redbellybite
Almost Legendary
> God Bless Elderly Ladies!
>
> Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing
> nothing.
>
> One lady turns and asks, "Do you still get horny?"
>
> The other replies, "Oh sure I do."
>
> The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?"
>
> The second old lady replies, "I suck a Lifesaver."
>
> After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who drives you
> to
> the
> beach?"
> _______________:lol::lol:______________________________________
>
> An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship
> holding her hat on tightly so that it would not blow off in the wind.
>
> A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I do
> not
> intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in
> this
> high wind?"
>
> "Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto
> this hat."
>
> "But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!"
> said
> the gentleman in earnest.
>
> The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied,
> "Sir
> anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat
> yesterday!"
> _____________:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:______________________________________
>
> Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement
> home reminiscing.
>
> The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers and
> demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness of a cucumber she
> could buy for a penny.
>
> The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much
> bigger and cheaper also, and demonstrated the size of two big onions she
> could buy for a penny a piece.
>
> The third old lady remarked, "I can't hear a word you're
> saying,
> but I remember the guy you're talking about."
> _______________________________________:lol::lol::lol:_____________
>
> Two elderly women were out driving in a large car.
>
> Both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising
> along, they came to an intersection. As they did the stoplight was red but
> they just went on through.
>
> The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be
> losing it. I could have sworn we just went through red light."
>
> After a few more minutes they came to another intersection, the
> light was red, and again they went right through.
>
> This time, the passenger was almost sure that the light had
> been
> red, but was also concerned that she might be seeing things. She was
> getting nervous and decided to pay close attention.
>
> At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely
> red and they blew right through it.
>
> She turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know
> that you ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed
> us!"
>
> Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh Shoot..! Am I driving..?":lol:
Two homosexual men decide to have a baby.
They mix their sperm together and have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated with it.
When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital.
A dozen babies are in the ward, eleven of whom are crying and screaming.
Over in the corner, one baby is smiling serenely.
A nurse comes by, and to the delight of the gay fathers, she points out the happy child as theirs.
'Isn't it wonderful?' one gay says to the other.
'All these unhappy babies .... and yet our baby is so happy. This just proves the superiority of gay love!'
The nurse says, 'Oh sure, he's happy now, but just watch what happens when I pull the thermometer out of his butt!':lol::lol:
A husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, 'YOU CAN BE THE MAN OF YOUR HOUSE'.
He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, 'From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want.
'Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe ... Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and do my hair?
Without even looking up from her morning paper the wife replied, 'The f**ing' funeral director would be my first guess.:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:
>
> Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing
> nothing.
>
> One lady turns and asks, "Do you still get horny?"
>
> The other replies, "Oh sure I do."
>
> The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?"
>
> The second old lady replies, "I suck a Lifesaver."
>
> After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who drives you
> to
> the
> beach?"
> _______________:lol::lol:______________________________________
>
> An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship
> holding her hat on tightly so that it would not blow off in the wind.
>
> A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I do
> not
> intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in
> this
> high wind?"
>
> "Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto
> this hat."
>
> "But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!"
> said
> the gentleman in earnest.
>
> The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied,
> "Sir
> anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat
> yesterday!"
> _____________:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:______________________________________
>
> Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement
> home reminiscing.
>
> The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers and
> demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness of a cucumber she
> could buy for a penny.
>
> The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much
> bigger and cheaper also, and demonstrated the size of two big onions she
> could buy for a penny a piece.
>
> The third old lady remarked, "I can't hear a word you're
> saying,
> but I remember the guy you're talking about."
> _______________________________________:lol::lol::lol:_____________
>
> Two elderly women were out driving in a large car.
>
> Both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising
> along, they came to an intersection. As they did the stoplight was red but
> they just went on through.
>
> The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be
> losing it. I could have sworn we just went through red light."
>
> After a few more minutes they came to another intersection, the
> light was red, and again they went right through.
>
> This time, the passenger was almost sure that the light had
> been
> red, but was also concerned that she might be seeing things. She was
> getting nervous and decided to pay close attention.
>
> At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely
> red and they blew right through it.
>
> She turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know
> that you ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed
> us!"
>
> Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh Shoot..! Am I driving..?":lol:
Two homosexual men decide to have a baby.
They mix their sperm together and have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated with it.
When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital.
A dozen babies are in the ward, eleven of whom are crying and screaming.
Over in the corner, one baby is smiling serenely.
A nurse comes by, and to the delight of the gay fathers, she points out the happy child as theirs.
'Isn't it wonderful?' one gay says to the other.
'All these unhappy babies .... and yet our baby is so happy. This just proves the superiority of gay love!'
The nurse says, 'Oh sure, he's happy now, but just watch what happens when I pull the thermometer out of his butt!':lol::lol:
A husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, 'YOU CAN BE THE MAN OF YOUR HOUSE'.
He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, 'From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want.
'Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe ... Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and do my hair?
Without even looking up from her morning paper the wife replied, 'The f**ing' funeral director would be my first guess.:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:
