# Funny Reptile Stories



## noidea (Jun 24, 2007)

So I have just been reading some funny reptile stories, one that was hilarious was a guy waking up in the middle of the night thinking somebody had broken in but it was his huge snake that had got out and had the cat bailed up on top of the fridge. Just wondering if anyone on here had funny stories to that effect. 

Also another dude was watching a horror movie whilst his snake was out and it nailed him coz he freaked when it crawled over his hand during a scary part. 

Its probably been done before but i couldn't find anything in search and I like funny stories that are true makes them funnier.

Cheers in advance 
Mel


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## noidea (Jun 24, 2007)

What nobody has a single funny story?????


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## eerin (Jun 24, 2007)

i only got the being pooped on by black headed python ... thats all
feel loved now hehe


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## Thumpage44 (Jun 25, 2007)

I have a funny story, When i was in grade 6 if found a small dugite near my school. I caught it and put it in my school bag so i could look at it later. During class it got out and the teacher sore it and started screaming for everyone to get out of the class. She Locked the door and told the other teachers because all the rooms had crappy doors going to one another. 

All in all everyone in the lower school block was evacuated from the building and CALM was called in to deal with it.

That was a good day.

(Dugites are very dangerous)


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## rodentrancher (Jun 25, 2007)

Crikey!!!


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## Pythons Rule (Jun 25, 2007)

:shock:I've had 3 funny stories of my snakes so far in the 3 years me keeping. 

I'm wondering where you heard the top 2 stories cause I had posted a thread last year and said almost the same thing.

#1 story - I was awoken at 5am in the morning by a loud smashing sound from the kitchen, me a sleep basicly almost tripping over my own feet stagerd out of the bedroom and into the kitchen one eye open saw the cat fly past me and soon realise there is a coffee cup smashed all over the floor started abusing the cat verbaly and as I was sweeping it up I was starting to wake up more I looked up and theres my 7 foot long Capie Medusa looking quite relaxed ontop of the microwave.

I had a party the night before and people taking the snakes out etc, I forgot to lock the door and she must of thought the cat was dinner.

#2 storie - I was watching a scarry movie and forgot my snake was at the back of the couch under the cushions, well just as the scarry bit started I had a itch so I scratched and she snaged me a good one, it was the most painfullest bite she has ever given me, blood everywhere. and cause I jumped so high out of the chair my man started ******* out larphing at me thinking I got scared from the scarry part. I was abusing him and crying it hurt, and ended up passing out cause of the blood.

I am not making them up I am telling you the trueth and the ones you read where probably my stories in the first place.

#3 3 weeks ago I was trying to put my male capie back into his cage after trying to feed him, and for some reason since I've seperated him from his woman he's been quite stressed out. anyway he was stressing out when I picked him up and really playing up and he desided to go through my belt loop in my pants, he used to do it when he was a babie but now he is 7.5 foot long and 3.1klo you can just imagin lol and not to mention I had guests over lol.
well that was interesting and too bad we didn't get a pic lol he was extremely stuck couldn't pull him forward and couldn't pull backward he would not budge so as I took me pants off :shock:to make it more managable one of the guys desided to walk in as I was bent over trying to untangle myself lol you should of seen his face hahahaha he ran out of the house quick as a flash lol it took me 1 hout to carefully unstich him. well I don't think he will do that again hmmm.

lol thats it so far that I can think of hope you liked lol

cheers Jody


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## noidea (Jun 25, 2007)

it must have been your stories jody coz thats the one with the coffee cup smashing. theyre great the best I've done is a couple of weeks ago my hubby's lil carpet got out, and as my son called me to do the ol mum can you wipe my bum(he's 3) i walked out i saw him cruising along for a lil walkie. I thought that it was my girl out as he didn't freak to much when I went to pick him up(He's very flighty and quite aggressive, ponybug will understand we got him from his place), then the lil bugger swung around and decided my finger looked to nice and had a chomp. Now I'm used to being tagged constanly by my sons stimson (she never bites him or my hubby) But the coastals head is just a tad larger and a bit more pressure it made a nice lil mess. anyway that was my funny lil excitement. Oh the whole time my son was sitting on the loo laughing at me, cheeky lil bugger!


