redbellybite
Almost Legendary
:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:
bahhhhhhhh hahaha ..Us women KNOW the lead up to this ....
I was due for a cancer smear with the doctor later in the week. Early one
morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had
been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am . I had only just packed
everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45 am. The
trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to
spare.
As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when
making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the
full effort. So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pyjamas, wet the facecloth
that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in that
area to make sure I was at least presentable. I threw the facecloth in the
clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my
appointment.
I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in.
Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked
over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or
some other place a million miles away. I was a little surprised when the
doctor said, 'My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?'
I didn't respond.
After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest
of the day was normal - some shopping, cleaning, & cooking.
After school when my 7 year old daughter was playing, she called out from
the bathroom, 'Mummy, where's my facecloth?'
I told her to get another one from the cupboard.
She replied, 'No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my
glitter saved inside it.'
NEVER going back to that doctor ever!!
HAVING MUM OVER FOR DINNER
You don't even have to be a mother to enjoy this one...
Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal,
Brian's mother couldn't help but notice how beautiful Brian's roommate, Jennifer,
was. Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of the platonic relationship between
Brian and Jennifer, and this had only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to
wonder if there was more between Brian and Jennifer than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, Brian volunteered, 'I know what you must be
thinking, but I assure you Jennifer and I are just roommates.'
About a week later, Jennifer came to Brian saying, 'Ever since your mother came
to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't
suppose she took it, do you?'
Brian said, 'Well, I doubt it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to be sure. So
he sat down and wrote:
__________________________________________________________
Dear Mum,
I'm not saying that you 'did' take the gravy ladle from the house, I'm not
saying that you 'did not' take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one
has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, Brian
__________________________________________________________
Several days later, Brian received an email back from his mother that read:
____________________________________________________
Dear Son,
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Jennifer, I'm not saying that you 'do
not' sleep with Jennifer. But the fact remains that if Jennifer is sleeping in
her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.
Love, Mum xxxxxx
LESSON OF THE DAY -
NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER!
My mother taught me to read when I was four years Old (her first mistake).
One day I was in the bathroom and noticed one of the cabinet doors was ajar,
there was a box in the cabinet. I then asked my mother why she was keeping
'napkins' in the bathroom.
Didn't they belong in the kitchen?
Not wanting to burden me with unnecessary facts, She told me that those were
for 'special occasions' (her second mistake).
Now fast forward a few months....
It's Christmas evening, and my folks are leaving to pick up my uncle and his
wife for Dinner.
Mom had assignments for all of us while they were gone... Mine was to set
the table.
When they returned, My uncle came in first and Immediately burst into
laughter.
Next came his wife who gasped, then began giggling.
Next came my father, who roared with laughter.
Then came Mum, who almost died of embarrassment when She saw each place
setting on the table with a 'special occasion' Kotex napkin at each plate,
With the fork carefully arranged on top.
I had even tucked the little tail in so they didn't hang off the edge!
My mother asked me why I used these and of course, My response sent the
other adults into further fits of laughter.
'But, Mummy, you said they were for special occasions!'
Paddy and Colleen were making passionate love in Paddy's mini van when suddenly Colleen, being a bit on the kinky side, yells out "Oh big boy, whip me, whip me!"
Paddy, not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity, obviously did not have any whips on hand, but in a flash of inspiration, he opens the window, snaps the antenna off his van and proceeds to whip Colleen until they both collapse in ecstasy.
About a week later, Colleen notices that the marks left by the whipping are starting to fester a bit so she goes to the doctor.
The doctor takes one look at the wounds and asks, "Did you get these marks having sex?"
Colleen, a little embarrassed that she has slept with Paddy, let alone that she allowed the kinky boy to whip her, eventually admits that yes she did.
Nodding his head knowingly, the doctor exclaims, "I thought so, because in all my years as a doctor you've got the worst case of van aerial disease that I've ever seen". :lol::lol::lol::lol:
bahhhhhhhh hahaha ..Us women KNOW the lead up to this ....
