Friday Jokes :)

[moosenoose]

It's wrong, but it's Friday, and a long weekend, so damn it!!! :lol: :lol: :wink:

Do any of the moderators/ administrators get a chill when I do this??? hehehe :wink:

A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labour is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth.

"I'm afraid I don't have a husband" she replies.
"O.K. do you have a boyfriend?" asks the Midwife.
"No, no boyfriend either."

"Do you have a partner then?"
"No, I'm unattached, I'll be having my baby on my own."

After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman.
"You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you before you see her that the baby is black"

"Well," replies the girl. "I was very down on my luck, with no money and nowhere to live, and so I accepted a job in a Porno movie. The lead man was black."

"Oh, I'm very sorry," says the midwife, "that's really none of my business and I'm sorry that I have to ask you these awkward questions but I must also tell you that the baby has blonde hair."

"Well yes," the girl again replies, "you see I desperately needed the money and there was this Swedish guy also involved in the movie, what else could I do?"

"Oh, I'm sorry," the midwife repeats, "that's really none of my business and I hate to pry further but your baby has slanted eyes."

"Well yes," continues the girl, "I was incredibly hard up and there was a little Chinese man also in the movie, I really had no choice."

At this the midwife again apologises collects the baby and presents her to the girl, who immediately proceeds to give baby a slap on the bum. The baby starts crying and the mother exclaims, "Thank God for that!" "What do you mean?" says the midwife, shocked.

"WHEW!" says the girl extremely relieved...
"I had this horrible feeling that it was going to bark!"

 

[playwell]

moose your a goose.

 

[Jonathon]

ROFLMAO :lol:

 

[Guest]

"WHEW!" says the girl extremely relieved...
"I had this horrible feeling that it was going to bark!"[/b][/color][/size]

What does she mean daddy????

 

[RevDaniel]

RE: Re: Friday Jokes

very funny

 

[alexr]

RE: Re: Friday Jokes

PML...Not bad at all...

 

[dobermanmick]

RE: Re: Friday Jokes

lol nice one moose

 

[Mr.K]

RE: Re: Friday Jokes

Ahhh, Why not....ere's another one......

A married couple was on holiday in Jamaica. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such when they passed this small sandal shop.
From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, "You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop!" So the married couple walked in.
The Jamaican said to them, "I have some special sandals I think you would be interested in. Dey make you wild at sex. "
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex God he was.
The husband asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a
sexfreak?"
The Jamaican replied, "Just try dem on, Mon. "
Well, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in, and tried them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes. ......something his wife hadn't seen in many years!
In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him violently over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's hips.
The Jamaican then began screaming,
"YOU GOT DEM ON DE WRONG FEET! YOU GOT DEM ON DE WRONG FEET! !"

 

[moosenoose]

Hehehe Mr K! Here's another :wink:

A traveling salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a haircut before his next day's meeting, he called down to "I'm afraid not, sir," the clerk told him, "but down the hall is a special machine that should serve your purposes."

Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the appropriate machine, inserted fifty cents, and stuck his head in the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later the salesman pulled out his head and surveyed his head in the mirror, which reflected the best haircut he ever received in his life.

Down the hall was another machine with a sign that read, "Manicures 25 cents." "Why not?" thought the salesman. He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and pulled them out perfectly manicured.

The next machine had a huge sign that read, "This Machine Provides What Men Need Most When Away from Their Wives - cost 50 cents." The salesman was embarrassed and looked both ways. Seeing nobody around he put in fifty cents, then unzipped his pants and stuck his "thing" into the opening - with great anticipation, since he had been away from his wife for two weeks.

When the machine started buzzing, the guy let out a shriek of agony. Fifteen seconds later it shut off and, with trembling hands, the salesman was able to withdraw his "thingy"...

Which now had a button sewed on the tip.

 

[Mr.K]

lol. Good stuff moosa. keep em coming.

Bang!! straight back at ya.........

An Australian guy decides to travel around the Greek Islands. He walks into a bar and Jill (the Australian Barmaid) takes his order, a
VB, and notices his accent. Over the course of the night they get to know each other.
At the end of Jill's shift he asks her if she wants to come back
to his place and have sex with him. Although she is attracted to him
she says no. He then offers to pay her $200 for sex. Jill is
travelling the world and because she is short of funds she agrees.
The next night the guy turns up again, orders a VB and after
showing her plenty of attention throughout the night he asks if
she will sleep with him again for $200. Jill remembers the night
before and is only too happy to agree.
This goes on for 5 nights. On the 6th night the guy comes in, orders
VB?s and sits in the corner.
Jill thinks that if she pays him more some attention then maybe
she can shake some more cash out of him again, so she goes over
and sits next to him.

She asks him where he's from in Australia and he tells her:
"Melbourne". "So am I... What suburb in Melbourne?"
"Glen Iris" he replies
"That's amazing..." she says, "So am I - what Street?"
"Cameo Street" he replies
"This is unbelievable..." she says, "What number?"
He says "Number 20" and she is totally astonished.
"You are not going to believe this but I'm from Number 22! My
parents still live there!"

"I know..." he says, "Ya Dad gave me $1,000 to give to you" :lol:

HE WHO DRINKS AUSTRALIAN THINKS AUSTRALIAN!

 

[moosenoose]

Hehehe Good one man! I'm heading to bed I'm stuffed! :lol: Last one :wink:

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.

In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket."

The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea... let's pretend we're married."

"Why not," giggles the woman.

"Good," he replies. "Get your own damn blanket!"

 

[Mr.K]

Damn right!! :lol: