Having/Not having Kids

[babba007]

I have always liked kids and knew that one day I would have them. When I was 26 I had this completely overwhelming urge to have a baby. I didn't just want a baby, I needed one .....NOW! Just thought I'd throw that in. Maybe your girlfriend is in that place now. I now have 2 boys, and while it is bloody hard work, it is totally worth the sleepless nights, vomit, poo, wee, blood, tears, grazes, detentions, backchat blah blah blah. You get the idea. A totally ****ty day can be fixed with a hug and a kiss. Wouldn't change it for the world. Of course, this is my opinion and it works for me. Only you can decide what is right for you.

 

[Ships]

Its only my opinion but I think you miss a large chunk of life not having kids, its quite amazing watching them grow, change and learn. The love you have for your child is extroadinary and nothing else comes even remotely close. The love we think we have for partners or pets pales into insignificance compared to that for a child, my 2 cents.

 

[Red-Ink]

Haha less clear if anything. Like I said I really appreciate all the input from both sides and I don't want someone to make the decision or me I just wanted experiences and opinions. So please keep going if you guys aren't over it yet.
I have one other question. For me, my intelligence is my only feature/trait that I can say I am proud of. It seems like if I were to create a little Saximus and screwed up somewhere along the line and didn't give it the best possible education I would feel guilty forever. I literally stay up at night thinking about my reps and rats and what I can do to better their lives. I can only imagine how much more this would be compounded with a person. Do you guys stress about what you're doing wrong/could be doing better in your kids' lives?
PS I'm not saying any of you are doing anything wrong but we could all be doing a better job somewhere, right?

Something my oldman told me that may put your mind at ease mate.

Son I can only show you the road your the one that has to walk it.
I will pick you up when you fall but i won't carry you.
I can only provide the tools but your the one that has to use them.
In the end only time will tell if I've done the right things.


Very wise words from my oldman I think anyway...

 

[Southern_Forest_Drag]

Cant really chip in as im only 20 myself but i hope to eventually have kids when im in my late 20's i think its an individual choice and you should 100% want them if your going to have them, regardless of what anyone else says its your choice, personally im not sure how people couldn't want kids but everyones different i guess. Children are with you forever you would be missing out on something amazing.

 

[saximus]

Wise words indeed Red

 

[hrafna]

Something my oldman told me that may put your mind at ease mate.

Son I can only show you the road your the one that has to walk it.
I will pick you up when you fall but i won't carry you.
I can only provide the tools but your the one that has to use them.
In the end only time will tell if I've done the right things.


Very wise words from my oldman I think anyway...

my mum said a similar thing, my dad's advice to me was, "before you get married put a coin in a jar everytime you do the deed, once you are married take a coin out of the same jar for everytime you do it........ the jar will never be empty!"

 

[hypochondroac]

The world has enough humans, on that basis alone i see sense in not having children.
But besides all that i just genuinely don't want them. It's a huge responsibility that in my opinion more than half of the population take light heartedly.

I get alot more joy out of working with animals than i do people.

 

[phantomreptiles]

Wow what an interesting thread! Just adding my two cents worth. I faced this decision a few years ago (was pregnant), I chose myself. I love my reptiles, but can sell them if I choose, which I would never. My dog is my child. I just do not want to be responsible for another human being.
And being a single 33yr old female alot of people find this hard to believe. Each to their own, but some people should have kids, some should not.
I have noticed a larger number of children in the lower social economic areas, (go to Inala Qld, mums & kids everywhere) but go to a higher social economic area and no children.....does that mean our population is going to get dumber?? Those that should breed - don't.......those that should not -...do!!!
Expecting some flaming from my above comments
Animals are better than people

 

[Darlyn]

Something my oldman told me that may put your mind at ease mate.

Son I can only show you the road your the one that has to walk it.
I will pick you up when you fall but i won't carry you.
I can only provide the tools but your the one that has to use them.
In the end only time will tell if I've done the right things.


Very wise words from my oldman I think anyway...

