rodentrancher
Very Well-Known Member
The Rejection Letter!
The Mr. Right Rejection Letter Form
Feel Free to Cut and Paste!
Dear [____rejectee's name here_____],
I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further
contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was
exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself
also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file
should an opening become available. So that you may find better success in
your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following
reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition:
[Check all those that apply]
___ Your breasts are bigger than mine.
___ Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it,
hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.
___ The fact that our finest dining experience to date has been at
McDonald's reveals a thriftiness that I find unappealing.
___ Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms by the
truckload" indicates that you may be interested in me for
something other than my personality.
___ You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions
about yourself before you asked me one.
___ Your legs are skinnier than mine. If you can FIT into my pants,
then you can't GET into my pants.
___ Your "Putting on a few, aren't you babe?" comment, given the
9-months pregnant size of your beer gut, was inappropriate.
___ You failed the credit check.
___ I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.
___ The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals an
inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.
___ The phrase "My Mother" has popped up far too often in
conversation.
___ You still live with your parents.
___ You mention your ex-girlfriend's name more than you mention mine.
___ Three words: Size does matter.
Sincerely,
[Your name here]
The Mr. Right Rejection Letter Form
Feel Free to Cut and Paste!
Dear [____rejectee's name here_____],
I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further
contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was
exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself
also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file
should an opening become available. So that you may find better success in
your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following
reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition:
[Check all those that apply]
___ Your breasts are bigger than mine.
___ Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it,
hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.
___ The fact that our finest dining experience to date has been at
McDonald's reveals a thriftiness that I find unappealing.
___ Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms by the
truckload" indicates that you may be interested in me for
something other than my personality.
___ You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions
about yourself before you asked me one.
___ Your legs are skinnier than mine. If you can FIT into my pants,
then you can't GET into my pants.
___ Your "Putting on a few, aren't you babe?" comment, given the
9-months pregnant size of your beer gut, was inappropriate.
___ You failed the credit check.
___ I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.
___ The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals an
inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.
___ The phrase "My Mother" has popped up far too often in
conversation.
___ You still live with your parents.
___ You mention your ex-girlfriend's name more than you mention mine.
___ Three words: Size does matter.
Sincerely,
[Your name here]
