Friends moving away.....

[Raymonde]

I'm sad today.... another one of my close friends is moving away.... I find it hard to make close friends and have/had managed to make a really good group of friends at uni who regularly met up and had dinner together or went bushwalking (with me looking for snakes the whole time(which they were fine with despite none being avid herp lovers)). Anyway one went to do a phd in Toronto Canada 3 years ago, then another a masters in melbourne last year and now another is doing a post doc in germany...... so from my original group of friends there is only one left... and it just doesn't seem worth it to go bush walking or out to dinner with just the two of us especially when we see each other most days as we are still both at uni (PhD's)....

I has occurred to me that i should try and make new friends but i find it hard and where do you go to make friends.... all the undergrads seem so young (not only in age but also in maturity, age difference doesn't really bother me, but maturity level does). How do you go from that stage where you will say hi and chat or have lunch together in the common eating area to actually hanging out outside of the uni or going bushwalking.... i always feel like they all have their own friends to hang out with and won't want or need me around.

(it doesn't help that i am not into alcohol, pubs, large loud parties or clubbing....)

I guess i just wanted to share being sad about my friend moving, cause with my friend i am trying to be happy and supportive as it is a awesome opportunity...

 

[Sezzzzzzzzz]

awww hun, big hugs! ill go bushwalking with you, but you have to move to sydney

 

[CrystalMoon]

It's hard when you dont make friends too easily..... perhaps you might like to do a little(I know you would be busy) volunteer work, you may just automatically click with different people. It would also take away any of the initial awkwardness good luck and I feel for you
Kind regards
Crystal

 

[grannieannie]

Yes I'm sure it is very difficult for you, but I really can't see what's wrong with still having lunch with the one friend you have left....life happens, people move on, I'm sure if the opportunity came up you'd take advantage and move on too. Your friends who have moved to different parts of the world also have to start making new friends too. I think what crystalmoon suggested is a great idea...volunteer work....volunteers are always wanted, then you'll meet people who are really socially isolated, perhaps some who have no roof over their heads and don't know where their next meal is coming from. Or families who are struggling economically....I know what you mean about maturity, and getting out and volunteering can certainly mature you...........

 

[Ally04]

I'll be your friend lol I find having a child makes it hard to find friends.

 

[grannieannie]

I'll be your friend lol I find having a child makes it hard to find friends.

I'm really surprised at that Ally....there seems to be an awful lot of young mums about...I thought there'd be casual play groups somewhere.....but if you say it's hard, then it must be....sorry to hear that.

 

[cracksinthepitch]

Start a bushwalkers club at Uni, and have some regular outings . You could be the Leader and make new freinds that way.

 

[Renenet]

I hear you, Raymonde. If you're not into getting drunk or loud venues, it cuts out a lot of social options - especially at uni!

I've just started an undergraduate degree as a mature-age student and was expecting to experience a similar problem. However, I'm pleasantly surprised at just how many other "old fogeys" there are. I don't know the demographic of your uni, but perhaps there are older undergrads there as well. Maybe start going to some non-torturous social events, like film screenings, or check out some of the special interest clubs - do they have a bushwalking club perhaps?

Good luck. I know it's tough, but I find it helps when you try to see situations like this as an opportunity. It sounds like you'll always have your old friends. You could get some ones as well.

Ren

 

[Raymonde]

Start a bushwalkers club at Uni, and have some regular outings . You could be the Leader and make new freinds that way.

there is actually already a bushwalking group.... but they are a bit too hard core for me.... they also do a lot of big trips and adventure sports where as i still want to be able to go slow enough to stop and look at any reptiles or birds that can be found

I hear you, Raymonde. If you're not into getting drunk or loud venues, it cuts out a lot of social options - especially at uni!

I've just started an undergraduate degree as a mature-age student and was expecting to experience a similar problem. However, I'm pleasantly surprised at just how many other "old fogeys" there are. I don't know the demographic of your uni, but perhaps there are older undergrads there as well. Maybe start going to some non-torturous social events, like film screenings, or check out some of the special interest clubs - do they have a bushwalking club perhaps?

Good luck. I know it's tough, but I find it helps when you try to see situations like this as an opportunity. It sounds like you'll always have your old friends. You could get some ones as well.

Ren

I am aware that there are lots of mature aged students, its just hard to make good friends with them, especially as i am usually the tutor.....

