it, hope you laugh...though I'm still confused.


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## Aussie Python Lover (Oct 9, 2008)

Well mate a lot of ppl on here own cats with reptiles as I own 2 cats with my three pythons, substrate use whatever you think is best and not let others tell you what to use...Feeding live can be used to feed ur snakes if you have tried every other way to get your snake to try and eat.... LOL I have a hybrid and hes a gorgeous snake....Im not being nasty here either im just putting in my 5cents worth... LMFAO I am 30 but can i speel right hmmm let me guess hahaha... 

*FLAME SUIT ON* *WHOOOOOOOSH* LMFAO


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## jaih (Oct 9, 2008)

Hahaha, So true. wait hahaha's not a word:shock:


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## Aussie Python Lover (Oct 9, 2008)

LOL oh no its not gosh better not do it again then lmao


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## first_time_owner (Oct 9, 2008)

lolololololololol


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## Ninjaette (Oct 9, 2008)

LMFAO!!! I love it! :lol::lol::lol:

Thank you for that I needed a good laugh!


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## Ersatz (Oct 9, 2008)

jaih said:


> Hahaha, So true. wait hahaha's not a word:shock:



Are you expecting the... oh my god learn to spell what is this you hooligan bla bla im a cranky old bastard ill take it out on your spelling etc etc?


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## Aussie Python Lover (Oct 9, 2008)

LOL classic and yes i needed the laugh too...


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## shane14 (Oct 9, 2008)

lol lmao


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## bundy_zigg (Oct 9, 2008)

all I can say is HAHAHAHAHAHAHA well done you summed it up to a T, what an excellent thread
By the way I am one of the "cat haters" - but not the cats really but the owners - its bound to get me in trouble one day haha as I cant help myself when some one posts a mutilated reptile and states "MY CAT DID THIS" hahaha

Did you mention the cross breeding? thats a huge EVIL hahaha
love - love - love it


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## miley_take (Oct 9, 2008)

I read this a while back, didn't get it.
Let me say NOW I do :lol:.....lolololol


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## wiz-fiz (Oct 9, 2008)

i ThINk mi speellllng, gramer, and punchuashion are all topp noch:lol:

I like the part about the spelling!


Will


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## Riley (Oct 9, 2008)

lol weldone  yeah go number 5.. so true


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## Kathryn_ (Oct 9, 2008)

Haha, flippin' brilliant, but I hope you've got asbestos jocks on mate


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## pythons73 (Oct 9, 2008)

That would have to be one off the best threats ive read for ages,THATS GOLD!!!!!


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## Slateman (Oct 9, 2008)

True.
Some subjects just make people to go crazy. Topic starts about cats or intergrades or similar, and reply in contributions is enormous. Some members get so excited and forget to control language. Insults to other people with different opinion come on and fight starts.

There is time for mods to step in and ruin topic by deleting the subject.
This is same story time after time.

If people could behave in civil manner, things would be so easy for all of us, and less work for mods..


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## dougie210 (Oct 9, 2008)

Thats sooo cool, even knowing i have read it before just do 2xcool and you get wicked cool


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## Slytherin (Oct 9, 2008)

PMSL the first time, PMSL this time!! :lol: So true (especially #1 lately )

Everyone needs to read this, especially if they have been a member for a while. We need to learn to laugh, respect others and relax a little about things...lol :lol:


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## malika (Oct 9, 2008)

Been a member for a wee while and yes you have summed it up for every reptile forum I am part of. Brilliant!  You made my day! Lol.


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## dunno103 (Oct 9, 2008)

Yes you have summed most of it up, but you missed a few rules.

a) If you do not pay to this site then don't DARE give a url for an advertisement on another site, EVEN IF IT IS FROM A SPONSOR OF THIS SITE.

b)


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## TRIMACO (Oct 9, 2008)

What a laugh, top stuff mate, I have broken most of those rulz I have a cat (indoor only) my spelling sucks and I have asked the questions that get the SEARCH REPLY just to name a few, but dont they say that rulz were ment to be broken. I just consider it entertainment to see some of the over the top replys they give. LOL


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## Riley (Oct 9, 2008)

dunno103 said:


> Yes you have summed most of it up, but you missed a few rules.
> 
> a) If you do not pay to this site then don't DARE give a url for an advertisement on another site, EVEN IF IT IS FROM A SPONSOR OF THIS SITE.
> 
> b)


lol im pretty sure u can give the url for another site if its a sponsor! :lol: notice the banners around the top of the page and links to all the sponsors down the right side on the homepage.. and u can give a url for a site if u want to.. just not a reptile forum site!


