Trouble
Very Well-Known Member
Hey guys
A few of you asked if I had anymore sayings in my other thread.
I went through my pc, and found these.
Hope you enjoy!
A few of you asked if I had anymore sayings in my other thread.
I went through my pc, and found these.
Hope you enjoy!
Computers
1. As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error.
2. A life? Cool! Where do I download one of those?3. Dawn is nature's way of telling you to go to bed.
4. The truth is out there? Does anyone know the URL?
5. There's no place like http://www.home.com
6. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks.
In life, you can't press the backspace button.
Wisdom
1. A word to the wise is unnecessary. - La Rouchefoucauld 2. Anything that is designed to do more than one thing can't do any of them well.
3. If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
4. Whoever said sun brings happiness never danced in the rain.
5. A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
6. A classic is a book that is much praised yet rarely read.
7. Every snowflake in an avalanche pleads not guilty.
8. It takes one tree to make 10,000 matches, but one match to burn 10,000 trees.
9. Long periods of drought are always followed by rain.
10. It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.
11. Let everyone sweep in front of his own door, and the whole world will be clean.
12. Reach for the moon. Even if you miss you'll land among the stars.
13. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw it away three weeks before you need it.
14. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
15. Bills travel through the mail twice the speed of checks.
16. Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
17.Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger--Franklin P. Jones
18. Everyone is the age of their heart.--Guatealan proverb
19. Nobody knows the age of the human race, but everybody agrees that it is old enough to know better.
20. The assassin and the slanderer differ only in the weapon they use; with the one it is the dagger, with the other the tongue. The latter is worse than the former, for the first only kills the body, while the other murders the reputation--Tyron Edwards
21. Be more concerned with your character than with your reputation. Your character is what you really are while your reputation is merely what others think you are--Dale Carnegie
22. If I were asked to enumerate ten educational stupidities, the giving of grades would head the list... If I can't give a child a better reason for studying than a grade on a report card, I ought to lock my desk and go home and stay there.--Dorothy De Zouche
23. How can a society that exists on instant mashed potatoes, packaged cake mixes, frozen dinners, and instant cameras teach patience to its young?--Paul Sweeney
Unanswered Questions
1.Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
2. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
3. Why do psychics have to ask for your name?
4. If a cow laughs hard, does milk come out its nose?
5. If the #2 pencil is so popular why is it still #2?
6. If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing in the store is free yet?
7. The "Psychic Friends Network" went out of business... didn't they see it coming?
8. Is it possible for someone to become addicted to therapy? And If so, how would you treat them?
9. Why do we drive on the parkway and park in the driveway?
10. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
11. Isn't is it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
12. When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
13. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
14. Why is the word abbreviation so long?
15. If a word is mispelled in the dictionary, is it mispelled?And if it is mispelled, how would we know?-AML
16. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
17. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
18. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
19. Why are a "wise man" and”wise guy” opposites?
20. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?
21. If you are dialing from a touch-tone phone, why do you call it 'dialing'? -Ziggy
22. Do coffins have lifetime guarantees?
23.If the sky is the limit, then what is space, over the limit?
24. Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?
25. "Cute as a button" Is that supposed to be a compliment? Since when are buttons cute?
26. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?
27. Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?
28. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
29. Can you get cornered in a round room?
30. Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but its ok to use a handicapped toilet?
31. Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?
32. Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate?
33. Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures’?
34. Why is it that when things get wet they get darker, even though water is clear?
35. If a fork were made of gold would it still be considered silverware?
36. Why is there that little space inside strawberries, as if it was meant for a pit, and then the seeds are on the outside?
37. Why do you go "back and forth" to town if you really must go forth before you go back?
38. Why do companies offer you "free gifts?" Since when has a gift NOT been
free?
39. If something "goes without saying," why do people still say it?
40. You know the expression, "Don't quit your day job?" Well what do you say to
people that work nights?
41. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Humorous Sayings
1. In Order to get the handsome prince, you have to kiss a lot of toads.
2. Never forget a friend, especially those that owe you--Chinese Proverb
3. If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking, and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
4. Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
5. Everyone is gifted. Some open the package sooner.
6. Suburbs are areas where they cut down trees and then name the streets after them.
7. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
8. You can't have everything, where would you put it?
9. I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
10. It may be your sole purpose in life to serve as a warning to others.
11. Strangers have the best candy.
12. Humpty-Dumpty was pushed!
13. Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you'll be a mile from them, and you'll have their shoes. -Jack Handy
14. There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
15. My husband and I divorced over religious reasons. He thought he was God and I didn't!
16. Earth is the insane Asylum for the universe.
17. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
18. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
19. I almost had a psychic boyfriend, but he left me before we met!
20. Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it back!
21. If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
22. If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.
23. I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow doesn't look too good either.
24. When the blind leadeth the blind, get out of the way.
25. Keep smiling - it makes everyone wonder what you're up to.
26. Never drink water - if it can rust iron, imagine what it can do to your stomach.
27. There's always a light at the end of the tunnel...just hope it's NOT a train!
28. I'm not littering... I'm donating to the earth.
29. If it doesn't fit, force it; if it breaks, it needed replacement anyway.
30. If you dont like the way I drive, get off the sidewalk!
31. Chaos, panic, pandemonium - my work here is done.
32. DEAR IRS, Please cancel my subscription.
33. G-d, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I had to kill because they annoyed me.
34. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
35. A tree never hits an automobile except in self-defence.
36. Buy one for the price of two and get the second one free!
37. Did you know that dolphins are so intelligent that within only a few weeks of captivity, they can train Americans to stand at the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
38. How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
39. If the left side of your brain controls the right side of your body, then only left handed people are in their right mind.
40. If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
41. If you blow in a dog's face-he'll get mad at you, but take him for a ride in the car - the first thing he does is stick his head out of the window!
42. Man is a peculiar creature. He spends a fortune making his home insect-proof and air-conditioned, and then eats in the yard.
43. Only in America do we have drive up ATM's with braile on them.
44. The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is 'uncopyrightable'!
45. The only ones who aren't grateful on Thanksgiving are turkeys.
46. Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried slamming a revolving door.
47. Education is what you get from reading the small print. Experience is what you get from not reading it.
48. It doesn't matter what temperature the room is. It's always room-temperature.
49. money may not buy happiness, but it sure makes misery much easier to live with.
50. Anyone who says 'Easy as taking candy from a baby' has never tried it.
51. ALWAYS LATE but worth the wait.
52. I'd have a photographic memory but it was never developed.
53. I'm actually quite pleasant until I'm awake.
54. If you're too open-minded your brains will fall out.
55. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
56. If con is the opposite of pro, what's the opposite of progress?
57. The difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know, and I couldn't care less.
58. He's not dead... he's electroencephalographically challenged.
59. I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers--Joseph Blosephina
60. I never made a mistake in my life; at least, never one that I couldn’t explain away afterwards.
61. It’s funny- the ppl who want quiet are always the loudest getting everyone else to shut up.
62. Imagine how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
63. Whoever said money can´t buy happiness doesn´t know where to shop.
64. The taxpayers are sending congressmen on expensive trips abroad. It might be worth it except they keep coming back.
65. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.
66. If it weren't for Edison, we'd be watching TV by candlelight.
67. Anyone who wants the presidency enough that he will spend two years organizing and campaigning for it is not to be trusted with the office.
68. Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
