Abnrml...I know how you are feeling as I felt the same when we lost our doggy Lucy.
We are lucky as we have her half sister Vicky.
Their fathers name was Speck... he died a couple of years ago. On the website of Strdansk Kennels, there is a picture of Speck next to one of the most beautiful poems I have ever read. I cry every time I read it and think of our beautiful Lucy.
It goes like this:-
I STOOD BY YOUR BED LAST NIGHT
I stood by your bed last night, I came to have a peep
I could see that you were crying, you found it hard to sleep
I whined to you softly, as you brushed away a tear
'It's me, I haven't left you, I'm well, I'm here'.
I was close to you at breakfast, I watched you pour your tea
You were thinking of the many times your hands reached down to me.
I was with you at the shops today, your arms were getting sore
I longed to take your parcels, I wished I could do more
I was with you at the grave today, you tend it with such care
I want to reassure you that I'm not laying there.
I walked with you toward the house, as you fumbled for your key
Gently I put my paw on you, I smiled and said 'It's me'.
You looked so very tired, and sank into a chair
I tried so hard to let you know, that I was standing there.
It's possible for me, to be near you everyday
To say to you with certainty, ' I never went away'.
You sat there very quietly, then smiled, I think you knew
In the stillness of the evening, I was very close to you.
And when the time is right for you to cross the brief divide
I'll rush across to greet you and we'll stand close, side by side
I have so many things to show you, there is so much for you to see
Be patient, live your journey out......
then come home to be with me.
Author unknown