bawling my eyes out...

[thomasssss]

i i watched the video up until the part where he says he cuts himself i gather that this is over him being bullied if that is the case and their isnt really another reason for it then he needs to toughen up i do feel for him but what is he going to do when life throws him a real curve ball i speak for experience having watched my father pass from a heart attack when i was 16 learning to drive and imo if hes posting a video on youtube about it then hes gonna be ok i mean as its been said before the true ones dont crie for help

 

[Snakewoman]

Tahlia, saying some people have it worse is not supposed to make it easier or better for someone to manage their own struggle, at least from me, it's simply to get people to think, period, from as many aspects as possible, just because I found/find strength in knowing this, doesn't mean anyone else should, it's just a reference point to ponder, and pondering leads to potential for breakthrough if it's constructive and not just for self pity.

the mind is the key, to expand thought and consideration for as many things as you possibly can, if you can, then try to find your own reasoning and lesson in them. this is true for all things in life.:/

Thanks for explaining you view, I'm glad you think about it that way, I like to think about things from other people's perspectives too, I've found it helps you understand them better. I did this with the people at my high school that bullied me. One day I was walking around the oval with one of the girls that used to give me grief and she opened up a bit and told about some of the things that were going on at home, and it was bad. I was glad she told me about it, it helped me understand the way she behaved. It didn't excuse her behaviour towards me but it was the reason for it.

My mother and I used to sponsor a child in Brazil, unfortunately we're only just managing to scrape through paying the bills at the moment, but when things are on track again I hope we can continue the sponsorship, we would get letters talking about how he lived over there, and it was sad to read.

 

[waruikazi]

I don't want to start a slinging match with you Blue so please take this comment as it is intended.

I stress that i am not passing judgement and this may not be the case here. My experience is that kids, particularly young boys, who might need help is that they will bring this topic up in a non-threatening way that does not draw attention to themselves.

I read comments such as the one you quoted as someone saying that they want to talk about it but not be seen as someone who has a problem. They are scared that they won't be taken seriously and don't want to be an attention seeker.

You need to be less threatening in your response and tell him that it is ok to talk about these things.

Congratulations! You have managed yet again to post a trivialising comment into a serious issue.

Over the years I have taught hundreds of individuals your age. One thing I can say as a result of that, with absolute certainty, is that your age is in no way any excuse for your comments. I believe you have a choice to make in life... continue your attention seeking behaviour through insensitive and uncaring interactions; or draw desirable attention to yourself by demonstrating sensitivity and caring for others.

The reality Snakeluvver is that it would not really matter if this video was fake. It accurately portrays a problem that is very real and needs to be addressed instead of being swept under the carpet or made light of. Apart from the potential to create high levels of stress and the feelings of hopelessness, which are often fore-runners to depression or a number of other forms of mental illness, bullying can lead to drug taking, alcohol abuse, reckless and lawless behaviour, stifled social development and poor social skills and the list goes on. So even if they don’t commit suicide and keep the self-harm at a lower level, their lives can be permanently screwed up as a result of on-going persistent bullying at school.

I don’t consider this to be trivial. Do you?

Blue

as its been said before the true ones dont crie for help

Everyone does, you just don't see it.

 

[thomasssss]

Everyone does, you just don't see it.

how is it a crie for help if no one sees it by crie for help i more ment they tell someone their feeling the way they are i do feel for this kid and i no how much things can suck at that age i whent through it but then i whent through something alot worse and i realised who cares if people dont like you and give you crap give em crap back

 

[waruikazi]

If that is the way you see it then honestly you won't see or here when someone is asking for that help.

how is it a crie for help if no one sees it by crie for help i more ment they tell someone their feeling the way they are i do feel for this kid and i no how much things can suck at that age i whent through it but then i whent through something alot worse and i realised who cares if people dont like you and give you crap give em crap back

 

[$NaKe PiMp]

on a good note looking through there was lots of positive comments for that video.
I think we have all felt like that young fella at some time,although i never took up self harming its very common,but what can best be described as a poor coping strategy.
I would love to help a young person like this find a good coping strategy,ive got mine im really lucky.

