rodentrancher
Very Well-Known Member
RE: Re: One for the boys!
:lol: Good jokes today.
:lol: Good jokes today.
Joke! One for The Girls. LOL!
- Thread starter rodentrancher
- Start date
-
- Tags
- aspidites ramsayi
Help Support Aussie Pythons & Snakes Forum:
- Status
Ginajam01
Not so new Member
Blonde Handywoman.
Blonde Handywoman is doing some doorknocking for extra work when an old bloke asks,'Can you paint my Porch?'.
'Yeah sure thing, ummm 50bucks is that alright?'.
"Hell Yeah, there's the paint over there'.
Inside his wife asks,'50bucks? does she know the porch goes all the way around the house?'.
'Well she was standing on it when she quoted so she'd have to know'.
5 minutes later the Blonde comes in saying,'Alldone!'.
'ALL Done? already', he asks.
'Yeah and I had plenty of paint left over so I put 2 coats on I hope you don't mind?'.
He's a little surprised but ,'No worries love 2 coats is great'.
She says,'I don't want to sound like a know all mister but that's NO PORCH, It's a Ferarri!'.
Blonde Handywoman is doing some doorknocking for extra work when an old bloke asks,'Can you paint my Porch?'.
'Yeah sure thing, ummm 50bucks is that alright?'.
"Hell Yeah, there's the paint over there'.
Inside his wife asks,'50bucks? does she know the porch goes all the way around the house?'.
'Well she was standing on it when she quoted so she'd have to know'.
5 minutes later the Blonde comes in saying,'Alldone!'.
'ALL Done? already', he asks.
'Yeah and I had plenty of paint left over so I put 2 coats on I hope you don't mind?'.
He's a little surprised but ,'No worries love 2 coats is great'.
She says,'I don't want to sound like a know all mister but that's NO PORCH, It's a Ferarri!'.
RE: Blonde Handywoman.
I asked her if she would go to bed with me if i gave her a million dollars and she said YES......so i asked her if she would go to bed with me for fifty cents and she said WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM.......
i said WE KNOW WHAT YOU ARE, WERE JUST HAGGLING THE PRICE.....
I asked her if she would go to bed with me if i gave her a million dollars and she said YES......so i asked her if she would go to bed with me for fifty cents and she said WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM.......
i said WE KNOW WHAT YOU ARE, WERE JUST HAGGLING THE PRICE.....
Already_Gone
Well-Known Member
RE: Blonde Handywoman.
lmao
lmao
G
Guest
Guest
Re: RE: Re: One for the boys!
I'd pay to see that!!! Especially the punishment bit!!!! LOL 8) :wink: :lol:
johnbowemonie said:
I'd pay to see that!!! Especially the punishment bit!!!! LOL 8) :wink: :lol:
G
Guest
Guest
RE: Re: RE: Re: One for the boys!
too busy watching the game to reply Simone?? LOL
Go the Dragons!!!!
too busy watching the game to reply Simone?? LOL
Go the Dragons!!!!
salebrosus
Very Well-Known Member
RE: Re: RE: Re: One for the boys!
Well i am certainly the adventurous type shermy!!!!!!!!! Yeah, i was watching the live stats on the NRL site. We are getting thrashed.
Simone.
Go the Dragons!!!!!
Well i am certainly the adventurous type shermy!!!!!!!!! Yeah, i was watching the live stats on the NRL site. We are getting thrashed.
Simone.
Go the Dragons!!!!!
snakegirl
Active Member
RE: Re: RE: Re: One for the boys!
A man goes into a restaurant and straight up he notices all the waiters have spoons in their top pocket... once seated he asks the closest waiter 'why?'
He reply's, 'Because that is the most common utensil people drop and so to save time the manager makes us carry one, but if you think that is weird he has banned us from touching our 'wiggly' when we go to the bathroom.'
Puzzled the man asked,' Hmmm I can understand how you get it out, but how do you get it back in?'
The waiter responded,' Well I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.'
A man goes into a restaurant and straight up he notices all the waiters have spoons in their top pocket... once seated he asks the closest waiter 'why?'
