# Am I Being Unfair?



## Jewly (Aug 7, 2008)

Hi all,

Just wanted to get a few opinions on an issue that I'm having with my son at the moment. 
Just to give you a bit of background, my son Zac is almost 16 and he left school last year in November after finishing year 10. He really didn't put very much effort into finding work for most of that time instead preferring to sit at home on his backside doing nothing while I'm out working full time. 

Now the problem is, is that he's managed to get himself a job at a bakery not far from us (which is great) but he has to start at 3am and he wants to get up at 2am and have a shower but it wakes me up and I can't get back to sleep for hours. I've asked him to shower before going to bed at night and to just get up and get dressed and leave for work so it doesn't wake me but he thinks I'm being unfair and says that he needs a shower to wake up. 

I can understand that it's hard to wake up at that time, but it's also hard for me to have that broken sleep every night because I wake up exhausted and it's affecting my performance at work. I should also add, that I'm a single mother and it's incredibly hard to get him to do anything around the house so I'm left to do 95% of all the chores, shopping etc, whilst he only does his 6 hrs at work and has the rest of the day to himself.

So, I'd like some opinions on whether you think I'm being fair or not?

Cheers,

Julie


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## Trouble (Aug 7, 2008)

I can understand where you're coming from, and where he's coming from... But remember, if you keep pestering him about it, he'll end up getting piissed off and quitting the job and going back to sitting around and doing nothing. 
Just my opinion on it.
What time do you go to bed and what time do you get up to go to work (sorry if this is personal). You could try going to bed a little earlier so you're not _as_ tired in the morning :?

cheers
Trouble


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## cracksinthepitch (Aug 7, 2008)

Sounds fair to me, have you told him the benefits of caffeine.
Maybe try this(for chores) you will cook his dinner if certain chores are done,if not done he looks after his own dinner. He may fight you on it to start but he will soon change. Good luck


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## Jungletrans (Aug 7, 2008)

Its probably hard for him to go to sleep while its day and people are moving around . l need a shower to wake up myself . You will get used to it , just think about how you are still warm in bed and he has to go out into the cold night . Its very important to encourage them on their first job or he will be back on the couch all day .


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## hallie (Aug 7, 2008)

Tell him to splash water on his face in the morning and have a strong coffee to wake up.
As for the chores, tell him to pull his finger out and pull his weight...

I also like CRACKS no dinner idea... stick to your guns..!


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## Australis (Aug 7, 2008)

Just tell him to move out into his own place / rent a room etc... if your conditions don't suite him.


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## FNQ_Snake (Aug 7, 2008)

Hmmn, what does he do with his money? Does he chip in around the home doing chores? Does he help pay bills etc? If not then he needs to harden up and have a shower before he goes to bed. Until then he doesn't get a say and abides by your rules.

Meh, that's my opinion. Too many kids get away with blue murder now-a-days. Firm foot up the backside might be in order. LOL.


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## dickyknee (Aug 7, 2008)

Your house , your rules ....simple .


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## bradman (Aug 7, 2008)

You are being fair, Gee i wish my folks were that nice when i was growing up!
Give him a choice, Help around the house or get out If he doesnt like that go back to school.
Tell him to look around for other jobs while working now, the bakery is a tuff job and it sounds like he might do it for a few weeks then let it go
I dont know what it is with some people these days thier just lazy im only 27 and work 10hour days 6 days a week then come home to my hobies but the amount of people we fire at work for lazyness and stupidness is amazing!


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## nightowl (Aug 7, 2008)

cut a deal with him, he can have his early morning showers if he does some of the chores to give you time to regain the sleep you missed out on...


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## Lukey47 (Aug 7, 2008)

agreed with FNQ, you should charge him rent, mum made rule for me as soon as i leave school i start paying $50-$80 a week rent, thats pretty cheap i think
also he needs to do chores around house, i know im only 16 but man kids my age getting so lazy


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## missllama (Aug 7, 2008)

i cant go out unless i have had a shower in the morning  i cant wake up properly everyone is different but if the shower does wake u up beacuse of ur son having one that early that does make it a bit unfair on u especially being that time in the morning, but then again if he is driving himself there i would let him so that he is awake enough to be driving at that time in the morning


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## jessb (Aug 7, 2008)

My husband had a job for nearly a year where he would wake up at 4am to go to work. For the first week I woke up every morning as he left and couldn't get back to sleep for hours - but after I got used to it I just slept through it and barely stirred when he left. Do you think you will get used to it? Or perhaps earplugs?


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## hallie (Aug 7, 2008)

missllamathuen said:


> i cant go out unless i have had a shower in the morning  i cant wake up properly everyone is different but if the shower does wake u up beacuse of ur son having one that early that does make it a bit unfair on u especially being that time in the morning, but then again if he is driving himself there i would let him so that he is awake enough to be driving at that time in the morning


 
I think he is only 16 so dont think he is driving just yet?


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## falconboy (Aug 7, 2008)

You say he sat on his bum for so long, yet now he is putting in the effort to get up at an ungodly hour to do a less than glamorous job. I think you should give him a pat on the back, and use earplugs.


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## missllama (Aug 7, 2008)

what state is he in because here in s.a u can get on ur p's when ur 16 and drive alone?


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## wood_nymph (Aug 7, 2008)

bottom line is your house your rules, but why are you doing 95% of teh chores. my parents and everyone elses' rules were always you stop going to school, find a job pay a rent and help out with a set of jobs written down and agreed to. he's got it easy


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## dpeica (Aug 7, 2008)

Just turn the hot water off at night. Problem solved.


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## bradman (Aug 7, 2008)

I start work every morning at 4am, i wake up at 2, I agree i could never go to work with out a shower in the morning But over time its tough hours to be working,
I have done it for 9 years now and for my efforts i can only sleep about 5 hours max (even rdos) and am always cranky during working weeks, Also have only a few friends outside of work cause you can never go out working nights
Just some thing for your son to think about CHeers


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## Freeloader (Aug 7, 2008)

Tell him to give up his job in the bakery and join the navy. Make him a man and put hairs on his chest.


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## Dan19 (Aug 7, 2008)

frogboy said:


> Tell him to give up his job in the bakery and join the navy. Make him a man and put hairs on his chest.


 
Would you like some bullets with that?


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## gman78 (Aug 7, 2008)

Tell him to get a bike and ride to work


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## FAY (Aug 7, 2008)

He has probably never had to pull his weight around the house and now he is 16 you are getting annoyed about it?
I always had my chores to do when I was a kid that was just they way it was. Kids are too pampered these days, we are creating an epedemic of lazy slobs.
Your home, your rules! If he doesn't like it he can move somewhere else! JMO!


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## missllama (Aug 7, 2008)

"Your home, your rules! If he doesn't like it he can move somewhere else! JMO!"

i agree yes kids should go with the home owner/parents rules
BUT u dont just give up on a rebeleous kid and tell them to go elswhere thats irrisponsible and i think parents who just give up on there kids shouldnt be alowed kids
i just dont think thats a good attitude a parent should have


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## dragon170 (Aug 7, 2008)

I have a 16 year old son who works part time as well as attending year 11, he pays $10.00 a week board to hopefully teach him a little about life and trys to help out some times. Most teenage boys regardless of their up bringing want to just sit on the butts and think that the world owes them something these days. The most you can do as a mum is try to somehow comprimise with him. There are responsibilities around the home that he needs to wake up to because a single Mum does need all the help she can get, but you also have to except the fact that you could be banging your head against a brick wall trying to get him to help around the house and that may in the end weaken your relationship with him if you spend to much time nagging him. My suggestion would be sit down with him and just talk work out a simple roaster for chores and for the shower thing. if it does not work then try tough love ask him to move out into the world and do everything for himself.


