Joke

[PilbaraPythons]

An Irishman an Englishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar in Sydney. The view was fantastic, the beer excellent, and the food exceptional But" said the Scotsman. "I still prefer the pubs back home. Why
in Glasgow there's a little bar called McTavish's. Now the landlord there goes out of his way for the locals so much that when you buy 4 drinks he will buy the 5th drink for you."
Well." said the Englishman "At my local, the Red Lion, the barman there will buy you your 3rd drink after you buy the first 2."
"Ahhh that's nothin'" said the Irishman "Back home in Dublin there's Ryan's Bar. Now the moment you set foot in the place they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like. Then when you've
had enough drink they'll take you upstairs and see that you get laid. All on the house."
The Englishman and Scotsman immediately pour scorn on the Irishman's claims. He swears every word is true. "Well" said the Englishman "Did this actually happen to you?"
"Not myself personally no" said the Irishman, "But it did happen to my sister."

 

[Guest]

Laughed guts out,pilbarra :lol:

 

[PilbaraPythons]

Mr Honda, of the Honda Motor Corporation, died and went to heaven for judgement. At the gates, St. Peter told Mr Honda, "since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."
Mr Honda thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God. I have a question for Him".
St. Peter took Mr Honda to the Throne Room and introduced him to God.
He then asked God, "Aren't you the inventor of women?"
God Said, "Ah, yes. Indeed I am".
"Well," said Mr Honda, "Professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your design."
1- There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion.
2- It chatters constantly at high speeds.
3- Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.
4- The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust.
5- Plus the monthly down time and aggravation are outrageous, and don't even get me started talking about the maintenance costs.
"Hmmmm, you do raise some good points" replied God, "Lets have a wee look."
God went to his Celestial super computer, typed in a few things and waited for the results. After a moment God said, "Well, it may be true that my invention seems to be flawed, but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours.."

 

[Guest]

Re: RE: Joke

4- The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust.

LMAO ahahahahahahah.







I dont get it!

 

[koreanmug]

"But it did happen to my sister."

Ha Ha ha...

 

[Glimmerman]

RE: Re: RE: Joke

2- It chatters constantly at high speeds.
3- Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.
4- The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust.

LMAO - Very good

 

[Greebo]

RE: Re: RE: Joke

This is one of the few clean jokes I know.

Two blokes are laying in intensive care. Both are in a bad way and unconscious a lot of the time.One day, both are awake at the same time. The first bloke points to himself and says "Kevin". The second guy nods, points to himself and say " Roger". Both men pass out. Several days later both men are awake again. The first points to himself and say "Australian". The second man nods, points to himself and says "Kiwi". Both man pass out again. A few days later they are both awake again. The first guy points to himself and says "Cancer". The second bloke nods, points to himself and says "Saggittarius".

 

[geckodan]

RE: Re: RE: Joke

When Shane Warne and Simone first got married Shane said, "I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it."

In all their 10 years of marriage, Simone had never looked. However, on the afternoon of their 10th anniversary, curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box were 3 empty beer cans and $81,874.25 in cash. She closed the box and put it back under the bed.

Now that she knew what was in the box, she was doubly curious as to why there even was such a box with such contents.

That evening, they were out for a special anniversary dinner. After dinner, Simone could no longer contain her curiosity and she confessed, saying, "I am so sorry. For all these years, I kept my promise and never looked into the box under our bed. However, today the temptation was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know, why do you keep the 3 beer cans in the box?"

Shane thought for a while and said, "I guess after all these years you deserve to know the truth. Whenever I was unfaithful to you, I put an empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again."

Simone was shocked, but said, "I am very disappointed and saddened by your behaviour. However, since you are addicted to sex, I guess it does happen and I guess 3 times is not that bad considering your problem."

Shane thanked her for being so understanding. They hugged and made their peace. A little while later Simone asked Shane, "So why do you have all that money in the box?"

Shane answered, "Well, whenever the box filled up with empty cans, I took them to the recycling centre and redeemed them for cash.

 

[moosenoose]

RE: Re: RE: Joke

They are all rippers!!! Hehehe :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

God said, "Well, it may be true that my invention seems to be flawed, but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours.."

 

[moosenoose]

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death. They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden...

"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I is sure of eet".

"Si, Luis, eet smells like bacon to meee".

So, with renewed strength, they struggle off up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree, just loaded with bacon.

There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon...every imaginable kind of cured pig meat you can imagine!!

"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Eees a bacon tree".

"Luis, are sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the desert, don'forget".

"Pepe, when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smeell of bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree".

And with that...Luis races towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden, a machine gun opens up, and Luis is cut down in his tracks.

It is clear he is mortally wounded but, true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath.

"Pepe...go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree"

"Luis, Luis mi amigo...what ees eet?"

"Pepe...ees not a bacon tree....

.........


Ees.....



Ees.....



Ees.....



Ees...... a Ham Bush !!!"

 

[Scale_Addiction]

:shock: that was shockin moosey

 

[moosenoose]

hehehe I know, dreadful :lol:

 

[Vat69]

LOL Moose! I love those type of jokes! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[instar]

A 'hambush' Lol, Moosey that one should go down in the jokers hall of shame!! :lol:

 

[Jules]

Say this quite quickly.
If you see a little bunny,
and his nose is really runny,
Don't think it's very funny,
cause it's not.

 

[PilbaraPythons]

The nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven...which part of your body goes first?"
Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands."
"Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?
Suzy replied, "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first."
"What a wonderful answer!" the nun said.
Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sister, I think it's your feet."
The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face. "Now, Little Johnny, why do you think it would be your feet?"
Little Johnny said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the other night Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying, "Oh ! God, I'm coming!"
"If Dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her."

 

[spooky]

hehehehehehehehe

 

[Magpie]

A young professional male had just bought an expensive new home (as young professional people are wont to do).
The broker decided to send a thankyou as he was receiving a substantial commision on the sale. He decided flowers would be the most appropraite thing to send.
The day of moving in arrived and as the young man opened the door, he found a large flower arrangement waiting in the foyer with a card saying "Rest in Peace" on it. Finding this quite inappropraite, he rang the broker who told him that this was not the intended inscription.
The broker, quite upset (there was a lot of future money in this customer), rang the florist.
The florist listened to the brokers tirade for several minutes then interrupted saying "If you think that's bad, somewhere today there's a funeral going on with a large bouqet inscribed with 'Congratualtions on your new home'"

 

[Pike01]

Coat of Arms

"The Australian government today announced that it is changing it's
Coat-of-Arms from the Kangaroo, Emu and Wattle sprig to a CONDOM because it
more accurately reflects the government's political stance.

A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next
generation, protects a bunch of pricks and gives you a sense of security
while you're actually being screwed.

It just doesn't get more accurate than that."

 

[PilbaraPythons]

Carlos calls his boss in the morning:

Ey, boss i not come work today I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache, my legs hurt I not come work.

The boss says:

You know Carlos I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her to give me a blowjob. That makes me feel better and I can go to work. You should try that.

2 hours later Carlos calls:

Boss, I did what you said and I feel great, I'll be at work soon. And by the way, you got a nice house.