My Partner wants me to "get rid" of my snake!

[pixie]

So I've been living with this guy for a year, we are engaged and about to start ivf.
Recently he's asked (well no, he's TOLD me) to rehome my 10y/o coastal carpet python.

He then got the grumps that I compared it to making him choose between me and the kid he's already got!

Totally don't know what to do.

To put it into perspective he also hates my cats and thinks pets are a stupid and expensive hobby... This has all sort of happened because I work in healthcare and live outside the 20min radius so I sleep at work 5 nights a week (I do the late shift then I am on call until the lab opens in the morning).. So he's had to start looking after my pets because I'm only home 4 hours a day and I sleep for most of those.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Stompsy]

My Partner wants me to "get rid" of my snake!

I'm probably jumping straight in the deep end with what I'm about to type, but here goes anyway.

Get rid of him. Your pets are an extension of who you are and he is essentially trying to change you. That's not a good start to a marriage.

Or you could just feed and clean up after your animals in that 4 hours you spend at home to shut him up. They are your responsibility after all.


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[BredliFreak]

*Joke incoming*

Give him the finger and say "it's you or the Coastal, and the Coastal doesn't winge, complain and isn't half as expensive as you"

In all seriousness, I have no experience with engagement but if he doesn't want to compromise then either ditch him or stop him from his hobbies. If you can't have yours, why should he have his?

Good luck with it, I know what I would choose but it's completely up to you. It's your life at the end of the day.

 

[pixie]

The extremely overtired version of me wants to leave. Find a man who earns decent money so I don't have to spend 80 hours a week at work to fund ivf. I'm exhausted. I have lupus. Everything sucks.

Sorry for the rant

 

[Stompsy]

My Partner wants me to "get rid" of my snake!

Sounds like this is a lot more complex than just you being upset about your partner telling you to get rid of your beloved pet. And it's probably not really the type of thing to be asking for advice about on a reptile forum.

However, I believe you should always go with your gut instincts. Act on them. No one knows you better than you know yourself.

Good luck and try not to let everything overwhelm you.


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[Toska]

My fiance and I went through a rough patch like that.
A couple of years ago my filly nearly died and her vet bills cleaned me out so I asked if he could cover our next load of hay and wormers. He threw a fit over it because that meant he would have to wait another week to buy a part for his car.
I was angry and exhausted from my girl being sick and getting no sleep while looking after her so yelled and said some stuff I shouldn't about his car collection being expensive and stupid which he thought about my horses. It took a while for us to both calm down and actually talk it out.

Everyone has that one thing or hobby to help them cope with life. If you are anything like me then spending time with your pets is one of the ways you chill out after a rough day/week or whatever. Your fiance of all people should understand that and I'm sure he has his own similar sort of thing

I definitely would not be willing to 'get rid' of any of my pets, which admittedly I have a lot of.
However I can understand your partner being upset that he has to look after your cats but being in a relationship means doing things for each other.

 

[onelife]

If you try to take the emotions out of it and think what is best for the animal if your spending that little time at home there may be someone that will enjoy looking after the snake more than your partner - not that a snake of that age would need much effort Sadly our life styles do change but I would always consider what was best for the animal as sad as it would be to have to part with him it would be worse off being neglected.
That's just a different prospective

 

[pixie]

To him pets are a hobby. To me they're my non human family and if he loves me he loves them.. I can't get my head around why he's got his knickers in a knot over this.

Like it's kitty litter and the occasional snake Poop.
It's not like I've got a zoo!

 

[kingofnobbys]

Maybe since he is unwilling to care for your pets , since you are hardly ever home to do it yourself , he might be signaling to you he wants you home more . Sure the partner has to have known you have these pets and they are part of the package when it comes to having a relationship with you.

Lasting relationships involve a lot compromise and sacrifice (both ways).

We only have your side of the story so it's not appropriate to say anything more.

You and your partner need to really talk this out and come to a mutually beneficial agreement or look at making some changes which might well involve rehoming your pets.