Your oldman was certainly wise, great sentiments

 

[KaotikJezta]

Wow what an interesting thread! Just adding my two cents worth. I faced this decision a few years ago (was pregnant), I chose myself. I love my reptiles, but can sell them if I choose, which I would never. My dog is my child. I just do not want to be responsible for another human being.
And being a single 33yr old female alot of people find this hard to believe. Each to their own, but some people should have kids, some should not.
I have noticed a larger number of children in the lower social economic areas, (go to Inala Qld, mums & kids everywhere) but go to a higher social economic area and no children.....does that mean our population is going to get dumber?? Those that should breed - don't.......those that should not -...do!!!
Expecting some flaming from my above comments
Animals are better than people

Yeah,bring back eugenics.......not everyone that is poor is stupid

 

[fugawi]

Here is a story that will show the ups and downs........
My son started in a new school this year, they hit us with the Broken Bay camp. We were too late to give in the paperwork and deposit and so he is probably the only one not going. We told them we had the full amount and could give it to them there and now, before the due date but they wouldn't budge. Suffice to say he was devastated. You can imagine how we felt.
A couple of days later I got a call from a friend asking if my son and I wanted to go camping with him, his mate and his kids. 4wding, bushwalking, herping and shooting. When I told my son about this he was over the moon. This trip will be around the same time as the school trip, he is glad he couldn't go and is now telling his mates at school what he is doing and they are jealous. He is a big Call of Duty fan and now he will get to shoot a real gun.....He is stoked.
In summary....He was devastated, our stupid fault, everyone down, then phone call....Broken where? Woohoo I get to shoot a real gun, yippee. Everyone happy.
We all make mistakes and no matter what happens or where we are, as long as we are together, we are a family.
If you want a kid...have one, if you don't want a kid ...don't have one. It is not compulsory. Whichever way you go.....enjoy life!

 

[ravan]

Meh, a few people have said it already, why have children because its expected?
My partner & I both agree that children are not for us - the world's overpopulated.enough without us adding aanother devil spawn to it lol.
Plus children take up so much, time, effort & money, all of ehich we'd like to spend on ourselves lol.
Plus our animals are like our children anyway.

 

[Snakewoman]

I don't want my own children, but I've been thinking for a while that one day I'd like to adopt a little African American child. There are plenty of people in the world, the population isn't in danger, but there are plenty of children who don't have a home that need one. This isn't something I'd do for another 10 years or so, I'd make sure I was in a position where I could look after a child first, it isn't fair to bring a child into a place where they can't be looked after properly because you can't afford it.

What I don't understand is why so many people don't like it when you say you don't want your own children.Why does it matter to them? I've had a few people stupidly try to argue with me about this, and they didn't win. One lady tried to use emotional blackmail to force me to change my mind by saying " Oh but you can't do that to your mother, she wants to have Grandchildren!" My mother was standing there and said to this lady "How do you know? I don't care if she doesn't have kids, if she doesn't have them I don't have to babysit them." I'm glad my mother accepts that I don't want my own kids, I'd hate to live wit a family member who was trying to make me change my mind all the time. What some people don't realise is that the more they try to force me to do something the less likely it is that I will.

Other people try the old 'when you meet the right man' thing. My reply is always the right man is one that feels the same way I do. A relationship where two people have different ideas about such a serious issue won't work if neither of them change their mind. I have 3 neurological disorders, some of which could be passed to a child, and I don't want that. I also have trouble being around screaming children, it gets me in a nasty mood very quickly (thanks a lot ADD).

 

[KaotikJezta]

I don't want my own children, but I've been thinking for a while that one day I'd like to adopt a little African American child. There are plenty of people in the world, the population isn't in danger, but there are plenty of children who don't have a home that need one. This isn't something I'd do for another 10 years or so, I'd make sure I was in a position where I could look after a child first, it isn't fair to bring a child into a place where they can't be looked after properly because you can't afford it.

What I don't understand is why so many people don't like it when you say you don't want your own children.Why does it matter to them? I've had a few people stupidly try to argue with me about this, and they didn't win. One lady tried to use emotional blackmail to force me to change my mind by saying " Oh but you can't do that to your mother, she wants to have Grandchildren!" My mother was standing there and said to this lady "How do you know? I don't care if she doesn't have kids, if she doesn't have them I don't have to babysit them." I'm glad my mother accepts that I don't want my own kids, I'd hate to live wit a family member who was trying to make me change my mind all the time. What some people don't realise is that the more they try to force me to do something the less likely it is that I will.

Other people try the old 'when you meet the right man' thing. My reply is always the right man is one that feels the same way I do. A relationship where two people have different ideas about such a serious issue won't work if neither of them change their mind. I have 3 neurological disorders, some of which could be passed to a child, and I don't want that. I also have trouble being around screaming children, it gets me in a nasty mood very quickly (thanks a lot ADD).

Not having a go but why an African American child. I don't think people should adopt children and take them out of their own cultural environment. Not only are you a completely different culture to an African American, but this is a completely different country. In my grandchildrens family there are people that were fostered, adopted, stolen from their aboriginal parents and raised in a white mans world and they felt disconnected and displaced and then when they returned to their people they felt disconnected and displaced there to. It is not really fair to take a child away from it's cultural heritage unless the circumstances are absolutely dire, ie: war torn country etc. Just my opinion.

 

[Seru1]

I'm rather odd on this. I like the idea of having kids, but the idea of dating or being in a relationship makes me want to vomit. I'd take care of an animal or Child but never a full grown, capable, adult. And I'm not willing to change for one either.

Being a man though, makes it hard. I guess someday if I ever made good money I could adopt but that would seem creepy and I'd probably be considered a pervert or something.

It's a quandary.

 

[hugsta]

Meh, a few people have said it already, why have children because its expected?
My partner & I both agree that children are not for us - the world's overpopulated.enough without us adding aanother devil spawn to it lol.
Plus children take up so much, time, effort & money, all of ehich we'd like to spend on ourselves lol.
Plus our animals are like our children anyway.

I wouldn't say having children is expected, after all it is a personal decision and most people will respect that.
If you do have kids, you will realise that your animals are nothing compared to your kids, although they are a major part of your family.
It is not a decision to make lightly, having children is majorly life altering and expensive, but the joy they bring far outways any cost.
But, as I have said before, it is when people make the decision to not have kids, which is fine, it is the huge disappointment down the track when you wished you did. For most women it is an uncontrollable urge to have children, it is their biological clock ticking, telling them must reproduce.

Tahlia, if you don't want children, why adopt? Adoption is a great thing, for those unable to mother/father their own, or for those that have loads of money for them. I don't think you would ever compensate for not having your own if you are able to, adopting is great, but I don't think you would have the same feeling for a person that grew inside of you, your own flesh and blood. JMO.

 

[hrafna]

i am adopted and there is a whole section of extended family (uncles, aunts, cousins and even 1 grandmother) who treated me like crap because i wasn't a blood relative, but hey i got 2 loving parents who i meant the world too. but a friend of mine in high school was also adopted and she had alot more issues than i did, first and foremost was the fact that she was asian and was adopted by a white family, she was miserable most of her life because no matter what her family did or didn't do, she was always an outsider, she was always the odd one out. i know different people have different opinions and i respect that, but for me i am against adopting children from a different cultural background. sorry.

 

[ravan]

I wouldn't say having children is expected, after all it is a personal decision and most people will respect that.
If you do have kids, you will realise that your animals are nothing compared to your kids, although they are a major part of your family.

well, when i say expected, i mean the whole, meet someone, get married, have children, live long and prosper, etc...

neither of us care about that, and I know my animals arent like children at all, and thats what's so good about them! lol

they dont make any noise, you only have to feed them every few days and they stick to their cages.
they dont cry every 12 seconds, poo nearly the same amount of time and need to eat every few hours.

 

[saximus]

lol "live long as prosper" was Spock. I'm not sure what his views of raising children were

 

[Snakewoman]

Tahlia, if you don't want children, why adopt? Adoption is a great thing, for those unable to mother/father their own, or for those that have loads of money for them. I don't think you would ever compensate for not having your own if you are able to, adopting is great, but I don't think you would have the same feeling for a person that grew inside of you, your own flesh and blood. JMO.

I'd said I didn't want my own children. That's because of the neurological disorders that I could pass to them. Living with these disorders can be very hard sometimes, and I wouldn't want to be responsible for burdening someone else with it. The children that are already on the planet didn't get a choice in that and need good homes. My thoughts about adoption are not definite, just something I'd thought about.

Not having a go but why an African American child. I don't think people should adopt children and take them out of their own cultural environment. Not only are you a completely different culture to an African American, but this is a completely different country. In my grandchildrens family there are people that were fostered, adopted, stolen from their aboriginal parents and raised in a white mans world and they felt disconnected and displaced and then when they returned to their people they felt disconnected and displaced there to. It is not really fair to take a child away from it's cultural heritage unless the circumstances are absolutely dire, ie: war torn country etc. Just my opinion.

I agree that taking a person out of their country isn't good except in desperate situations, but there are people who have moved over here and ended up having children they didn't want. If the child was born here and grew up in this country then in that case the child would probably prefer to stay here since this is all they know.