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## pythonmum (Aug 7, 2008)

jessb said:


> My husband had a job for nearly a year where he would wake up at 4am to go to work. For the first week I woke up every morning as he left and couldn't get back to sleep for hours - but after I got used to it I just slept through it and barely stirred when he left. Do you think you will get used to it? Or perhaps earplugs?


 Silicone ear putty (sold as ear plugs for swimming) is really good. If that doesn't work for you, it's your house!


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## fraser888 (Aug 7, 2008)

I need a shower to wake up in the morning. Wear ear plugs if it worries you.


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## MDPython (Aug 7, 2008)

dpeica said:


> Just turn the hot water off at night. Problem solved.



:lol:


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## Jewly (Aug 7, 2008)

Wow, thanks for all the replies guys.

To answer some questions.

I go to bed around 11pm because if I go any earlier I just lie awake for hours trying to get to sleep or I wake up early in the morning around 3am and I'm not able to get back to sleep. I don't see why I need to change my hours of sleep to fit in with his job. My job doesn't impact on him and I don't see why his should impact on me. He's able to fall asleep very easily around 8pm because he's exhausted and he sleeps soundly until 2am. Plus he can come home and have a sleep which I can't do.

No, he's not paying any board at the moment because I'm still receiving Family Payment for him until October when he turns 16 but after that time he will be paying board. 

All he is asked to do is take the garbage out a few times a week and wash up each night and to keep his room clean and it's an effort to even get him to do those few things.

Dinner....another thing we constantly argue about. He thinks he should be able to rock in at whatever time he likes at night and expect a cooked meal on the table but I refuse to cook him dinner unless he is at home when I am cooking. Half the time I don't bother to cook for myself if I'm home alone, and I don't see why I need to get up and cook a meal for someone who isn't even here and who refuses to let me know when he's going to be home.

I do want to encourage him, but this isn't his first job. He has worked at McDonalds for over a year and also worked at a car wash and he thinks the job he has now is a real bludge.

He did actually move out to a friend's place a few months back because he thought life at home was too tough but he came back with his tail between his legs and has realised that he has it really good at home and at the time he even said to me that he knows all the problems we have are caused by him.

He doesn't drive, but I went out on the weekend and bought him a brand new bike which cost me nearly $500. 

I don't think I will get used to him being up at that time, because he tends to be fairly noisy. He's a pretty selfish kid at times and when I ask him to be quiet, he responds...'well you used to wake me at 7.30am when you have a shower'. Poor baby, must have been so tough sleeping until 2pm every day and not having to work while mum pays for everything.

He has always had chores to do. Each year he was given a little bit more responsibility and he always did his chores without a problem but since becoming a teenager he tries to fight me every step of the way. I've always got to be on his back to do his chores but then I get accused of nagging. 

The way I think is that it's my house and it should be my rules. I do most of the work around the house and I pay all the bills, except now that he's working I won't be buying him clothes, or buying his personal products, like hair gel, deoderant etc and I don't think it's too much to ask that I'm allowed to have a decent nights sleep.


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## missllama (Aug 7, 2008)

have u thought about trying to get him to start an apprentiship? if he started one it wouldnt be a bludge, it would be reasonable hours, at his age its easy to get them, also it will set him up well if he sticks it out


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## Jewly (Aug 7, 2008)

He's applied for dozens of apprenticeships but he either gets knocked back because he doesn't have a licence or they make comments about him being a small framed kid.

I even took time off work to take him out to AllTrades and we didn't even hear back from them.

I could probably get him an apprenticeship with my company but he has no way of getting out to the suburb where the apprentices are located.


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## Teamsherman (Aug 7, 2008)

frogboy said:


> Tell him to give up his job in the bakery and join the navy. Make him a man and put hairs on his chest.




Baaaaaaahhhahahahahahahahaha thats the funniest thing ive heard all year!!! Thanks for the side splitting laugh!


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## nuthn2do (Aug 7, 2008)

The kid is 15 and got himself a job. 
He can sleep you can't.
You bought him a $500 bike.
Do we need Dr Phill for this?


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## Jewly (Aug 7, 2008)

I would love him to join one of the forces cause that was always my dream. I applied to the RAAF when I was 17 and was told I would be snapped up, but then I backed out cause my dad got cancer and I wanted to be around for his last couple of months. I was just about ready to re-apply when I met my son's father a month after dad died and that was the end of that idea.


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## euphorion (Aug 7, 2008)

give him some motherly advice and turn the water off overnight  either that or turn off your water heater overnight so that the water is freezing cold (and put a lock on your fuse box)

i think you are perfectly entitled to tell him to get stuffed and grow some manners, he should be having a shower at the end of the day, rather than messing with you as the cheif bread-winner, by the way, does he pay rent?


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## missllama (Aug 7, 2008)

Jewly said:


> He's applied for dozens of apprenticeships but he either gets knocked back because he doesn't have a licence or they make comments about him being a small framed kid.
> 
> I even took time off work to take him out to AllTrades and we didn't even hear back from them.
> 
> I could probably get him an apprenticeship with my company but he has no way of getting out to the suburb where the apprentices are located.




yea sometimes its harder for some people to get them, depending on how he goes with study, theres always tafe that can help him get into apprentiships, i knew people who went to tafe for plumbing etc then went on and got plumbing apprentiships really easy, theres always fitter and turner jobs open too 
all i can say is good luck and hopefully he will find a good pathway soon that isnt too stressfull for u, but dont give up on him and kick him out like some have suggested because that wont help him at all and u dont want to watch him go down a worse pathway


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## Jewly (Aug 7, 2008)

nuthn2do said:


> The kid is 15 and got himself a job.
> He can sleep you can't.
> You bought him a $500 bike.
> Do we need Dr Phill for this?


 
Oh, don't get me wrong....I know I'm right...I just want others to agree with me...lol


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## euphorion (Aug 7, 2008)

jewly, make a rule, if he wakes you up on his way out to work you charge him $5 inconvenience tax  he should be paying you back for the bike, what are you going to do... pay for his driving lessons too? then at the end of each week he gets the 'tax' back if he did his chores, so he can be a noisy bugger in the mornings as long as he helps around the house. compromise  

as for the chores and nagging, i do the dishes a few nights a week, as does my brother, and we have an arrangment that our mother is 'allowed' to nag us with no narky backchat if the jobs aren't done by 8.30 each night. so set a chore, set a time it has to be done by, then if it isnt done you can get up him for being slack. 

and have you tried the earplugs? our sound cancelling headsets? 

but do encourage him with his new job, just make it clear that his lack of coperation is unacceptable. oh and as for the messy room, i would just suggest trying to not let it bother you. its his space (not really i know but the kid needs some privacy and space to have the way he wants it) 

also good ways of witholding conveniences are things like laundry, he doesnt do his chores, he doesnt get clean clothes for a week. no hot meals, no snacks in the house, take away the tv/microwave/toaster/radio/his computer etc. you are queen of the house remember!


