Having/Not having Kids

[SYNeR]

My fiance and I have decided not to have children. When I picture my future, I just don't see children as a part of it. I'm much more interested in pursuing other goals. I think if you are going to bring a child into the world, it should be because you really WANT it, not just because it's something people expect from you.... like you get married and have children... it's just what happens.

I've been ridiculed by so many people for my decision who can't understand how a FEMALE doesn't have that maternal instict. I just don't have it! I never have!

I get what you mean by saying you are too selfish to have children, I feel exactly the same way, but in a way that makes you very selfLESS for being able to admit to that and not caving into social pressure and having a child that you don't really want.

Yep, too true. It's just as selfish to have children (if not more so?) because really, you're spreading your genes

I've come across far too many people who just plod along, get married and have children because it's what people are expected to do. They never question it or seem to think seriously about it.

 

[saximus]

Talking about selfish genes there, Syner. I like it

 

[KaotikJezta]

I agree that taking a person out of their country isn't good except in desperate situations, but there are people who have moved over here and ended up having children they didn't want. If the child was born here and grew up in this country then in that case the child would probably prefer to stay here since this is all they know.

They are still a different culture to you, you are not African American and there is a difference.

 

[SYNeR]

Talking about selfish genes there, Syner. I like it

It's all too true though! I've noticed people (I'm not sure if I should use the term 'friends') who only seem interested in going out and hooking up. Then there are others I've been friends with who seem only too happy to cut off friendships, get married and have children and occupy themselves that way.

This is why I'm not very interested in going out and socialising. A hell of a lot of people are interested in just going out and hooking up. At times, it's hard to see humanity as somehow more advanced than other animals, for we seem to resort to the same biological urges but dress them up :\

 

[saximus]

Yeah I just finished reading The Selfish Gene by Richard Dawkins which gave me a much better insight into what I thought I knew about this stuff. It's also why I found your statement amusing. I definitely think we are a product of our genes and,as a result, our instincts. We can't shed a couple of million years of evolution/instinct in a century or two. Maybe my genes are defective which is why I have no desire to procreate. If that's the case then obviously natural selection will filter people like me (and those other people who have gone child-free) out of the gene pool and the genes which cause a desire to continue procreating will be the ones that carry on thus carrying us to larger and larger populations until we destroy ourselves or the Earth destroys us and the next set of apex species takes over.
Or maybe I'm just being too philosophical and looking into it too much...

 

[Chris1]

Yeah I just finished reading The Selfish Gene by Richard Dawkins which gave me a much better insight into what I thought I knew about this stuff. It's also why I found your statement amusing. I definitely think we are a product of our genes and,as a result, our instincts. We can't shed a couple of million years of evolution/instinct in a century or two. Maybe my genes are defective which is why I have no desire to procreate. If that's the case then obviously natural selection will filter people like me (and those other people who have gone child-free) out of the gene pool and the genes which cause a desire to continue procreating will be the ones that carry on thus carrying us to larger and larger populations until we destroy ourselves or the Earth destroys us and the next set of apex species takes over.
Or maybe I'm just being too philosophical and looking into it too much...

wow, thats so interesting, i think ill have to read that too.

mum always regreted having us, she went on anti depresssants when i was 22 cos she felt she'd wasted her life having kids rather than following a career,...and of the probably 50 odd cousins i have, only 2 have bred, the rest are also happily childless,... (my brother and i were both good kids, its not like we ruined parenting for her)

dad was 1 of 11, but they were catholic and against contraception, so i dont think his mum had 11 by 'choice'.

 

[saximus]

It's interesting hearing you say you're happy childless but Hugsta says he knows people who regret it. Then you have the same arguments for those who have children. It's been said plenty of times already but it's obvious this isn't a universal thing and either way it's going to be a risk whether I will be "happy" with my life at the end

 

[Chris1]

what i meant was it must be something to do with genes,...since no one in my gene pool seems willing to procreate!!
sounds like a great read at any rate!!

I am worried i'll regret it when im older, but by then i might have been hit by a truck or something,...

 

[saximus]

Ah right sorry now I get it. Yeah that is a really interesting idea. I guess this is where a nature vs nurture debate would normally start...

 

[SYNeR]

People subvert evolution every day.. with contraceptives, etc.

 

[saximus]

Or the biggest one - creating a welfare based society/culture...

 

[fugawi]

I find it fascinating that most replies are from 4 catagories.

Those that ABSOLUTELY won't, under any circumstances, ever have kids.

Those that HAVE kids....no regrets.

Those that may want kids but don't due to medical reasons
And
Those that have had family problems and now have small regrets.

What I find interesting is that there is no wrong answer. All of their reasons are valid and correct FOR THEM, right now.
You just need to see where you are right here and now.

 

[Red-Ink]

Have it mate.. does'nt work out on sell it to Madona or Angelina they don't have one from Australia yet (just kidding)

 

[eitak]

I always thought i'd love to have kids but now that i'm getting older I seem to want them less and less . .
Whats to love about something growing inside of you increasing your waist, the stretch marks, widening your hips swelling your legs, increasing your chance of hypertension etc etc. Then giving birth - getting ripped and stretched beyond recognition. Then the tantrums, vomit, no sleep, the money you spend, lack of freedom. Then teenagers, sex, drugs, alcohol, arguments, sneaking out, wanting money for expensive things. All I can see kids doing in my life is taking up my free time, using all my money, fighting with what I say then one day they will have kids and probly expect me to look after them.
Or I can not have kids, do whatever I want when I want, and not be broke . . . Although every now and then I hold a cute baby and think this is sweet then it starts to cry and smell and vomit and I am reminded of what I am not missing out on.

 

[fugawi]

Wow what a terrible outlook eitak. Each and every one of those points is vilid and true but for each bad point there would be 100 good points. That outlook is not the cup is half empty but the cup is completely empty, broken and will never hold anything again.

 

[saximus]

I don't agree that it's as "terrible" as you say Fugawi. I think it's just a different view and, in my case at least, it's the view that comes from the natural selfishness that I referred to in the OP

 

[guzzo]

One thing I can say ....IMO when you have kids it seems like someone has pressed the fast forward button on my life....

 

[Red-Ink]

One thing I can say ....IMO when you have kids it seems like someone has pressed the fast forward button on my life....

Yep... seen that turn around in my best mate. He was the typical bloke always getting into things (down for whateva). Most care free individual you can meet... Now... well his still all those things but he's a dad first and foremost. Tottally changed his life for the better i think he matured quick smart lol.

 

[saximus]

Guzzo do you mean that is a good or a bad thing?

 

[Megzz]

One thing I can say ....IMO when you have kids it seems like someone has pressed the fast forward button on my life....

Yep, it is seriously scary how fast time goes since having my daughter!!