I agree that monitors are definitely not the right choice if handling the animal on a regular basis is a must to keep you satisfied with your pet. In saying that I believe it is important to bring your monitor up the right way so that it's not becoming stressed every time you spot clean the enclosure/change water and even just walking past the cage.
Best way you can do this is to simply leave the monitor a lone. When it comes time to open the enclosure to do a water change or spot clean etc - leave the monitor be, allow it to hide away and only come out if it chooses to (have plenty of hiding places in the enclosure!). Over time the lizard will understand that you are not a threat and will be more inclined to stay out and fear will be overtaken by curiosity. At this stage you will be able to feed your monitor with forceps (never feed by hand).
Whenever you're interacting with your monitor whether it is cleaning the cage, feeding etc avoid doing any fast movements with your hands. You can then begin letting the monitor get used to your touch and handling. This is best done inside the enclosure to begin with. Moving slowly you can gently touch the lizard with the back of your hand (don't offer a solitary finger it can look like food!) and see how it reacts. Best to approach from a lower perspective instead of right over the top of the little guy as this can be seen as more threatening. Do not attempt this too often if the lizard is running away immediately as you try, its a sign that it needs more time to trust you. Never go and grab/restrain the monitor unless absolutely necessary as this will undo all the work you have been doing to build its trust. Once you get to the stage of being able to hold the animal the reality is it will most likely always be trying to climb away and will not just sit like a bearded dragon. This is the reality and about as good as you will get.
It is also important to learn how to read your monitors behavior. One thing to notice at feeding time is the pupils of your monitor will contract (become small as it focuses on the food). If it is not feeding time and you notice this then look out! Reading the behavior comes with experience and is why it is best to start with smaller species or juveniles first.
I have given this quick bit of advice to you in the hopes that it will help you bring up a calm and manageable animal, not as a pet to have sitting on your shoulder. Having a monitor that is calm in this way is absolutely no excuse to become complacent and not respect the animal for what it is. A bite from an adult gouldii is definitely something to be avoided as is with all monitors from about that size (if not smaller) and up unless you enjoy trips to the hospital.
I have had adult lace monitors that most here would consider calm and docile animals, able to be held - But you would never catch me walking into their enclosure without a broom in hand let a lone have them climbing all over me. I cringe at the amount of new monitor keeper's you see with lacies and other medium to large monitors sitting on their shoulder's inches from their face and the like.
Ive seen or experienced bites from anacondas scrubs burmese and retics None of them come close to what a big monitor can do We know a guy here lost nearly all his calf muscle to his pet varanus salvator
And this is exactly why! This guy probably had a so called "dog tame" monitor and put himself in a scenario that never would of occurred had the monitor been defensive and less confident with it's owner. The slightest stimuli can set off a normally relaxed animal and you end up with the above scenario
So yes you can have a monitor that is calm, manageable and able to be held if necessary but beware that complacency with any monitor will eventually come back to bite you...pun intended
