# Random things kids say



## captive_fairy (Apr 20, 2011)

My 3 year old son was being a bit of a brat, so my partner said to him I hope you have kids just like you when your older...to which my son sarcastically laughed then replied:
No dad, I'm gonna get bigger and I'm gonna have a lizard...

I found it amusing and thought you guys might enjoy
Feel free to add more


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## snakeluvver (Apr 20, 2011)

Yeah we're hilarious.


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## sookie (Apr 20, 2011)

If you and dad (who is a stepdad)get married.....yes son......does that make you my stepmum.......no hun i will always be mum..........whew okay you can get married. Quoted from a 13yr old.


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## Southern_Forest_Drag (Apr 20, 2011)

captive_fairy said:


> my partner said to him I hope you have kids just like you when your older...


 
Lol my mum says that to me on close to a weekly basis and im almost 21


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## CamdeJong (Apr 20, 2011)

The ones that I always get are the kids at shows who, right while I'm in the middle of explaining that an RBB is viviparous, put their hand up and yell "THAT'S A SNAKE!"

Funniest one though was definitely at the family Christmas lukch a few years back. I have a pretty big exptended family, with 5 uncles and 5 aunts on my mum's side, all with kids, and in the middle of lunch my 7 year old cousin Arielle piped up "Mum, where do babies come from?" Suffice it to say aunty Roz answered it very well, and it was the most amusing part of the day.



Southern_Forest_Drag said:


> Lol my mum says that to me on close to a weekly basis and im almost 21



Haha I'm 20 too, and I feel your pain.


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## Snakewoman (Apr 20, 2011)

My second cousin who is 8 years old came home from school the other day and when her mum asked how her day was she said "How come we do all the work and the teachers get paid for it?" Her 3 year old brother wanted to sleep in his mother's room one night and when she turned the lights out he said "Mummy, where have my eyes gone?"


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## CrystalMoon (Apr 20, 2011)

Son was at pre-school(before it was called prep)and the teachers asked the class if they had their heads checked for headlice? Bill piped up and informed them that"NO he did not have lice cause Mummy checked his head, but he just might have ticks and fleas in his ears"hmmmm made the prep year book PMSL.....


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## Southern_Forest_Drag (Apr 20, 2011)

CamdeJong said:


> The ones that I always get are the kids at shows who, right while I'm in the middle of explaining that an RBB is viviparous, put their hand up and yell "THAT'S A SNAKE!"
> 
> Funniest one though was definitely at the family Christmas lukch a few years back. I have a pretty big exptended family, with 5 uncles and 5 aunts on my mum's side, all with kids, and in the middle of lunch my 7 year old cousin Arielle piped up "Mum, where do babies come from?" Suffice it to say aunty Roz answered it very well, and it was the most amusing part of the day.
> 
> ...



So where to babies come from haha?
and yeah not much fun, i dont even think im that bad though haha.


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## snakeluvver (Apr 20, 2011)

Woohoo, online birds and bees talk!!!! I'm listening :lol:
Just kidding, I already know it all. And I mean ALL of it :shock:


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## Sezzzzzzzzz (Apr 20, 2011)

my 2 1/2 yr old walked out the back door and said "****** off d**khead to the dog. Obviously i need to watch the way i speak to the dog.


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## vampstorso (Apr 20, 2011)

Southern_Forest_Drag said:


> So where to babies come from haha?
> and yeah not much fun, i dont even think im that bad though haha.


 
My Nana asked her brother this, in like the 50's, in her teens...
Since there was 7 kids at that point and "she (her mum) had no cuts, so how do the babies come out?"

Her brother replied 
"the same blood.y way it got in!'


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## AirCooled (Apr 20, 2011)

snakeluvver said:


> Woohoo, online birds and bees talk!!!! I'm listening :lol:
> Just kidding, I already know it all. And I mean ALL of it :shock:


At 11 you know ALL of it?


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## snakeluvver (Apr 20, 2011)

Hah hah probably not I dunno.
Lets just say I know more than the average 11 year old...


