redbellybite
Almost Legendary
A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A
FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS,
HONEY,
COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY?
IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW.
HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY,
FIX THE LIGHTS NOW?
DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE
ENERGEX WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO.
FINE,
THEN THE WIFE ASKS,
WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT
TO WHICH HE REPLIED,
FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WESTINGHOUSE
WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO
FINE, SHE SAYS
THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS
TO THE FRONT DOOR?
THEY ARE ABOUT TO BREAK
I'M NOT A CARPENTER AND I DON'T
WANT TO FIX STEPS
HE SAYS, DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE
BUNNINGS WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO
I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU.
I'M GOING TO THE PUB!!!!
SO HE GOES TO THE PUB AND DRINKS FOR A
COUPLE OF HOURS.................................
HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW
HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES
TO GO HOME
AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES
THAT THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED.
AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE, HE SEES THE
HALL LIGHT IS WORKING
AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES
THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.
HONEY, HE ASKS, HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED?
SHE SAID, WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT
OUTSIDE AND CRIED
JUST THEN A NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME
WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM.
HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND
ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER
GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE.
HE SAID,
SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE?
SHE REPLIED,
HELLOOOOO..
DO YOU SEE SARA LEE WRITTEN
ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO!
Went to the doctor for my yearly physical.
She starts with certain basics.
How much do you weigh?' she asks. '135,' I say.
The doctor put me on the scale. It turns out my weight is 180.
The doctor asks, 'Your height?' '5 foot 4,' I say.
She checked and saw that I only measure 5'2'.
She then took my blood pressure and told me it is very high.
'Of course it's high!' I scream'. When I came in here I was tall and
Slender! Now I'm short and fat!'
She put me on Prozac. What a bitch
CHEWING GUM!
An Australian man was having a coffee and
croissants with butter and jam in a cafe
when an American tourist, chewing gum,
sat down next to him.
The Australian politely ignored the American,
who, nevertheless started up a conversation.
The American snapped his gum and said,
'You Australian folk eat the whole bread?'
The Australian frowned, annoyed with being
bothered during his breakfast, and replied,
'of course.'
The American blew a huge bubble. 'We don't.
In the States, we only eat what's inside.
The crusts we collect in a container,
recycle them, transform them into
croissants and sell them to Australia .'
The American had a smirk on his face.
The Australian listened in silence.
The American persisted, 'D'ya eat jam with
your bread?' Sighing, the Australian
replied, 'of course.'
Cracking his gum between his teeth, the
American said, 'we don't. In the States,
we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we
put all the peels, seeds and the leftovers
in containers, recycle them, transform them
into jam and sell it to Australia ..
The Australian then asked, 'Do you have sex
in the States?' The American smiled and said
'Why of course we do.' The Australian leaned
closer to him and asked, 'And what do you do
with the condoms once you've used them?'
'We throw them away, of course!'
Now it was the Australians turn to smile.
'We don't. In Australia , we put them in a
container, recycle them, melt them down
into chewing gum and sell them to the
United States .
Why do you think it's called Wrigley's?'?
FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS,
HONEY,
COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY?
IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW.
HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY,
FIX THE LIGHTS NOW?
DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE
ENERGEX WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO.
FINE,
THEN THE WIFE ASKS,
WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT
TO WHICH HE REPLIED,
FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WESTINGHOUSE
WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO
FINE, SHE SAYS
THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS
TO THE FRONT DOOR?
THEY ARE ABOUT TO BREAK
I'M NOT A CARPENTER AND I DON'T
WANT TO FIX STEPS
HE SAYS, DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE
BUNNINGS WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO
I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU.
I'M GOING TO THE PUB!!!!
SO HE GOES TO THE PUB AND DRINKS FOR A
COUPLE OF HOURS.................................
HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW
HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES
TO GO HOME
AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES
THAT THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED.
AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE, HE SEES THE
HALL LIGHT IS WORKING
AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES
THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.
HONEY, HE ASKS, HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED?
SHE SAID, WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT
OUTSIDE AND CRIED
JUST THEN A NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME
WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM.
HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND
ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER
GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE.
HE SAID,
SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE?
SHE REPLIED,
HELLOOOOO..
DO YOU SEE SARA LEE WRITTEN
ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO!
Went to the doctor for my yearly physical.
She starts with certain basics.
How much do you weigh?' she asks. '135,' I say.
The doctor put me on the scale. It turns out my weight is 180.
The doctor asks, 'Your height?' '5 foot 4,' I say.
She checked and saw that I only measure 5'2'.
She then took my blood pressure and told me it is very high.
'Of course it's high!' I scream'. When I came in here I was tall and
Slender! Now I'm short and fat!'
She put me on Prozac. What a bitch
CHEWING GUM!
An Australian man was having a coffee and
croissants with butter and jam in a cafe
when an American tourist, chewing gum,
sat down next to him.
The Australian politely ignored the American,
who, nevertheless started up a conversation.
The American snapped his gum and said,
'You Australian folk eat the whole bread?'
The Australian frowned, annoyed with being
bothered during his breakfast, and replied,
'of course.'
The American blew a huge bubble. 'We don't.
In the States, we only eat what's inside.
The crusts we collect in a container,
recycle them, transform them into
croissants and sell them to Australia .'
The American had a smirk on his face.
The Australian listened in silence.
The American persisted, 'D'ya eat jam with
your bread?' Sighing, the Australian
replied, 'of course.'
Cracking his gum between his teeth, the
American said, 'we don't. In the States,
we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we
put all the peels, seeds and the leftovers
in containers, recycle them, transform them
into jam and sell it to Australia ..
The Australian then asked, 'Do you have sex
in the States?' The American smiled and said
'Why of course we do.' The Australian leaned
closer to him and asked, 'And what do you do
with the condoms once you've used them?'
'We throw them away, of course!'
Now it was the Australians turn to smile.
'We don't. In Australia , we put them in a
container, recycle them, melt them down
into chewing gum and sell them to the
United States .
Why do you think it's called Wrigley's?'?
