Hate your job? Check this out..

[BlindSnake]

I just got sent this doozie...
Who has one to check if its legit?




When you have a
'I Hate My Job' day,
try this:

On your way home from work, stop at your chemists and go to the
thermometer
section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson.

Be very sure you get this brand..

Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair.
Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on
a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.

Now the fun part begins.

Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully. You will
notice that in small print there is a statement:

'Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson &Johnson is personally tested
and then sanitized. '

Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, 'I am so glad I do
not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson
&Johnson.'


HAVE A NICE DAY AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB
THAT IS MORE OF A PAIN IN THE *** THAN
YOURS!

 

[zimbo]

hahahahah:lol::lol:
that was good were did you get it
or did you make it up ureself

 

[Rocky]

Haha nice.

 

[BlindSnake]

hahahahah:lol::lol:
that was good were did you get it
or did you make it up ureself

My Auntie sends me stuff like that all the time.
Dont know if its true or not, but would love to find out..

 

[ryanharvey1993]

I would love a job, anything for money . I have eatin worms when I used to go to school for money BUT I WOULDNT EVER TAKE THAT JOB LOL

 

[spilota_variegata]

At least the same message is not posted on boxes of condoms

 

[BlindSnake]

At least the same message is not posted on boxes of condoms

Ewwwwwwww.. LOL

 

[callith]

lol

 

[Slytherin]

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! :lol: OMG so funny!!! Thanks

 

[rebeccalg]

This is one which was emailed to me yesterday;


Next time you have a bad day at work think of this guy.

Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana.
He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.
Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 on FM dial in Ft. Wayne, Indiana , who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won.



Hi Sue, just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.
Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all.

Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wet suit.
This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose.

Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.

Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my *** started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it, however, the crack of my *** was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was a ctually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my ***.

I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, was all laughing hysterically. Needless to say, I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet.

As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the c hamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't **** for two days because my *** was swollen shut.

So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your ***.

Now repeat to yourself, 'I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.'

Whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?

 

[weet-bix]

Eeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

 

[BlindSnake]

Pmsl... Classic!!

 

[BlindSnake]

Iv heard of a chocolate starfish, but a chocolate jellyfish?? LOL

 

[benkinder83]

lol

 

[MAIA77]

Imagine if your office did this to you :shock:

EFFECTIVE AUGUST 1, 2008

NEW OFFICE POLICY

Dress Code:

1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.

2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.

4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.


Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break:

* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.

* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.