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## Pinoy (Apr 20, 2011)

When my younger brother was about 3 years old we always used to call him boofhead.
One day some one asked him what his name was and his reply was "boofhead" Woops lol


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## mumofsnakelover (Apr 20, 2011)

My family had flown to Sydney for a wedding and my brother had taken his fiancé with whom he lived with down as well we were at my grandmothers house (she is very old fashion no sex before marriage that type of granny) she told my bro that he could sleep in the caravan down the back and his fiancé was downstairs on a pull out bed well he had cracked the ****s well we are all sitting round the table and he tells em he's not happy about not sleeping with his fiancé well granny nearly had heart failure and says not under my roof for which he replies you gotta try before you buy!!! my cousin and I were rolling around the floor ******* ourselves laughing, my dads sitting there with a smirk on his face trying not to laugh.... Dad had a chat to my bro after told him it was the funniest thing he had ever said but please don't say anything more and just put up with it, well my bros reply well dad you can come sleep in the van with me, remember no sex before marriage if it's good for the goose it's good for the gander, at that stage I think dad was ready to kill him.... Needless to say dad slept in the van with my Bro!!!


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## Banjo (Apr 20, 2011)

I wanted some raw cashews, walnuts and almonds for my lunch, so next time my wife was shopping with the 4 year old in toe, he proudly annonces in the aisle at Woolworths, "Mum, I found Dad's nuts".


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## snakelady-viper (Apr 20, 2011)

I was at the supermarket a few years back in the fruit and vegies, picking some cucumbers when my daughter said
"You cannot have that one mum its out of date"
The cucumber in question had a mark on its skin


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## Perko (Apr 21, 2011)

My wife was trying to get my 3yr old son to put his pyjamas on, to which he replied NO, my wife repeated come & get your pyjamas on, he then raised his fist in the air & said
" want some of this c#%t " my wife nearly fell over. I have know idea were that came from, when i beat my wife i never use that language!


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## malachi51 (Apr 21, 2011)

Mr 5 asked me on the way home from school the other day if snakes drink water, I told him yes they do. He then came out with-
"Snakes drink water, ticks drink blood, snakes drink water, I drink water, just like a snake Mummy!! Coz I'm not a tick, so I don't drink blood"
(we've spent the last few months treating a mad tick infestation in our yard, although it's been 8 weeks since we pulled any ticks off the dog)


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## Kyro (Apr 21, 2011)

I have posted this before but it's too cute not to share....
When my daughter was very little we were discussing how the bee's make honey, a bit later on she asked me " if the bee's make the honey then who makes the vegemite, ants?"


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## -Peter (Apr 21, 2011)

After an APS outing to Taronga some years ago my son heard a joke, "Went to this new zoo the other day, it only had a dog. It was a shiztu." boom boom. He recounted this several times. My daughter, then about 4 or 5, started to recite this joke at my mum and dads over dinner. I thought ok, its just word play, nothing to bad. 
Her take, "We went to the zoo, it just had dogs, if was a f-expletive-d zoo". 
Driving down the M5, overtaking another car my daughter says , "take him dad", as we move past she yells ""d%$#khead". Thats what aunty Clair says"
Do I win the $50?


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## Tinky (Apr 21, 2011)

My 4yo one day said, “lean down mummy and I will give you a kiss on the forest”

He meant forehead.

I rolled around the floor laughing with a totally different visual image going through my head, (and before you ask, when I ask to kiss her on the forest she slaps me)


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## Perko (Apr 21, 2011)

Time for some waxing or laser tinky!!! The forest, ewwww



Tinky said:


> My 4yo one day said, “lean down mummy and I will give you a kiss on the forest”
> 
> He meant forehead.
> 
> I rolled around the floor laughing with a totally different visual image going through my head, (and before you ask, when I ask to kiss her on the forest she slaps me)


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## Virides (Apr 21, 2011)

I recall when I was younger like 4 or so, I was at my grand parent's house for lunch and I saw all these photos of my grand dad when he was younger (all black and white ofcourse). I came upto him and said "Grand dad, when did you become colour?"


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## guzzo (Apr 21, 2011)

My friend got pulled aside because his little girl was repeatedly swearing at child care.......it turned out she was referring to their dog called Holly.....and all she was innocently saying was *"Holly Sit! Holly Sit!"*


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## TigerCoastal (Apr 21, 2011)

guzzo said:


> My friend got pulled aside because his little girl was repeatedly swearing at child care.......it turned out she was referring to their dog called Holly.....and all she was innocently saying was *"Holly Sit! Holly Sit!"*



LMAO sounds like my step-daughter.... say fox 8 ten times quickly while holding your tongue and see what it sounds like... i used to always go to tell her off for it until i realised that she wanted fox 8 put on


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## snakebag (Apr 21, 2011)

my son was playing with the dog one day, lifted up his tail and said "hey dad i found his belly button". Another time my son was playing outside i called the dog in and my son yelled "wait dad". He ran up to the dog looked in both his eyes and said " yep...hes got worms in his bum".


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## Virides (Apr 21, 2011)

TigerCoastal said:


> LMAO sounds like my step-daughter.... say fox 8 ten times quickly while holding your tongue and see what it sounds like... i used to always go to tell her off for it until i realised that she wanted fox 8 put on



I remember the "I was born on a pirate ship" with the tongue held..


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## Rainbow-Serpent (Apr 21, 2011)

Well I realise that this is also a facebook group, but I've actually had a little kid say it to me.

A teacher at the primary school was pregnant and I went all the way over to the school to say congratulations - and I ran into a group of really little kids, so I started talking to them and the subject of the pregnant teacher and asked "What's in her tummy?"
So I told them that it was a baby, they looked shocked. They asked me if she loved it so I said yes, and they looked scandalized before asking "Then why did she eat it!!??"


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## guzzo (Apr 21, 2011)

Virides said:


> I remember the "I was born on a pirate ship" with the tongue held..


 
Just tried that as the boss walked in.....thanks man!!


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## K3nny (Apr 21, 2011)

my youngest cousin (whose like 6) was playing with her friend (5) near my 30 yr old cousin (a girl)

friend: how old's you're cousin?
youngest cousin: oh, she's 30
friend: is she married?
youngest cousin: no...
friend: does she have a boyfriend?
youngest cousin: no...
friend: WOOOW, she's 30, unmarried, and doesn't even have a boyfriend???!
youngest cousin: i know rite?

all this within earshot of my older cousin, thank goodness im still 21 =.=


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## dihsmaj (Apr 21, 2011)

snakeluvver said:


> Hah hah probably not I dunno.
> Lets just say I know more than the average 11 year old...


 
You would'd want to know what I knew 2 years ago 

I'm just going to say, when I was 4, I've been told I randomly exclaimed 'The bones of dead scientists are scattered throughout Melbourne.'


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## Rainbow-Serpent (Apr 21, 2011)

Just remembered something that my little sister said..

Whenever we used to go to Woolworths or Coles, my sister (who was 5 at the time) always wanted to play on the railings between the registers, and she asked our mother if she could do so, but Mom told her "No honey, only ferals do that", so next time we were walking through a store, a child around 9/10 was playing on the bars and my sister so gracefully pointed and announced "Hey look Mom!!! There's a feral!!" loudy and infront of the entire store, so everybody saw.....


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## Specks (Apr 21, 2011)

well i wasnt really a little kid when i said it but i was talking a about footy and i whent to say karmicheal hunt but said kah and mid word decided to change my mind and say hunt.
you know what it sounded like, btw i was like 12 and it didnt sound good at the dinner table


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## Snakewoman (Apr 21, 2011)

My first year at Primary school, we had 'special person day'. I brought my Grandmother, and I showed her around the school. While walking past the toilets my Grandmother pointed to the sign on the girls toilet door and asked "What does that say?" I looked at the sign and replied F off. Somebody had scratched it into the sign


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## longqi (Apr 21, 2011)

I was doing a show with a reasonable sized retic and a woman was plucking up the courage to play with it

She said ... "It wont eat me will it?'
Little boy [maybe son] about five... "No way Your bum wouldnt fit"

They left


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## CrystalMoon (Apr 21, 2011)

longqi said:


> I was doing a show with a reasonable sized retic and a woman was plucking up the courage to play with it
> 
> She said ... "It wont eat me will it?'
> Little boy [maybe son] about five... "No way Your bum wouldnt fit"
> ...


that is hilarious, I needed a good laugh


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## Elapidae1 (Apr 21, 2011)

upon meeting my wifes workmate who has rather large canine teeth my 5yo exclaims "You look like a vampire"

Went past a bronze statue when I was a kid turned around to my mother "wow he must of been dead for ages"

On the bus with my mum and another mother boards with a very new new born "uugghhh that babies so ugly and wrinkly" at the top of my lungs.


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## Tristan (Apr 21, 2011)

when i was younger lets go with 5 or 6 in class one of the boys (usually a jerk) was sucking up to the teacher, so i just piped up with "The harder you suck the higher you go" of cause a few years later it dawned on me what that actually meant, i think the teacher was too shocked to do/say anything they just sort of said my name loudly and with surprise lol


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## snakeluvver (Apr 21, 2011)

Wow lots of kids swearing! When I was 5 I knew that stuff but I knew that I shouldnt say them.
I just remembered, I was at my friends house and he said "He's got squirrel aids" (dont ask) and his 4 yr old sister heard, then for some reason she started running round yelling "I have squirrel aids, big ones!"


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## dihsmaj (Apr 21, 2011)

snakeluvver said:


> "He's got squirrel aids" (dont ask)


 
Reference to a certain internet webshow?


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## LizardLady (Apr 21, 2011)

Tinky said:


> My 4yo one day said, “lean down mummy and I will give you a kiss on the forest”
> 
> He meant forehead.
> 
> I rolled around the floor laughing with a totally different visual image going through my head, (and before you ask, when I ask to kiss her on the forest she slaps me)



OMG! I laughed so hard and loud at this one! Great belly-laugh material Tinky, thanks! :lol:

When my eldest was in kindy, I overheard a mother say to her 4 year old son "could you please put your shoes on for me?" He did... Then the mother said "honey, you have them on the wrong feet"... He said, quite matter-of-factly, "but they're the only feet I have Mum"! I thought it was pretty cute at the time!


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## Defective (Apr 21, 2011)

my friends wife asked her 4yr old daughter...
Nadine: whats your name
Lacey: lacey turner
Nadine: whats my name
Lacey:mummy turner

just gorgeous


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## snakeluvver (Apr 21, 2011)

Plimpy said:


> Reference to a certain internet webshow?


 Dunno where its from, I forgot


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## mje772003 (Apr 21, 2011)

several years ago i was looking after my cousin about 2 at the time we were in coles and at that age she was repeating things from the TV. So in coles she told me she had to go to the toilet so i raced off to get out of the supermarket and was at the check out and i said to the woman infront of me excuse me , excuse me , excuse me.... and then she blurted out " have you had a papsmear test lately?" well i went bright red with embarrassment and trying not to laugh i was so embarrassed i couldn't go to that store for some time.

When i was around the same age i was with my mum and great great aunt in kmart shopping centre in townsville and saw a guy with 2 artificial legs and i blurted out loudly gee what happened to his legs? Mum got so embarrassed and bolted leaving me with my great great aunt to explain.


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## cactus2u (Apr 21, 2011)

I remember years ago walking my step daughter to school When we got there she preceded to tell her teacher& class she had seen a push you-pull me on the way . The teacher told her that that was a story book animal but Anna was insistant she had seen a real one. Before leaving I pulled the teacher aside & told her we had seen dogs mating on the way .Still makes me smile today


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## Black.Rabbit (Apr 21, 2011)

When my son was about 3, he couldn't pronounce 'Coke' properly....

We were in Coles, going down the drink isle and it was quite busy, as I am looking at prices my son proceeded to say "Do you want a big cok mummy, or a little cok?"

I was mortified...


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## lizardloco (Apr 22, 2011)

This isn't that random, but one of my friends was so confident that a platypus was a reptile.lol


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## LizardLady (Apr 22, 2011)

When our eldest daughter was about 4 and her sister was not quite 3, I was doing some photocopying while the girls were colouring-in and drawing... Well, number one daughter came and stood beside me, looking quite glum... I asked her what was wrong, and she just looked up at me and said "mum, could you please photocopy some more paper, I ran out?" She handed me a blank sheet of paper to photocopy!


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## eitak (Apr 22, 2011)

When I was working in retail I was serving this lady who must of had a 3/4 yr old with her, when she was at the checkout the little girl was going "mum, mum, mum, mum" to which mother said "yes dear" and the little girl sad " I love you mum" . . aaaaaw

Another time I was at a family friends house and a dog had dug up some bait they had buried, anyway we were looking around trying to find where the dog had taken the bait (and where the smell was coming form) and the little girl who was 2/3 exclaimed "phweor I can smell that stinky ****" ahahaha was so funny!!!


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## Dan40D (Apr 22, 2011)

My 8yo neice came home the other day and said to her mother in a very excitable voice, "mum while you were at work today me and Mark (mothers partner) went shopping, he lay-byed a ring and put a $1000 dollars on it", then proceeded to show her mother the ring in the catalogue! :lol::lol:

Mark wasn't there at the time and now my SIL doesn't know whether to bring it up or not.


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## Nik (Apr 22, 2011)

My son says so many crazy things but one I will never forget was when he was 3 and we were shopping when he noticed two Muslim women shopping in full veils only showing their eyes. He shouted to me in the most excited voice "look mummy, ninjas, real ninjas".


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## Jackrabbit (Apr 22, 2011)

newtolovingsnake said:


> my 2 1/2 yr old walked out the back door and said "****** off d**khead to the dog. Obviously i need to watch the way i speak to the dog.


 
That's a strange thing to name your dog!


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## LizardLady (Apr 23, 2011)

In the supermarket with my girls when they were considerably younger, and pagers seemed to be all the rage...

In line at the checkout, and a rather "cuddly" woman was in front of us, just finishing up with her groceries when the pager on her hip went off... Number two daughter pipes up "Look out mum, she's backing up"...


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## Defective (Apr 23, 2011)

LizardLady said:


> In the supermarket with my girls when they were considerably younger, and pagers seemed to be all the rage...
> 
> In line at the checkout, and a rather "cuddly" woman was in front of us, just finishing up with her groceries when the pager on her hip went off... Number two daughter pipes up "Look out mum, she's backing up"...



LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE!!!!! your girls crack me up


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## pythonmum (Apr 23, 2011)

Husband was mowing the law and said to my young son "In another 10 years you'll be doing this." Without missing a beat, son said "Yes, and you'll be dead." Husband was VERY insulted that son thought he was that old.

In a service station with my 3-year-old daughter. I was paying for petrol and she piped up "Mummy, I have to go to the toilet - and it's NOT shy!" The attendant laughed and just pointed toward the facilities. (We ran - at that age you get little warning.)


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## GeckPhotographer (Apr 23, 2011)

When I was little about 5 or 6 I went to the zoo. My parents were looking at some animal and allowed me to go about 200m ahead to the seal enclosure (Which was a dead end so I could not get lost). After spending about 2 minutes at the enclosure I ran that whole 200m back shouting at the top of my lungs, "Mum, dad you have to come quickly the seals are mating you have to see this!".


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## pseudechis4740 (Apr 23, 2011)

snakeluvver said:


> Lets just say I know more than the average 11 year old...



Who seems to spend more time in front of a computer than he should??


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## unicorns_dreams (Apr 23, 2011)

when my 3rd son was younger he couldn't say truck, we were walking up the road past a truck and he said xxxx mum xxxx, to which i quickly said yes son truck. very embarrassing


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## Sezzzzzzzzz (Apr 23, 2011)

unicorns_dreams said:


> when my 3rd son was younger he couldn't say truck, we were walking up the road past a truck and he said xxxx mum xxxx, to which i quickly said yes son truck. very embarrassing


 
hahaha, my husbands nickname is Truck and he drives a truck, its very embarrassing when she says "look daddy, ******* ******* ********"


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## kawasakirider (Apr 23, 2011)

My nephews old man owns a pest control business. He said to his dad "Don't you dare kill anymore of Gods creatures" HAHA.


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## Renenet (Apr 23, 2011)

This is not so much funny, but cute because of the enthusiasm. When my 10-year-old brother saw Zephyr for the first time, he said, "OOOOOOH, COOOOoooooLLLLL!"

When he was two or three years younger, there was a time I hadn't seen him for a while. I exclaimed, "Wow, you've grown!" and, ever the obsessive measurement freak, asked him, "How tall are you?"

He gave me the most perplexed look, held his hands up to the top of his head and said, "This tall."

Kid 1, adult 0.


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## dangles (Apr 24, 2011)

had my young bloke at the hospital for an asthma attack. After being discharged at 6am i woke him to tell him we could leave. As i was waking him another patient has been wheeled into a bed over from us with a police escort. I asked my young bloke to get up so we could go home and got the reply "I dont want to go home because Riley(his brother) and Mum bash me". The look from the coppers was priceless. As we very rarely deal physical punishment to our kids i was gobsmacked


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## jacks-pythons (Apr 24, 2011)

my 13yr old brother sent me a taxt the other day that said. "if you need help to build an ark to save 2 of every animal, i noah a guy". thought that was hillarious


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## Defective (Apr 26, 2011)

for my 13yr old bro its not what he said its more the facial expressions. we were watching Rocky Horror on good friday and for those that have seen it, my bro was making the most disturbing facial expressions at the point where frank-n-furter (tim curry) starts to sing 'just a sweet transvestite' and is wearing a corset and stocking holder things


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## Southern_Forest_Drag (Apr 28, 2011)

Took my 5 or 6 year old cousin to the footy last season to watch collingwood vs the western bulldogs (speaking of which i hope we win this week!!!)
his dad (my cousin) wears this collingwood jumper every now and again and i call him a toothless feral or a toothless scum, didn't think my little cousin (2nd technically) heard or took notice, anyway was at the game and there was a few loud collingwood drunks my cousin screamed look aidan theres some toothless ferals, was a little embarassed at first but the guys were tools so i ended up with a pretty big smirk on my face especially when we won.


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## babba007 (Apr 28, 2011)

My husband was explaining to our son (4 at the time) that he used to live in South Africa when he was a boy. Son piped up "Daddy, did you used to be black?!"


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## Black.Rabbit (Apr 28, 2011)

My 5 year old just came out with one today....

Exiting the lift at his pre-school, there was another mum waiting to enter the lift.. she would have been about 6'2" at least, when she was in the lift my son turned around and said to her "Sh$t, you're tall!"

no prizes for guessing whose kid isn't getting invited to her child's b'day party... lol

I should add... my child hardly ever swears... and he scored a stern talking to in the car for that one...


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## Renenet (Apr 30, 2011)

My 10-year-old brother had a question about snakes tonight. Of all the things he could have asked, his burning question was, "What does snake poo look like?"


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## colubridking (Apr 30, 2011)

girl: hey do you remember me?
friend: ahhhh, no cant say i do!
girl: really? i never forgot you
friend: why? what we do? go out have a good night and go out or something? (we both laugh as we both thought nothing of it)
girl: well yea actually we did, we went out for 3 months.
friend: ooohhhhh
me: thats a bit awkward!


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## Pinoy (Apr 30, 2011)

I've been in that situation lol. 
I even went on a lunch to catch up and I was too embarrassed to ask her name lol.
But I kinda remembered her.