He reply's, 'Because that is the most common utensil people drop and so to save time the manager makes us carry one, but if you think that is weird he has banned us from touching our 'wiggly' when we go to the bathroom.'
Puzzled the man asked,' Hmmm I can understand how you get it out, but how do you get it back in?'
The waiter responded,' Well I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.'
G
Guest
Guest
RE: Re: RE: Re: One for the boys!
Simone,
What a disgrace in the first half!!!!
But we did redeem our pride in the second, wasnt too much of a margin which i thought was good for the first game back.
And.....Adventurous ay??? Hmmmmm
Simone,
What a disgrace in the first half!!!!
But we did redeem our pride in the second, wasnt too much of a margin which i thought was good for the first game back.
And.....Adventurous ay??? Hmmmmm
salebrosus
Very Well-Known Member
RE: Re: RE: Re: One for the boys!
Yeah, i'm game to try anything once or twice.
I'd be a little happier if Nathan Brown put Daniel Holdsworth in at 5/8 instead of playing aaron Gorrell out of position. And i'm still filthy on them for letting Tony Jensen,JohnCarlaw, Tingha, Kite and Riddell go. They let Tignha and Carlaw go who were in fine form for Albert Torrens and willie Manu. I dont think that was smart recruitment.
Simone.
Yeah, i'm game to try anything once or twice.
I'd be a little happier if Nathan Brown put Daniel Holdsworth in at 5/8 instead of playing aaron Gorrell out of position. And i'm still filthy on them for letting Tony Jensen,JohnCarlaw, Tingha, Kite and Riddell go. They let Tignha and Carlaw go who were in fine form for Albert Torrens and willie Manu. I dont think that was smart recruitment.
Simone.
Craig2
Very Well-Known Member
RE: Re: One for the boys!
here is my 2 cents worth
Q) Why do men die b4 there wives.
A) Because they want to.
here is my 2 cents worth
Q) Why do men die b4 there wives.
A) Because they want to.
dobermanmick
Very Well-Known Member
RE: Re: One for the boys!
:lol: honesty aye mrmagic :lol:
40 things a woman cant do !
1. Know anything about a car except its colour
2. Go 24 hours without sending an SMS
3. Throw
4. Run
5. Park
6. Fart properly
7. Read a map
8. Resist Ikea or Freedom
9. Sit still
10. Eat a kebab/souvlaki whilst walking
11. Piss out of a train window
12. Argue without shouting
13. Get told off without crying
14. Use the suicide lane
15. Walk past a shoe shop
16. Resist sending on those poxy heart-warming e- mails
17. Resist commenting on strangers' clothes
18. Use a small amount of toilet paper
19. Drink a pint gracefully
20. Shout a round
21. Throw a punch
22. Be a magician
23. Enjoy porn
24. Eat a decent hot curry
25. Get to the point
26. Buy plain envelopes
27. Take less than 40 minutes in the shower
28. Sit in a room for five minutes without saying, "I'm cold"
29. Go shopping and know what they want
30. Assemble furniture
31. Rent a decent DVD/video
32. Set a video recorder
33. Watch a war film
34. Understand why their flirting pisses us off
35. Spend a day by themselves
36. Go to a nightclub toilet by themselves
37. Buy a purse that fits in their pocket
38. Quickly choose a rental DVD/video
39. Enjoy a good burp
40. Get this far without having argued with at least one of the above
:lol: honesty aye mrmagic :lol:
40 things a woman cant do !
