MOOSECALL :)

[moosenoose]

These two hunters went moose hunting every year without success.
Finally they came up with a foolproof plan. (emphasis on fool)

They got themselves a very authentic cow moose costume and learned the
mating call of a cow moose. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure in the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull.

So, they set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, in their costume, and began to give the moose love call. Before too long their call was answered by bull in the forest.

They called again, the bull answered closer to them. They called again, The bull answered, and came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing. As the bulls' pounding hoof beats got closer the guy in front said, "OK, lets get out and get him"!

After a moment, that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouts -
"THE ZIPPER IS STUCK, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO!?!"

The front guy says, "Well, I'm gonna start nibbling grass,
but you'd better brace yourself!" :wink:

..........................................................

I found these others deserved a mention also

If you break up with someone and the last thing they tend to say is -
'You'll never find anyone like me again!'
Hmmm Well Gee! I'm thinking, 'I should hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you?' :wink:

and...................................

"Relationships are hard. They're like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp."

oh and this one definately deserved a mention :lol:

There are four kinds of sex involved in a marriage.

The first is Smurf Sex...
This happens during the honeymoon; you both keep doing it until you're blue in the face.

The second is Kitchen Sex...
This is at the beginning of the marriage; you'll have sex anywhere, anytime. Hence, also in the kitchen.

The third kind is Bedroom Sex...
You've calmed down a bit, perhaps have kids, so you gotta do it in the bedroom.

The fourth kind is Hallway Sex...
This is where you pass each other in the hallway and yell, "Screw you!!!!"

There is also a fifth kind of sex: Courtroom Sex...
This is when you get divorced and your wife roots you in front of everyone in court!

.........................sigh.......................... :lol: :lol:

 

[deano351]

 

[instar]

BEAR HUNTING

Frank was excited about his new rifle. So, he went bear hunting. He spotted a small brown bear and shot it.There was then a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to see a big black bear. The black bear said: "You've got two choices: I either maul you to death or we have sex" Frank decided to bend over.

Even though he was sore for two weeks, he soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip. He found that black bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to see a giant grizzly bear. The grizzly bear said: "That was a huge mistake, you've got two choices: I either maul you to death or we have rough sex" Again, Frank thought that it was better to comply.

Although he survived, it was several months before he recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip, found that grizzly bear and shot it.

He felt sweet revenge. There was then a tap on his shoulder. He turned

around to see a huge polar bear. The polar bear said: " Admit it Frank, you don't come here for the hunting do you?"


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
:lol:

 

[Hickson]

A couple of rather dopey guys went out hunting and got hopelessly lost. One of the guys said " I heard that when you're lost in the bush, you should shoot three times in the air and someone will come and find you."

So they fired three times in the air and waited.

After a few hours, when no-one had come, they fired into the air again. And a few hours later, once again.

One turns to the other and says "I hope someone comes soon, it's getting dark and will be cold tonight."

"Yeah," says the other, firing three times into the air again "I hope they come soon too - we're almost out of arrows."