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## lordsword49 (May 24, 2011)

These are two from me when I was younger

*First One*
My mum, sister & I were in the pool and my mum was like I need to get out im turning wrinkly and I replied But mum you were already wrinkly when you got in

*Second One*
My parents were cleaning the house and were saying to go outside and play because they were busy. So being the nice and helpful son I am I decided to help them, I turned the front hose on and chucked in underneath the front door, the front door lead into the computer and tv room. I can't remember my parents being angrier at me as much as they were then


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## LizardLady (May 24, 2011)

lordsword49 said:


> These are two from me when I was younger
> 
> *First One*
> My mum, sister & I were in the pool and my mum was like I need to get out im turning wrinkly and I replied But mum you were already wrinkly when you got in
> ...



Hehehe, umm... oops! On both counts!


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## CrystalMoon (May 24, 2011)

Daughter when she was just 3, came inside with the most horrid look on her face... I asked her what was wrong? Breanna replied "I dont luv magnets, they are disgusting" I was puzzled and said "but they are sooo much fun to play with? you should try and have some fun with them" she promptly burst into tears shaking 
her little blond head saying eeewwww no Mummy nooooooo after calming her down a bit I got her to show me the "magnets" she led me out to the paddock where 
there was a deceased animal that had ..... Maggots LOL she still at 7 slips up and calls Maggots Magnets LOL


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## vampstorso (May 24, 2011)

I used to baby sit three boys when I was younger,
and so Mum and I often visited their parents since we were all friends,
The oldest one, Taite, was about 6...

So we were all talking, and Taite was old enough to get his own drinks etc, and he asked his mum if he could poor a cup of cordial, and so of course she said yes.

Awhile later, and a fair few cups of cordial later...Taite was literally looking like he was gonna die!

He said he felt really sick so I put him to bed, and said I'd be back soon to check on him.

Then his Mum went to get some RED WINE from the fridge and it was empty...

the poor kid had drunk 5 large glasses of WINE thinking it was cordial :|

Needless to say we took him to hospital!


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## cement (May 24, 2011)

Having kids can be a barrell of laughs.
At a roadside truckstop while travelling I walked in with my youngen and he turns and points and loudly says "hey check out the pretend army men!" that were standing in front of us!

me and some mates were having a beer out the back of his house, when some little girl probably about 4, in a pretty dress and nicely done curly blonde hair came out and stood with us. Don't know who she was but my mates dad asked her how she was and she replies in a cute voice with a lisp "why do tampons have string?". We sort of looked at each other, no-one knowing what to say, someone went "did she?" and paused, and she blurts out "so the crabs can bungy jump!" and with that out she skipped off down the path back into the house! Needless to say we were all shattered and absolutely rolling on the ground crying with laughter.


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## Defective (May 24, 2011)

gotta remember that one cement!!!! smart kid.


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## cement (May 24, 2011)

Lambert said:


> gotta remember that one cement!!!! smart kid.



It happened probably 16-17 yrs ago... I will never forget it!


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## dreamkiller (May 24, 2011)

my 5 year old son was asking about where he and his brother came from (he was an emergency c-section) after the talk he turned around to his 12 year brother and said * " ha ha Tye mummy laid you like a snake egg, but i got to come out of her belly, ha ha "* :shock: it was so funny!!


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## vampstorso (May 24, 2011)

anyone who meets my Nana (mums mum) is told this story...

When I was 4, my Poppa passed away (Dads Dad), whom I was extremely close too.

my Mums parents comforted me in saying if I look up at the night sky, the brightest star I can see is Poppa watching over me.
So one night I was sitting in their backyard with my cousin and told her "Look, there's Poppa"
...at this time her dog Axel had just passed away, so she said "Can Axel go to your Poppas star too?"
to which (and I do remember this) I replied:

"Get your own bloody star!"

I was clearly an empathetic child!