 

[Bel03]

i i watched the video up until the part where he says he cuts himself i gather that this is over him being bullied if that is the case and their isnt really another reason for it then he needs to toughen up i do feel for him but what is he going to do when life throws him a real curve ball i speak for experience having watched my father pass from a heart attack when i was 16 learning to drive and imo if hes posting a video on youtube about it then hes gonna be ok i mean as its been said before the true ones dont crie for help

This isnt always the case though......my mate's brother told the family for almost a yr that he was going to commit suicide, he had trouble at school cause he was gay.......because he was telling people about it though, it was just put down to him looking for attention & he was basically ignored......he has since taken his life, & his family live with the guilt of that each & everyday!

 

[thomasssss]

bel711 i do realise that there are those cases as well but telling a few close friends and family how you feel is a little different to putting it on youtube for the whole world to see

 

[waruikazi]

Wether i agree with that video being put up or not, you have absolutely no way of knowing wether that boy made that video purely for attention.

I think that video is one thing that he has found help him cope. Maybe and anonomous way of talking about it without having to speak to anyone.

bel711 i do realise that there are those cases as well but telling a few close friends and family how you feel is a little different to putting it on youtube for the whole world to see

 

[thomasssss]

did i ever once say he was looking for attention no sorry im not the best at getting my views down into words without making it a book basically i think that the kid should get some help from friends, family maybe an agency like kids helpline or something like that but a video on youtube i just dont feel is the way to go about it and my only other opinion is that kids today worry to much about being liked and looking cool and wind up getting themselves all upset over something that is so small compared to the other things they may face in life like i said if someone is giving you crap give em more crap back

 

[waruikazi]

Ok, i apologise i misinterpreted your comment.

As for giving them crap back... two wrongs don't make a right.

did i ever once say he was looking for attention no sorry im not the best at getting my views down into words without making it a book basically i think that the kid should get some help from friends, family maybe an agency like kids helpline or something like that but a video on youtube i just dont feel is the way to go about it and my only other opinion is that kids today worry to much about being liked and looking cool and wind up getting themselves all upset over something that is so small compared to the other things they may face in life like i said if someone is giving you crap give em more crap back

 

[Wally]

did i ever once say he was looking for attention no sorry im not the best at getting my views down into words without making it a book basically i think that the kid should get some help from friends, family maybe an agency like kids helpline or something like that but a video on youtube i just dont feel is the way to go about it and my only other opinion is that kids today worry to much about being liked and looking cool and wind up getting themselves all upset over something that is so small compared to the other things they may face in life like i said if someone is giving you crap give em more crap back

Is their are right or wrong way to express anguish?

Personally I think it's a very moving video that portrays his feelings poignantly. And if it helps him in some small way then it's most certainly achieved something.

 

[Sezzzzzzzzz]

bel711 i do realise that there are those cases as well but telling a few close friends and family how you feel is a little different to putting it on youtube for the whole world to see

Putting the video up shows that it is ok to show your emotions and to share, and it may make other kids that are going through bullying or an heart ache no matter what it may be, that they are not alone.

 

[vampstorso]

Anyone with any basic understanding of psychology knows the whole "the ones who do it don't say so" thing is a lie, infact having studied psychology at uni they pointed that out time and time again.

How funny to assume everyone should handle problems the same...

Some things bother some people more than others, and perhaps bullying hurts this boy more than it did other people on here saying its not so bad; doesn't make his situation any was distressing for him.

Imagine if it was your son who felt this way, would you simply tell them too "toughen up"? Imagine if for some reason you needed help, and thats all someone had too say.

Again, people deal with situations differently, so some people need to stop being selfish in their responses too this.

I also can't understand trivialising someone's feelings just because YOU deam the situation as "not that bad"..thats all well and good for you, but their situation Is not your situation, so how apparently fantastic you might handle It is irrelevant.
Perhaps you also wouldnt choose to express your situation on YouTube as he did, but if it is a medium that helps him, then good on him.

 

[Sezzzzzzzzz]

Bullying is a very serious matter, it destroys lives, and the heartache of what you go through in school may have a devestating effect on your future.

I was picked on through out school for being fat. I was picked on at home by my step father for being fat. I ran away from home, ended up living with my aunt and her husband who called me fat and ugly and proceeded to sexually abuse me (yeah the prick got me where he wanted me, no self esteem and a little bit of negative affection), at16 I moved in with my boyfriend who proceeded to beat me up regularly, even managed to kick me in the guts 22 times when i was pregnant to him causing me to lose the baby and lead to me being told id never have kids.

at 18 I started using shooting up speed (went down to 43kgs from 75kg, i thought i finally looked great, just didnt realise how stuffed up i really was), at 22 i ended up with a total junkie boyfriend and i finally started realising this wasnt what I wanted for my life. I moved to the NT and got clean, so by the time I was 24 i finally had kicked everything once and for all..

I havent looked back since, but i still stress about my weight. I finally after 4 miscarriages had my baby girl, but looks like she'll be my one and only, as I had another miscarriage a couple of months ago and neither hubby or I can face the heartache again.

The point to telling all this is that no matter what you are bullied about it has life time effects. I still feel as if Im not good enough, pretty enough, and im still not skinny (i have since worked out that I have a great rack and even though I may have curves, i was never meant to be a skinny chick). People really need to think before they speak.

Now i am the mum of a chubby 3 yr old, and nothing hurts me more than to hear someone say to her "my arent you a BIG girl!" It breaks my heart.

 

[waruikazi]

There is nothing wrong with putting personal experiences like this on the net but it does need to be done very carefully especially when it comes to self harming. These things are quite genuinely contagious. One of the biggest risk factors to becoming a statistic is knowing someone who has taken their own life.

That is the reason why we don't ever see mentions of self harm in television advertising for beyond blue etc and in news stories and movies where it is mentioned there is nearly always an explicit announcment of where to get help.

Putting the video up shows that it is ok to show your emotions and to share, and it may make other kids that are going through bullying or an heart ache no matter what it may be, that they are not alone.

 

[Sezzzzzzzzz]

There is nothing wrong with putting personal experiences like this on the net but it does need to be done very carefully especially when it comes to self harming. These things are quite genuinely contagious. One of the biggest risk factors to becoming a statistic is knowing someone who has taken their own life.

That is the reason why we don't ever see mentions of self harm in television advertising for beyond blue etc and in news stories and movies where it is mentioned there is nearly always an explicit announcment of where to get help.

agree totally waruikazi.

 

[Bluetongue1]

I don't want to start a slinging match with you Blue so please take this comment as it is intended.

I stress that i am not passing judgement and this may not be the case here. My experience is that kids, particularly young boys, who might need help is that they will bring this topic up in a non-threatening way that does not draw attention to themselves.

I read comments such as the one you quoted as someone saying that they want to talk about it but not be seen as someone who has a problem. They are scared that they won't be taken seriously and don't want to be an attention seeker.

You need to be less threatening in your response and tell him that it is ok to talk about these things.

This comment that was passed was a likely a cry for help, you say, based on your experience. Evidently your abilities to diagnose such problems far exceed mine because I did not see it.

You were able to ascertain this, partly because the comment was “passed in a non-threatening way” and “did not draw attention” to the poster. Once again, I did not see it that way but if you say so, as you have the experience and abilities. I did invite a response from him to say whether he felt the issues were trivial or not but he did not respond. Does that mean I scared him off by drawing attention to him? That was not my intention but I guess you are right again.

