Kitah, I am sorry that you're unhappy. I don't think there's anything wrong with you, everyone is different, and chooses to live differently, but if it makes you unhappy, then you need to do something about it, until you're happy again. You may have depression, but you need to sort that out with a doctor. I also don't think you're off topic at all. This thread is about nudity and body confidence (specifically nudist week). You're just saying how you feel.
I say I'm outgoing and confident... but I guess I just try to be. I'm much better than I once was. Once I would have been thinking about everything everyone said and did, analysing it all, worried I talked to much, or not enough. Once upon a time I would never have walked around naked, or worn short clothes... because then people would have seen all the cuts...
It's all just practice. You won't be good at something unless you practice it. Start small and get bigger. I started getting better when I stopped thinking about "one day at a time" like people tell you to. That's too much when every day seems so dark. Starting thinking about ONE MOMENT at a time. If you are alright in this moment, right now, then you are ok. And in this moment. And in this moment. Then suddenly it's not so hard.
If you want to be confident with your body, start practicing. Take your shoes and socks off when your family come around, and roll your sleeves up. Roll up the ends of your pants, park your car down the street, then walk out of the car, up the road and back. As much or as little as you want. The biggest thing for me was the day I first rolled my sleeves back up. I could see people looking at my arms, but no one said a word!!! I expect to get sneered at, and no one did! Not a single person! It was amazing. Eventually the scars faded and now no one knows unless I tell them.
Now, I'm a model and bikini waitress. If you'd told me that a few years ago, I would have laughed at you (and then worried about laughing). The first bikini shift I did, I was terrified. I got there 2 hours early and sat in my car trying to study, and failing miserably. Ended up starting my shift half an hour early because I couldn't stand the waiting any more. I went in and saw another girl there in a bikini, and ran into the toilets going "omg I can't do this!!!". Then I did. More than one random stranger called me beautiful, and not just men. Afterwards I went to maccas and pigged out because I hadn't eaten all day in case I looked fat... haha. This week I'm meeting with Supermodels Australia to discuss entering for Australian Swimwear Model of the Year
I couldn't care less if I win, I just want to enter!
It can be done, and you can get there! My sister is big and gorgeous, and now a plus sized model. It's all just practice. If you want anything badly enough, then you'll get there.
If you ever need to talk, feel free to pm me and vent. I don't mind. Been there before. x