I was due for a cancer smear with the doctor later in the week. Early one
morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had
been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am . I had only just packed
everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45 am. The
trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to
spare.
As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when
making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the
full effort. So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pyjamas, wet the facecloth
that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in that
area to make sure I was at least presentable. I threw the facecloth in the
clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my
appointment.
I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in.
Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked
over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or
some other place a million miles away. I was a little surprised when the
doctor said, 'My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?'
I didn't respond.
After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest
of the day was normal - some shopping, cleaning, & cooking.
After school when my 7 year old daughter was playing, she called out from
the bathroom, 'Mummy, where's my facecloth?'
I told her to get another one from the cupboard.
She replied, 'No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my
glitter saved inside it.'
NEVER going back to that doctor ever!!
HAVING MUM OVER FOR DINNER
You don't even have to be a mother to enjoy this one...
Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal,
Brian's mother couldn't help but notice how beautiful Brian's roommate, Jennifer,
was. Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of the platonic relationship between
Brian and Jennifer, and this had only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to
wonder if there was more between Brian and Jennifer than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, Brian volunteered, 'I know what you must be
thinking, but I assure you Jennifer and I are just roommates.'
About a week later, Jennifer came to Brian saying, 'Ever since your mother came
to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't
suppose she took it, do you?'
Brian said, 'Well, I doubt it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to be sure. So
he sat down and wrote:
__________________________________________________________
Dear Mum,
I'm not saying that you 'did' take the gravy ladle from the house, I'm not
saying that you 'did not' take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one
has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, Brian
__________________________________________________________
Several days later, Brian received an email back from his mother that read:
____________________________________________________
Dear Son,
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Jennifer, I'm not saying that you 'do
not' sleep with Jennifer. But the fact remains that if Jennifer is sleeping in
her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.
Love, Mum xxxxxx
LESSON OF THE DAY -
NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER!
My mother taught me to read when I was four years Old (her first mistake).
One day I was in the bathroom and noticed one of the cabinet doors was ajar,
there was a box in the cabinet. I then asked my mother why she was keeping
'napkins' in the bathroom.
Didn't they belong in the kitchen?
Not wanting to burden me with unnecessary facts, She told me that those were
for 'special occasions' (her second mistake).
Now fast forward a few months....
It's Christmas evening, and my folks are leaving to pick up my uncle and his
wife for Dinner.
Mom had assignments for all of us while they were gone... Mine was to set
the table.
When they returned, My uncle came in first and Immediately burst into
laughter.
Next came his wife who gasped, then began giggling.
Next came my father, who roared with laughter.
Then came Mum, who almost died of embarrassment when She saw each place
setting on the table with a 'special occasion' Kotex napkin at each plate,
With the fork carefully arranged on top.
I had even tucked the little tail in so they didn't hang off the edge!
My mother asked me why I used these and of course, My response sent the
other adults into further fits of laughter.
'But, Mummy, you said they were for special occasions!'
Paddy and Colleen were making passionate love in Paddy's mini van when suddenly Colleen, being a bit on the kinky side, yells out "Oh big boy, whip me, whip me!"
Paddy, not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity, obviously did not have any whips on hand, but in a flash of inspiration, he opens the window, snaps the antenna off his van and proceeds to whip Colleen until they both collapse in ecstasy.
About a week later, Colleen notices that the marks left by the whipping are starting to fester a bit so she goes to the doctor.
The doctor takes one look at the wounds and asks, "Did you get these marks having sex?"
Colleen, a little embarrassed that she has slept with Paddy, let alone that she allowed the kinky boy to whip her, eventually admits that yes she did.
Nodding his head knowingly, the doctor exclaims, "I thought so, because in all my years as a doctor you've got the worst case of van aerial disease that I've ever seen". :lol::lol::lol::lol:
