Blondes!

[moosenoose]

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car
and was pulled over by a woman police officer that was also a blonde.
The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through her
purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look
like?" she finally asked. The policewoman replied, "It's square and it
has your picture on it." The driver finally found a square mirror in her handbag, took it out, looked at it, and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying,
"Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop.

- you gotta love it! :wink:

 

[Bryony]

here are a few that i like.....some are discretly dirty bnut here goes.....
now remember i'm blonde too but i can't go past the jokes!
i love em!

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator?
A: The blonde works in the dark!

Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer?
A: The joystick is wet.

Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: What do blonds and spaghetti have in common?
A: They both wriggle when you eat them.

Q: Why was the blondes' belly button sore ?
A: Because her boyfriend was blonde too.

Q: How do you get a blond out of a tree?
A: Wave

Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?

Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass?
A: A brain tumor.

Q: What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
A: Two brunettes.

Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.

Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
A: So her male would get delivered to the right box.

Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".

Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.

Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
A: So she could lip read.

Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
Q: Why did God create brunettes?
A: Neither could the blondes.

Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.


he he he he

 

[hugsta]

I bet you can relate to most of those too eh Bry.........muhahahaha :twisted: :wink: :lol:

 

[Bryony]

I bet you can relate to most of those too eh Bry.........muhahahaha :twisted: :wink: :lol:

watch what you say huggie old boy.........or i will have your (chistmas deco) balls :twisted:

 

[moosenoose]

I like them all Byrony! LOL

 

[Pinkie]

good on ya bry, i love the bruised belly button one!
i must have heard em all! i bet you have too lol :wink:

 

[hey_im_sam]

Rofl yeah, i've heard al those and more, but they're still great! One of my friends (brunette) actually had a bruised bellybutton a couple weeks ago, and couldnt remember how it'd happened... Yep, her bf is blonde. I made the suggestion, but it wasnt appreciated :lol:

 

[Bryony]

yeah i have heard a few, and i laugh my ass off!!!!!

this one is my ultimate fav tho...
Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A: So brunettes can remember them.

Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.

Q: Why does it work?
A: "Does 3 come before E or does it go between M and W?"

Q: What is blond, brunette, blond, brunette, ....?
A: A blond doing cartwheels.

Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!

Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
A: Far-from-thinkin

Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.

Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.

Q: What's a blonds' favourite rock group?
A: Air Supply.

Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes ?
A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.

Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.

Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an F in sex.

Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.

Q: What is the definition of the perfect woman?
A: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.

Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"

Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
A: She moved.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe.

 

[Fuscus]

While on the subject of women ...

 

[instar]

Blonde Swimmer~

A brunette, a redhead and a blonde are in a breast stroke race.
The starter's gun goes off and the three girls dive into the pool.
The brunette and the redhead shoot across the pool and get out.
Twenty minutes later, the blonde reaches the end and gets out.


The judge says,
"The gold medal goes to the brunette,


the silver medal goes to the redhead,


and the bronze medal goes to the blonde".



The blonde says, "I don't want to be a sore loser or anything,
but I think the other girls were using their arms!"

 

[Bryony]

good one inny!

 

[frebib(69)]

lol nice 1 fuscus

 

[Guest]

both are woth a mention. well done..

 

[pythonkisses]

An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on
scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage!
If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to
jump off this building."

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get
burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."

The blond opened his lunch and said, Bologna again! If I get a bologna
sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and
cabbage, and jumped to his death.
The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.
The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death
as well.

At the funeral, the Iris! hman's wife was weeping.
She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and
cabbage,
I never would have given it to him again!"

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or
enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife.

The blonde's wife said, "Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch.


PK

 

[Bryony]

lol PK

 

[pythonkisses]

Fifteen minutes into the flight from Sydney to Perth,
the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines
has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take
an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left."

Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine
has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours.
But don't worry . . .we can fly just fine on two engines."

An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine
has failed and our arrival will be delayed another hour.
But don't worry... we still have one engine left."
Sherry, a young blonde passenger turned to the man in the
next seat and sighed, ....
..."If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"

 

[pythonkisses]

A blonde was driving home after a game, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to
have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out. So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened.
She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened. Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?" The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. Her blonde roommate rolled her eyes and said, "Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first"

 

[pythonkisses]

A blonde woman named Babbette found herself in dire trouble. Her business
had gone bust and she was in serious financial trouble. She was so
desperate that she decided to ask God for help. She began to pray.

"God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money,
I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto".

Lotto night came and somebody else won. Babbette again prayed.

"God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house and
I'm going to lose my car as well".

Lotto night came and Babbette still had no luck. Once again she prayed.

"My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house and my
car. My children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have
always been a good servant to you. Please just let me win the lotto this
one time so I can get my life back in order."

Suddenly there was a blinding flash of light as the heavens opened and
Babbette was confronted by the voice of God himself.

"Babbette, meet me halfway on this. Buy a ticket."

 

[pythonkisses]

A guy is having a drink in a very dark bar. He leans over to the big woman next to him and says: "Do you wanna hear a funny blonde joke?"

The big woman replies: Well, before you tell me that joke, you should know something. I'm blond, six feet tall, 210 pounds, and I'm a professional triathlete and bodybuilder. Also, the blond woman sitting next to me is 6'2, weighs 220 pounds, and she is an ex-professional wrestler. And next to her is a blond who is 6'5, weighs 250 pounds, and she's a current professional kickboxer. Now, do you still want to tell that blond joke?

The guy thinks about it a second and says: No, not if I'm gonna have

to explain it three times.

 

[pythonkisses]

Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?

A: Gifted!

Q: How do blonde braincells die?

A: Alone.

Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?

A: Pregnant.

Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?

A: Artificial intelligence.

Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?

A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.

Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?

A: You can park in the handicap zone.

Q: What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievment?

A: An IN-body experience