herptrader
Very Well-Known Member
A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her
baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab,lifted the
lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed
that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
Dr. Mark MacDonald,
San Antonio, TX
_______________________________________________________
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly
and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths,"
I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remarked the patient.
Dr. Richard Byrnes,
Seattle, WA
_________________________________________________________
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife
that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more
than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family
that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
Dr. Susan Steinberg,
Manitoba, Canada
___________________________________________________________
I was performing a complete physical, including the visual
acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began,
"Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly.
"Now your left."
Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence.
He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and
discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was
standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to
finish the exam.
Dr. Matthew Theodropolous,
Worcester, MA
___________________________________________________________
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble
with one of
his medications.
"Which one?" I asked.
"The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours
and now I'm running out of places to put it!"
I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see...
Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions
include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Dr. Rebecca St. Clair,
Norfolk, VA
__________________________________________________________
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked,
"How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion
she answered.
"Why, not for about twenty years, when my husband was alive."
Dr. Steven Swanson,
Corvallis, OR
__________________________________________________________
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how's your
breakfast this morning?"
it's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to
get used to the taste," the patient replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet
labelled "KY Jelly."
Dr. Leonard Kransdorf,
Detroit, MI
__________________________________________________________
A Nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with
purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety
of tattoos, and wearing strange clothes entered.
It was very quickly determined that the patient had acute
appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was
completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her
pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that
read,
"Keep off the grass."
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on
the patient's dressing, which said "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab,lifted the
lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed
that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
Dr. Mark MacDonald,
San Antonio, TX
_______________________________________________________
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly
and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths,"
I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remarked the patient.
Dr. Richard Byrnes,
Seattle, WA
_________________________________________________________
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife
that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more
than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family
that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
Dr. Susan Steinberg,
Manitoba, Canada
___________________________________________________________
I was performing a complete physical, including the visual
acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began,
"Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly.
"Now your left."
Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence.
He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and
discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was
standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to
finish the exam.
Dr. Matthew Theodropolous,
Worcester, MA
___________________________________________________________
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble
with one of
his medications.
"Which one?" I asked.
"The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours
and now I'm running out of places to put it!"
I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see...
Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions
include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Dr. Rebecca St. Clair,
Norfolk, VA
__________________________________________________________
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked,
"How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion
she answered.
"Why, not for about twenty years, when my husband was alive."
Dr. Steven Swanson,
Corvallis, OR
__________________________________________________________
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how's your
breakfast this morning?"
it's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to
get used to the taste," the patient replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet
labelled "KY Jelly."
Dr. Leonard Kransdorf,
Detroit, MI
__________________________________________________________
A Nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with
purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety
of tattoos, and wearing strange clothes entered.
It was very quickly determined that the patient had acute
appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was
completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her
pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that
read,
"Keep off the grass."
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on
the patient's dressing, which said "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