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## mrmikk (Aug 7, 2008)

You are being more than fair. 

That generation think only of themselves, sounds like it is your house, tell him to compromise, you're not asking that much, shower before bed ?? I would be saying the same and doing a lot worse when woken at 2am!


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## Jewly (Aug 7, 2008)

I do try and ignore the state of his room but I draw the line at food being left lying around.

I am going to start getting more tough with him cause I feel he has it too good at the moment and more things are going his way than mine which isn't right. I'm the parent and he's the child and not the other way around. 

He can be pretty slack in a lot of ways, like this morning leaving the light on when he left and I had to get out of bed and go downstairs to turn it off, because I didn't want it bothering my geckos. He would just need to put in a small amount of effort around the house to make a huge difference to how we get along.


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## euphorion (Aug 7, 2008)

how about drawing up a contract of sorts? like, what you'll do for him (food, laundry, cleaning) and what he'll do for you (not wake you up, dishes, lights off etc) and if he breaks contract he owes.

good luck with it all either way, hope it all works out


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## FAY (Aug 7, 2008)

Telling him if he doesn't like your rules to move somewhere else and kicking him out are two different things.
He obviously realises that the grass isn't always greener on the other side and has come back home before with his tail between his legs...so to say that to him just might bring back some not so pleasant memories and he realises how good he has it at home!!


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## Jewly (Aug 7, 2008)

Knowing Zac, he will go along with it to start with but then he'd just try and get me to stick to my side of it, while he slackens off.


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## euphorion (Aug 7, 2008)

lol, just stop feeding the boy


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## bubbaloush (Aug 7, 2008)

With the dinner thing, when i lived with my parents the rule was home by 6pm for dinner, if your late then a call is expected, if your not there then you don't go out after dinner.

Do what i did with my partner (he never had to do chores for his mum) one night he asked me to wash him work clothes for the morning, so i washed them but didn't bother putting them under the fan to dry so he went to work on his bike the next morning in wet clothes freezing his butt off, since then he washes his own clothes.

Take the chores one step at a time, first refuse to do his washing, then the next step once he has taken that responsibility is to make him a deal that you will cook but on weekdays he does the dishes before he goes to bed.

With the waking, you don't want him to quit his job and sit around the house, so maybe earplugs is the way to go.

As for the bike well if he's working i would expect that he's planning on paying you back.

Goodluck with it.


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## Jewly (Aug 7, 2008)

GARTHNFAY said:


> Telling him if he doesn't like your rules to move somewhere else and kicking him out are two different things. He obviously realises that the grass isn't always greener on the other side and has come back home before with his tail between his legs...so to say that to him just might bring back some not so pleasant memories and he realises how good he has it at home!!


 
Yes, I agree. I think I might sit him down on the weekend and have a good chat to him and lay down a few rules. The one bargaining chip I do have is to take away his computer/internet cause that would kill him.


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## lynfrog (Aug 7, 2008)

there is a very well known concept with teenagers called 'tough love'.
sorry to be sexist but how tough would an older male be wiht him? pretty tough generally- ive seen young apprentices in trades, the males just tell the youngster to 'get over it' and 'get on with it'. and 'get over yourself' because they have such a 'me' centered view on thier world. Men dont angst over telling him to pull up his socks- neither should we as mothers!
and yes i have a son, now 22 yrs old! i know its not easy, but your not doing him any favours- he needs to learn to take notice, or move out.


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## grizz (Aug 7, 2008)

Trouble said:


> I can understand where you're coming from, and where he's coming from... But remember, if you keep pestering him about it, he'll end up getting piissed off and quitting the job and going back to sitting around and doing nothing.
> Just my opinion on it.
> What time do you go to bed and what time do you get up to go to work (sorry if this is personal). You could try going to bed a little earlier so you're not _as_ tired in the morning :?
> 
> ...


 
What a load of c%$p! Tell him "shower before bed, get up, get to work, and when you get home cut the grass." 

He wants to be a big boy and not go to school with the kiddies, tell the little monkey to pull his finger out and give you a hand.

16 year old kid leaving school to sit on his kyber, Rubbish.


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## Aussie Python Lover (Aug 7, 2008)

Its like me Im having issues with my 12yo son he has 5 things to do for chores, his laundry, empty bins feed cats at night, make bed before school, dishes, and then he will get pocket money but do you think he helps out at all? No the joys of motherhood I am dreading to see what my 2yo daughter is gonna be like at my sons age *grrrr hair pulling*


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## Danni (Aug 7, 2008)

I see your point and i see his, you need your sleep and he needs a shower to wake himself up.
Bottom line is its your house and your rules so really he should abide and respect your guidlines. 
In saying that times have changed and children are very much aware of their rights and it sometimes appears they have more than us as parents.
So im going to go into child care mode here and ask how long he has had his job for? if its only been for a short time do you think after a few weeks you could get use to the noise he makes and eventually sleep through it?.
could you compromise with him saying that you are willing to give it so many weeks and if you havent gotten use to it then you would like to discuss another option. Another option is, one morning he has a shower the next he doesnt. 

I personally wouldnt use food as a punishment ( not at the age of 16 anyways) as he is still legally under your care, If he knows how to cook then you could ask him to share the cooking duties.
I would however teach him to wash his own clothes and to clean up after himself (dishes etc)
Being single is hard and your son should start to help more. 
Basically i would sit down with him (like you would with any adult) and discuss what you expect of him, but give him the chance to voice his opinions too.
Goodluck


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## lynfrog (Aug 7, 2008)

i dont get how you cant get him to do the chores- does he need money form you- for excursions, clothes, etc? does he need a lift somewhere? just say no! until he does the chores he is supposed to do! how hard is that- at 12 yrs of age they are very dependent on us to pay nd do things- we have the power! use it!


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## Jewly (Aug 7, 2008)

lynfrog said:


> there is a very well known concept with teenagers called 'tough love'. Sorry to be sexist but how tough would an older male be wiht him? pretty tough generally- ive seen young apprentices in trades, the males just tell the youngster to 'get over it' and 'get on with it'. and 'get over yourself' because they have such a 'me' centered view on thier world. Men dont angst over telling him to pull up his socks- neither should we as mothers! and yes i have a son, now 22 yrs old! i know its not easy, but your not doing him any favours- he needs to learn to take notice, or move out.


 
Yes, I agree. A male would be a lot tougher on him and I'm sure Zac would have a lot more respect for a male as well. I think a lot of Zac's problems are because his father was never around. He's probably only spent about 3 weeks all up with his father over his entire life. He totally disappared out of his life for nearly 10 years when Zac was only 18mths old (his choice not mine) and then he came back when Zac was around 12 but that didn't last long and it was actually Zac that ended the contact that time around and we haven't heard from him since.

But I've always tried to raise him right and not just give in to him all the time which is very hard to do sometimes when you're dealing with it all on your own..

