Visit Australia

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Subject: Q and A on Australia
The questions below about Australia are from potential visitors. They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour. In fact, given some of the questions, the officials would need one!
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit >around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney , can I follow the railroad tracks?(Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden) A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey?
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific, which doesn't... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A : Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA) A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round?(Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

 

[jimmy_the_kid]

lmfao inny good one where did u find that

 

[dobermanmick]

lmao Good one inny thanks for the laugh :lol:

 

[Guest]

lol, i love the drop bears. that was good.

 

[phantom]

read that before but i still got a good laugh out of it

 

[Guest]

hehehehe, thats funny. I remember reading it just before the olympics in sydney, still deserves a giggle!!

 

[rodentrancher]

Yay! Sent this to my old E-Friend. 78yr old who lives in Oklahoma. He got a real good laugh out of it!!!

 

[redline]

lol funny more i need more

 

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More..................

Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.
Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy).
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour
Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (Germany)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
16. Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we?ll import them!

 

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More humour.......

Systems of Government, As Explained With Cows

FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone
else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with
everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the
government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the
regulations say you should need.

FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the
milk.

PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the
milk.

RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the
milk.

DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed
farm animals in an apartment.

MILITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the
milk.

AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election,
the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate".

BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed them sheeps' brains and they go mad. The government
doesn't do anything.

BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you
can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours
the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to kill you and take
the cows.

CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using
letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with associated
general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six
cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the
majority shareholder, who sells the right to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report
says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because
the fung shui is bad.

ENVIRONMENTALISM: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.

FEMINISM: You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf.

TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is
banned.

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS: You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallo
centric, war mongering, intolerant past) two differently - aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of
non-specified gender.

COUNTER CULTURE: Wow, dude, there's like... these two cows, man. You got to have some of this milk.

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.