# Seriously????



## longqi (Sep 7, 2011)

Seems a lot of people get very serious/closed minded about reptiles

So just drop a one liner in here showing the other side.....
Just for FUN


My snakes are nearly vegetarian..... Only eat meat once a week


....


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## AirCooled (Sep 7, 2011)

My snakes are ungrateful....I never get thanks for anything


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## hnn17 (Sep 7, 2011)

Always get a snake that is shorter than yourself.... they cant size you up for their next meal


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## Wally (Sep 7, 2011)

My boss won't come into my office if I have a snake desktop theme on the computer..... win/win is how I see it.


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## CrystalMoon (Sep 7, 2011)

Your Snake can be a yard stick to measure your spouses/partner/potential partners love heh heh heh heh


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## longqi (Sep 7, 2011)

My foot wear bill for snakes remains at zero yeehaa


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## AirCooled (Sep 7, 2011)

Which hand would you use to pick up a dangerous snake ? Someone else’s !


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## hrafna (Sep 7, 2011)

with my snakes i have never had the dilemma of figuring out the correct answer to " does this make my butt look big? "

my snakes never make me late, i can't take them anywhere to begin with.

when my kids are teenagers i am going to swap them for snakes, snakes never crash the car and they never talk back.


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## Red-Ink (Sep 7, 2011)

My uv lights for my snakes are too strong, they seem to keep getting sunburnt and peeling.


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## Gibblore (Sep 7, 2011)

Mine always come crawling when they want something.


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## J-A-X (Sep 7, 2011)

"is it poisonous?" Nah, but her cuddles will take your breath away


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## shortstuff61 (Sep 7, 2011)

hnn17 said:


> Always get a snake that is shorter than yourself.... they cant size you up for their next meal



That only leaves me with only Antaresia, unless I want to get into venomous. _Slough that idea!_


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## mysnakesau (Sep 7, 2011)

Mine's bigger than yours.


Also, was talking about my lacy patient on FB and didn't notice my last sentence read, "He struggled to get it up but he got it up."


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## snakeluvver (Sep 7, 2011)

His name is fluffy.


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## D3pro (Sep 7, 2011)

Thats like a snake only smaller!


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## Jackrabbit (Sep 7, 2011)

I am sick of the silent treatment I get. I talk to mine all the time but they only wave their tongue back at me.


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## patonthego (Sep 7, 2011)

If I could stick to one meal a week I'd be slimmer and richer!! WOW


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## mad_at_arms (Sep 7, 2011)

The fact I look edible to my lizard, is to me.....
a compliment.


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## Kimberlyann (Sep 7, 2011)

Jaxrtfm said:


> "is it poisonous?" Nah, but her cuddles will take your breath away



Im sooooo using that, so sweet


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## Nighthawk (Sep 7, 2011)

I don't make any agressive moves with my large pythons unless they blink first...


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## Morgan_dragon (Sep 7, 2011)

longqi said:


> My foot wear bill for snakes remains at zero yeehaa



so does my clothes bill, unlike the kids!


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## Schnecke (Sep 7, 2011)

hrafna said:


> ....snakes never crash the car.........


Wow, WAY better drivers than mine then!


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## pyrodarknessanny (Sep 7, 2011)

i brought a packet of "snakes alive" and they were all dead!


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## Nighthawk (Sep 7, 2011)

I think my husbands trouser snake is dead. It hasn't eaten in years and never seems to shed.


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## hrafna (Sep 7, 2011)

before i got into the hobby we had alot of stray cats go the area, now we just have fat snakes.


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## longqi (Sep 8, 2011)

Taipans a bit like a good fart... Silent but deadly


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## vampstorso (Sep 8, 2011)

Nighthawk said:


> I think my husbands trouser snake is dead. It hasn't eaten in years and never seems to shed.



best part of this is the rhyme hahaha


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## Bluetongue1 (Sep 8, 2011)

Nighthawk said:


> I think my husbands trouser snake is dead. It hasn't eaten in years and never seems to shed.


Has rigor mortis set in? 

If not, have you been providing an appropriate hide? That usually brings them to life.


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## Bel03 (Sep 8, 2011)

Bluetongue1 said:


> have you been providing an appropriate hide? That usually brings them to life.



:lol: LMAO THAT just made me spit my coffee everywhere! :lol: Great advice!


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## Fuscus (Sep 8, 2011)

My pet can eat your pet!


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## slim6y (Sep 8, 2011)

What's the difference between a snake and a lawyer?

One is cold, slippery and has a forked tongue - the other is an awesome reptile pet!


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## Bluetongue1 (Sep 8, 2011)

What do you call a raincoat for a snake? 

A condom.


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## starr9 (Sep 8, 2011)

Bhahahahahaha! This made my day! Classic!!!


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## Red-Ink (Sep 8, 2011)

Why do I keep getting called a perv by girls every time I tell them I love sitting on the couch stroking my python?


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## Suenstu (Sep 8, 2011)

Best Thread Ever!


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## Snakewoman (Sep 8, 2011)

I've trained my Olive python to eat people like you...


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## Nighthawk (Sep 8, 2011)

Bluetongue1 said:


> Has rigor mortis set in?
> 
> If not, have you been providing an appropriate hide? That usually brings them to life.



I have found that slapping it with a rat brings an aggressive response. *deadpan expression*


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## hrafna (Sep 8, 2011)

having snakes has actually saved me some money......... everyone who said they won't come around to visit anymore does not get a x-mas card this year!


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## Bluetongue1 (Sep 8, 2011)

Nighthawk said:


> I think my husbands trouser snake is dead. It hasn't eaten in years and never seems to shed.


If it gets any worse you may have to apply mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to bring it back to life.


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## pythrulz (Sep 8, 2011)

Min are well behaved and trained they go back to there tubs after I let them out Mostly


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## Bel03 (Sep 8, 2011)

Bluetongue1 said:


> If it gets any worse you may have to apply mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to bring it back to life.



Well i didnt have a mouthful of coffee this time.......thankfully, cause i laughed just as hard as the 'hide' comment! Typical 'male' comments, but i love them! My partner also found these super hilarious! :lol:


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## Bluetongue1 (Sep 8, 2011)

In the days before antivenom they used Whiskey as an antidote for snakebites - you were instructed to drink a bottle of it for it to be effective. 
….It didn’t actually cure you, but at least you died happy!


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## nico77 (Sep 8, 2011)

" wanna hold my 1 eyed python ? "


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## Bluetongue1 (Sep 8, 2011)

Nighthawk said:


> I think my husbands trouser snake is dead. It hasn't eaten in years and never seems to shed.
> 
> I have found that slapping it with a rat brings an aggressive response. *deadpan expression*



In that case, maybe you need to apply mouse-to-mouth resuscitation...


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## gosia (Sep 8, 2011)

I love my pythons - they keep my mother inlaw from visiting us


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## AirCooled (Sep 8, 2011)

Nighthawk said:


> I have found that slapping it with a rat brings an aggressive response. *deadpan expression*


 Nighthawk,I don't remember having this aggressive response.


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## shortstuff61 (Sep 8, 2011)

Chuck Norris can defeat a python in a staring contest.


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## ron_peters (Sep 8, 2011)

Help save our wildlife from cats... BREED SNAKES


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## kawasakirider (Sep 8, 2011)

"Does your python bite?" 
"Only if you don't massage it correctly."


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## Benjamin_john (Sep 8, 2011)

I'm the only man alive that when asked how big my trouser snake is i can reply with 14 foot ................... and 6 inches


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## Trouble (Sep 8, 2011)

Some crocodiles can grow up to 14 feet.. but they usually only have 4 http://www.facebook.com/pages/Some-...ey-usually-only-have-4/231742196876087?ref=pb

(thank you, facebook lol)


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## Fuscus (Sep 8, 2011)

gosia said:


> I love my pythons - they keep my mother inlaw from visiting us


Mine keep *ALL* in-laws from visiting - Bonus for me and the wife


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## Nighthawk (Sep 8, 2011)

Fuscus said:


> Mine keep *ALL* in-laws from visiting - Bonus for me and the wife



I read stuff like this and I thank goodness I hit the jackpot in the in-laws lottery


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## StellaDoore (Sep 9, 2011)

My girl is great to gossip with, she is always up for a tongue wag!


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## Bluetongue1 (Sep 9, 2011)

What should you do if you find a Taipan in your toilet?

Wait for it to finish...


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## Morgan_dragon (Sep 9, 2011)

kawasakirider said:


> "Does your python bite?"
> "Only if you don't massage it correctly."




BBwwwaaahahahahahaha


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## mysnakesau (Sep 9, 2011)

I use to have a bumper sticker that is now warn away but I want another one "I brake for snakes"


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## Defective (Sep 9, 2011)

Bluetongue1 said:


> Has rigor mortis set in?
> 
> If not, have you been providing an appropriate hide? That usually brings them to life.



even my mum likes this one!


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## cement (Sep 9, 2011)

"Are they aggressive?"' "Nah mate, there armless!"


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## Bluetongue1 (Sep 9, 2011)

Did you hear about the two snakes that went on a pub crawl?

They were both totally legless.


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## dihsmaj (Sep 9, 2011)

Blue-tongued WHAT!?
I said SKINK, with an I, not an A!


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## Bluetongue1 (Sep 11, 2011)

QUOTE=longqi;2036279]Taipans a bit like a good fart... Silent but deadly[/QUOTE]

A bit off topic but reminds of a ditty I learned a long time ago…

A burp is but a gentle breeze emitted from the heart.
But when it takes a downward turn, it then becomes a fart.
Now farting is a pleasure for it sets the bowels at ease,
It warms the bed, it scents the sheets and it suffocates the fleas!

Blue


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## Bluetongue1 (Sep 16, 2011)

What is a snake’s favourite song?

“On the road again. Just can’t wait to get on the road again. …” Willy Nelson.


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## mrs_davo (Sep 16, 2011)

Sorry, butI had to borrow this - I love it.....



Bluetongue1 said:


> QUOTE=longqi;2036279]Taipans a bit like a good fart... Silent but deadly



A bit off topic but reminds of a ditty I learned a long time ago…

A burp is but a gentle breeze emitted from the heart.
But when it takes a downward turn, it then becomes a fart.
Now farting is a pleasure for it sets the bowels at ease,
It warms the bed, it scents the sheets and it suffocates the fleas!

Blue[/QUOTE]


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## gandal88 (Sep 19, 2011)

i love it when i tell chicks i have a snake and they ask to play with it who am i to say no to them =P i have been slapped once or twice lol


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## Bluetongue1 (Sep 20, 2011)

There you go…the perfect replacement for the traditional “S’pose a root’s out of the question?”
Instead you ask “Do you want to come back to my place and have some time with my snake?” 

If she looks offended or says no… then you simply reply “I thought you were into nature and that you might be interested in reptiles. I did mention I was a reptile keeper didn’t I?”

If she says yes… then you don’t mention reptiles! 

Blue


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