(warning: Big Post but funny)~says Wil Anderson.....
Move over Big Brother, it's time for
Big Voter. Forget Popstars, we're
talking Poll-stars. Yes, that's right,
Channel Seven has announced
plans to stage a reality TV show
to pick a candidate for the next federal election.
Well, I guess it had to happen eventually. Let's
face it, most reality TV mainly consists of back-
stabbing, bitching, tears and alcohol-fuelled
embarrassment, so it's pretty much your average
party meeting for the Australian Democrats.
Many of our current politicians would be perfect
for reality TV. In fact, some of them have been
auditioning for years. Long before Reggie hit our
screens on Big Brother there was another fish and
chip shop owner called Pauline who starred in My
Redneck Rules. Sadly, for Pauline, the rest of her life
resembled less a reality show and more an episode
of Law and Order and later, Prisoner.
Then there was Cheryl Kernot who, after the
Democrats discovered she was the Mole, starred in
Changing Parties and co-starred with Gareth Evans
in A Current Affair. Not to mention Trish Draper,
Natasha Stott-Despoja and Eddie Obeid who seem
to have spent the last few weeks doing a pilot for
a tax-payer funded version of Getaway.
Meanwhile, the Government's tax policy is Who
Wants To Give A Rebate To A Millionaire? - most
of their refugee ideas seem to be ripped off from
Survivor, and the rest of the budget goes to making
the electorate feel Healthy, Wealthy and Wise.
(That is if you're wealthy enough to pay for
private health insurance and private education.)
But why stop there? If you really want to
boost the ratings for parliament, how about
Mark Latham's Taxi Cab Confessions, My Big
Fat Obnoxious Immigration Minister or, with
his penchant for fishnet stockings well known
(thanks to that 1996 charity appearance), the
Foreign Minister in the controversial new series
There's Something About Alexander?
And imagine the must-see TV when, on a very
special Surprise Wedding, Little Johnny and George
W make their love legal, or the controversy when
during a celebrity Extreme Makeover a beautician
plucking the PM's eyebrows finds Salman Rushdie,
the Blair Witch, Wally and all Saddam's WMDs.
Of course, not all the reality TV shows can
be winners. Political Idol was deemed a failure
(despite highlights like Bob Brown's stirring
rendition of "It's Not Easy Being Green" and
Amanda Vanstone and Phil Ruddock's duet "Six
Months in a Leaky Boat") when John Howard's
performance of "Honesty" kept being interrupted
by Peter Costello singing "What About Me?"
But all joking aside, maybe Channel Seven
is right. Most of the electorate think pollies could
do with a dose of reality, maybe they can get it
from reality TV. Imagine if, rather than the usual
wrangling over state funding at the annual
Premier's conference, the government just ran
the whole country like My Restaurant Rules.
In My State Rules, at the start of the year, they
would simply give each of the Premiers a budget,
and then through a series of secret reviews of
public transport, schools and hospitals, each
week the state that is doing worst gets voted
out until only one is left, and they get to run the
whole country. Imagine that, Queensland
beautiful one day, Victorian the next.
Getting rid of ballot boxes in favour of phone
voting would not only fund the system, but by
also incorporating SMS voting would get more
teenagers interested in the political process. Also
I'm pretty sure most Aussies would be in favour of
a system that let them vote from the comfort of
their couch. (Although it would spell doom for the
lucrative primary school "sausage sizzle" industry.)
And while the ideas factory is working overtime,
I'think we can also use television to solve
Australia's unemployment problem. Let's take the
lead from those World Vision ads and introduce
a Sponsor-A-Dole-Bludger program.
That way, when you pay your tax, you get a little
picture of your individual dole recipient standing
in line down at Centrelink and, in return, they write
to you once a month and tell you what's been
happening on The Bold and the Beautiful.
If these ideas catch on, eventually reality TV
may become a way of solving problems right
around the world. For example, what better way
to help our Greek friends who are struggling to
complete their Olympic preparations, than by
sending over our best reality team: "G'day I'm
Jamie Durie, and welcome to Athens Blitz. We've
sent the Greek Olympic Committee to Fiji for the
weekend, and while they're away Scott's going to
finish the stadium, Nigel's going to put a roof on
the pool, and Jody is going to whip up a lovely
Equestrian Centre. Meanwhile, I figured while
we are here I might as well finish the Acropolis."
Until next time, keep it real. ?
:lol: :lol: :lol:
