I would like my BHP to hide in my sleeve and when I dramatically point at someone to have her come flying out while I yell "SNAKE HANDS!!" She would then retract, ready for the next attack. Man, I'd be such a boss.
Also, I'd like to have a Pygmy python, paint her something inconspicuous (like a pencil), take her into exams and have her investigate other people's answers; she will memorise these, double check with someone else's work, come back and report the results by contorting her body into letters and numbers. And then if any examiners or students notice and complain, I will point at them and yell SNAKE HANDS! Oh, fun