It's hard when you dont make friends too easily..... perhaps you might like to do a little(I know you would be busy) volunteer work, you may just automatically click with different people. It would also take away any of the initial awkwardness good luck and I feel for you
Kind regards
Crystal

volunteer work is a good idea, been meaning to organise it.... i tend to let life get in the way (supposed to be spending all my time writing my thesis, this doesn't mean i do, as i am the queen of procrastination, i swear i have it down to an art form)

 

[Renenet]

I am aware that there are lots of mature aged students, its just hard to make good friends with them, especially as i am usually the tutor.....

Ah. Yes, that would be a problem.

As for the bushwalking club not being your thing - which I totally understand - could you start a herping club at uni or join your local herp society?

 

[grannieannie]

Raymonde you reckon you're the queen of procrastionation....well I think you better meet my husband, he's the king of it.. :lol: Hopefully some of the ideas people give you on here will click with you and you'll make a decision and start going down a new path....a very enjoyable one.

 

[Monitor_Keeper]

Just talk to people with similar interests? People shouldn't have to explain to a uni student how to make friends lol

 

[sesa-sayin]

This young Lady has 1 friend she has not mentioned.......................her above average intellect..................Use it to the fulll.study study study...always study, and then study some more...It will stand right with you all the way, right throughout your life...Your formal studies merely show the way, how you can embark on any field of study , which you care to........Never ever understimate the wonderful gift which you have given...All the very best to you....your friends are closer to you than you think....They also are in a room studying....just like you

 

[kawasakirider]

Just talk to people with similar interests? People shouldn't have to explain to a uni student how to make friends lol

Lol'd hard.

OP - If these friends are moving away, it shouldn't matter if they are TRUE friends. I hardly see some of my best mates but we always keep in contact and catch up when we can, actually two have come down to see me in Bris from Rockhampton tonight.

It's a fact of life, people can't hang around in limbo to placate others who are scared of change, just like mothers have to let their kids move out, sometimes hundreds of km away. It's a big wide world out there, you probably won't make too many friends in your life that you could ring up and they'd drop everything and be there in an instant, but the friends that would do that for you, would do it regardless of where they were situated.

 

[camcamcam]

Just talk to people with similar interests? People shouldn't have to explain to a uni student how to make friends lol

What someone else mentioned here mate, just get out and about, volunteer somewhere, great place to meet people, what UNI are you at?

 

[Raymonde]

Just talk to people with similar interests? People shouldn't have to explain to a uni student how to make friends lol

not everyone is a social butterfly

There is no need to start what seems a flamewar by saying something like that (apologies if you didn't mean it in a negative way).

IF it wasn't meant in a negative way then TeKnO should work on being more careful with wording of posts, because it definitely comes across as negative and rude

What someone else mentioned here mate, just get out and about, volunteer somewhere, great place to meet people, what UNI are you at?

Griffith Nathan campus (brisbane for those outside queensland)

OP - If these friends are moving away, it shouldn't matter if they are TRUE friends. I hardly see some of my best mates but we always keep in contact and catch up when we can, actually two have come down to see me in Bris from Rockhampton tonight.

They are true friends and of cause we will stay in touch (and already have been), i'll just miss having the group around and meeting up and doing things on a regular basis....

Also i do have other friends, but i don't really see them regularly, this group was just a group of really close friends that have similar interests and got along really well.

 

[Raymonde]

I wasn't actually asking how to make friends, i know how, and had thought of most of the ideas people had put forward. Actually i was just sharing feeling sad about my friend leaving..... that was all... It seems most people have interpreted it as asking how to make friends, and thats probably my fault for the way i worded it but it wasn't actually my intention, not that i'm not thankful for peoples suggestions as they confirm my own ideas. It's not like this is the silliest or most pointless thread on this forum.... other people post some far more random things. I thought that that was one of the reasons there is a 'chit chat' part of the forum....

Honestly i really don't see why you have to be negative. what can you possible get out of it other than making the people you direct it too feel sad, angry or upset. I may not always manage it but i do try to stick with the saying "if you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all" particularly on the internet......

Please don't reply.... i really don't want to know anymore.....

 

[Renenet]

Sorry, Raymonde. I didn't mean to make it sound like I thought you didn't know how to make friends. As an introvert, a lot of what you said resonated with me. You sound like a loyal friend. Anyone would be lucky to know you and you'll find the right people eventually.

It was suppose to come off as negative, in what way could that ever come off as positive?

If I'm ever feeling sad, please don't try to cheer me up.