That really only leaves me with one remaining question. You say they don’t want to be seen as an attention seeker and someone who is not taken seriously, but they do want to talk about it but not be seen as someone who has a problem. So you have brought it to everyone’s notice that the individual may well have a problem, even though he would want to be seen as someone who does not. He does not want the attention yet your post is here for all and sundry to see and read. It has the individual’s name in the quote.

That last question is, if you were fair dinkum, instead of doing what you have done, which is almost exactly what you have told me I should not do, why did you not send this message via PM?

Blue

 

[Bel03]

Now i am the mum of a chubby 3 yr old, and nothing hurts me more than to hear someone say to her "my arent you a BIG girl!" It breaks my heart.

Your little girl is beautiful! I understand completly how you feel, although i have the opposite problem with mine.......like me, both my kids are very small, my daughter is quite tall, but very slim, i get told to 'feed her' all the time, she gets told to 'eat more' all the time.......& this upsets both her & i alot, cause she does eat VERY well, she is just naturally slim. I copped heaps through out school for being so 'skinny', by high school i learnt that girls were nasty & my only friends at this point were boys......so i then got called a **** aswell, i was also called a junkie for MANY years, although i never have personally taken drugs, being so thin, i copped the 'drug addict' label plenty. At the end of the day, some people in general just like to pick, whether you be too fat, too thin, too ugly, too pretty.....there will always be someone who feels the need to put u down. What i try to teach my kids is that what others think of them really doesnt matter, they are who they are, they will be who they want to be, & so long as there hearts are in the right place, they will be fine! i also tell them the whole 'it is what you are like on the inside that counts most'....... my daughter is absolutley stunning, but i always tell her that unless she is beautiful on the inside, it doesnt matter how pretty her face is.......both my son & daughter do really have such beautiful hearts, & i believe that everything i teach them has made them better equipped for the bullies at school........& if not.......well MUM will be there!

 

[waruikazi]

This comment that was passed was a likely a cry for help, you say, based on your experience. Evidently your abilities to diagnose such problems far exceed mine because I did not see it.

You were able to ascertain this, partly because the comment was “passed in a non-threatening way” and “did not draw attention” to the poster. Once again, I did not see it that way but if you say so, as you have the experience and abilities. I did invite a response from him to say whether he felt the issues were trivial or not but he did not respond. Does that mean I scared him off by drawing attention to him? That was not my intention but I guess you are right again.

That really only leaves me with one remaining question. You say they don’t want to be seen as an attention seeker and someone who is not taken seriously, but they do want to talk about it but not be seen as someone who has a problem. So you have brought it to everyone’s notice that the individual may well have a problem, even though he would want to be seen as someone who does not. He does not want the attention yet your post is here for all and sundry to see and read. It has the individual’s name in the quote.

That last question is, if you were fair dinkum, instead of doing what you have done, which is almost exactly what you have told me I should not do, why did you not send this message via PM?

Blue

Like i said Blue, please take that comment as it was intended. Which was without any spite or il-intention.

I made it very clear that it may not be the case in this particular instance.

And i made it public for several reasons, I have seen the way you and that young fella have interacted in the past and i think your response may have been influenced by your apparent feelings toward him. I also felt that the other posters and readers of this thread could benefit by thinking about that comment from another perspective.

I have to go on yard duty now, i'll comment more later.

Edit. Yard duty is over...

I know i'm not the only person here who has experienced this but I've seen what a suicide can do to a family and to a community on far too many occasions. I've seen the mother of an eleven year old boy who hung himself die of a broken heart, i've seen the body of a 19 year old after he hung himself and watched an entire community grieve. I will never forget what a mess his body was. I've seen a personal friend be committed after he took a nose dive off a three story building. I've even removed a loaded rifle from underneath someone's chin just this year.

I'm not special for having experienced these things but it sure messes with your head and does make you think about things differently.

The warning signs are always there, wether the warning is explicit or in round abouts kind of ways and i have learnt that talking about it is sometimes a warning. And sometimes just talking back is all that is needed.