Motherhood is the pits sometimes. I keep telling him that if I drowned him at birth I would have been out by now..lol (kidding)


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## Danni (Aug 7, 2008)

lol, so many replies have been posted whilst i typed out mine... i agree he needs to pay you back for the bike, being a child care worker i see so many kids disrespect their parents and i also see parents disrespect their children. 
He still needs you to be his role model, you still have to be the parent and he still has to respect your rules, basically its up to you! if you want him to shower at night then he should, if you want him to pay you back, then he pays you back, if you want him to stop treating you as a maid then give him more responsibilities. I would use the PC as a way of payment... example doing the dishes gives him half hour pc time, doing his washing gives him another half hour time. The important thing to remember is to remain calm and consistent so he doesnt get mixed messages.


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## Jewly (Aug 7, 2008)

lynfrog said:


> i dont get how you cant get him to do the chores- does he need money form you- for excursions, clothes, etc? does he need a lift somewhere? just say no! until he does the chores he is supposed to do! how hard is that- at 12 yrs of age they are very dependent on us to pay nd do things- we have the power! use it!


 
No, I don't give him money but I do buy him minimal clothing. The thing is, when I don't give him money for things like hair gel etc, he just goes and steals it, and there's nothing I can do about that. I can't follow him around 24 hrs a day cause I work full-time. He's been in trouble with the police a couple of times and it just doesn't seem to bother him. I've tried to tell him what the consequences will be if he continues to do it but he takes no notice. I'm of the opinion now that he's old enough to know right from wrong (cause he's certainly been brought up to know the difference) and if he chooses to do the wrong thing in life then he will have to suffer the consequences.

I don't often give him a lift cause he is used to geting himself around and I really only bought him the bike so that I didn't have to drive him to work. I wouldn't expect him to walk that early of a morning cause it would be about a 30 min walk but it's only about a 10 min bike ride.

He's not 12...he's almost 16 and he's pretty independent. He does a lot of his own cooking and often will do his own washing but he is a bit of a grub at times and will wear the same clothes over and over again so threatening to not do his washing really means nothing to him.


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## kakariki (Aug 7, 2008)

Your son is not a kid any more. Stop treating him like one. He works so he should pay something, even if it is a token amount till October. I think you need to sit and talk to him, not at him. Point out that his morning showers wake you up. Could he be quieter? Could you shut your door? Give & take works much better than just talking at someone. Show him the bills so he understands where you are coming from and jot down all the jobs around the house & split them up fairly. Stop paying for his stuff. He earns money, let him do it but show him how to budget. This is a new learning time for him. Help him by showing him how, not telling him to just do it. Let him make his own mistakes. Action & reaction.....consequences.......


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## Noongato (Aug 7, 2008)

Tell him to shower at night before bed. I mean with the waking up thing, isnt that what caffeine is for? Haha


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## Kirby (Aug 7, 2008)

IMO 

if he wants to leave school and work. they he needs to do it properly. insist on board $50 a week (even if you dont need it, save it up to buy him a car?) he has to work, make dinner (seeing his home by then) and help with chores. if he wants to drop out, he needs to jump up into the real world. or he wont ever get it right.. 

also try get him a hobby, or to work towards a better job, study at tafe?

this works very well, personal experience.. it will prepare him for adult life... even tho he's young it will get him off his butt.


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## Noongato (Aug 7, 2008)

Good on him and you and your mothing skills, he HAS a job and isnt sitting around experimenting with drugs... Its better to focus on the lighter side sometimes.......


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## Danni (Aug 7, 2008)

yes he is old enough to know better and you can only tell him of the consequences so many times. It does sound like he's already use to do doing what he likes. So he may not take your concerns too well or care for that matter.
Its great tho that he does his own cooking and washing (even if its only a little) 
Have your chat with him and see what he says but remember your the parent


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## Jewly (Aug 7, 2008)

GARTHNFAY said:


> Sometimes I think a parent is soft on a kid because they have a sense of guilt that the other parent is not around.


 
That's never been a problem for me cause I felt I had nothing to be guilty for. I stood by my son and I was there for him unlike his father. His father even admitted to me a couple of years back that I did nothing to cause him to stop seeing Zac and that it was just because he couldn't be bothered to be a parent. I even made it really easy for him when he did come back and yet after a couple of weeks you could see that he was slackening off again. That's why Zac stopped the contact.

I've never had a problem with discipline and I was always quite strict but as they get older things change and your authority doesn't mean as much.


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## Jewly (Aug 7, 2008)

midnightserval said:


> Good on him and you and your mothing skills, he HAS a job and isnt sitting around experimenting with drugs... Its better to focus on the lighter side sometimes.......


 
Well...I wouldn't say he's not doing that. I'm pretty sure he's come home stoned on pot a few times and I just hope that he doesn't try anything heavier.


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## Noongato (Aug 7, 2008)

I got along more with my boyfriends parent than my own. And that is simply cos they treated me like a friend, not the boss...


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## Teamsherman (Aug 7, 2008)

Want me to come around with some battalion boys and slap him around for you old school army style? 

I will, im not joking, as a matter of fact, my car is running already!!


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## Noongato (Aug 7, 2008)

Jewly said:


> Well...I wouldn't say he's not doing that. I'm pretty sure he's come home stoned on pot a few times and I just hope that he doesn't try anything heavier.


 
Oh ok, haha. Well i think alot of us are guilty for trying it....


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## Jewly (Aug 7, 2008)

kakariki said:


> Your son is not a kid any more. Stop treating him like one. He works so he should pay something, even if it is a token amount till October. I think you need to sit and talk to him, not at him. Point out that his morning showers wake you up. Could he be quieter? Could you shut your door? Give & take works much better than just talking at someone. Show him the bills so he understands where you are coming from and jot down all the jobs around the house & split them up fairly. Stop paying for his stuff. He earns money, let him do it but show him how to budget. This is a new learning time for him. Help him by showing him how, not telling him to just do it. Let him make his own mistakes. Action & reaction.....consequences.......


 
Actually, I've changed my mind. I am going to get him to give me a small amount of board each week and I will treat it as repayment for his bike (but I won't tell him that..lol) If he tries to not pay me, then I will take the computer off him. I'm done letting him get away with things. It's time he started contributing to this household if he wants to be apart of it.


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## Danni (Aug 7, 2008)

omg teasherman , i use to live in Holsworthy (im an army brat  many years ago now

and to keep to the thread, im glad Jewly, you have made the right choice!


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## Jewly (Aug 7, 2008)

midnightserval said:


> I got along more with my boyfriends parent than my own. And that is simply cos they treated me like a friend, not the boss...


 
BUT I'm not his friend and I am the BOSS..lol


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## Jewly (Aug 7, 2008)

Teamsherman said:


> Want me to come around with some battalion boys and slap him around for you old school army style?
> 
> I will, im not joking, as a matter of fact, my car is running already!!


 

Ohh yes please!!!! 

Can I put my order in for a bit of slap and tickle too. I've always had a thing for men in uniform...lol


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## Teamsherman (Aug 7, 2008)

Jewly said:


> Ohh yes please!!!!
> 
> Can I put my order in for a bit of slap and tickle too. I've always had a thing for men in uniform...lol



Sure, but i cant gaurantee i'll be in the uniform for too long!