What's the big deal with a 20min commute radius ? why do you HAVE TO sleep at work most nights ?

If you had no partner who would be looking after the pets for you ?

 

[pixie]

I have to sleep at work because I am on call and whilst I am on call I must be within 20 minutes of the hospital.

If I had no partner I'd have stayed in Melbourne and would not be working the hours I do!

 

[HiramAbiff]

To be honest you seem childish, comparing a snake to his child is ridiculous. Not to mention the "guy with money" comment, perhaps you should leave him so he can dodge the bullet of being married to you.

Seems harsh but your post seems like on side of a story that you want to be assured that you are right.

 

[pixie]

I am probably being childish. I am hurt. I feel like I am doing my absolute best to make sure we both have our dreams (ivf and building a house on our block of land) and to do that it means doing the crappy hours at work so we can afford both.

And then he's angry I'm not home...

I'd love to be home. But then one of us will miss out on something important to us.

So I'm never home. I'm always tired and when I am home he's got the grumps with me.

 

[BredliFreak]

Maybe wait until you're pregnant with the whole IVF thing and have a maternity leave to sort things out? just a thought

 

[pinefamily]

I'm not wanting to sound rude, but perhaps you both are trying for too much at once (ivf and building a house). Perhaps the stresses involved have brought these issues out in the open, or perhaps they are things that would normally be fine.
What you need to do is to sit down and have a calm conversation with your partner about these issues that have arisen. Does he really feel this strongly about an almost care-free snake, and a cat? Or are the long hours of work, and the stresses of building a home plus ivf getting to him? You have acknowledged as much yourself; perhaps he is the same. Only a long quiet conversation will find this out.

 

[Herpo]

My two cents:

If your partner can't accept you for who you are, don't bother with him. It's a matter of perspective; he sees your animals as a hobby, but to you they are family. Ask yourself, and him, would you get rid of family? I am obviously too young to have experience with marriage, but it's a big thing. Don't dive in if you're not 100% happy!

Good luck,
Herpo

 

[PythonLegs]

If he cant look after a snake and a couple of cats, a baby may not be the best idea.

 

[Planky]

Youve got it easy I have 100+ snakes spred Into 2 rooms imagine what my wife thinks

 

[vampstorso]

Don't get rid of them.
My husband pushed me to rehome some of my animals.
I had a newborn, was recovering from surgery, and was generally depressed and caved.... Well.... Long story short good thing he smartened up and bought them back as to say I was resentful was an understatement.
Don't ever do it. Not ever. You will be so bitter.

 

[Chris1]

If he's trying to control you at this point in your relationship it's only going to get worse. Fair enough he's 'looking after' your snake, but how much looking after is really involved? A few feed a year which I'm sure u do, and changing water once or twice a week. Sounds like an excuse to control you. I'd be holding off making this guy a permanent fixture,....

 

[kingofnobbys]

I have to sleep at work because I am on call and whilst I am on call I must be within 20 minutes of the hospital.

If I had no partner I'd have stayed in Melbourne and would not be working the hours I do!

Unless that's written into your contract, it's YOUR choice.

I had many years when I was on 24 hour call, and I lived 30 - 40 minutes drive from my work, this was not an issue , I was simply paid from the moment I picked the phone up for the call-ins even if it took me an hour to wake up , get dressed and travel to work , and my boss simply had to ware it.

- - - Updated - - -

I am probably being childish. I am hurt. I feel like I am doing my absolute best to make sure we both have our dreams (ivf and building a house on our block of land) and to do that it means doing the crappy hours at work so we can afford both.

And then he's angry I'm not home...

I'd love to be home. But then one of us will miss out on something important to us.

So I'm never home. I'm always tired and when I am home he's got the grumps with me.

Maybe both you need to do some serious growing up in the maturity stakes. Learn to compromise , and maybe knock back some the O/T and call-ins IF your relationship is important to you , so what if you don't build that huge dream home on your own block of land as soon OR EVER.