1. Know anything about a car except its colour
2. Go 24 hours without sending an SMS
3. Throw
4. Run
5. Park
6. Fart properly
7. Read a map
8. Resist Ikea or Freedom
9. Sit still
10. Eat a kebab/souvlaki whilst walking
11. Piss out of a train window
12. Argue without shouting
13. Get told off without crying
14. Use the suicide lane
15. Walk past a shoe shop
16. Resist sending on those poxy heart-warming e- mails
17. Resist commenting on strangers' clothes
18. Use a small amount of toilet paper
19. Drink a pint gracefully
20. Shout a round
21. Throw a punch
22. Be a magician
23. Enjoy porn
24. Eat a decent hot curry
25. Get to the point
26. Buy plain envelopes
27. Take less than 40 minutes in the shower
28. Sit in a room for five minutes without saying, "I'm cold"
29. Go shopping and know what they want
30. Assemble furniture
31. Rent a decent DVD/video
32. Set a video recorder
33. Watch a war film
34. Understand why their flirting pisses us off
35. Spend a day by themselves
36. Go to a nightclub toilet by themselves
37. Buy a purse that fits in their pocket
38. Quickly choose a rental DVD/video
39. Enjoy a good burp
40. Get this far without having argued with at least one of the above
dobermanmick
Very Well-Known Member
RE: Re: One for the boys!
And another
A family is sitting around the supper table.
The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of breasts
are there?"
The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three
kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman's breasts are
like melons - round and firm. In her thirties to forties,
they are like pears - still nice but hanging a bit.
But after fifty, they are like onions."
"Onions?"
"Yes, you see them and they make you cry."
This infuriated the wife and daughter, so the daughter
said, "Mum, how many kind of penises are there?"
The mother, surprised, smiles, and looks at her husband
and answers, "Well, dear, a man goes through three phases.
In a man's twenties, his penis is like an oak - mighty and
hard. In his thirties and forties, it is like a birch - flexible
but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree.
"A Christmas tree?"
"Yes, dead from the root up - and the balls are there for
decoration only!
And another
A family is sitting around the supper table.
The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of breasts
are there?"
The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three
kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman's breasts are
like melons - round and firm. In her thirties to forties,
they are like pears - still nice but hanging a bit.
But after fifty, they are like onions."
"Onions?"
"Yes, you see them and they make you cry."
This infuriated the wife and daughter, so the daughter
said, "Mum, how many kind of penises are there?"
The mother, surprised, smiles, and looks at her husband
and answers, "Well, dear, a man goes through three phases.
In a man's twenties, his penis is like an oak - mighty and
hard. In his thirties and forties, it is like a birch - flexible
but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree.
"A Christmas tree?"
"Yes, dead from the root up - and the balls are there for
decoration only!
Ginajam01
Not so new Member
RE: Re: One for the boys!
Why do women fake ______?
They think we care.
I just found it I didn't write it lol.
Why do women fake ______?
They think we care.
I just found it I didn't write it lol.
salebrosus
Very Well-Known Member
I'll argue that one with you Dobermanmick
I'm pretty good with the old cars Mick. I've been able to do an oil change on my car without stuffing things up and believe me, i enjoy porn as much as the next bloke.
I can't walk past a shoe store though especially if it has the key word out the front.................. SALE!!!!!!!
Simone.
I'm pretty good with the old cars Mick. I've been able to do an oil change on my car without stuffing things up and believe me, i enjoy porn as much as the next bloke.
I can't walk past a shoe store though especially if it has the key word out the front.................. SALE!!!!!!!
Simone.
moosenoose
Legendary
RE: I
Thats a ripper Mick! :lol:
and...............
There is a God! :lol: :lol:
Thats a ripper Mick! :lol:
and...............
johnbowemonie said:
There is a God! :lol: :lol:
Already_Gone
Well-Known Member
RE: I
yeah, i think I can and do at least 70% of them, 10% I wont admit to and the other 20% are no no's (there is not a chance in hell u are gonna catch me peeing out a train window)
yeah, i think I can and do at least 70% of them, 10% I wont admit to and the other 20% are no no's (there is not a chance in hell u are gonna catch me peeing out a train window)
Greebo
Snakologist
RE: I
Why did God invent shopping trolleys?
To teach women to walk on their hind legs.
Why did God invent shopping trolleys?
To teach women to walk on their hind legs.
Greebo
Snakologist
RE: Re: One for the boys!
If a man is wrong in a forest and there are no women to hear him....is he still wrong?
If a man is wrong in a forest and there are no women to hear him....is he still wrong?
Greebo
Snakologist
: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A1: Blow in her ear.
A2: Buy her another beer
A1: Blow in her ear.
A2: Buy her another beer
- Status
Similar threads
- Locked
