Funny things kids say

[Snakewoman]

[FONT=&quot]How would you make your marriage work?

[/FONT][FONT=&quot]Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Ricky, age 10[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]
How can a stranger tell if two people are married?

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Derrick, age 8[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]
What do you think your mom and dad have in common?

Both don’t want any more kids.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Lori, age 8[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]
What do most people do on a date?

Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Lynnette, age 8[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]
On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Martin, age 10[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]
What would you do on a first date that was turning sour?

I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Craig, age 9[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]
When is it okay to kiss someone?

When they’re rich.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Pam, age 7[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]
The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Curt, age 7[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]
The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Howard, age 8[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]
What is the right age to get married?

Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Camille, age 10[/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]
No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Freddie, age 6[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]
Is it better to be single or married?

I don’t know which is better, but I’ll tell you one thing. I’m never going to have sex with my wife. I don’t want to be all grossed out.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Theodore, age 8[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]
It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Anita, age 9[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]
How do you decide whom to marry?

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Alan, age 10[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]
No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Kristen, age 10[/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]The Sciences[/FONT]

• [FONT=&quot]"Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water."[/FONT]
• [FONT=&quot]When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire."[/FONT]
• [FONT=&quot]"H20 is hot water, and CO2 is cold water."[/FONT]
• [FONT=&quot]"The body consists of three parts—the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five: a, e, i, o and u."[/FONT]
• [FONT=&quot]"The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects."[/FONT]
• [FONT=&quot]"The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana."[/FONT]
• [FONT=&quot]"Equator: A menagerie lion running around the Earth through Africa."[/FONT]
• [FONT=&quot]"Germinate: To become a naturalized German."[/FONT]
• [FONT=&quot]A myth is a female moth.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Language Arts[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]A Virginia teacher presented each child in her class with the first half of a well-known proverb, a different adage to each child, asking that they complete the adage at home. The following were among the replies she received. No, Mel Brooks didn't help these kids with their homework. [/FONT]

1. [FONT=&quot]Don't change horses . . . until they stop running.[/FONT]
2. [FONT=&quot]Strike while the . . . bug is close.[/FONT]
3. [FONT=&quot]It's always darkest before . . . Daylight Saving Time.[/FONT]
4. [FONT=&quot]Never underestimate . . . the power of termites.[/FONT]
5. [FONT=&quot]You can lead a horse to water but . . . How?[/FONT]
6. [FONT=&quot]Don't bite the hand that . . . looks dirty.[/FONT]
7. [FONT=&quot]No news is . . . impossible[/FONT]
8. [FONT=&quot]A miss is as good as a . . . Mr.[/FONT]
9. [FONT=&quot]You can't teach an old dog new . . . math.[/FONT]
10. [FONT=&quot]If you lie down with dogs . . . you'll stink in the morning.[/FONT]
11. [FONT=&quot]Love all, trust . . . me.[/FONT]
12. [FONT=&quot]The pen is mightier than the . . . pigs.[/FONT]
13. [FONT=&quot]An idle mind is . . . the best way to relax.[/FONT]
14. [FONT=&quot]Where there's smoke there's . . . pollution.[/FONT]
15. [FONT=&quot]Happy the bride who . . . gets all the presents.[/FONT]
16. [FONT=&quot]A penny saved is . . . not much.[/FONT]
17. [FONT=&quot]Two's company, three's . . . the Musketeers.[/FONT]
18. [FONT=&quot]Don't put off till tomorrow what . . . you put on to go to bed.[/FONT]
19. [FONT=&quot]Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and . . . you have to blow your nose.[/FONT]
20. [FONT=&quot]There are none so blind as . . . Stevie Wonder.[/FONT]
21. [FONT=&quot]Children should be seen and not . . . spanked or grounded.[/FONT]
22. [FONT=&quot]If at first you don't succeed . . . get new batteries.[/FONT]
23. [FONT=&quot]You get out of something only what you . . . see in the picture on the box[/FONT]
24. [FONT=&quot]When the blind lead the blind . . . get out of the way.[/FONT]
25. [FONT=&quot]A bird in the hand . . . is going to poop on you.[/FONT]
26. [FONT=&quot]Better late than . . . Pregnant[/FONT]

Rules for Surviving Childhood
[FONT=&quot]written by kids ages 8-15[/FONT]

1. Never trust a dog to watch your food.
2. When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him.
3. Never pee on an electric fence.
4. Don't squat with your spurs on.
5. Don't pull dad's finger when he tells you to.
6. When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
7. Don't sneeze when you're eating crackers.
8. Turn off the dust buster before you pick up the cat.
9. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
10. Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
11. If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.
12. Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick.
13. Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.
14. When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone.
15. Never try to baptize a cat.

 

[snakeluvver]

Haha love the questions and answers at the beginning and the surviving rules.

 

[Dragonwolf]

ROTFLMAO!!!!!

OMG I needed that!:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

 

[babba007]

My husband was telling my 6 year old how he used to live in South Africa when he was a boy. My son said " Daddy did you used to be black?"
I think it was the look of total seriousness on his little face that made me lose it. Kids, they say the funniest things.

 

[snakeluvver]

My husband was telling my 6 year old how he used to live in South Africa when he was a boy. My son said " Daddy did you used to be black?"
I think it was the look of total seriousness on his little face that made me lose it. Kids, they say the funniest things.

Haha, I'm not being racist but that is hilarious.

 

[babba007]

His question was totally innocent. I don't think he's even aware of racism. There a a few kids from different parts of the world in his class. He refers to them as "the darkish brown boy" or the "not really dark brown, but a lightish brown girl" and so on.