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## zobo (Aug 7, 2008)

YOU are the parent NOT him. As previously stated he should be in school if he cant cop it in the real world. If he keeps up that attitude I can see another welfare case us workers will have to support. Just out of curiosity what school did he use to go to? Why did he leave? He needs to relise that life s not fair and he needs to consider others especially the one who raises him............to the army I say  LOL


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## Jewly (Aug 7, 2008)

lol I can understand that. My ex (not my son's father) joined the RAAF and I went down to Adelaide to see him graduate. Hadn't seen him for 3 months and I went to so much trouble, putting heaps of small candles all around the hotel room, with chocolates and champayne. I also made sure I bought some nice lingerie to surprise him. 

Well, he walked in, tore off the lingerie in record time and then proceeded to fall asleep 10 mins later....I was not a happy girl...lol


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## Jewly (Aug 7, 2008)

zobo said:


> YOU are the parent NOT him. As previously stated he should be in school if he cant cop it in the real world. If he keeps up that attitude I can see another welfare case us workers will have to support. Just out of curiosity what school did he use to go to? Why did he leave? He needs to relise that life s not fair and he needs to consider others especially the one who raises him............to the army I say  LOL


 
He went to Wynnum State High School and while I wasn't happy about him being unemployed for all those months, I did agree to let him leave school because I felt it was just a waste of time and money. He never put in any effort and his grades were getting worse and worse each semester. He hated school and I didn't see the point in making him go on.


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## Teamsherman (Aug 7, 2008)

Thats just like a raafie too, half assed job, as quick as possible and most likely left the customer un-satisfied!! LMAO


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## Jewly (Aug 7, 2008)

Very true....lol


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## Rocky (Aug 7, 2008)

Would rather him go back to sitting on his *** all day then have a job?


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## Forensick (Aug 7, 2008)

in response to the first post...

i work nights... i start work at 4-5 and finish long after midnight.
i am so SICK of briefcases thinking they matter more.

i shower when i get home because i STINK, 9-5er complin...
i am quiet and considerate, music is with headphones, tv is low... and i never turn on hall lights.
but small noises always have 9-5 housemates getting aggrevated.

yet, when they wake up at 6 or 7.... which is the middle of the night for me....
sopming around, turning on music, lights on everywhere, sometimes talking to friends they car pool with, and not quietly....
-i also work weekends, and they will do washing at 9am etc (now if i put a load of washing on when i got home at 2am they would FREAK)
if i ever complain about "regular" peoples noise, it is me being unreasonable...

seriously, i know its different coz you are his mother not house mate...
but do what us night time workers do... buy some ear plugs...

coz if he wakes up at 2am.... he is clearnly trying to sleep when the house is genuinely noisey


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## beefa270 (Aug 7, 2008)

its a tough call !!


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## weet-bix (Aug 7, 2008)

Stop whinging. He has a job that may just lead him somewhere......Youd have something to sook about if he was a bludger. Good on him for getting off his backside and working. Yeah charge him board its a good learning experience..


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## DennisS (Aug 7, 2008)

I used to cause this problem when i worked arvos. Solutin he has a shower when he gets home or sometime during the afternoon then goes back to bed.


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## Radar (Aug 8, 2008)

Get some earplugs. I sleep through smoke alarms wearing those things and don't even notice Im wearing them, it solves the sleep issue and you can get a carton of 200 pairs for like very little money.


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## Jewly (Aug 8, 2008)

doesn't matter who works what hours, its your house its your rules.

you've tried being nice, and now i deffinately think you need to try the tough love method, GO GIRL!

i dont know how it all works but wouldn't it be nice if you could just shove him in some military school and let them do the bashing? lol, dont think it works like that but its a nice thought.

he sounds like he has no idea how easy he has it at the moment, he couldnt cop highschool so he just quit, fair enough, but sitting around on his **** all day and now whinging about the conditions of getting a job? pfft, welcome to the real world sunshine, just remind him that at least he has a bed, his own room, a roof over his head, food on the table etc. its more than what alot of people in this world have.

now go to the bathroom and practice that snarly face, you know, the one that says 'i mean business!'. lol

its such a shame that people of my generation in general have so little respect for others, even some of my closest friends don't see what terribly rude and judgemental people they can be. i blame the internet, going to youtube now



Forensick said:


> Coz if he wakes up at 2am.... he is clearnly trying to sleep when the house is genuinely noisey


 
That's not the case at all. When he goes to bed, he is upstairs and I'm downstairs sitting on the lounge watching tv. The only noise I make is to walk up the stairs and go to bed which doesn't ever wake him. There have been times I've had to wake him up and I've had to stand at his door, (after opening his door, which is really noisy) and then I have to shout at him a number of times before he wakes up.

You might be sick of what you call 'briefcases' attitudes but come on. The normal day/night routine is the normal time to work/sleep and I'm sure you're probably being paid more to work nights to compensate you for any inconvenience. In saying that though, I do think your housemates should be showing you a bit more courtesy by not making too much noise early in the morning. As for the washing machine...there's probably not a lot they can do about that, cause washing has to be done, and if they are hanging it out on a clothesline then it has to be outside early so it dries but they could wait until 10am maybe.



rednut said:


> Get some earplugs. I sleep through smoke alarms wearing those things and don't even notice Im wearing them, it solves the sleep issue and you can get a carton of 200 pairs for like very little money.


 

Ummm...now, I don't think I want to be able to sleep through a smoke alarm. Kinda defeats the purpose of having them..lol

shooshoo....he doesn't know how good he's got it. I recently bought him a new double bed and when I got my laptop, I gave him my desk and computer so he has that in his room now. He has a nice unit to live in, and there's always food in the house. He's going to get a nasty shock when he moves out and understands how much everything costs.

I haven't spoken to Zac yet, but I've sent him some messages on MSN explaining that I've decided to charge him $25 a week for board. I've already transferred it out of his account into mine, so that he doesn't go and spend it all before I have a chance to talk to him. Besides, it's not really up for discussion because he's not going to live here and not contribute sometime from his wages.


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## kandi (Aug 8, 2008)

teenages are usually fairly selfish, i say this from experience once upon a time being one myself and having one that is now 18. i always think there is room for compromise, he has done his bit by getting a job and now he has to be considerate of you. communication is a big plus on understanding each other feelings. this is one of the many lessons in life you both are learning , him how to be considerate and respectful human being and you on how to understand a teenager. sometimes i find the it very unfair you raise this child, nuture there every need you love them unconditionally and in the end what do you get a BIG KICK IN THE PANTS for all your efforts.


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## Spikie wanna cricket (Aug 8, 2008)

well i know i am a lil older but if i dont set the table i dont eat and if i dont wanna do chores ii have to pay mum money . so since he is working you could make him pay board or alternative do some chores.
being a boy i guess he wont wanna do girly things my boyfriends parents had their kids doing everything and being the only boy in the house he had to take care of all the outside of the house so mow the lawn etc maybe try to get him to do the more manly things


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## nuthn2do (Aug 8, 2008)

Jewly said:


> I haven't spoken to Zac yet, but I've sent him some messages on MSN explaining that I've decided to charge him $25 a week for board. I've already transferred it out of his account into mine, so that he doesn't go and spend it all before I have a chance to talk to him. Besides, it's not really up for discussion because he's not going to live here and not contribute sometime from his wages.


And you wonder why you have a hard time with him.


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## redbellybite (Aug 8, 2008)

JEWLY.........as a mother of 4 teenage sub/adults ,two of each , communication and compromise only works onesided..........but to worry over petty things like showers etc is the least of your worries.,you could have so many other worries that far out weigh that ....in defence for your son, if having a early morn shower helps him to wake up, then I say let him .he is going to work, and showing some form of growing up.charging him board is fair if you both have spoken about it and agreed, but to just go ahead and take before talking to him ,seems like your acting more like the teenager now .......one has to be the parent and thats your job and as mums go ,its usually us that make the sacrafices in life, so our offspring can be the best that they can be.....in your case as a single parent it would be very hard but not impossible maybe you should go and speak to some male rolemodels in your life either like your dad,or brothers or family friends and see what they suggest comming from a males point of view....


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## Mrs I (Aug 8, 2008)

I think your going a bit over the top, is there really something else on your mind?

I commend this young guy for having a job, not only a job but one that requires him to be up so early in the morning, i know a lot of adults that wouldnt do it.

Yes i agree your house your rules, but you brought him into the world and at 16 maybe try give him a little bit of a break, considering he could just be sitting on his behind on the dole, with us tax payers paying his way.

I agree on the board issue, my parents used to take 25% of our wage when we worked and lived at home, but they actually didnt tell us, they saved it for us. When we were ready to move out they had a lump sum to give us to help us set up.

Taking money from his account without even discussing it first is wrong imo, thats no way to have your childrens trust.


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## Dukz13 (Aug 8, 2008)

yer let him have his showers hes makin an effort use ear plugs u waking up at that hour is part of bein a mum...


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## Mrs I (Aug 8, 2008)

Here you go these rules are posted on my fridge.... might help 

I cook it - you eat it
I buy it - you wear it
I wash it - you put it away
I clean it - you keep it clean
I say bedtime - you say goodnight
I say off the phone - you hang up
I say no you dont ask why
Cause Im the Mum


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## Dukz13 (Aug 8, 2008)

oh and charge him board teaches us young 1s to get ready for rent


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## weet-bix (Aug 8, 2008)

Taking the money from his account without his permission or knowledge equates to theft..........great example you are for your son. Its sounds to me like he is the more mature and responsible one. Get of his case and let him know that you are proud that he isnt just sitting on his but......well you should be at least.


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## Forensick (Aug 8, 2008)

Jewly said:


> doesn't matter who works what hours, its your house its your rules.
> 
> you've tried being nice, and now i deffinately think you need to try the tough love method, GO GIRL!
> 
> ...





firstly.. you may consider day/night to be normal...
but without it, your world goes upside down...
supermarket shelves won't be full, no newspapers, massive inconveiences when trains/roads are fixed, no bread, no hotels, no resturants, no cinemas, no pubs/bars, no taxis, hospitals etc etc
also, we don't get paid for our hours (some people if lucky get an extra $2.40 for working a shift after 7pm)
because "briefcases" view us solely as servants we get no rspect about our needs (in general i should say).
we are expected to be quiet in our awake time, and deal with others noise when we sleep without complaints... hell the vic gov't enev legislated that i can't have a social life anymore (2am lock out)

all that said i am sure i wrote that this is different and you are his parent etc not his house mate.
but you need to respect that he needs to shower, if it is only the noise of the shower, look at fixing that... he works in a food industry, he should shower BEFORE work, not before bed... i have worked in resturants that have it in the contract!
if him getting to the shower/singing is the issue then thats another matter.


side matter.... don't take board off him, make him give it to you (it feels worse and is more realistic) and more than $25.... avg rent is more like $100 and i spend at least that again in food/bills, at least make board representative of life without you.

but all said and done, you are his mother, not his house mate..... he can always move out

incidently, he is an apprentice baker? or just works there... if its just a dead end job, ship him off to boarding school... they'll make him learn and he'll shower when they say!


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## Nekhbet (Aug 8, 2008)

common for single parents to have snappy kids ... not saying everyone is but it does happen especially with boys. we grew up with no dad and yes it was hard and my mum really doted over us a little too much, especially my bro.

Stealing? Well make a flyer and give it to the shops with his photo on it "this is my son, he has a habit of stealing things like XYZ so check his pockets before he leaves" shame him into stopping. Police are not a lot of help and frankly they have better things to do then give an adolescent teen the **** kick his dad should be providing.

Make a calender on the fridge and let him tick the nights he will be home if you want to make tea, or he calls you by a certain time to let you know he will be there. No call? No food. He can start buying all his own stuff and pitch in with the rent.

Dont wash his clothes, dont change his bed, dont pander over him. Let him turn his room into a cesspit but the communal areas must be tidy - he'll soon appreciate the difference (and smell hehe) and when he runs out of clothing tough luck. Leaves things lying around? Throw them into his room and leave them there.
Sometimes they have to see the bad before they realise what theyre missing out on. The worst thing you can do is argue, if he's in a mood them tell him to go chill in his bedroom (which will annoy him further because its a mess) because its not fair to do it in communal areas.

I know its hard my brother was a right bastard in his late high school years, even punched a couple of holes in walls and threw horrible temper tantrums. By the time he was 20 he was 2IC of an electrical store and doing well for himself, just ride it out as best you can and they will grow out of it. Care less, and he will settle the reactions you get make it worst. Remember to you only have one of him - my bro was killed in a car accident last year and looking back on all the crap arguments and petty squablings made us all think how much energy we wasted over nothing .... really its all nothing in the big picture.


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## Mrs I (Aug 8, 2008)

How about getting a garbage bin and anything you find of his whether it be dishes clothes etc lying around the house you put it in the bin, BUT you keep the bin in his room so he has to deal with it, and when he comes looking for something you can say go check the bin.

I dont think the shower should be an issue, nor the board (but dont access his account) but certainly being lazy should.

My mum used the bin method on my sister her room stank within days, needless to say she is now one of the most cleanest people in her own home.


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## Chris1 (Aug 8, 2008)

i need a shower to wake up too,...so i totally understand where ur son is coming from,..

especially with hours as nutty as bakers have to work and in this freezing weather,...

i second the ear plugs call,...the guys making a very commendable effort with the job hes taken on!!


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## Fireflyshuffle (Aug 8, 2008)

Mrs l.. i had that.. my mum kept asking me to clean up my room,, i kept ignoring it, so she brought the otto bin in lifted the lid and said start filling!!!no joke she made me throw nearly everything!she said you cant put it away or look after your stuff, we will throw it!and thats what she did.. it hurt so bad as a kid and i recommend you DONT DO IT!kids are kids!! for gods sake let him grow into a normal human! your restricting him from the normal things in life!like getting up for work!mum made me pay board as soon as i got a job!(15) and i left in yr 10 so as soon as i left school, my board went up!to $40.. not much but its part of being responsible.. i agree every child should learn responsibility of money(especially if your a single parent, which my mum was all my life)BUT there is a boundry.. and as far as i think, you have crossed it as a mother.. how can you winge about a stupid shower?maybe think about the ear plugs if it kills you that much.. i understand you have work and life too.. but you brought him up right?well you have to accept he needs a life, and thats work!
if you came home and found half your house missing, thats when you should be freaking.. my brother is a scumbag. plenty of kids doing worse things than waking you up with a shower


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## salebrosus (Aug 8, 2008)

I figure your the parent he's the kid. Your house your rules.


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## Jewly (Aug 8, 2008)

nuthn2do said:


> And you wonder why you have a hard time with him.


 
Actually, Zac woke up just before I left for work and we did discuss it and as I expected he didn't have a problem with paying board or me taking it out of his account.. He has previously given me his bank details so I can transfer money into my account because he doesn't know how to do it and he trusts me to do the right thing by him. I just wanted to take it out of his account before he could spend it, cause he doesn't keep track of his spending and wouldn't know how much he has left in there.



Forensick said:


> firstly.. you may consider day/night to be normal but without it, your world goes upside down...
> 
> Side matter.... don't take board off him, make him give it to you (it feels worse and is more realistic) and more than $25.... avg rent is more like $100 and i spend at least that again in food/bills, at least make board representative of life without you.
> 
> Incidently, he is an apprentice baker? or just works there... if its just a dead end job, ship him off to boarding school... they'll make him learn and he'll shower when they say!


 
I understand that night work is a necessary part of life but laws are made to cater to the majority and the majority of people sleep during night time hours. If you find it so hard working at night, I'm sure there are plenty of jobs out there where you could work during the day. 

At the moment I'm only charging him $25 because I'm still receiving family payment from Centrelink for him and I don't need the extra money. It's just until the beginning of October cause when he turns 16 I lose that so I will be making him pay more board.

He's only working there casually but from what he's said there is a chance that he could be put on as an apprentice baker.



Nekhbet said:


> Stealing? Well make a flyer and give it to the shops with his photo on it "this is my son, he has a habit of stealing things like XYZ so check his pockets before he leaves" shame him into stopping.


 
That is actually a great idea. I'll tell him that I will do that if I ever find out about him stealing again and hopefully that will be enough to stop him cause he knows I follow through with things I say.


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## Forensick (Aug 8, 2008)

Jewly said:


> I understand that night work is a necessary part of life but laws are made to cater to the majority and the majority of people sleep during night time hours. If you find it so hard working at night, I'm sure there are plenty of jobs out there where you could work during the day.
> 
> At the moment I'm only charging him $25 because I'm still receiving family payment from Centrelink for him and I don't need the extra money. It's just until the beginning of October cause when he turns 16 I lose that so I will be making him pay more board.
> 
> He's only working there casually but from what he's said there is a chance that he could be put on as an apprentice baker.



"chance"
hmmmmm, don't trust the place just to string him along as cheap labour.... if he wants to be a baker, send him down to a tafe, and call the apprenticeship board to set him up...
don't wait for them....


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## Jewly (Aug 8, 2008)

I think it's more a case of them letting Zac decide whether he wants to be a baker or not, because all along he's wanted to be a chef and has never really been interested in being a baker. He is enjoying the job so far though and he likes the people he works for so he might change his mind about becoming a baker.


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## =bECS= (Aug 8, 2008)

Forensick said:


> he works in a food industry, he should shower BEFORE work, not before bed... i have worked in resturants that have it in the contract!



What more needs to be said! 
What Forensick said is pretty much it in a nutshell.


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## Jewly (Aug 8, 2008)

What difference does it make? He's only lying in bed for heaven's sake. Only his hands are touching the food, not the rest of his body so as long as he washes his hands before handling any food, there shouldn't be any problem.


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## Teamsherman (Aug 9, 2008)

7 pages?? Reminds me of the good old aps days of Greg, Gregory, Inny, Team.... ect ect...LMAO.


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## salebrosus (Aug 9, 2008)

Amen Shermy!


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## Tatelina (Aug 12, 2008)

Australis said:


> Just tell him to move out into his own place / rent a room etc... if your conditions don't suite him.



Ditto.


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## Whisper2 (Aug 12, 2008)

i work odd hours and after the first week my parents slept right through it. the car in the garage next to their room never wakes them now.
he can be a bum if you want, but he is trying from what you've said.


-- edited, came out a bit harsh. sorry Jewly. : )


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## Forensick (Aug 12, 2008)

jewly.... beds are havens of sweat dead skin and bacteria... generally speaking... NOT clean.
and yes, you only use your hands (although he would use his whole arm)
but there is also a "general" cleanliness required, its in HACCP guidlines (thats the international food handling guidlines we are legally bound too), and like i said, many companies have it in individual contracts.

and if he wants to be a chef, why doesn't he... the whole industry is massively understaffed (in melbourne there is said to be in excess of 2000 jobs, many unadvertised, available)
the job is harder, but the hours are better... so he may be showering at 2pm before work (although he could still be showering at 5am before work)

there are heaps of chefs around on this site if he wants to speak to someone.
i am down in melb, but i believe adzo is up in brisbane



Whisper2 said:


> no offence but i am glad your not my mum.
> i work odd hours and after the first week my parents slept right through it. the car in the garage next to their room never wakes them now.
> he can be a bum if you want, but he is trying from what you've said.
> : )


errr... i think thats a bit harsh... she clearly cares, which puts her well above what she could be...
i have never lived with my parents while working odd hours, and my parents still dont respect it, expecting me to be awake and active at 9am.... calling me basicly only while i am at work, and getting offended when i dont call them back (coz they wont accept a call after 10:30 and i finish work after midnight)
I think a lack of respect/understanding for anyone who works shifts is standard for a briefcaser unless they have worked shifts before


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## Chris89 (Aug 12, 2008)

I'm 18 and have been working full time since I was 17. I work shift work at the moment, have done for the past 5 months (4am to 12pm) I have to get up at 3am to leave at 3:30am. 

I can understand why your son wants to have a shower when he first gets out of bed, Generally people will have a shower before the leave to go to work to wake themself up abit, At 3am or even 2am in the morning it's cold and your body doesn't want to function especially after getting out of a warm bed, so a nice hot shower generally is required to get you motivated for the day. Also as said about the rules apart of HACCP in the food industry are quiet strict regarding personal hygiene etc. 

The way the shifts are in our house goes like this:

Me: 4am to 12pm
Mum: 9pm to 5am
Ivan: 6am to 4pm 

So people are waking up / leaving at different times of the day, yet we all seem to work together so that people don't disrupt anyone else's sleep patterns etc. When I first started this role, no one use to wake up when I left, However I did have a complaint from the neighbour across the road over my cars exhaust system being loud, despite the fact that I drive queitly at that time of morning. I got the exhaust changed anyway. 

Perhaps sitting your son down and having a talk about his job and your job, plus what is required around the house and that everyone needs to help out. Explain to your son that you're curtious to him when he's trying to sleep as he should be to you. It's not that hard to be quiet around the house, you'll soon learn how to do things without waking someone up. 

As to the "board / rent" situation - Regardless of whether you're on family payments or not and your son is working, You should discuss with him about setting up a board - I use to pay $80 a fortnight when I was 16 and my mother still got payments for me. Once the payments stopped it went up to $80 a week. Now I pay $150 a week, I've actually been paying rent for the past 2 months ($270 a week) To help the family out. 

Also to get your son to help out around the house, prehaps try a different route in communicating with him, instead of saying "this is my house, these are my rules, you must obey them" or along those lines. Sit him down, talk to him about chores or jobs that he can do around the house that will help you and him both out. Give him some simple suggestions that he could do to help you out, He gets home alot earlier than you do so maybe suggest if he can put a load of washing on, vaccuum the house and explain that all these little things add up and help everyone out.

I just wanted to add, I don't think that you're being unfair in your requests - But knowing teenagers he's probably seeing it as some form of personal attack and doesn't understand what his actions are causing to the rest of the household. Again communication in a nice manner could really help this situation. I read above that someone mentioned that they got on better with their partners parents as they treated them like a friend instead of a parent - You stated that you're his mother not a friend. Maybe if you can bring those 2 things together, To be a mother and a friend to him he might realise what his actions are causing and might shape up to help you out and do the right thing by you. 

Good Luck


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## Chris89 (Aug 12, 2008)

I hope that didn't sound harsh and I didn't mean to sound disrespectful if it came across that way (not sure if it did)

I thought that I'd just give my input from a teenagers point of view =)


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## Jewly (Aug 12, 2008)

Forensick said:


> jewly.... beds are havens of sweat dead skin and bacteria... generally speaking... NOT clean.
> and yes, you only use your hands (although he would use his whole arm)
> but there is also a "general" cleanliness required, its in HACCP guidlines (thats the international food handling guidlines we are legally bound too), and like i said, many companies have it in individual contracts.
> 
> ...


 
I understand what you're saying, but it's just hard to cop being woken up so early each morning and suffering from lack of sleep in my own home when I'm the one paying all the bills and doing most of the housework.

He was really keen there for a number of years on becoming a chef but he sort of went off the idea there for a while. I think the hours were worrying him a bit and he thought that he'd never see his friends but I tried to explain to him that you can't let that dictate what profession you want to be in. Plus, I'm sure he'd soon find some new friends who worked the same hours as he did. Maybe now that he's experienced working these hours he might reconsider becoming a chef, that is, if he doesn't decide to stay where he is.


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## Jewly (Aug 12, 2008)

Chris89 said:


> I hope that didn't sound harsh and I didn't mean to sound disrespectful if it came across that way (not sure if it did)
> 
> I thought that I'd just give my input from a teenagers point of view =)


 
No, not at all. I thought you made some very good points and I thought you sounded very mature for such a young guy.


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## Chris89 (Aug 12, 2008)

If he likes his current job have you suggested that he ask his boss about doing a Bakers apprenticeship? My friend is on his 3rd year and works 10pm to 5am and is earning $50,000 annually.


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## Jewly (Aug 12, 2008)

I'll have to speak to Zac about it, but I think that is an option if he wants to do it. I think his boss is giving him a chance to see if he actually likes the type of work and the hours. I would really like him to stay there though because his boss sounds great and he's been very understanding of the fact that it takes a while to get used to working such odd hours.


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## Chris89 (Aug 12, 2008)

Jewly said:


> I'll have to speak to Zac about it, but I think that is an option if he wants to do it. I think his boss is giving him a chance to see if he actually likes the type of work and the hours. I would really like him to stay there though because his boss sounds great and he's been very understanding of the fact that it takes a while to get used to working such odd hours.


 

At your sons age with not going to school, doing an apprenticeship is a really good idea, he'll learn a trade and always be able to get work in that field, Maybe if you talk to him about it and if he's interested, Then make an appoint with his boss and discuss with all 3 of you (if that's what your son wants) about the possibility of starting a full time apprenticeship 

It's rare to find a boss that actually cares about your personal feelings and how you're coping with the hours that you're working, In shift work. I remember when I first started my role and I was having a hard time getting into a decent sleeping pattern. I talked to my boss about it and their response was "If you want to sleep, you'll make yourself sleep. If not someone else can fits in can do it"


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## Stergo (Aug 12, 2008)

I can understand the frustration but it's great that he's finally working. You never know you may get used to the pattern soon and not wake up when he showers. and may just need to give it time. I would definately get him helping out a LOT more though....good luck with it all.


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## euphorion (Aug 12, 2008)

*reinsert reference to noise-cancelling headphones*...


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## Forensick (Aug 12, 2008)

if he is into the baking but still unsure about the chef thing...

look into hotels (large 5 star ones) kitchens are massive, and have bakers in there aswell... so its a very "all encompassing" kind of food service thing


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## thepythonpit (Aug 12, 2008)

would swaping rooms make any difference
or are thay both near the shower ?

its a hard call, but i would do whatever it took to see my son working and enjoying it. 
it sounds like your son has miss out on a good constant male rolemodel in his life
and he may be blaming you for that , it may also be to late for you to try and change things.
he needs to show more respect of you and what you do for him .
what i did to my oncewerebrats was make out i died , sounds harsh i know but it worked a treat when dad came home in his hospital gown , thay have been the best little guys ever since.
good luck with it , its all about give and take.


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## spilota_variegata (Aug 12, 2008)

> Quote from Frogboy: Tell him to give up his job in the bakery and join the navy. Make him a man and put hairs on his chest.





Dan19 said:


> Would you like some bullets with that?



I think that's a perfectly valid quote from frogboy. Join the services and learn how to take care of yourself. I'd guarantee he'll make a heap more that what he makes in the bakery.


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## Jewly (Aug 12, 2008)

Yeah and then he can bring home all his mates....love those men in uniform..lol


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## Jewly (Aug 12, 2008)

shooshoo said:


> *reinsert reference to noise-cancelling headphones*...


 

There's no way I'm wearing headphones to bed...lol


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## Jewly (Aug 12, 2008)

Forensick said:


> if he is into the baking but still unsure about the chef thing...
> 
> look into hotels (large 5 star ones) kitchens are massive, and have bakers in there aswell... so its a very "all encompassing" kind of food service thing


 

Now, that's a great idea. I will suggest that to him.


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## Adzo (Aug 12, 2008)

Forensick said:


> if he is into the baking but still unsure about the chef thing...
> 
> look into hotels (large 5 star ones) kitchens are massive, and have bakers in there aswell... so its a very "all encompassing" kind of food service thing


Every hotel chef I've ever met was either a complete psycho or far too serious. 
All of my chef friends that came from a restaurant background hated working in hotels.
On the upside, they usually provide uniforms for every shift.
There is also the chance that he will start or finish his shift in the early morning, then your back to square one.
I'm trying to dissuade you though. :lol:
Hospo is a lot of fun. He'll meet great people, learn a lot about life and people, networking and have great travel and career options in the future.


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## Forensick (Aug 12, 2008)

lots of people i know who apprenticed at hotels and then leave for resturants can be awesome chefs tho...

i didnt like the politics in hotel kitchens, so i bailed early (day after my trial :lol

i much prefer resturants too.. more interaction with floor stuff is much better for me.... 
helps for a better social life too

although i have never worked anywhere that will hire an underage apprentice


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## No-two (Aug 12, 2008)

This whole him having a job is great stuff is pathetic. When I was 15/16 I had two part time jobs (nearly everyday after school and weekends) I'd work a 9-5:30 job every saturday and start my other job at 6. I was still studying year 11 at the same time and maintaing a (not exactly perfect) but an acceptable grade average. All of my money went to herps or my mum. Plenty of my friends seemed like your son. Half of them left school in year 10 and had no respect for their parents. He's probably just being a sheep. 

You seem like you know what needs to be done, definatley toughen up on him. If he thinks he can just do nothing because he works then he needs to learn.


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