An embarassing confession

[littlemay]

So I have an embarrassing confession, I am 26 years old and I cannot drive a car . This might not seem like a big deal, but to me it's becoming a huge thing; like a big, glowing sign of my failure to exist as an fully functional and independent person. I've struggled with depression and anxiety most of adult life and to be completely honest, driving terrifies me. I worry that i'll be terrible at it, that i'll destroy someone's property, that I might accidentally kill someone. So far I've been able to manage pretty alright with public transport in Sydney, but I hate how much I still have to rely on other people to get certain things done.

Anyway, i'm trying to get my courage together to book some lessons today and even just thinking about it right now is putting me on edge. I drove a little bit in my dad's manual once when I first got my Ls at 16 and I just remember it being so difficult, so i'm thinking maybe I should just try auto to at least get me in a car without having a full blown panic attack. Has anyone else had this experience of learning to drive as a late bloomer? Any tips, advice, encouragement? Help me APS!

 

[Stompsy]

I got my license at 18 about a month after my birthday but went for auto because I was too impatient to wait till I'd had enough lessons in a manual to be ready and I do not regret a thing.

Fast forward to after I got off my p's and I can now drive either and even owned and drove a manual for three years.

If auto eases your anxiety, then do it.


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[notechistiger]

I'm 24 and only just starting to learn how to drive. You'll find the fact you've put it off for so long is probably the reason your anxiety is so high about it. You just think it's worse than it really is. I definitely recommend going auto, as it gets you out there faster and it's much easier to learn. You can really just concentrate on the road with an auto when you're just starting.

If you're a member of a local community facebook page, I would recommend asking for opinions on good driving schools in your local area. A lot of the kids get intimidated easily, so they tend to only recommend the good and nice teachers hehe. Having an instructor will really help you learn how to control the car and will really show you everything is in your control.

Good luck with it!

 

[pythoninfinite]

Preparing to drive can be hugely stressful, I put it off till I was 21, and then only learned because work was pressuring me. But I'm glad they did. I got my licence in 1969, when there was no minimum learning period, I was taught by my father (often not a good idea!) and took my test in a manual EK Holden with a clutch that was slipping so badly that the tester was reaching across with his right foot to declutch for me! I passed, and it was incredibly liberating! A year later I got my motorcycle licence (there were no restrictions on new riders then) and on the way home from passing the test, I stopped at a dealership and bought a 900cc sportsbike. Things were so much easier then, but that's maybe why the road toll is lower per head of population these days! I'm less obsessed about cars these days, but still love fast bikes... unlike my wife, who has shown an unrelenting dislike of my current 300km/h machine, although I suspect her dislike relates more to its cost than the bike itself!

After that blather, my suggestion would be, firstly, it's not embarrassing, it's just a confidence thing. We all have anxieties about one thing or another, and as notechistiger has suggested, it's probable that your anxiety is increasing simply because you're overthinking it. Definitely go for auto to start with, so that you have one thing less to think about while getting the hang of both the car and the road environment. Notechistiger's suggestion of researching appropriate teachers is a good one - and remember they deal with all sorts of people, from the hesitant and uncertain to the totally overconfident and dangerous. I'm sure they prefer to deal with clients that have respect for the potential advantages and disadvantages of driving on our public roads.

I reckon you'll find that simply making the decision to contact a driving school, the first step, will be very liberating and empowering for you, and once you see how easy it actually is and how automatic (sorry for the pun) driving becomes after a very short time, there will be no stopping you!

Go for it! Jamie

 

[Stompsy]

I'd also like to add that if you aren't ready to head straight out onto a road for practice, try getting a full licensed person to take you to an empty car park and just drive around until you feel more comfortable and in control of the vehicle. That way when it comes to actually heading out in traffic, you'll have less to worry about because you'll already have the experience in controlling the vehicle itself.


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[Bluetongue1]

You have nothing to be embarrassed about. My mum got her driver’s licence at the age of 45. More to the point, one of the many effects of depression is it makes doing anything outside of your own home difficult. I recall an interview with the actress Rebecca Gibney where she stated that when she was suffering with depression it would take her 2 weeks just to work up to go to the local shop.

I have taught a couple of my sisters, some mates and my children to drive, all on manual cars. In fact, my daughter told her brother that I was an awesome driving teacher. I put that down to my basic approach to the process. I reckon there are three phases to learning to drive. In order, these are learning how to operate the vehicle, learning how to drive the vehicle on roadways, and lastly developing traffic sense.