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## hrafna (May 24, 2011)

we were driving with both kids in the back, 2 yr old asleep but 4 yr old is wide awake, as we drive past a church my daughter (4 yr old) gasps and says "look mummy, look daddy, he is stuck!" we looked where she was pointing and it was jesus on a crucifix outside the church!


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## holdenman_89 (May 25, 2011)

years ago sometime around christmas my mum, aunty and family friend decided to take the kids to maccas, there was a female worker dressed as santa, she asks " is there anyone who has a song they would like to sing?" (thinking a christmas song offcourse), my younger cousin maybe 8yrs or so decides he knows one....starts singing: "i never want to see your face again NO WAY GET *******ED ******* OFF". me and my mate thought it was HILARIOUS....the adults not so much lol


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## Naga_Kanya (May 25, 2011)

I don't have kids of my own, but do run into kids at my work. I'd been nice to one of them and answered her questions, so she came back with her family in tow to introduce them.
"This is mummy...and this is my little sister Casey. Don't go near her, she bites!"

Kid and mum in the toilet cubicle next to me:
Kid: "I'm doing a poo."
Mum: "That's nice."
K: "I LOVE doing poo!"
M: "Uh huh..."
At this point my radio goes off with a burst of static.
K: "What's that!"
M: "There's a lady in the cubicle next to us."
K: "What's she doing? Is she doing a poo?"
M (in hushed and embarrassed tones): "I don't know sweetie. Shh."
K: "CAN YOU ASK HER??"


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## Black.Rabbit (Aug 9, 2011)

"Mummy, I love our Polygamy Python"



I really really hope he meant Pygmy Python. :|


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## MesseNoire (Aug 9, 2011)

Having all those ads on tv about life insurance:
My younger brother happened to see one, being only 6 at the time he tells my father he should get some, my father says he already has some and that it's through his work and he has other etc.
My brother then asks if he gets any of the money when my father dies, my dad replies with well no, mum gets it to look after you kids
My brother says with a disappointed look on his face " oh, I thought it was like winning the lottery when you die"


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## CrystalMoon (Aug 9, 2011)

Breanna who is 7 "Mummy can I lay down here please" yes of course Baby are you OK? Breanna"Nooooo Mummy, I have morning sickness"
ROFLMFAO ..... hmmmm I dont know where she pulled that one from LOL


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## mysnakesau (Aug 9, 2011)

captive_fairy said:


> My 3 year old son was being a bit of a brat, so my partner said to him I hope you have kids just like you when your older...to which my son sarcastically laughed then replied:
> No dad, I'm gonna get bigger and I'm gonna have a lizard...



Nawwww how cute. I can hear him saying that, I bet Dad couldn't be mad at him after he said that.


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## MathewB (Aug 9, 2011)

Little Brother: Hey mat?
Me: What?
Little Brother: There should be day in space
Me: :|


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## feathergrass (Aug 9, 2011)

my eldest girl last year we were having roast chicken for dinner it was whole and sitting on the table waiting for her grandfather to carve and she asks * how many legs does a chicken have ?*
I say ( slight sarcasm) * i dont know jade how many legs does a chicken have ?*
to which she stops and thinks and says *4*
i look at her in total disbelief and ask * have you seen a live chicken?*
she says *yes mum* i just look at her and after a few mins shes like *ooooohhhh they have two legs i was counting the wings*
...kicker is she was 13 then and shes 14 now and we had her and my brother who is 17 (and training to be a chef) searching the house for a wooden fry pan .....


My three year old was naughty tonight and i sent her to bed and she says * nope my sleep in the lizars house now your mean* and tried to open the tank i picked her up and put her in her bed and said *nope in your bed* and she says *fine my cranky now and my not your friend til the sun wakes up*


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## Bel03 (Aug 10, 2011)

I had someone over installing new lights in our living room last week, & overheard my son saying 'ummmm excuse me, but does my mum know u are doing that, cause my mum doesnt like mess' :lol: I couldnt help but laugh.......its nice to know he hears what i say, now if only he would take his own advice!


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