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## Dipcdame (Oct 9, 2008)

ooooo deere!!!! R all those rools ment to be kept?? mi cat comes howm evry night with 3thousund native animuls!!!! All dedd and manguld!!!! I CAN speel as gud as the nexy giy!! 

Am i a bad pursun four this???????


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## dunno103 (Oct 9, 2008)

Yes you have summed most of it up, but you missed a few rules.

a) If you do not pay to this site then don't DARE give a url for an advertisement on another site, EVEN IF IT IS FROM A SPONSOR OF THIS SITE.

b) do not insult any of the admin, even if they are wrong.

c) Do not under any circumstances complain about anything that the mods do, their omnipotence is astounding (veternas bloody corner)


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## DDALDD (Oct 9, 2008)

lol, I'm glad people are enjoying this again. If only I could work out how the hell it magically posted itself...


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## Slytherin (Oct 9, 2008)

DDALDD said:


> lol, I'm glad people are enjoying this again. If only I could work out how the hell it magically posted itself...


 
...but its timing is Brilliant!! So needed right now!  :lol:


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## Dipcdame (Oct 9, 2008)

Slytherin said:


> ...but its timing is Brilliant!! So needed right now!  :lol:



agreed...... things were getting a little too heavy and serious on here!!!!!!


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## Khagan (Oct 9, 2008)

I couldn't stop laughing haha it's epic.


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## MMAnne (Oct 9, 2008)

HILARIOUS

Good job dude xD


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## DDALDD (Oct 9, 2008)

Slytherin said:


> ...but its timing is Brilliant!! So needed right now!  :lol:



lol, in that case I'm glad...maybe there is a God? Just as random add in, since the original one was posted, in which I pointed out that I did not have a reptile...I now own a little Stimson's python named Shu. Who ate tonight after 3 weeks of stressing on my part. Woohoo for my pointless story!


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## Dipcdame (Oct 9, 2008)

Well, there's your reward for such a fantastic job!!!!!


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## DDALDD (Oct 9, 2008)

Sounds good to me!

Dipcdame, your sig is awesome.


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## Dipcdame (Oct 9, 2008)

LOL thank you DDALD!!! but careful, two nice comments, and I'll put you on my friends list!! LOL Yours isn't bad neither!!!!!!


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## DDALDD (Oct 9, 2008)

hehe, then I shall save the next one for another day...


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## Snake Catcher Victoria (Oct 9, 2008)

You forgot a few.
religion, freehandling, politics, hoser, whales, all trouble..
Im sure there are more


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## DDALDD (Oct 9, 2008)

Oh, I'm pretty sure I could double the list now...with a little invention. But the creative juices aren't flowing tonight. Perhaps later on in the year.


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## ogg666 (Oct 9, 2008)

that made me laugh out loud :lol::lol::lol::lol: adn I:m Oevr tihtry


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## Dipcdame (Oct 9, 2008)

oooohhhhhhhh THIS is bringing out the 'olds'!!!!!! We're all appearing out of the cupboard!!!!!!!!!!


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## kakariki (Oct 9, 2008)

You must not write in colour!!!!! No-one should be an individual...BAAAAAA!


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## grimbeny (Oct 9, 2008)

I wouldn’t lose any sleep if those rules were enforced.


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## Slytherin (Oct 9, 2008)

kakariki said:


> You must not write in colour!!!!! No-one should be an individual...BAAAAAA!


 
LOL :lol:...


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## ambah (Oct 9, 2008)

Dipcdame said:


> LOL thank you DDALD!!! but careful, two nice comments, and I'll put you on my friends list!! LOL Yours isn't bad neither!!!!!!


 
lol, that kind of makes me wonder what you'd do for 3 nice comments


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## Dipcdame (Oct 9, 2008)

ambah said:


> lol, that kind of makes me wonder what you'd do for 3 nice comments



PMSL!!!!!!!! as in the words of the 'great' Austin Powers....... Oh, beHAVE baby!!!!!!!! LOL...............hey, this is getting off-topic!!!!!!


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## DDALDD (Oct 10, 2008)

lol, fun times


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## the.badger (Oct 10, 2008)

Hahahaha dude I found that HILARIOUS and I've only been here for 2 weeks.

But you forgot: "HAVE YOU DONE ANY RESEARCH ON THIS TOPIC WHATSOEVER? Because it's OBVIOUSLY better to spend WEEKS trawling the big wide world of the INTERNETS and turning up UNRELIABLE and OUTDATED information than to join a forum and ask EXPERIENCED KEEPERS AND BREEDERS to answer your specific questions and receive MANY AND VARIED opinions, hints and tips. You CLEARLY don't even CARE about your REPTILE! Go play MARBLES with your EYES"


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## DDALDD (Oct 10, 2008)

lol Badger, you could write the ones I missed.


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## the.badger (Oct 10, 2008)

Deal.


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## gman78 (Oct 10, 2008)

Great post.
Needed a good laugh, and so true.


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## Tanith (Oct 10, 2008)

ROFLMAO!! That was all so true, its hilarious! 
I have seen new people (on other forums) ask a question and some pretentious know it all come in and start flaming the poor kids, saying, "Well, here we go again. If you had done your research, you'd find a post on the 42nd page of leopard gecko care, posted back in 2003 that would have answered your question instead of wasting our time." 
I usually get in trouble by replying, "If its a waste of your time, why did you bother posting? Did you really mean to sound that disrespectful? Or is it just poor home training?"

Life is too short not to laugh whenever possible. Thank you for the much needed giggle!


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## daniel1234 (Oct 10, 2008)

Tanith said:


> ROFLMAO!! That was all so true, its hilarious!
> I have seen new people (on other forums) ask a question and some pretentious know it all come in and start flaming the poor kids, saying, "Well, here we go again. If you had done your research, you'd find a post on the 42nd page of leopard gecko care, posted back in 2003 that would have answered your question instead of wasting our time."
> I usually get in trouble by replying, "If its a waste of your time, why did you bother posting? Did you really mean to sound that disrespectful? Or is it just poor home training?"
> 
> Life is too short not to laugh whenever possible. Thank you for the much needed giggle!


 
Suspend, Suspend, Suspend!
(what rule are we up to) You will be suspended if you stand up for your self or another member who does not uphold the sacred opinions of the majority of the minority of the fourth order of the.....

Nothin ong this fread is off topic unles it gets 2 sirious and then we r off topik
So funny it hurts, 
Just going off to play marbles...
Well done.


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## Tanith (Oct 10, 2008)

Okay, I am really trying hard not to laugh, but you all are making it way too difficult. 
This is just too funny!


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## Creed (Oct 10, 2008)

from the first point to the last was brilliant.

clearly original and very few funny things on the net are original these days, so i applaud you.

haha thanks for that


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## gman78 (Oct 10, 2008)

It's funny but if everyone read this post there would be a whole lot less bitching on the site.


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## Rainbow-Serpent (Oct 10, 2008)

Lol, yep, that about sums it up.


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## rodentrancher (Oct 10, 2008)

Maybe someone reposted it, because everyone was getting too serious about everything again. Just time for a good laugh. C


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## Snake Catcher Victoria (Oct 10, 2008)

i blame the parents.
It,s all their fault


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## miss2 (Oct 10, 2008)

well that just brightened up an other wise poopie day at work, thankyou.......*sorry to all that are offended by the word poopie* lol


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## Slytherin (Oct 12, 2008)

Just had to re-read...this never gets old.


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## cris (Oct 12, 2008)

This should be a sticky thread.


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## Dipcdame (Oct 12, 2008)

Agreed!!!!!!!!


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## DDALDD (Oct 13, 2008)

lol, mate, i'm happy people are still laughing


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## Snake_Whisperer (Oct 13, 2008)

HAHAHA! Out-friggin-standing! Spot in in the original, spot in in several of the 'Rule Addendums'! Some folks seem to lose their marbles round here for such irrelevant things! This post should be stickied!

P.S.: Quit posting in the chit-chat forum, blablablabla!


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## BenReyn (Oct 13, 2008)

Bahahahha, net sattire


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## dansocks (Jan 4, 2009)

Lol!!


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## Harmony67 (Jan 5, 2009)

Those rules explain every other reptile forum I have posted on! 

Priceless and very enjoyable, to be sure. Thank you!


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## Recharge (Jan 5, 2009)

of course you can transpose and species from anywhere to anywhere and never ever have a problem, like toads, they've never cause Australia environmental damage at all right?

or a dozen fish species that have also never cause problems.

cats are totally cute and have caused no issues what so ever, nor rabbits, nor dogs or anything else..

it's all hype and conspiracy... or so you'd have us believe eh?

