Chicken or the Egg?

[BROWNS]

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed.The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette,with a satisfied smile on it's face.

The egg,looking a bit peed off,grabs the sheet,rolls over,and says,"Well,i guess we finally answered that question!"

ha ha ha.....i love it :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[Pinkie]

:mrgreen: hehehehhe good one!

 

[Bryony]

LMFAO!
i like it! i like it alot!

 

[jimmy_the_kid]

ha ha ha funnest joke ive ever heard besides the wat did one lesbian frog say to theother lesbian from after sex wow we really do taste like chicken

 

[Sdaji]

The egg came before the chicken. I pondered this one out a few years ago. I'd put my money on the chicken in the kinky egg-chicken pair in bed though.

 

[michaelh]

Great work Browns and Jimmie,

Speaking of Lesbians I am convinced all my rats are gay...not that there is anything wrong with that per se ....but I cant feed my pythons Tracy Chapman or Bee Gees albums!

Breed you little buggers. Breed.

 

[Guest]

Damn dude, whats wrong with the bee gees????

 

[michaelh]

Nothing but my pythons prefer rats.

I suppose I could try thinly sliced bits of the dead Gibb brother.

 

[Guest]

Ohhh dude, thats harsh. Plus i think he would be pretty much digested by mealworms and such by now...LOL

 

[Bryony]

come on more jokesa please!!!!!!!
i like them

 

[moosenoose]

A beautiful, well endowed, young blonde, goes to her local pet store in search of an exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of frogs. The sign says: Sex Frogs! Only $20 each! Money Back Guarantee! (Comes with complete instructions).

The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her and whispers softly to the man behind the counter, "I'll take one." The man packaged the frog and said, "Just follow the instructions carefully."

The girl nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home. As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, the girl takes out the instructions and reads them thoroughly, doing exactly what it says to do:

1. Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice smelling perfume.
3. Slip into a very sexy teddy.
4. Crawl into bed and position the frog in place.

She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and, to her surprise, nothing happens! The girl is totally frustrated and quite upset at this point. She rereads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, "If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store." So, the girl calls the pet store.

The man says, "I had some complaints earlier today. I'll be right over."

Within five minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The girl welcomes him in and says, "See, I've done everything according to the instructions and the damn thing just sits there." The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly into its eyes and sternly says:

"Listen to me! I'm only going to show you how to do this one more time!"

 

[Bryony]

LMFAO!!!!!

go moosey!
that wasn't your previous job now...was it?

lol
i love it

 

[moosenoose]

aWW shucks! I've been discovered! LOL

 

[Bryony]

well i just have to look at the trend of your avatars.....

 

[moosenoose]

Cinderella

Cinderella was now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now
departed Prince, she happily sat in her rocking chair watching the world go
by with her cat Alan. One afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared her Fairy
Godmother.

Cinderella said, "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these
years?" The Fairy Godmother replied, "Well Cinderella, since you have lived a good wholesome life since we last met, I have decided to grant you three wishes.
Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?"
Cinderella was overjoyed. "I wish I was extremely wealthy", she said.
Instantly, her rocking chair turned into solid gold. Alan, her cat, jumped off her lap and ran to the edge of the porch quivering with fear.

"Oh thank you Fairy Godmother," said Cinderella.

"Is there anything else you might wish for", asked the Fairy Godmother.
Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said, "I wish
I was young and full of the beauty I once had."
At once, her wish was granted. Cinderella felt feeling
that she had not felt for years.
The Fairy Godmother said, "you have one wish remaining, what shall you
have?" Cinderella looked at her frightened cat in the corner and
said, "I wish you turn Alan, my old cat, into a handsome young man."

Magically, Alan suddenly underwent a change and then before them stood young man with the looks and body that no other man could match.
The Fairy Godmother again spoke "Congratulations Cinderella. Enjoy your new life," and with that she was gone.

For a few eerie moments, Cinderella and Alan looked into each other's eyes. Cinderella sat breathless, gazing at the most stunning,
perfect man she had ever seen.
Then Alan walked over to Cinderella and held her close in his muscular arms. He leant in close to her ear and whispered in a warm breath,"bet you regret having my nads chopped off now, don't you?"

.........................................................................................................

I tried to edit this as cleanly as possible!! - have mercy!

 

[jimmy_the_kid]

A man escapes from a prison where he had been kept for 15 years.

As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it, looking for money and guns, but only finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him up in a chair. While tying the girl up to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her
on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years.

I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you, just give him satisfaction.

This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he'll kill us.
Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear.

He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom.

Be strong, honey, I love you, too."

 

[jimmy_the_kid]

There was this little boy about 12 years old walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of a house of ill repute and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it."
The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked.
He asked, "Do any of the girls have any diseases?"
Of course the Madam said no.
He said, "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber. THAT'S the girl I want."
Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right.
He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door. The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?"
He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant for dinner, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease that I just caught. When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll jump the baby-sitter's bones, and he'll catch the disease. Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitters, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex, and Mom will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch the disease, and HE'S the son-of-a-b*tch who ran over my FROG!"

 

[jimmy_the_kid]

> > >A little old lady answered a knock on< < <
> > > the door one day, only to be< < <
> > >confronted by a well-dressed young man< < <
> > > carrying a vacuum cleaner.< < <
> > >"Good morning," said the young man. "If< < <
> > > I could take a couple of minutes of< < <
> > >your time, I would like to demonstrate< < <
> > >the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.< < <
> > >"Go away!" said the old lady. "I< < <
> > >haven't got any money!" and she proceeded to< < <
> > >close the door.. Quick as a flash, the young< < <
> > >man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it< < <
> > >wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he< < <
> > >said. "Not until you have at least seen< < <
> > >my demonstration." And with that, he emptied< < <
> > >a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.< < <
> > >"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove< < <
> > >all traces of this horse manure from< < <
> > >your carpet, Madam, I will personally< < <
> > >eat the remainder."< < <
> > >The old lady stepped back and said,< < <
> > >"Well I hope you've got a damned good< < <
> > >appetite, because they cut off my< < <
> > > electricity this morning.."< < <

 

[moosenoose]

LMAO Jimmy! Thats a beaut! :lol:

 

[jimmy_the_kid]

Instructions on how to clean your toilet

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of
pet shampoo to the water in the bowl

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him
towards the bathroom

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet
and close both lids You may need to stand on the lid

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds Never
mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is
actually having fun and enjoying this

5. Flush the toilet three or four times This provides
a "power-wash" and "rinse"

6. After things quiet down under the lid, have someone
open the front door of your home Be sure that there
are no people between the bathroom and the front door

7. Place a throw rug in front of the toilet for
traction and excess water, stand behind the toilet as
far as you can, and quickly lift both lids

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak
through the bathroom, and run outside where he will
dry
himself off

9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling
clean

Sincerely, The Dog