Snake Jokes

[pythonkisses]

My snake was very thin and sick , so I took it to the vet.
The vet took a quick look and said, Sorry, your snake
is going to die, that will be $50. I said is that all I get for $50 ?
He took the snake over to a floppy-eared rabbit, and the rabbit
pointed his ears straigt up to the ceiling ...
He took it to a Black Labrador dog, and the dog stuck out his
tongue and shook its head ...
He took it to a cat, the cat opened her eyes very wide and then
shook its head violently ...
He said, "That will be $400..... $50 for the second opinion, $75
for Lab tests and $225 for the CAT scan.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


What would you get if you crossed a new born snake with
a basketball ?
A bouncing baby boa !


Why did the python do national service ?
He was coiled up !

What do you call a snake who works for the governement ?
A civil serpent !

What do you call a python with a great bedside manner ?
A snake charmer !

What did the python say to the viper ?
I've got a crush on you !


Hehehehehehehehe

 

[Guest]

Hehe, nice. though i can't seem to find any good ones ay.

 

[pythonkisses]

Reptile Quotes


"Method is more important than strength . . . By dropping golden beads near a snake, a crow once managed to have a passerby kill the snake for the beads."
- Siddha Nagarjuna

When you see a snake you just kill it; don't appoint a committee on snakes.
- Chris Noble

"When you see a snake, never mind where he came from."
- Unknown

"Never wound a snake, kill it."
- Harriet Tubman

"A rattlesnake that doesn't bite teaches you nothing."
- Jessamyn West

"Propaganda is a soft weapon; hold it in your hands too long, and it will move about like a snake, and strike the other way."
- Jean Anouilh

"Kill the snake of doubt in your soul, crush the worms of fear in your heart and mountains will move out of your way."
- Kate Seredy

"[Americans] are the great Satan, the wounded snake."
- Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini

"Hot weather brings out snakes and slaveholders, and I like one class of the venomous creatures as little as I do the other."
- Harriet Ann Jacobs

Snake
A snake came to my water-trough
On a hot, hot day, and I in pyjamas for the heat,
To drink there.
- D H Lawrence

Eclogues no. 3
There's a snake hidden in the grass.
- Virgil

The Spider and the Fly
"Will you walk into my parlour?" said a spider to a fly;
"'Tis the prettiest little parlour that ever you did spy."
- Mary Howitt

An Essay on Man
The spider's touch, how exquisitely fine!
Feels at each thread, and lives along the line.
- Alexander Pope

"I identify most strongly with the turtle: I patiently plod along till I reach my destination--and occasionally I stick out my neck."
- Paulette Peltan

"Behold the turtle. He makes progress only when he sticks his neck out."
- James Bryant Conant

Autres Betes, Autres Moeurs
The turtle lives 'twixt plated decks
Which practically conceal its sex.
I think it clever of the turtle
In such a fix to be so fertile.
- Ogden Nash

 

[Greebo]

Someone has been giving google a workout.

 

[Guest]

Maybe thats y it doesn't work 4 the rest< of us

 

[pythonkisses]

lol my girlfriend sent me an email she lives on google am in the World's Largest Reptile Search Engine site i spend hours there

PK

 

[angelrose]

hehe
check this out chicky
http://www.yuckles.com/jokes.htm

 

[pythonkisses]

Hehehehehehehehe like that one to
Hey Frank, are we venomous?
Why do you want to know?
'Cause I just bit my tongue!
lol am in a stupid mood tonight no sleep does that to you.

 

[Hickson]

no sleep does that to you

So do what everyone else does - tell Mark you've got a headache!!!

LOL



Hix

 

[pythonkisses]

Re: RE: Snake Jokes

no sleep does that to you

So do what everyone else does - tell Mark you've got a headache!!!

LOL



Hix

lol Hix trust you now can take that one or two ways.

So do what everyone else does - tell Mark you've got a headache? you know something i should Hix who else tells mark they have a head ache. hehehehehehehehe

 

[angelrose]

RE: Re: RE: Snake Jokes

why, what does mark prescribe for a headache? And who's mark....

Angel

 

[angelrose]

RE: Re: RE: Snake Jokes

oh... ooohhhh... ohhhhhhhhhHHHH now i get it... ignore me...

Angel

 

[Hickson]

Re: RE: Snake Jokes

who else tells mark they have a head ache. hehehehehehehehe

I'm guessing you would know that better than I :!:



Hix

 

[nuthn2do]

Tex and Blue, two pipeline workers in the outback of Australia surveying the lines in their landcruiser. Suddenly Blue lets a muddy one rip and begs Tex to pull up quick, he jumps out and hastily heads for the back of a gum tree. Half way through the job he feels a seering pain unlike any he's ever experienced, he jumps out from behind the tree screaming in agony.
"Jeeze....Faaar......... strike me ....Christ.... Tex, a bloody mulga snakes bitten me on the plums ..... I think I'm gonna pass out ..... call up the flying doctor for help." He staggers about clutching himself in agony, gasping the words out with great effort.
Tex gets straight onto the UHF radio in the cruiser and within
seconds is talking to the flying doctor. "What's up Tex?"
"It's Blue, doc, he`s bin bitten by a friggin mulga snake, right on the....... well..........the danglers mate, ya know doc the friggin family jewels.
"Copy that Tex ..... now shut up and listen, that snake bite is bad, if the poison isn't sucked out of the bite wound right now, he's gonna
die."
"Okay doc, thanks."
Tex walks over to Blue, who`s collapsed on the ground, panting and sweating and white as a sheet.
"Been onto the flying doc Blue, he says you're gonna die"

 

[snakes_alive]

"Okay doc, thanks."
Tex walks over to Blue, who`s collapsed on the ground, panting and sweating and white as a sheet.
"Been onto the flying doc Blue, he says you're gonna die"

Thats a classic mate. Thanks for me first good laugh of the day.
First joke was ok too.

Debbie

 

[pythonkisses]

The Old Man's Physical

A 70-year-old man goes to the doctor's for a physical.

The doctor runs some tests and says to the man, ''Well, everything seems to be in top condition physically, but what about mentally? How is your connection with God?''

And the man says, ''Oh me and God? We're tight. We have a real bond, he's good to me. Every night when I have to get up to go to the bathroom, he turns on the light for me, and then, when I leave, he turns it back off.''

Well, upon hearing this the doctor was astonished.

He called the man's wife and said, ''I'd like to speak to you about your husband's connection with God. He claims that every night when he needs to use the restroom, God turns on the light for him and turns it off for him again when he leaves. Is this true?''

And she says, ''That idiot, he's been peeing in the refrigerator!''



PK

 

[snakes_alive]

lol, on ya girl thats a classic