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## dansfish4tea (Jun 25, 2007)

Thumpage44 said:


> I have a funny story, When i was in grade 6 if found a small dugite near my school. I caught it and put it in my school bag so i could look at it later. During class it got out and the teacher sore it and started screaming for everyone to get out of the class. She Locked the door and told the other teachers because all the rooms had crappy doors going to one another.
> 
> All in all everyone in the lower school block was evacuated from the building and CALM was called in to deal with it.
> 
> ...


 
jst looked up on the Dugites
did u know wat snake it was when u pikced it up????


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## junglered-e (Jun 25, 2007)

here's a funny one, When I was a kid in India I caught 9 water snakes (harmless) and put them in this empty store room in my house for that day... I was fast asleep the next morning when I heard my aunt scream her brains out.... Lol what happened was, she for some reason decides to go into that room and opened the door and all these snakes were trying to get out... She freaked and I was made to run around the house thill all nine were rounded up.... Had to promise my folks that I would never bring snakes in to the house again and my aunt stopped visiting us since then......


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## nuthn2do (Jun 25, 2007)

I had a phone call from a young (blonde) lady that had a snake egg in her garden. This was also confirmed by an expert neighbour that had many years of "real bush" experience. Story was this was large and appeared to be moving slightly and possible about to hatch. 
When i got there it was what looked like a little plastic ball nestled in under a bush. Closer inspection revealed it had the word "China" moulded into it.


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## [email protected] (Jun 25, 2007)

the boy that cry'd wolf, well that was me, i got a rubber red bellied black about 1mtr long real like. and raced in side and told mum there was a snake out the back garage, and said its alright mum im not scared and went to where the pillow cases were keeped and ran down the back and mum chased me to say dont (DONT STEVE NOOOOOO) Well it was too late i went to grab the rubber snake and it bit me on the hand and wouldn't come off pumping pretend venom and mums screeming O steven you naughty boy crying ill call the emergency thats when i said (tricked ya mum look its just a rubber one. ) well dad got into trouble for buying it for me as i was only ten. and mum still to this day remembers it like if it was yesterday. and im 30yr old now. but now i have the real thing. but 20 years more mature then the age of ten. but i used to bring live snake home all the time, but was never aloud to keep them. just as well.


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## Pythons Rule (Jun 25, 2007)

lol they are great lol


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## tfor2 (Jun 25, 2007)

I have one....
A while back i was putting the cover down on our avairy one evening as my parrots can be very loud at 5am in the morning. As i put my hand up to grab it i touched a snake and leaped about 40 feet... I yelled to my husband to come out and he said "how did she get out?'" as he went to grab it i ran to look in the enclosures to my horror we had no snakes missing. At the same time as i yelled out "ITS NOT OURS" i heard him yell "ouch" It had just nailed him and he replied to me I know that now... It was just a wild python who looked like one of ours trying to get in to eat my birds.


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## Pythons Rule (Jun 25, 2007)

When I was living in QLD I used to live ontop of Bellthorpe near Malainy if you know where I am talking about, anyways I lived alone ontop of the hill with a large chicken pen and a few dogs etc, I was doing my thing in the house and normally when the dogs start going off it meens moms visiting or I have a tresspassing cow, I went out side and then heard the chocks clucking and screaming and all huddled over near the door of the cage. I walked over and shore anouph theres a 2.5 metre long dimond python stuch in the chicken pen with a large bolge in its tummy it had eaten my pet chock and couldn't fit through the fence. Well me always loving snakes desided to remove it in a pillow case but the plan wasn't as simple as I first thought lol it was very aggitated and flighty and tryed to take a few big sized bites out of the shovel, (I know what your thinking but I wasn't using it to hurt it, it was the only thing strong anouph to lift the snake) anyway managed to get it in the pillow case, put it in the car and took it down the road to my landlords where they where out planting trees with some comunity people...I have never seen blokes that a big and strong so frightened before lol the scream like little girls lol.:lol:

I took it out of the bag and freaked the **** out of everyone lol I ended up taking it down the bottom of the mountain far away from peoples chickens.

Cheers Jody


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## dansfish4tea (Jun 25, 2007)

haha good1


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## Pythons Rule (Jun 25, 2007)

my first encounter with a large brown snake was when I was 7 years old living in Rockhampton I have always been fasinated with snakes and spiders but I could never understand why that day I freaked out, I was so scared I couldn't move a muscal or say a word. I was about 5 metres aways in my front yard and it was on the other side of the fence. I can't quite remember what I did after that the snake just passed and went on its way. 

strange hey!


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## Forensick (Jun 25, 2007)

funny reptile stories?

well... lets see.... i bought my snake, because i am scared of them!


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## Chris1 (Jun 25, 2007)

when i first got Loki he was maybe 50cms long and escaped his cage, my big tough long haired, tattooed boyfriend saw him in the spare room, and screamed like a woman that i needed to come get him hes not touching it,...i've never seen him so shaky,..hehehe


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## grimbeny (Jun 25, 2007)

I luckily havn't had any escapees. The other day though i left simbas enclosure open and when my mum went to put the washing back in my room she saw simba half out of his tank and screamed. I thought somthing actually bad had happened. My mum is totally freaked out by the snakes, i thought she would get over them eventually but its been over 3 years now and no such luck.


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## expansa1 (Jun 25, 2007)

*Funny Story*

While moving house we had all of our turtles wrapped in towels for their journey. 

After arriving at our new home we put them into their pond and all the towels were checked, shaken and washed in our Fisher and Paykel 'smart drive' washing machine. If anyone has a Fisher and Paykel washing machine, they would know that the wash goes for about 15 minutes and the spin cycle is 1000 revolutions per minute for 6 minutes. Anyway, while getting the towels out of the washing machine (2 days later), my wife Gabrielle got a shock and found a juvenile Saw-shelled turtle in the towels alive and well. It must have been clinging on to the other side of a towel with its claws. I checked it over and apart from being the cleanest turtle I ever owned it was none the worse after it's ordeal. Gabrielle did say that it was swimming in circles for a while but that could have been her imagination.

Poor Turtle!


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## GSXR_Boy (Jun 25, 2007)

Pythons Rule said:


> When I was living in QLD . I walked over and shore anouph theres a 2.5 metre long dimond python



Wild diamonds in Qld? Interesting!!


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## Chrisreptile (Jun 25, 2007)

expansa1 said:


> While moving house we had all of our turtles wrapped in towels for their journey.
> 
> After arriving at our new home we put them into their pond and all the towels were checked, shaken and washed in our Fisher and Paykel 'smart drive' washing machine. If anyone has a Fisher and Paykel washing machine, they would know that the wash goes for about 15 minutes and the spin cycle is 1000 revolutions per minute for 6 minutes. Anyway, while getting the towels out of the washing machine (2 days later), my wife Gabrielle got a shock and found a juvenile Saw-shelled turtle in the towels alive and well. It must have been clinging on to the other side of a towel with its claws. I checked it over and apart from being the cleanest turtle I ever owned it was none the worse after it's ordeal. Gabrielle did say that it was swimming in circles for a while but that could have been her imagination.
> 
> Poor Turtle!



ohhh, poor little turtle.

i bet his shell would of been like a mirror.lol


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## Fuscus (Jun 25, 2007)

1/ Up on Cape York in Lakefield National Park near a large billabong. I am normally very observant and looked carefully for crocs, couldn't see any but could see croc sign. There was a mob of wild horses that would make some good photos and I I tried moving into position. The stallion however had other ideas and really looked like he was going to go me so i was giving him a lot of attention. Anyhow, I got within a couple of meters of a 2 meter plus croc before seeing it and only saw it when it bolted for the water.
Didn't require laxatives for a week though the drive back was scarier, sumped the car and only just made it back to cook town

2/ Diving in Harvey bay a looong time ago, looked up and thought " Strange, you don't often see eels in mid water then realized - it was a sea snake and coming straight at me. Even back then animals didn't scare me and i watched fascinated as it swan right up to me and proceeded to check me out. Remember that sea snakes are myopic and come real close, swimming under the arm and between my legs. Bet no one else has had a wild , unrestrained and highly venomous snake check out Frank and beans* from three inches away.
Eventually the snake decided I wasn't dinner, danger or a date and swam off.


*Frank didn't want to come out and play and stayed behind a lot of neoprene ( a full wet suit). But I like the way you think.


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## noidea (Jun 25, 2007)

Some awsome stories keep em coming its nice to have something to look back and giggle about.


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## Miss B (Jun 25, 2007)

Hmm when I was a little girl (maybe 5 years old or so) I recall an incident on the back porch. I noticed something curled up behind a tricycle and began screaming that it was a snake. Mum's friend was visiting and he moved the tricycle to reveal the 'snake' which was actually a blue tongued lizard! The neighbour had loads of them living in their backyard and one had wandered over onto our porch and decided to take a nap there.

The incident obviously didn't have any long-lasting psychological effects though, as I love lizards and snakes


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## Pythons Rule (Jun 26, 2007)

GSXR_Boy said:


> Wild diamonds in Qld? Interesting!!



you wouldn't understand unless you go to bellthorpe, but I am tell absulute trueth its cold up there in amongst the clouds, and there is alot of unfamilar animals and trees that grow and live up there its a hidden wonderland and its got the most rarest wild life ever seen and recorded, theres more animals, snakes, and plant life that hasn't been discoverd.

you can beleive me or you can check it out for yourself. I do know what a dimond python look like you know! The temp is much more colder in a rainforrest in QLD than anywhere else its bloody freezing most of the time with a seldem warm day.

jody


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## salebrosus (Jun 26, 2007)

My late Cape York Belle use to sit on the chair for hours....... she liked this chari with all the bars on the back of it and boy didn't she hate having to go abck to her cage. Well one day she decided she had enough sitting where she was and she crawled into my parents shopping bag. This bag is one of those enviro material ones but it had my Dad's Tony Ferguson diet stuff in it. Mum had realised that the diet shakes she asked for weren't right so she picked up the bag to go down the shops and aks for the correct ones. She wondered why the bag was so heavy but just headed on out the door. About two mins later, Mum comes screeching into the driveway. She realise Belle was in the bag. I couldn't stop laughing- the thought of Mum handing the abg to the shop and going off at them really tickled me. So she gently puts the bag down and i tried to get Belle out of the bag, who was reluctant to leave her bag. She ended up wrapping her tail around a milkshake packet and while i was pulling the bag, as was she, it tore and chocolate milkshake powder went everywhere. 

I had an incident where Brutus my big Coastal decided to lift up my boxers during a photo opportunity and the pic was taken with my left butt cheek hanging out.

Simone.


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## jamesr (Jun 26, 2007)

hmm
well last hols(i think) i was coming back from this lake thing and there was this HUGE lacy that decided to race straight in front of the car.
so my brother done a bit of a skid and just missed it then it ran straight up a telephone post and just hung straight up the top.
we waited for it to come down (not it pic it up to have a better look) but after about 10mins of waiting ii didnt think it would come down so we left.
its not that funny but i didnt think a massive lacy would be able to do that.


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## nvenm8 (Jun 26, 2007)

I was posted to Townsville (army) in 1994 from Sydney and like most southerners I was completely ignorant to the incredible danger that salties posed.
I would fish sitting on floating pontoons with my feet dangling just inches above the water, I even sat on mud banks just as close.
All the while I thought that I would see it coming either bodily, ripples, bubbles or some sort of other tell tale sign.
Well the loss of a leg and two thirds of my lower intestine educated me real quick! :shock:
Ooops sorry that was to relieve any readers boredom (I wasn’t taken).