 

[byron_moses]

lol nice one thanks for sharing

 

[AllThingsReptile]

uhh, these are pretty mature kids, i mean most kids 6-11 would laugh at having kids or getting married they'd just lose it and laugh for ages.....

 

[Snakewoman]

I can relate to the one where you shouldn't let you mum brush you hair when she's mad... OUCH :shock: I'd tell it hurt, and the response was always 'no it doesn't!' Did anyone else get that or was it just me? :lol:

 

[snakeluvver]

uhh, these are pretty mature kids, i mean most kids 6-11 would laugh at having kids or getting married they'd just lose it and laugh for ages.....

When I was 9 I was already thinking of stuff like that :? Maybe I'm weird.

 

[AllThingsReptile]

I can relate to the one where you shouldn't let you mum brush you hair when she's mad... OUCH :shock: I'd tell it hurt, and the response was always 'no it doesn't!' Did anyone else get that or was it just me? :lol:

YEP, but i think i got, and still get it, coz my parents like to hurt me :lol:

 

[thals]

Gotta love kids! I miss being at an age where you got away with so much due to your innocence :lol:

Here's an email I got a while back with some kids comments about the ocean, enjoy!



Children writing about the ocean:


1) - This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 6)

2) - Oysters' balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)

3) - If you are surrounded by ocean you are an Island .
If you don't have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (Wayne , age 7)

4) - Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson.
She's not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6)

5) - A dolphin breaths through an ar$ehole on the top of its head. ( Billy, age 8 )

6) - When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come.
My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William, age 7)

7) - Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really? (Helen, age 6)

8 ) - Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting.
Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher, age 7)

9) - When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold,and it makes my willy small. (Kevin, age 6)

10) - Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down
on each other. ( Becky, age 8 )

11) - On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again
because water fired right up her fanny. (Julie, age 7)

12) - The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown
I don't know. ( Bobby, age 6 )

13) - My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean.
What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom.
(James, age 7)

 

[scorps]

Hahahaha thals thatsd funny as, keep em coming guys,

 

[Snakeluvver2]

this made my day.

 

[ozziepythons]

(2yo boy) "Mummy, I'm hungry"

(mum replies) "Ok, what do you feel like eating?"

(kid says) "Dinner".

Cute as!

 

[Snakewoman]

what kids say about love

What does love mean?

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds. answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."
Rebecca - age 8

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth."
Billy - age 4

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."
Karl - age 5

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."
Chrissy - age 6

"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."
Terri - age 4

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."
Danny - age 7

"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss"
Emily - age 8

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen,"
Bobby - age 7

"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,"
Nikka - age 6

"There are two kinds of love. Our love. God's love. But God makes both kinds of them."
Jenny - age 8

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."
Noelle - age 7

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."
Tommy - age 6

"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore,"
Cindy - age 8

"My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."
Clare - age 6

"Love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of chicken."
Elaine -age 5 "Love is when mommy sees daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford."
Chris - age 7

"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day."
Mary Ann - age 4

"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."
Lauren - age 4

"I let my big sister pick on me because my Mom says she only picks on me because she loves me. So I pick on my baby sister because I love her."
Bethany - age 4

"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you."
Karen - age 7

"Love is when mommy sees daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross."
Mark - age 6

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget,"
Jessica - age 8

 

[snakeluvver]

1) - This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 6)

2) - Oysters' balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)



5) - A dolphin breaths through an ar$ehole on the top of its head. ( Billy, age 8 )


9) - When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold,and it makes my willy small. (Kevin, age 6)

Haha these ones are gold.

 

[ozziepythons]

A mum was overheard in a store talking to hear 4 year old daughter.

"Mum, what are you doing?"

"I'm buying your toys on a credit card".

"How do you do that?"

"By putting the card in this machine and pushing the buttons for my pin number".

"Oh. Mummy whats your pin number?"

LOL I actually witnessed this convo, everyone within earshot had a good laugh, the little girl had no idea why.

 

[retrac75]

Was working out in the shed a number of years back when I was asked by my then 10yo son "Whats an Orgasm"

Oh Boy time for THE talk I thought... so started by asking where he had heard or seen the word orgasm.. "It's written on the side of that bag over there" was the answer i got..

Oh Organism.. (bag of blood and bone fertiliser) Would have been an interesting and very confusing explanation for my son with out that bit of clarification..


Same son at the checkout at Harvey Norman..
"Mum.. whats a prostitute?" loud enough for EVRYBODY to hear due him being part deaf
My extremely embarassed Wife "where did you hear that from?"
"Its on that sign over there beside the register"

- Shoplifters will be Prosecuted -

 

[Snakewoman]

Haha, your son is very funny

When my second cousin Hannah was 3 years old, she wanted to take a cup of coffee that her mum (Danielle) had made to her father. Danielle said "oh no, I'll give it to daddy, it's very hot." She handed it to Mark and making sure Hannah was listening said "Be careful, it's very hot." Mark took the coffee and said "ooh, ouch, that is very hot." Hannah innocently looked up at him and asked "Daddy, why don't you just use the handle?"

Fast forward to when Hannah was 7 years old. We were all at Hannah's grandparents house, and Hannah and some others were playing pin the tail on the donkey. A woman in her mid 20's joined the game, and was blind-folded. When the cloth was put over her eyes, she said "I can't see" and Hannah very sarcastically replied "Well that's the whole point of the game!" :lol: