Hesitant partner

[HerpDerp]

First of all so sorry for the spam. But I am new and I have questions.

This question, I'm not sure if it belongs here or not. So please let me know if I should delete or if I should move it to another section.

I am looking at getting a snake. A jungle carpet python to be exact. My partner says he is scared and seems to be under the impression that the snake is going to be trying it's hardest to escape it's enclosure to bite his toes while he sleeps.

Now this MAY be my fault as I showed him some feeding videos with the intent to demonstrate that it can be done safely but may have just freaked him out.

He also has concerns about how hygienic it is to keep rats/mice in the freezer. Which I can't honestly say I'm not also a little concerned about, even though they are bred for this purpose and not just some wild rats someone's knocked on the head and sold to the pet food store.

He is also concerned that his friends won't want to come to the house because they will be scared. He has had one friend tell him directly they will not come to the house of there is a snake here (which seems a bit melodramatic to be to be honest).

So what are your experiences? What advice do you have? I would love to hear.

 

[Herpetology]

I am looking at getting a snake. A jungle carpet python to be exact. My partner says he is scared and seems to be under the impression that the snake is going to be trying it's hardest to escape it's enclosure to bite his toes while he sleeps.

I'll be honest, Jungles dont have the best reputation for beginner snakes, you get the odd one here and there thats calm and not nippy, but the majority of them are nippy and strike at any movement. But all the other carpets are good starting snakes. the fear of them getting out just comes down to having a lock on the enclosure that requires a key.

He also has concerns about how hygienic it is to keep rats/mice in the freezer. Which I can't honestly say I'm not also a little concerned about, even though they are bred for this purpose and not just some wild rats someone's knocked on the head and sold to the pet food store.

They're fine to be kept near other food as they come in ziplock bags, however it is best to keep them somewhat seperated, even if its just wrapping them up in news paper and chucking them in the freezer with everything else, rats and mice are very clean animals when given the right care

He is also concerned that his friends won't want to come to the house because they will be scared. He has had one friend tell him directly they will not come to the house of there is a snake here (which seems a bit melodramatic to be to be honest).

FInd out why his friend is scared? otherwise not sure what you want us to do lol, find less dramatic friends

 

[HerpDerp]

They're fine to be kept near other food as they come in ziplock bags, however it is best to keep them somewhat seperated, even if its just wrapping them up in news paper and chucking them in the freezer with everything else, rats and mice are very clean animals when given the right care

Intellectually I know this. But I still cringe a little thinking about it. But I will pass this on and hope that it gives him some comfort.

FInd out why his friend is scared? otherwise not sure what you want us to do lol, find less dramatic friends

I would love to hear what other people have done to help their hesitant partners/friends get over their fears or apprehensions.
But yes, less dramatic friends would be ideal, if you ask me.

 

[Herpetology]

I would love to hear what other people have done to help their hesitant partners/friends get over their fears or apprehensions.

i'd treat it as if you're a kid and your parents wont let you get one;

so, show them that youve done the research husbandry wise, how you will keep them, where you will keep them, how often they get fed, when you will get them out etc
show them videos of people handling and feeding (just show them juveniles so it wont seem as "scary") show them pictures of children holding them, then it'll be like "if 7yo timmy can do it so can I"
Go to a pet shop and see if you can get some hands on

 

[HerpDerp]

so, show them that youve done the research husbandry wise, how you will keep them, where you will keep them, how often they get fed, when you will get them out etc
show them videos of people handling and feeding (just show them juveniles so it wont seem as "scary") show them pictures of children holding them, then it'll be like "if 7yo timmy can do it so can I"
Go to a pet shop and see if you can get some hands on

this is some great advise. Thank you. It's true, after I did my research I felt much more comfortable and relaxed about the whole thing. It was probably a bit unreasonable to expect my partner to be cool with it going in blind.

 

[JezzeMcN]

I had a friend say he wouldn't come to my house 2 lol. he ended up coming over and I got him not afraid of snakes like he was. as for the snake escaping they sort of always do because they go on the hunt at night but if you keep your enclosure locked you'll be fine for me in terms of making him not scared of snakes I showed him my stimsons python first, didn't let him hold my jungle but maybe one day he will haha

 

[Taeanna]

The fear that a snake is coming to get them seems to be the primary concern for them? I'm going to go out on a limb and assume they have only ever seen snakes in media- a place that likes to use them as an 'unstoppable killer that wants me dead'.

Perhaps try and locate videos of snakes being absolutely terrible at catching their fully stationary prey and missing like idiots, or staying curled up for a whole day because they are too 'lazy' to move might help shake the idea of them being a monster assassin of toes.
Nothing budges fear quite like humor can.

Edited additional note- Perhaps some of the squeamishness around a shared freezer could be negated if you had a dedicated freezer box that is brightly colored, marked and the rodents go inside this box INSIDE another container. That way any fear of anything touching or being seen is completely removed through several layers of protection- all of which can be washed separately (in the laundry sink even if the kitchen is off-limits).

 

[Water Baby]

My husband is scared of snakes. I have two, and my son and daughter have another seven between them. Package deal sunshine My husband trusts I won’t put the snakes near him if I’m handling them. The rest of the time he looks away.

 

[subscore]

My partner was dead against snakes i got a baby to show her they can be tamed down yer it was a jungle too lol and hes chill as now 2 weeks after having it she wanted her own but one that was tame so to speak i went on the hunt 2 days later found her a coastal line jungle that hasnt ever tried to bite not even from the egg ( shes a buthole to get onto rats but she never bites ) so chill she gave it a go now she lets her on her head n in her hair its amazing like with a dog 1 good animal can change a view so easily

 

[Sdaji]

If I had a partner who had a problem with snakes I'd get a new partner or spend some time single. Having said that, it's an attitude which has probably heavily contributed to me ending up single at 42 years old, haha! But I've been working with snakes since I was a young kid and over that time my girlfriends have mostly liked them or at least found them interesting. I've met a couple of girls who were interested in me but didn't want to have contact with snakes and it was just an easy way to decide not to get involved with them. I find people who are scared of snakes quickly get over it and find it interesting to be around them. When I was a teenager I found having snakes to be a massive social drawcard with everyone wanting to come and see them, and by the time I was in my early 20s I had them off limits to everyone other than a few of my closest friends or sometimes foreigners who I wanted to show something interesting to.

I've had plenty of people over the years say they wouldn't visit me because of snakes (very few as a proportion of the people I've known, but over the best part of 30 years there have been many), and a total of zero of them have actually followed through and avoided visiting me because of them. The most ophidiophobic friend I've ever had (about as extreme as ophidiophobes ever get) will even visit me as long as there are no snakes visible and they're not discussed. That's the most extreme case I've ever personally come across, I was heavily into snakes when we met at university nearly 20 years ago and we're still good friends today.

 

[HerpDerp]

I had a friend say he wouldn't come to my house 2 lol. he ended up coming over and I got him not afraid of snakes like he was.

I suspect that he is just being dramatic. I don't like birds but I wouldn't not go to someones house just because they had a bird. I mean, keep it away from me and no I don't wanna hold it or pat it but I'm not going to disavow you or anything.

as for the snake escaping they sort of always do because they go on the hunt at night but if you keep your enclosure locked you'll be fine for me in terms of making him not scared of snakes I showed him my stimsons python first, didn't let him hold my jungle but maybe one day he will haha

someone suggested going to a pet shop and handling one of the snakes on display. I think that's probably not a bad idea. that's if any pet stores have any snakes after the lockdown. lol

The fear that a snake is coming to get them seems to be the primary concern for them? I'm going to go out on a limb and assume they have only ever seen snakes in media- a place that likes to use them as an 'unstoppable killer that wants me dead'.

I suspect you are 100% correct I grew up in the country and it wasn't uncommon to find a snake sunning itself when you were out playing. Never once did they go after my toes. or any other part of my being for that matter

Perhaps try and locate videos of snakes being absolutely terrible at catching their fully stationary prey and missing like idiots, or staying curled up for a whole day because they are too 'lazy' to move might help shake the idea of them being a monster assassin of toes.
Nothing budges fear quite like humor can.

I tried showing him a video of a snake being fed to assuage his fear and ended up making it much worse. I don't think comedy is going to help with that too much. He will just imagine that it will be a slower more hilarious toe death than he was expecting

Edited additional note- Perhaps some of the squeamishness around a shared freezer could be negated if you had a dedicated freezer box that is brightly colored, marked and the rodents go inside this box INSIDE another container. That way any fear of anything touching or being seen is completely removed through several layers of protection- all of which can be washed separately (in the laundry sink even if the kitchen is off-limits).

yes a few people have said stuff like that. it's really common sense actually and I'm a bit embarrassed that I didn't think of it myself.

My husband is scared of snakes. I have two, and my son and daughter have another seven between them. Package deal sunshine My husband trusts I won’t put the snakes near him if I’m handling them. The rest of the time he looks away.

this will be my first so I think it will just take him some getting used to. I think seven might be a bit much for him at the moment

My partner was dead against snakes i got a baby to show her they can be tamed down yer it was a jungle too lol and hes chill as now 2 weeks after having it she wanted her own but one that was tame so to speak i went on the hunt 2 days later found her a coastal line jungle that hasnt ever tried to bite not even from the egg ( shes a buthole to get onto rats but she never bites ) so chill she gave it a go now she lets her on her head n in her hair its amazing like with a dog 1 good animal can change a view so easily

I don't think he'll be wanting a snake any time soon but I'm hoping that after a week or two of seeing the snake do nothing but sun itself, chill in its hide and fall off of things he will at least be a bit more relaxed

If I had a partner who had a problem with snakes I'd get a new partner or spend some time single.

I'm probably not going to dump my partner for a snake. But I guess we will see what happens.

I find people who are scared of snakes quickly get over it and find it interesting to be around them. When I was a teenager I found having snakes to be a massive social drawcard with everyone wanting to come and see them, and by the time I was in my early 20s I had them off limits to everyone other than a few of my closest friends or sometimes foreigners who I wanted to show something interesting to.

agreed I suspect that the fear is merely a superficial fear related to the negative imagery in media and society. it's getting past the initial fear and getting the the interested part that I'm trying to do.

I've had plenty of people over the years say they wouldn't visit me because of snakes (very few as a proportion of the people I've known, but over the best part of 30 years there have been many), and a total of zero of them have actually followed through and avoided visiting me because of them.

yeah I think my partners friend is just being dramatic. I can't imagine swearing off visiting someone just because there is a specific animal in the house. well maybe like a tiger or something.

The most ophidiophobic friend I've ever had (about as extreme as ophidiophobes ever get) will even visit me as long as there are no snakes visible and they're not discussed. That's the most extreme case I've ever personally come across, I was heavily into snakes when we met at university nearly 20 years ago and we're still good friends today.

that is good to know I'll use this story to convince my partner his friends aren't going to flee in terror and never speak to him again!

 

[Sdaji]

agreed I suspect that the fear is merely a superficial fear related to the negative imagery in media and society. it's getting past the initial fear and getting the the interested part that I'm trying to do.

Actually, humans do have genetic programming for an instinctive fear of snakes. Snake enthusiasts love to deny this, but in reality, the natural state of a human is to fear snakes. Throughout our prehistory, history and even today in most parts of the world, snakes kill more humans than any other type of animal (mosquitoes being the only exception if you count them as killing people rather than malaria etc). Our primate ancestors also were often killed by snakes, as are our living primate relatives today, as well as plenty of more distantly-related animals. You can raise a monkey without it ever seeing a snake, and if you then show it a snake as an adult it will be scared of the snake. Same deal with birds etc, and, of course, humans. The media wants ratings and will play on the human fear of snakes, but it does not cause that fear, it just capitalises on it.

Considering the fact that snakes were such a huge killer of humans throughout millions of years of our evolution, it would not make sense for humans not to have developed an instinctive fear of them. It's quite bizarre that snake enthusiasts manage to twist themselves into believing that such a thing doesn't exist. Not to mention of course the deep instinctive fear so many people show when exposed to snakes - those terrified reactions which instinctively leap out of people are so clearly in the DNA rather than learned. Part of the appeal of snakes to many people is the feeling they get when handling something which they cognitively know is not dangerous but fires off their instincts. They obviously don't usually describe it in those words or understand that's what's happening, but if you watch the reactions of people handling snakes for the first time and you understand animal behaviour (humans are just another animal), it's completely obvious what's going on, and their descriptions of the experience usually fits with it perfectly. Snake enthusiasts ourselves often don't have the same instinctive fear that typical humans do, or they overcome it while young and forget they had it, so they believe others don't have it, but it's that's about as silly as someone born blind believing that it's not normal for people to be able to see - the normal human state doesn't change because of the exceptions, and it's much easier for humans to cognitively 'unlearn' an instinctive fear than it is for animals because we have the highest faculty for doing so.

 

[HerpDerp]

Actually, humans do have genetic programming for an instinctive fear of snakes. Snake enthusiasts love to deny this, but in reality, the natural state of a human is to fear snakes. Throughout our prehistory, history and even today in most parts of the world, snakes kill more humans than any other type of animal (mosquitoes being the only exception if you count them as killing people rather than malaria etc). Our primate ancestors also were often killed by snakes, as are our living primate relatives today, as well as plenty of more distantly-related animals. You can raise a monkey without it ever seeing a snake, and if you then show it a snake as an adult it will be scared of the snake. Same deal with birds etc, and, of course, humans. The media wants ratings and will play on the human fear of snakes, but it does not cause that fear, it just capitalises on it.

Considering the fact that snakes were such a huge killer of humans throughout millions of years of our evolution, it would not make sense for humans not to have developed an instinctive fear of them. It's quite bizarre that snake enthusiasts manage to twist themselves into believing that such a thing doesn't exist. Not to mention of course the deep instinctive fear so many people show when exposed to snakes - those terrified reactions which instinctively leap out of people are so clearly in the DNA rather than learned. Part of the appeal of snakes to many people is the feeling they get when handling something which they cognitively know is not dangerous but fires off their instincts. They obviously don't usually describe it in those words or understand that's what's happening, but if you watch the reactions of people handling snakes for the first time and you understand animal behaviour (humans are just another animal), it's completely obvious what's going on, and their descriptions of the experience usually fits with it perfectly. Snake enthusiasts ourselves often don't have the same instinctive fear that typical humans do, or they overcome it while young and forget they had it, so they believe others don't have it, but it's that's about as silly as someone born blind believing that it's not normal for people to be able to see - the normal human state doesn't change because of the exceptions, and it's much easier for humans to cognitively 'unlearn' an instinctive fear than it is for animals because we have the highest faculty for doing so.

While that is all very philosophical, I'm not sure snakes sometimes kill people = genetic fear/instinct.
I'm sure someone has done an actual study somewhere on the subject but I certainly don't know.

In this case though I was referring to my partner's very specific fears on the subject which by their very specific nature are unlikely to be genetic or instinctual.

Fearing and avoiding an animal that you know to be potentially dangerous is one thing.
Fearing that the animal will go out of its way to harm you specifically in a specific manner is quite another.

 

[Sdaji]

While that is all very philosophical, I'm not sure snakes sometimes kill people = genetic fear/instinct.
I'm sure someone has done an actual study somewhere on the subject but I certainly don't know.

In this case though I was referring to my partner's very specific fears on the subject which by their very specific nature are unlikely to be genetic or instinctual.

Fearing and avoiding an animal that you know to be potentially dangerous is one thing.
Fearing that the animal will go out of its way to harm you specifically in a specific manner is quite another.

There's nothing at all philosophical about it. The theory and empirical evidence are both very clear.

If something is a very significant danger throughout a species' entire evolution you can guarantee that species will have a genetic fear of it, which is exactly what we see in humans and our closest (and more distant relatives). It's a very clear picture filled with empirical evidence, not philosophy at all.

Humans are one of the species most able to unlearn or prevent generically-predisposed fears, but to anyone looking at the situation from a scientific view point there is no doubt about the genetic predisposition of humans to fear snakes. It's just like our predisposition to fearing heights - fear heights and you don't die from falling off cliffs. Fear snakes and you don't die from snakes. It wouldn't make any sense for humans to lack a genetic fear of these things.

 

[JezzeMcN]

yeah man my mum was also **** scared of pythons but after holding my stimson who had never been close to biting she now thinks they're cool

 

[HerpDerp]

yeah man my mum was also **** scared of pythons but after holding my stimson who had never been close to biting she now thinks they're cool

That's really good to hear. I'm hoping for the same kind of situation

 

[JezzeMcN]

That's really good to hear. I'm hoping for the same kind of situation

best of luck

 

[user 41856]

First of all so sorry for the spam. But I am new and I have questions.

This question, I'm not sure if it belongs here or not. So please let me know if I should delete or if I should move it to another section.

I am looking at getting a snake. A jungle carpet python to be exact. My partner says he is scared and seems to be under the impression that the snake is going to be trying it's hardest to escape it's enclosure to bite his toes while he sleeps.

Now this MAY be my fault as I showed him some feeding videos with the intent to demonstrate that it can be done safely but may have just freaked him out.

He also has concerns about how hygienic it is to keep rats/mice in the freezer. Which I can't honestly say I'm not also a little concerned about, even though they are bred for this purpose and not just some wild rats someone's knocked on the head and sold to the pet food store.

He is also concerned that his friends won't want to come to the house because they will be scared. He has had one friend tell him directly they will not come to the house of there is a snake here (which seems a bit melodramatic to be to be honest).

So what are your experiences? What advice do you have? I would love to hear.

I have friends who won't come to the house, I don't care about that, they are still my friends and I will go see them (When lockdown finishes). I have had some of my friends want to get over their fear of Snakes and I believe I have helped them.

Snakes do want to escape, our job is to not let them. We make sure their enclosure is escape proof as possible, we make sure it is as safe as possible for the animal as well. It is not likely that a snake will bite you whilst your sleeping, not unless it is a giant anoconda because snakes don't chew their food, they swallow whole.

Snakes bread in captivity can be as gentle as any other pet or they might bite, it all depends on the temprement of the animal. I have a Jungle that is just over 2m long and as round as a tennis ball, I will not let anyone handle him because he is very likely to bite and do some damage. I also have several Anterasia's that are very laid back, I will allow my grand daughter to handle them because they are so gentle.

I find it amazing that we live in a country that has some of the worlds most dangerous animals and we don't know how to identify them and how to stay safe, we always think to kill them which is the best way to be killed. Snakes don't go out of their way to bite anyone, they don't hunt people, it is people who try to damage them so they defend themselves. I think your partner will learn to like them after a while when he see how well you handle them and how they respond to you. As for friends who won't visit you, it is their loss. My friends have learned now that they are in enclosures and can't get out, they now enjoy looking at them but don't want me to get them out.... lol Lets face it, Snakes aren't eveyones idea of a pet and that is fine, eveyone has their likes and dislikes but for me I believe in facing your fears to make me stronger. I hate heights, so I learned to fly a plane...... that is me though.

 

[HerpDerp]

I have friends who won't come to the house, I don't care about that, they are still my friends and I will go see them (When lockdown finishes). I have had some of my friends want to get over their fear of Snakes and I believe I have helped them.

when lockdown finishes... don't you mean "if".... lol

Snakes do want to escape, our job is to not let them. We make sure their enclosure is escape proof as possible, we make sure it is as safe as possible for the animal as well.

I'm a bit surprised to hear that snakes actively try to escape. Is this a common behaviour? Are they unhappy in enclosures?

It is not likely that a snake will bite you whilst your sleeping, not unless it is a giant anoconda because snakes don't chew their food, they swallow whole.

Yeah, I don't really think toes would make for a satisfying meal anyway.

I find it amazing that we live in a country that has some of the worlds most dangerous animals and we don't know how to identify them and how to stay safe, we always think to kill them which is the best way to be killed. Snakes don't go out of their way to bite anyone, they don't hunt people, it is people who try to damage them so they defend themselves.

Yes, it is a bit disturbing really. You'd think there was a bit more education in a country where most the animals can kill or seriously harm you.

I think your partner will learn to like them after a while when he see how well you handle them and how they respond to you. As for friends who won't visit you, it is their loss. My friends have learned now that they are in enclosures and can't get out, they now enjoy looking at them but don't want me to get them out.... lol Lets face it, Snakes aren't eveyones idea of a pet and that is fine, eveyone has their likes and dislikes but for me I believe in facing your fears to make me stronger. I hate heights, so I learned to fly a plane...... that is me though.

I think he will maybe not like them but at least wont be scared of them.

 

[Herpetology]

I'm a bit surprised to hear that snakes actively try to escape. Is this a common behaviour? Are they unhappy in enclosures?

they arent trying to "escape" to run away lol, theyre trying to find a way to explore, no matter your setup, theyre all going to investigate the little gaps in your enclosures