Extra Mens Rules

[Tinky]

My addition to the mens rules from an earlier thread.

Please feel free to contribute, and further rules that will help the clueless in dealing with the male persona.


56. We will explain the rules of any game once only. Questions and interuptions will not be seen as a sign of interest.
57. We will not explain off side in soccer. Studdies have shown that females rarly understand even after years of study.
58. Women invented fuzzy logic. Men invented binary, we apreciate limited options.
59. For you underwear can be sexy, (see unused) or functional. For us it is optional.
60. We will worry if you spend more time in the shower than we do on the toilet.
61. No the magazines that we read do not need many words. Any words that appear in our magazines are simple explanations, or to fill in the spaces between pictures.
62. We dont want to provide input into purchasing of soft furnishings.
63. We dont want input into purchasing of lawn mowers
64. If your mother called, she will call back, regardless of if we remember to pass the message on.
65. Don't take us to your work function. Even with free beer they are less interesting than the weather girl.
66. We dont want you to come to our work function. However if you could pick us up when we are legless, it is apreciated.
67. when you pick us up from work functions try to look a bit sexy.
68. When you pick us up from work functions try not to look too sexy.
69. Do not expect us to be mechanical geniuses at 11.00 on christmas eve. Understand that we may have difficulty in assembling bikes, trampolines, and swing sets.
70. No we do not want the instructions.
71. Do not attempt to read instructions to us.
72. We love our gadgets, especially the remote.
73. From 7 to 16 we can program, set and adjust any gadget in the house.
74. From 17 to 29 we can operate anything that we own
75. From 30 to 37 we will attenpt to fix any gadget that breaks, (in our oun time), and said gadget may be spectacularly destroyed in the attempt.
76. Fixing things is an all or nothing affair.
77. After 38 we will not fix anything, nor will we be able to program, set, adjust anything new.
78. Learn to invite your nepher aged between 7 to 16 over to program, set, adjust any gadget purchased, prefferably, (for us and him) when we are not home.
79. We will monitor the lawn and decide when is the appropriate time top mow, based on a complecated set of factors, known only to us. So do not ask us if we thing that the lawn needs a trim.
80. We can go from anything to horny faster than you can change your mind.
81. $600 for a new rod & reel that we will use four or five times a year, is a bargain.
82. $50 for a new doona cover is money that could have been better spent.
83. Our rod & reel will be used more than any piece of exercise equipment that you buy.
84. The stuff on infomercials is crap. We understand that women ignore this universal law.
85. You say we would get more lovin if we did more housework. How about you give us the extra lovin and we will see how we go with the extra housework.


Yes I am married.
No I will not get any lovin if Mrs Tinky reads this.

 

[webcol]

My addition to the mens rules from an earlier thread.

Please feel free to contribute, and further rules that will help the clueless in dealing with the male persona.


56. We will explain the rules of any game once only. Questions and interuptions will not be seen as a sign of interest.
57. We will not explain off side in soccer. Studdies have shown that females rarly understand even after years of study.
58. Women invented fuzzy logic. Men invented binary, we apreciate limited options.
59. For you underwear can be sexy, (see unused) or functional. For us it is optional.
60. We will worry if you spend more time in the shower than we do on the toilet.
61. No the magazines that we read do not need many words. Any words that appear in our magazines are simple explanations, or to fill in the spaces between pictures.
62. We dont want to provide input into purchasing of soft furnishings.
63. We dont want input into purchasing of lawn mowers
64. If your mother called, she will call back, regardless of if we remember to pass the message on.
65. Don't take us to your work function. Even with free beer they are less interesting than the weather girl.
66. We dont want you to come to our work function. However if you could pick us up when we are legless, it is apreciated.
67. when you pick us up from work functions try to look a bit sexy.
68. When you pick us up from work functions try not to look too sexy.
69. Do not expect us to be mechanical geniuses at 11.00 on christmas eve. Understand that we may have difficulty in assembling bikes, trampolines, and swing sets.
70. No we do not want the instructions.
71. Do not attempt to read instructions to us.
72. We love our gadgets, especially the remote.
73. From 7 to 16 we can program, set and adjust any gadget in the house.
74. From 17 to 29 we can operate anything that we own
75. From 30 to 37 we will attenpt to fix any gadget that breaks, (in our oun time), and said gadget may be spectacularly destroyed in the attempt.
76. Fixing things is an all or nothing affair.
77. After 38 we will not fix anything, nor will we be able to program, set, adjust anything new.
78. Learn to invite your nepher aged between 7 to 16 over to program, set, adjust any gadget purchased, prefferably, (for us and him) when we are not home.
79. We will monitor the lawn and decide when is the appropriate time top mow, based on a complecated set of factors, known only to us. So do not ask us if we thing that the lawn needs a trim.
80. We can go from anything to horny faster than you can change your mind.
81. $600 for a new rod & reel that we will use four or five times a year, is a bargain.
82. $50 for a new doona cover is money that could have been better spent.
83. Our rod & reel will be used more than any piece of exercise equipment that you buy.
84. The stuff on infomercials is crap. We understand that women ignore this universal law.
85. You say we would get more lovin if we did more housework. How about you give us the extra lovin and we will see how we go with the extra housework.


Yes I am married.
No I will not get any lovin if Mrs Tinky reads this.

:lol: So true!
How is Mrs Tinky? I was in her one of her classes last year

 

[Tinky]

I dont see Mrs Tinky much any more.

She joined facebook, and spends all of her time on the computer.

 

[jacorin]

damn that facebook lmao

 

[webcol]

I dont see Mrs Tinky much any more.

She joined facebook, and spends all of her time on the computer.

i tried to find her on there but the only matches were from America?

 

[Guest]

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one .

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

 

[bluereptile]

so true

 

[itbites]

Some of those statements are just lies!

And the rest make me feel like a male myself

Ah men such....erm...simple creatures.

Evolution seems to have forgotten the majority of you

 

[townsvillepython]

LOL Al Bundy from married with children was lifestyle coach for soo many of us(inserts hand into pants and grabs the remote)

 

[CountryTriton]

A beer from the fridge should always be opened and in a stubbie cooler.

 

[dadaman]

I will get flamed from here to next week away, but the shopping trolley one brings a good joke to mind.
Why did God invent the shopping trolley?

So woman would learn to walk on their hind legs.

 

[Guest]

This is alarming!

Beer contains female hormones! Yes, that's right, FEMALE hormones!


Last month, November 2009, Sydney University and scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain Phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women .

To test the theory, 100 men each drank 8 schooners of beer within a one (1) hour period.

It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects, yes, 100% of all these men:-

1) Argued over nothing.

2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.

3) Gained weight.


4) Talked excessively without making sense.


5) Became overly emotional


6) Couldn't drive.


7) Failed to think rationally, and


8 ) Had to sit down while urinating.



No further testing was considered necessary!!













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[slim6y]

Remember this - men are from mars and women are from venus.... Which planet has an excessive amount of CO2 rendering it uninhabitable?

Talking produces larger amounts of CO2 than just breathing alone.

Mars does not have a CO2 issue