We went to the croc park up that way (sorry I can’t remember the name of it? Billabong sanctuary?). Anyway we did the tourist thing and watched a croc handler give this speech about how there was a 5mtr male croc (I couldn’t see) in this enclosure and a 3 mtr female (she was guarding her nest site).
He was explaining how the big male was somewhere in front of him (submerged) waiting for him to make a mistake. So here I was all six foot something of me surrounded by Japanese tourists my wife and kids and I am thinking to myself bull_hit there’s no croc in there! I couldn’t see any “bubbles” or “movement” and the dam looked too small to have a croc that big in it! (remember I am an expert on these matters ).
The croc handler went on to say lets see if we can get him to show himself! So he hits the water with a broomstick “well paint me pink and call me roger” this damn head the size of a semi trailer straight from Jurassic park exploded from the water and me being the big bronzed Aussie I am let out a very audible girly squeal (no offence) followed by the horror movie jump in the air, then I followed up with a few expletives for effect. Damn if I didn’t have every Japanese tourist turn to take my photo.
I have a lot more respect for crocs now!

Cheers
Dave

PS – that’s right! My name isn’t Roger. :lol: (and no disrespect intended to jungle_freak)


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## m.punja (Jun 26, 2007)

At the end of last year when I was living in my old place I arrived home from work to realise I had locked myself out...again. (now I cary my car keys and house keys attached) Anyway, breaking in wasn't a problem. I was training a German Shephard pup at the time to be a guard dog and he made me proud, he was about 8 months so was a good size with a deadly bark. I knew he wouldnt bite me though so I lowered myself and gave him a pat.:lol: Went to the back window that was one of them old windows made up of like eight sheets of glass that were horozontal. I took them all out and climbed into the room. My crocodile tank was pushed up against this window so I had to climb over it, this was the same week my lid was having work done to it so I had to climb over it with a crocodile taking aim and jumping up at my privates. :lol: Anyway, when I passed that obstical all in one peice I laded on the floor to find out that Tarz my 8ft plus Diamond cross had escaped his enclosure and was sprawled out on a mission in the middle of the small room standing up too look at me.:lol: At that point I figured if any would be theif had gone through all that to roll me they deserved to take what they wanted. :lol: It was lucky timing, I would have been shattered if Tarz and the Croc had of met... But they didnt, thank god.  PS the security system at the new place is even better :lol:


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## Jarrah86 (Jun 26, 2007)

Some good stories here!

My family used to do wildlife rescue and from any one time we could have 3 or 4 kangaroos and a carpet snake and echinda or anything. So I've got so many stories about nearly any type of animal. But reptile-wise I've got a few:

- We had a Siamese cat who hated snakes, caught a whiff of them and he was gone, anyway we had a red-belly back who killed off about 3 lots of chooks and kept coming far to close to the house (with me at about 6 and my brother 3 yrs old) So one day dad knocked it off and had it coiled up outside the back door. After mum had gotten home and had the desired reaction, we decided to lift the still sleeping cat and drop him over the snake. Anyway i learnt that cats can movie forward pushing off the air as he somehow landed a meter forward of the snake without pushing off anything.

- That same snake was under my special swing in the back gum tree once and mum came out and called for dinner. Upon closer inspection, she made a horrified sound and keep screaming "swing higher, dont stop!! SWING HIGHER" as underneath me was the infamous red belly black snake!