I’ve just recalled that my twin sister reminded on my last visit how I had explained to her the way the gearing works in a car and how that can be used to control its speed – something I have no recollection of, but it has obviously stuck with her.

A good instructor will do the above – take you through the process one step at time, developing the skills you need in the order in which you need them, and providing explanations where appropriate, along the way. So take the advice offered and make the time to locate someone highly recommended by others. Do that, and be open with the instructor about any and all apprehensions you have, and I believe you will find it is not the insurmountable mission that it currently feels like. Most importantly of all, don’t be too harsh on yourself. There are lots of people out there who view getting a driver’s licence in the same manner as you, yet they don’t suffer from depression and the anxiety that produces. Just take it one step at a time, and if you do not feel up to doing whatever today... tomorrow is soon enough.

 

[Raymonde]

I was really nervous about learning to drive, even had nightmares about pressing the wrong petals. I didn't learn to drive till I was 21, and then only did an auto licence and got my manual licence 2-3 years later when i was more comfortable with driving and only had to learn how to do the gears. Still don't like driving but at least i can do it.
My housemate only got her licence in march, she is 27, she never really needed a licence till then since she didn't have or want a car. And a friend of mine was 30 something when he got his licence.

There is nothing wrong with being a bit older than most. In fact it can be beneficial as you have better judgement and the rules and hoops you have to jump through to get a licence can be a bit easier than if you do it straight away. eg in queensland most people have to do 100 hours of supervised driving before getting their licence, but if your over 25 you don't have to do that.

So actually you are still younger than many other learner drivers and better off than a bunch of other learner drivers. You simply haven't needed to learn before. And if it is still too much I would suggest getting an automatic licence first, you can always upgrade later. Its more effort but a lot less stressful to not have to learn everything at once. Or at least start learning in an auto, then when you are more comfortable switch to a manual and then take the test.

 

[JackTheHerper]

As a sufferer of Anxiety and Depression like your self, I got my Learner permit at 17, And am still learning at 18, I have about 110 hours all up and i still get anxious, But if you can just appreciate that its not as bad as it seems or you can focus on just driving it helps.

Good luck and try to remember that at the end of the day, things aint that bad.

 

[littlemay]

Thanks for the encouragement everyone. I called a couple of driving schools and today booked lessons for next week. While i'm still crapping myself, you were right pythoninfinite, I feel really good about actually going ahead and booking it. My plan is to try and instrumentally condition myself to enjoy it by rewarding myself immediately after each lesson. If it worked for Pavlov, it can work for me!

 

[princessparrot]

I may never be able to drive due to my epilepsy....

 

[pinefamily]

I may never be able to drive due to my epilepsy....

I'm in the same boat, having had several seizures related to my type 1 diabetes.

 

[littlemay]

I may never be able to drive due to my epilepsy....

I'm in the same boat, having had several seizures related to my type 1 diabetes.

I'm sorry to hear that One of my old flatmates had epilepsy but was able to start driving once she was seizure free for a few years, though I moved out of that house before she got her Ps, so i'm not sure what ended up happening there.

 

[vampstorso]

My sisters partner is 34 and has never driven. He is from Glasgow and just never had to with their public transport, he has no interest in it either!

So don't feel bad!

Depression and anxiety are crippling.
I have both too, and found my instructor to be greatly relieving of it. He told me what I needed to know but spoke like a friend. He was serious when needed but in an approachable way.
He also used to call me "Henny Penny" as I always acted like the sky was falling (anxiety!)


One thing he told me was students who have been driving with their parents are often worse as they've taught bad habits or have made the student more nervous already, ans he prefers a fresh slate as they often do better... And guess what... You fit that bill!


You'll rock it!

 

[Jen]

35 and still no licence, I get teased (not really the word I want but it will do) about it all the time by my 'friends'. I have anxiety and basically start to shake badly whenever I have been in the drivers seat (had my L's several times) and eve as a passenger I get quite anxious. I had ever conected my depression to the anxiety though, so this thread has helped explain that, Thanks! I get really sick of people telling me I should get my licence as I would go out so much more - um, no, no I wouldn't.

Having driven both a manual and an auto - if you feel an auto would be easier and less stressful, go for the auto, I much prefered the auto. Don't let people embarrass you into somethig that is stressful for you, as it will probably just hurt you in the long run.
Good Luck.