*shrug*


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## Jay84 (Jan 5, 2009)

My god DDALDD..... that is gold!

i have only been a member a short while and quickly became accustomed to these unofficial rules lol. i particularly get bothered by rule number 6. Grrrrr!

Hilariously funny tho, thanks for that!

hehehe


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## DDALDD (Jan 5, 2009)

I'm glad this is still a source of amusement for people, and that people are getting that it's not meant to be taken seriously. 




Harmony67 said:


> Those rules explain every other reptile forum I have posted on!
> 
> Priceless and very enjoyable, to be sure. Thank you!




Hehe, so APS is not an anomaly then? Do US reptile forums argue over the same things?


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## Ebzilla (Jan 5, 2009)

Haha, that was actually really good.


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## Slytherin (Jan 5, 2009)

Very good to see this again!  :lol: What a classic!!!

I think that it needs to be re-read occasionally, some people around here need to 'lighten up'


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## Ristof (Jan 5, 2009)

Very good read and very true

I think this can relate to all forums no matter what it is - everyone has there own opinions and spelling techniques, that is why we join them.
No point if everyone though the same - that would be boring.
It is fun to voice your opinions and stir others up


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## miley_take (Jan 5, 2009)

I stil find this funny! :lol::lol:


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## Fran (Jan 5, 2009)

Thanks for the laughs - really needed it!!


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## Harmony67 (Jan 26, 2009)

DDALDD said:


> I'm glad this is still a source of amusement for people, and that people are getting that it's not meant to be taken seriously.
> Hehe, so APS is not an anomaly then? Do US reptile forums argue over the same things?


 




DDALDD said:


> Differences/likenesses between US & AU:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


 
Refer to 10.

At the end of the day it's pretty much all the same, imo. Here things are different, but still quite the same.


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## Danni (Jan 26, 2009)

baahahaaa i love it


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## LauraM (Jan 26, 2009)

Khahaha yeh pretty much sums up APS


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## Slateman (Jan 26, 2009)

Our moderator team looked at this closely and decided to make DDALDD moderator.

Good luck mate. We need to lighten up.

But don't get it wrong, Rules will be inforced same like before.
This worked for aps for 9 years very well.


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## redbellybite (Jan 26, 2009)

Does that mean he gets to wear the green "diamond pattern" polyyester/cotton socks?.....


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## Bax155 (Jan 26, 2009)

Well done APS summed up to a tee!!


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## dougie210 (Jan 26, 2009)

hahaha very funny!!!! I loved it!


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## Slytherin (Mar 1, 2009)

I think we all need to read this every so often! ....So here goes :lol:


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## Rainbow-Serpent (Mar 1, 2009)

That sounds about right.

I'm the daughter of evil, so hybrids must be my brothers


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## haymista (Apr 7, 2009)

haha luv it


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## Slytherin (Apr 7, 2009)

Good to see this again so soon!  I reckon it should be a sticky. People need to loosen up around here!


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## peterjohnson64 (Apr 7, 2009)

I really like this. The only problem for me seems to be that you have posted these rules tingue in cheek but I really like most of them. Couple of tohers though:

1. If you are asking for husbandry advice tell us where the hell you live. It is much easier to talk about light wattages etc if we know whether you are in Darwin or Hobart. Understand.

2. Don't trust any of the advice you get here. Do the extra research of the accpeted books etc. ... You will almost certainly find that the advice you get here is contrary to that you get from everywhere else

3. Hybrids are wrong. Oh wait, you already said that. Nah. Say it again. They are wrong. Except in humans where they are spectacular.

4. did Imention my thoughts on hybrids?

and thanks for the laugh


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## Slytherin (Aug 10, 2009)

I'm bumping this because I think a few people on here lately need to read this, take two chill pills and don't call us in the morning.


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## Dipcdame (Aug 11, 2009)

If there ARE indeed those in support of hybrid snakes, are they also in support of our bees crossed with Africanised bees?????? hmmmmmmmmmmmmm?????? The liklehood of more going wrong than right should be a very strong arguement against hybridisation. Only those who support it are probably those who have alreay got hybridised animals already and are defending the right to do so. It's wrong............. our native species will be entirely bred out eventually...... and through this method, as well as the shovel method to rid us of of those in the wild, will see the demise of our native species!!


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