- When i was 8yrs old our family (from New Zealand who have NO snakes and fear the word snakes) went to the Bunya Mountains (QLD) and had lunch at a little restaurant/cafe. I decided to go to the toilet with was a little block near the forest edge. Anyway upon exiting the toilets i spotted a 7ft carpet snake coiled in the leaves next to the door. Being the "fearless nature boy" my parents raised, i picked it up and slung it around my neck and went to show my family. Needless the say the entire restaurant evacuated and my New Zealand family don't trust me still! (That was the same meal i so diligently commented on the lady at the next table... "I thought only men had mustaches") :shock:

hehe.. enjoy

Jarrah


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## Pythons Rule (Jun 26, 2007)

hahahahaha so very funny lol the crock ones did it for me lol
cheers


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## Tsidasa (Jun 26, 2007)

nvenm8 said:


> So he hits the water with a broomstick “well paint me pink and call me roger” this damn head the size of a semi trailer straight from Jurassic park exploded from the water and me being the big bronzed Aussie I am let out a very audible girly squeal (no offence) followed by the horror movie jump in the air, then I followed up with a few expletives for effect.


haha that was a good one =)
When I was little I was fascinated by the little house geckos, but i didn't want it to touch me.
One time mum caught one to put it outside so that the cats couldn't eat it, and I asked her if i could hold it. As soon as the little guy was in my hand I screamed and started crying and dropped the gecko who promptly ran off into the garden. :lol:
Who woulda though i'd go on to have reptiles as pets


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## serpenttongue (Jun 26, 2007)

johnbowemonie said:


> I had an incident where Brutus my big Coastal decided to lift up my boxers during a photo opportunity and the pic was taken with my left butt cheek hanging out.


 
Pics or it didn't happen. You've got my email address.


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## IsK67 (Jun 26, 2007)

I've got one......

A guy walks into a pub and as he sits down on a stool he notices there's a lizard telling jokes on the stage. 

The guy says to the barman "What's with the lizard" 

The barman replies "Oh he's the stand up chameleon


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## IsK67 (Jun 26, 2007)

serpenttongue said:


> Pics or it didn't happen. You've got my email address.



Didn't you get a copy? Everyone else did.


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## MrSpike (Jun 26, 2007)

IsK67 said:


> Didn't you get a copy? Everyone else did.



No, that was Little_Fox.

Kane


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## IsK67 (Jun 26, 2007)

MrSpike said:


> No, that was Little_Fox.
> 
> Kane




Now I understand! The image came through with a file name of Foxie and I just assumed........


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## salebrosus (Jun 26, 2007)

serpenttongue said:


> Pics or it didn't happen. You've got my email address.



And you've got my camera!

Simone.


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## noidea (Jun 27, 2007)

So I spose I started this thread and everyone's stories have been great, but I realised I haven't put one up so here goes.

Just after we had gotten my sons lil stimmie we went to bunnings to get some stuff, I was still a lil shaken coz when I went to pick her up the guy that had her had death adders and browns and the most beautiful RBB i have ever seen, anyway back to the story. We were walking down the aisles outside where the pavers are etc anyway out of the corner of my eye I saw this large Goanna Falling from the sky I thought I was seeing things and realised at the last minute it was real and let out the loudest squeal much to my husbands and the 2 hire a hubby guys buying pavers amusement, they were almost on the ground in hysterics. It was trying to get at the sparrows nest in the metal roof framing but just couldn't understand that claws don't grip metal, poor thing.
The next was when I picked up my coastal off steve we drove in the driveway and relised there was a snake there so I was handed my girl in her lil bag and hubby got out to move it. what made it funny was that my hubby put on the whole crikey look at this lil beauty for my son but didn't realise all the people going to the local shops had stopped to watch this crazy man bouncing around needless to say some old chook had a chuckle in passing. Poor snake though later found out some teenagers had got to him before we got home.


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## coxy (Jun 27, 2007)

I used to spend my school holidays on a farm down in jamberoo, used to see the odd red belly , tiger or brown.
Anyway the farm owners son used to put fake snakes in places for his sister to find and freak her out abit .Then one day she walks into the kitchen opens a cupboard and see's a little black and red snake in there, thinking it was a fake she picks it up and takes it into his bedroom and throws it at him telling him to grow up. The look on her face was priceless when she found out it was a real young red belly. She was bloody lucky not to be bitten either


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